Avoidant personality disorder (is the closest I can describe it). I guess it counts as sort of a disability, considering just how much it interferes with my life.
Imagine not having any close relationships, not even with your own family. Imagine having friends who are "just there", without being able to feel like they care or even like you. Imagine being unable to relate to anyone, with an intense but futile desire to find someone that you feel truly cares about you.
I haven't initiated contact for about half a year now (though I do talk to people somewhat regularly), something that even compared to my very introverted friends is extremely rarely. But I am unable to change this, as it is so deeply ingrained in my moral code not to start conversations because I'll only cause others to suffer.
I envy anyone who are more successful than me socially, and I've yet to find someone equal or worse off than me.
Imagine not having any close relationships, not even with your own family. Imagine having friends who are "just there", without being able to feel like they care or even like you. Imagine being unable to relate to anyone, with an intense but futile desire to find someone that you feel truly cares about you.
I haven't initiated contact for about half a year now (though I do talk to people somewhat regularly), something that even compared to my very introverted friends is extremely rarely. But I am unable to change this, as it is so deeply ingrained in my moral code not to start conversations because I'll only cause others to suffer.
I envy anyone who are more successful than me socially, and I've yet to find someone equal or worse off than me.