Anyone got any funny D&D stories?

[Wieke]

Well the two I have were told to me by my DM

So one time in a game he was playing, one of the people apparently didnt know what a gazebo was and rolled to look around and the DM says,
"You see a gazebo in the distance." To which he replies,
"What does it look like... Is it an aggressive gazebo?"
DM:"It looks like a gazebo...".
Guy:"I... shoot the gazebo with an arrow" and rolls
DM:"Ok you hit the gazebo"
Guy:"How much damage did I do?"
DM:"None its a gazebo"
Guy:"uhh... I run at it and attack it with my sword." and rolls
DM:"You hit the gazebo again."
Guy:"How much damage did I do?"
DM:"None its a gazebo."
Guy:"Uhh, I run"

I can only imagine how hard it must have been for the rest of the party to not crack up during that.

In munchkin you can fight a gazebo. Actually you can fight one in DnD too. Inanimate objects all have HP and harness based on whatever material they are made out of. Thats how you handle breaking down doors and walls, as well as sunder attempts. If the DM is nice, they will allow construct bane weapons to work on them. Also, cannons (if they exist) can crit objects.

It's a quite well known story, it even has it's own Wikipedia page.

Wikipedia - Eric and the Gazebo [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eric_and_the_Gazebo]


Can't remember the details of our D&D shenanigans, also lately we're a fairly serious group (we try our best to reduce the in-game sillyness, with mixed results). Though we have this running joke where we try to obtain/build a horse drawn carriage and pimp it A-team style. Many time it has been suggested as a possible course of action, much to our DM's dismay.

 

[cthulhuspawn82]

This story is D&D related, but about something that happened out of game.

There was a gaming shop in the mall where we used to all go to play D&D every Saturday. One week, a kid came into the shop and stole a set of 3rd edition books. Security caught him in the mall and took him back to the shop. He claimed the books were his and suggested that maybe we took the books off the shelf.

Unfortunately for him, this was the one week we actually decided to play Vampire and we had left all our D&D books at home.

 

[MegadudeTx2]

During my first game I summoned a giant Pudding. I don't exactly know how it happened but three 21 rolls in a row were involved.
The Pudding now shows up every time I'm in danger, absorbs enemies into itself, and then self-destructs for massive damage.

Also, same game, I kept rolling for stupid things like opening doors. I ended up getting better rolls than I did during combat, so while I was a terrible fighter I opened doors SO FUCKING HARD

 

[Princess Rose]

**snip**

Two stories come to mind. One is more meta, but still...

I was running a high level game. I had this enemy - a bard, with a prestige class that made him an effective blaster. He could also disguise his spells.

He did a performance in front of the party - spent it casting all his buffs, preparing for the battle that was to follow. For his finale, he dropped an attack on the party.

The party blaster dodged. Then she stood up and hit him with her most powerful, meta-magic enhanced attack spell. The bard was slain out-right. The party blaster took a bow, then sat down.

And the audience applauded, thinking it was all part of the show.

Another time, we'd been playing all day. We finished an encounter, some falling action, and the party went to sleep in the camp. I looked at my laptop and saw that it was 3:11 AM.

"So," I said, "It's three AM."

"What happens?" one of the players asked.

I paused, momentarily confused. Then I said. "No, I mean, it's actually three AM. Sleep?"

 

[GamemasterAnthony]

What follows...is the reason you either want or DON'T want to play D&D with very sick-minded individuals.

To make it easy for us to determine what magic items were without the need to waste slots on Identify, our DM decided to place inscriptions on the items. The conversation at one point...went like this...

DM: You find a rod.
Us: *already starting to snicker*
Me: Any inscriptions?
DM: It shows an inscription of someone lying down and then suddenly erect.

We didn't stop laughing for about half an hour.

CAPTCHA: Lodges, dpassio

Lodges, a dpassio please. Some cream with an extra shot.

 

[OrokuSaki]

I used to play a game with my father as dm, my brother, cousin, and friend were characters. And myself of course.

My father made the mistake of letting us buy our starting equipment. Except my father gave us maximum starting money, but made it conditional that we could only have 5 gold after we were done buying equipment. My cousin, having 15 gold, searched the player's handbook for something to spend 10 gold on when he had an epiphany.

A pigeon in version 3.5 is worth one copper piece. He calculated that he could buy 1,000 pigeons for 10 gold. So expressed his brilliant plan to train his army of pigeons to shit on command and send them to distract his enemies. Needless to say my father didn't allow him to buy a pigeon army. But we all had a laugh as he enthusiastically explained his plan to us.

 

[LarenzoAOG]

**snip**

Two stories come to mind. One is more meta, but still...

I was running a high level game. I had this enemy - a bard, with a prestige class that made him an effective blaster. He could also disguise his spells.

He did a performance in front of the party - spent it casting all his buffs, preparing for the battle that was to follow. For his finale, he dropped an attack on the party.

The party blaster dodged. Then she stood up and hit him with her most powerful, meta-magic enhanced attack spell. The bard was slain out-right. The party blaster took a bow, then sat down.

And the audience applauded, thinking it was all part of the show.

Another time, we'd been playing all day. We finished an encounter, some falling action, and the party went to sleep in the camp. I looked at my laptop and saw that it was 3:11 AM.

"So," I said, "It's three AM."

"What happens?" one of the players asked.

I paused, momentarily confused. Then I said. "No, I mean, it's actually three AM. Sleep?"

The first one made me smirk, the second one make me laugh.

 

[Backstabber]

There was that one time I ripped someone's nose off. It was an accident! I swear!

 

[zane224]

We started the game at 5th level, but the GM gave us a very nice gift: we could have one thing to start that was worth a rediculous amount of money for free. One person picked awesome armor, the fighter got a really cool sword, and I picked the Spell Glibness permanent. (+30 to conversational Bluff checks) I made the character a pathological liar, and everything he said was true to him the moment it was uttered.

In a different game, at 3rd level I received a bag of holding, which is always awesome! I used it all the time. I stored everything in it; loot, weapons, gold, even furniture. It was the best bag of holding ever! The campaign concluded at level 17. After the final boss was killed, world saved, heroes retire in a peaceful town and the credits roll the GM turns to me and says "Oh, one final thing: GOD DAMMIT!!!" and shakes his fist angrily at me. ME:"What?" GM:"You used F-ing bag ALL the F-ing time and never, not even ONCE did it ever roll under 60% to grab you!" ME: "....it was a bag of devouring?" GM: "YES!" ME: "... then what about the chance per hour of eating what was inside it? I had stuff in that thing for years!" GM:"....(Long pause)... son of a...."

 

[GamemasterAnthony]

Boy...I wish I was involved in the campaigns my friend's father was playing in. So, I wasn't in this, but it was a laugh riot all the same when he told me about it.

Apparently they were rolling to see what special abilities the magic items were getting and something VERY weird was happening. Nearly every other item they got had the special ability "Detects Slopes and Grading". It was as if they were getting a cache of Dwarven items throughout the entire campaign. It had actually got to the point whenever they found another one it was like "Throw it on the pile!"

Of course there was another reason I wish I had gotten into those campaigns. See...my friend's father's campaigns? The DM was none other...

...than Dave Arneson, one of the co-creators of D&D. He was actualy a friend of my friend's father! If THAT doesn't qualify as geek cred, NOTHING does!

 

[Luke5515]

We were going through a large underground base of thieves, and every single door we opened led to a hallway. We were getting pretty upset. Our support fighter kept wanting to check for traps, but after finding none we gave up. He still said check for traps about every two moves. So we get to a trap door, and he's like "check for traps" Dm says "really?" "No i'm just joking, I open it" "There is a massive explosion....
So we were getting angry, finding absolutely nothing. We find a room full of training dummies and our fighter says "I cleave a dummy in half"
"Which dummy?"
"does it matter?"
"just pick one"
"the one closest to me" does his rolls, it's a natural 20 and DM says "you hear a blood curdling scream as you cut the thief hiding in the dummy clean in two." Well shit.
Also I carried around a giant stuffed centipede with me.

 

[Luke5515]

Another good one.
Our party got trapped under an island lair, we were looking for a way out, for our entrance was closed on us. We thought there was a way to swim out, but none of us were good enough to swim it. We opted for breaking down a ceiling in a side room, and all almost died in the process. Later in the game, we were taking some major damage, so I dug through my bag, found an unknown potion so I said I'd drink it. Dm flips though his book takes a pause chuckles, and says "You feel like you can swim really well."

 

[Legendairy314]

I've got a few. Our DM may be new but he knows how to make it fun, interesting, and balanced.

1. During one of our earlier adventures we discovered a town called Splorf. In this town was a cult that was lobotomizing the town into very "happy" citizens. These citizens saw anything unhappy as a blight that must be made happy at all costs. At one point our fighter knocked onto the door to a house and a small child answered. He decided to smack her (For some reason. I forget why) and the DM had him roll a strength check. He botched and killed her. At the end of it all he was captured and forced to marry a (admittedly attractive) women while also under the lobotomy affect. Reversing it didn't change the marriage and he ended up even having a kid with the women. Unfortunately the child was a stillbirth and FAR too many jokes about it were made.

2. During another adventure there was a town called Hasslehoff (Yep). In the town our female elf cleric won a weightlifting competition, our fighter became renowned for his duel against a half-orc barbarian who beat him before in the arena, and we visited an island that got us all captured and got us taken to another country. During this point in time our Bard had not followed us and was looking for a way to find out where we went. He visited the island but the bandits who captured us were gone and his boat had sunk. A crazy conspiracy theorist ended up visiting the island looking for aliens and let the Bard borrow the boat as long as he brought back some of his equipment. We have no idea what happened to him thanks to the boat sinking again and our Bard being too lazy to go back.

3. During a rebel occupation we were in the barricaded city that we frequented. Two of our party members had joined the rebels so that they could rescue another one of us that got captured. When they tried to escape only one of them got away and our elven ranger was captured. The rebels had begun using biological warfare against the city and had more plans for our compatriot. They injected him with a plague, loaded him into a catapult, and launched him into the city. He is now in a grave covered up to his neck in dirt with a cage above it preventing him from escaping. This next week we'll find out if we can find a cure before he perishes.

 

[BoogieManFL]

This was years ago, in the mid-late 90s. Back when there was THACO and -10 to 10 AC.

Our party consisted of

Bloodsea Minotaur Fighter/Cleric
And his brother, a Fighter/Wizard (me)
We usually didn't allow more than one character but to round out of the party we decided to let it go. It was fun and a little challenging to try and play them as different beings with different minds and personalities but it worked out.


My favorite characters I've ever played, they were Chaotic Good and generally good natured but many people reacted to them with fear or prejudice. Sometimes they had to wait outside of towns because the guards refused to let him in. A few times their large size and weight led to creative alternatives such as when they were too heavy for this rickety old rope bridge.

Elven Ranger (my bro)
Generally the leader and spokesperson for the group

Human Fighter (buddy)
A guy who loves his booze and was a bit unpredictable and loved bar fights.

Half-Elven Fighter/Thief with Weretiger Lycanthropy (I think she got it in Ravenloft or somesuch)

A few events that come to mind that were memorable.. First is when we were all let into this town for the night to rest up before we were heading out to some old ruined fort we found earlier and suspected might be the cause of some troubles the area had been having.

The human fighter gets wasted (again) in the town bar and starts a big bar brawl while the rest of us were in our rooms. He found some big guy in the tavern and said, while leaving out some of the spicier details something to the effect of "Tell your mom to stop changing lipsticks so often, I'm getting a rainbow around my *blank*!" So the guy go berserk and attacks him, they break chairs, glasses, tables. Eventually the town guard comes and arrests him and a few other people and take them to jail. We had plans to leave the next day and the guards said a week in the slammer would sober them up. I believe everyone in the party was chaotic in alignment and we decided while, illegal, it would be better to break him out of prison and just leave rather than let the problems in the area go for another week. We wait awhile for things to calm down and sneak into the prison. The guard is asleep, but we couldn't find the keys. We creep over to the cell our buddy is in and the Half-Elf starts to lockpick. The fighter wakes up, and walks over to wait at the door and ends up drunkenly falling over and faceplanting into the gate which awakes the guard.

Our Elven leader is like, you dumbass drunk we almost had you out of there! So I say I quickly grab the bars and bend with all my might. A solid roll (and being a very strong Minotaur) the DM says the bars resist for a moment, then bend outward sure enough. However, not nearly enough for the 6'4" man to get through. So I say this is going to get messy and start doing rolls for jerking on the door along with the Elven ranger and the fighter on the other side. The Half-Elf throws sand from a bag into the guards face, throws the table into him and runs out to join the Fighter/Wizard standing watch out side. (didn't have knock memorized)

The gate breaks free about the time the guard is getting back up and cleaned his eyes(he had already screamed in alarm) so the Fighter/Cleric stomps up to him and intimidates the guard saying not to waste his life pointlessly, he easily cowers to the massive beast before him. I demand his keys and he produces them. I open another cell and toss him in saying I just want you to know I have the utmost respect for the law (a line Cmdr. Riker used in Star Trek) The Elf gags him, I say please trust it's for a good reason and toss him a little money as an apology then lock him in and put the keys under the table and ran out.

The Rogue says they can hear people coming, we're still fairly far from an exit. Fighter/Wiz says they look around for flammable objects that are somewhat isolated, he finds a stable nearby. So he chases the horses out, and sets it ablaze. It's far enough from other objects the fire shouldn't spread. We take to ally ways and start running. Presumably the fire attracted the attention and caused enough commotion that we escaped, casually walked by the entrance guards at the far side of town who had no idea anything was amiss. We made it, although we wouldn't be welcome there any time soon.


We get to the fort, and to skip a lot of stuff we enter what looked like a large dining hall that was burned out. With upwards of 18 very old burnt animated skeletons. The room is very large so many rounds go by with people using ranged weapons, the wizard conserving spells. We killed maybe 7 or 8 of them when they start getting a little close. Thief says "Turn them, they're getting close!" F/C says "Not yet, they'll scatter." she says "So?" (DM played that character very will while doing the other stuff for the adventure and described things quite well.) I ask him how close the skeletons are to each other, and he says being mindless they're all just mostly walking in a strait line towards you (being the nearest player) and are "all pretty well bunched up in a line." I say "I hunch forward and start digging at the ground with my right hoof" And the Fighter says (more sober now) "OH shit he's gonna do it!" Rogue says "This I gotta see" and I start a good old minotaur bull charge towards the skellies. Fighter is yelling "YEAH! YEAH! BABY DO IT!" and a few good rolls later, he successfully plows through almost all of the skellies, obliterating most. Taking some damage, but well worth it. A few of them started to stand back up but were quickly dispatched by the others who started charging shortly after. We were all laughing and the DM says he can't believe how well that worked out.

Shortly thereafter we found a partially burned wooden chest that I searched thoroughly but found nothing. So just screwing around I say "Dammit! Nothing!" And throw the chest against a nearby wall. DM does a series of rolls. So I'm like okay maybe I going to get a splinter in the eye or something.. He says "the chest explodes into shards of wood, several of which fly towards the Ranger but he shields his face with his arm and is unhurt." The Fighter shouts "Who's the dumbass now!" Then the Ranger says to the F/C "Careful you big cow! I could of lost an eye!" Then the DM pauses for a sec, as if remembering something and does another roll. He says "You see but a tiny deck of cards lying in the debris, apparently there was a hidden compartment in the chest that you missed."

So I'm like hot damn, this is going to be interesting. Me the player thinking, that knowing that DM, that was probably a Deck of Many Things. However my character didn't know of any of that, so he pulled out a card at random just as the Elf Ranger and the F/W says "Wait!!".. Too late, though. Nothing seemed to happen so he says "What? See? It's all good.. Nothing." At random intervals later I pulled a few more cards out, tempting fate. In the end the effects were:

Charisma Raised to 18 and gained a small keep
Lost soul to a powerful undead being, would have to defeat it to get it back.
Gained services of a Bronze Dragon

Crazy stuff, but sadly not long after I ended up moving away and we never got to finish. Always more funny when you are there, but it was good times.

 

[CulixCupric]

Our DM was a stickler for letting things play out and letting the dice tell the story however they fell. He told us that he thought our success also had a lot to do with getting to the great library first and planting the map. We figured that it would just lead the unwary astray.
To quote Richard (our DM) "I had no idea I would witness so many self-insisted decapitations...but that's okay... they weren't using those heads anyway". Apparently he had feign going to the toilet twice to cope with his giggle fits without giving anything away. The only downside was that it ended the campaign about 2 months early.

how exactly did it end? with everyone headless? how's that happen?

 

[My name is Fiction]

When we were in this new demention we found a little vilage plauged with dragons. Being a first time facing them it was hard. Since we killed the mothers children she came down raising hell around us. When she was just about to kill 40 villagers with her flame weapon we got her. then the fun started.
We had a dragon born with no eyebrows that. was a chaotic evil.
Sfter he rolled the dice the player robbie said "I don't have do something evil for a looong time."
He spent all his money on alcamist fire and 2/3 of the town was on fire.
Me and the warrior stoll a couple kegs of ber as the guards at the tower shot me in the ass!
Good times.

 

[JesterRaiin]

BTW... Fellow GMasters, altough somewhat funny, let it be a warning for you...

Not pure DnD but Pathfinder (often called "DnD 3.75"). In short : we were playing Council of Thieves campaign (brilliant thing btw, i recoomend it to everyone interested in starting rpg career). In chapter #2 players infiltrated manor of some wealthy person - i don't recall who that was. Inside encountered usual stuff - nightmarish torture chambers, enemies, prisoners, treasures, you know the drill.

Amongst other precious spoils of war they've found severed head of some chick, kept alive by means of magic. Though insane, she was still useful as a source of information. But not only that and here's word of advice : think hard before handing severed but alive heads to PCs. Think hard.

...i hope i don't have to explain why. ;]

 

[Phaerim]

Playing a Warforged Druid in the Ebberon setting is basis for lots of Transformer jokes.

 

[Sgt. Dante]

Having played Dungeons & Dragons could be considered funny in itself, albeit in a slightly embarrassing, virgin-ey way. But I digress..

Way back when, a friend of mine set up an instance in a town called 'Tweenie', his reasoning being that said town was located 'between' all the other ones.
That story makes me want to shove myself into a locker more than anything else, so perhaps it's not that amusing.

This is hardly the forum to be embarassed about our gaming habits.

Two brief stories that come to mind are the time our cleric died during character creation. (Back in 2nd ED preists get 1D6+con and he took points out con for a -1 bonus.(thinking wis was more important)) He then rolled a 1, 1-1=0HP and he died. He very quickly made and almost identical character, but put a few more points into con for a 0 bonus. He then rolled another 1. He was VERY careful with his character after that.

There was also the time that a boss was spamming prismatic cone. And our ranger was unlucky enought to be hit with an 8. (for those who don't know prismatic effects are basically roll a D8 to see which of 7 effects happen to you, on an 8 roll twice more and be hit by both.) So basically she was hit by insanity (she failed the willpower roll) then was sent to an alternate dimension. Luckily it was the last session in that campaign xD some memebers wanted to keep going to try and rescue her, but we decided that there was very little chance we would even know WHICH plane she was sent to, much less that she would survive 10 mins on arrival after the whole insanity thing.

 

[sage42]

Oh my very first game I made a Dawrven fighter. Not 3 hours later he was dropped off a cliff, knocked unconscious, dragged through a swamp and eaten by Aligaotrs. Needless to say, I hated my friends way of saving people. The person he saved then "owed him one." That dropped off a cliff was my one.