Any Relationship Advice?

[EcHoFiiVe]

Does anyone who has either played the field longer than a 16 year old, or had better luck than I have, have any advice to offer? Basically why I am asking is because recently I have become aware that I am basically mentally retarded when it comes to having relationships. I am fairly certain that I have never liked a girl as much as I like, due to an assortment of reasons. My problem is that I am absolutely clueless about how to approach this girl, and should she say she does not feel the same about me which is entirely likely, I would like to know if in this situation it is actually worth it to take the time, and effort to TRY and make her feel the same way. Thanks for any advice given either specific to this situation or in general!

 

[Phlakes]

Think about it. In a few years, you'll be leaving, and you'll probably never see most of these people again. I made the mistake of not enjoying my high school years, don't be like me.

Basically, go for it. And if it doesn't work out, that's life, you'll get more chances with other people.

 

[Mallefunction]

It depends on how well you know her. If you've been friends for more than a few months, be direct. If you just met her, get to know her more. Really find out what she likes and what she wants (not just in a relationship, but with her family, her life, etc.) Try not to be too nosy though. Also tell her about yourself. Let her get to know you so that she feels that you've got a good thing going. Chemistry, if you will.

Don't beat around the bush with it...but also don't be creepy and stalkish. Treat her like you would any other female friend you've ever had. She'll appreciate you being kind to her as a person first rather than a possible date.

Hope this helps :3

 

[Dango]

I think if "advice" is in the title of the thread it tends to be more suited for the Advice section than the off-topic section.

And in terms of relationship advice, I've got nothing.

 

[p3t3r]

depends did you just start talking to her? i say after a week or two of talking ask if they want to hangout sometime. try and make it just the two of you. i mean if you both have fun then it all works out you will do it again. but if you have been talking for a month then ask her to hangout right now. you don't have to make a big deal out of it.

 

[EcHoFiiVe]

Think about it. In a few years, you'll be leaving, and you'll probably never see most of these people again. I made the mistake of not enjoying my high school years, don't be like me.

Basically, go for it. And if it doesn't work out, that's life, you'll get more chances with other people.

Yeah I always try to keep the view point of "Its high school, shit happens". Although it is difficult because I have a nasty case of chronic pessimism, which I have had probably since middle school. So the optimistic side of me thats buried way way way down in the bottom darkest pits of my soul, is whispering up at me to go for it and if it doesn't work out then oh well, thats high school. However, drowning out this voice is my pessimistic side, which is shouting at the top of its lungs that I am and always will be hopeless in relationships, and this possible relationship will never go anywhere no matter how hard I try. Now realistically part of my pessimistic side is right whether I like it or not, and this probably will not go anywhere, because me and this girl are extremely different. Now I would like to take the optimistic stance and think that opposites compliment each other very often, but it is so set in stone in my head to always think about it on the pessimistic side, that this is a very difficult task for me to overcome.

 

[PunkyMcGee]

Think about it. In a few years, you'll be leaving, and you'll probably never see most of these people again. I made the mistake of not enjoying my high school years, don't be like me.

Basically, go for it. And if it doesn't work out, that's life, you'll get more chances with other people.

This pretty much wins the thread. I never really came out of my shell until the second semester of my senior year. I wish I did sooner.

Also, going into this pessimistically your dooming yourself. The biggest risk is not taking one, or however that adage goes.

 

[EcHoFiiVe]

This belongs in ze Advice Forum, so I'm moving it there. <3

-Moved!

Onto the advice, now!

Bottom line is this: you never, ever want to 'make' people like you, in my opinion. It's more honest, natural and if I may say so, real if they like you on their own. Relationships are a 2 way street. A lot of the time, you will like someone, but they may not like you back. This isn't something you can change, because they choose who they have feelings for on some level, and if it's not you, them's the brakes. They don't feel the same way. If you were to try and force that, would they really like you for you who are, or because you made them or 'convinced them'?

In the end, it's better to let that happen naturally rather then try and force it. If she says yes, that's good. If not, you can move on and look for someone who will say yes.

I hope this advice helps!

Well yes make was the wrong word, that makes it sound forced. Grow on is slightly better, although it does make me sound like some sort of fungus which probably isn't good. And I feel like there could be something there, if I didn't at all then I would have moved on like I have done in the past. And yes it does help! Provides much needed perspective.

(Sorry for posting in wrong section)

 

[EcHoFiiVe]

It depends on how well you know her. If you've been friends for more than a few months, be direct. If you just met her, get to know her more. Really find out what she likes and what she wants (not just in a relationship, but with her family, her life, etc.) Try not to be too nosy though. Also tell her about yourself. Let her get to know you so that she feels that you've got a good thing going. Chemistry, if you will.

Don't beat around the bush with it...but also don't be creepy and stalkish. Treat her like you would any other female friend you've ever had. She'll appreciate you being kind to her as a person first rather than a possible date.

Hope this helps :3

Yeah creepy and stalkish is never good. And I legitimately go out of my way to ask her how her day was so I don't feel like there is any possible way that I'm coming off as an asshole or something.

 

[EcHoFiiVe]

Alright cool guys. Thanks a lot! Any perspective other than my own pessimistic terrible one is appreciated!

 

[MasterChief892039]

The best way to make conversation with anyone, male or female, is to ask them about themselves. There's nothing a person finds more fascinating then their own super special self.

Also, be incredibly careful when using a pickup line that involves complimenting a girls appearance. Some women respond positively to physical compliments, others feel annoyed that you're only talking to them because of their looks - and there's no way to tell which is which until it's already come out of your mouth.

 

[Jack Macaque]

Does anyone who has either played the field longer than a 16 year old, or had better luck than I have, have any advice to offer? Basically why I am asking is because recently I have become aware that I am basically mentally retarded when it comes to having relationships. I am fairly certain that I have never liked a girl as much as I like, due to an assortment of reasons. My problem is that I am absolutely clueless about how to approach this girl, and should she say she does not feel the same about me which is entirely likely, I would like to know if in this situation it is actually worth it to take the time, and effort to TRY and make her feel the same way. Thanks for any advice given either specific to this situation or in general!

Honestly brother, the best way to find someone thats great for you, is to let them find you themselves.

You sit back and don't worry about getting with a girl, don't worry about impressing a girl, don't worry about nothing, and some special girl is gonna notice you and come to you, like hell for all you know shes someone you already talk to, friends can do it ya know.

Being serious, that's the best advice anyone can give you, just chill with it brush it off, this is the only 100% way you can get someone worthwhile, be yourself and always be happy, always walk around with a smile, be funny, be fun to be around, you'll be 4 knuckles deep in no time.

My inbox is open if you got any other questions, I'm your man.

 

[The Man With the Soap]

Think about it. In a few years, you'll be leaving, and you'll probably never see most of these people again. I made the mistake of not enjoying my high school years, don't be like me.

Basically, go for it. And if it doesn't work out, that's life, you'll get more chances with other people.

Yeah I always try to keep the view point of "Its high school, shit happens". Although it is difficult because I have a nasty case of chronic pessimism, which I have had probably since middle school. So the optimistic side of me thats buried way way way down in the bottom darkest pits of my soul, is whispering up at me to go for it and if it doesn't work out then oh well, thats high school. However, drowning out this voice is my pessimistic side, which is shouting at the top of its lungs that I am and always will be hopeless in relationships, and this possible relationship will never go anywhere no matter how hard I try. Now realistically part of my pessimistic side is right whether I like it or not, and this probably will not go anywhere, because me and this girl are extremely different. Now I would like to take the optimistic stance and think that opposites compliment each other very often, but it is so set in stone in my head to always think about it on the pessimistic side, that this is a very difficult task for me to overcome.

Remember that it's all pointless. Then you won't feel so bad about all the "shit" that happens.

I wish I had some advice for you, but I've been avoiding relationships for going on four years now. I just kind of stumbled into the one I'm in now, and I'm looking for a way out. I'm afraid I would do more harm than good, so I'm just gonna say, "Go get 'em, Tiger!"

 

[MasterChief892039]

Actually, I just remembered this video.
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So yeah, there ya go bud.

 

[SiskoBlue]

Don't worry about pessimistic sides, positive sides, you're in high school and it's tough. You barely know yourself at that age. When I was young I, like most young blokes, would find a girl and make her "the one". Not intentionally but when you're young you have the amazing ability to project all kinds of attributes and qualities on to people until they really are the perfect person for you.

Right now you barely know her. Talk to her, like you would a friend, don't worry about being friend zoned just yet. If the oppurtunity arises to make sublte suggestions that you're interested in more than friendship then that's enough. If she's interested she'll let you know, if she ignores it then she's not interested. Move on and just remember you barely know her which means she barely knows you so don't feel bad or take it too personally. High School social life can be hell, your best hope is to try and not take it too seriously. It's nothing like real life once you leave, honest.

 

[Kortney]

My advice is don't act differently around girls as you would with boys. Obviously there are some thing you'd do differently, but what I am trying to say is I hate it when a guy comes up to me and just talks to me in an obvious attempt to either impress me or flatter me. It's patronising and sometimes it's frustrating when men seem completely incapable of having a real conversation with a girl. I know plenty of guys who are fun and interesting when they are with other guys, but once they talk to me or other girls they become completely boring.

Get to know a girl the same way you'd get to know a guy. Make conversation. Be friendly. Be genuine. Be fun!