Asexuality as a Defensive or Coping Mechanism?

[AbyssalSanhedrin]

Whenever the thorny topic of sex or intimate relationships is broached on these forums it's not unusual to see a smattering of responses along the lines of "I'm asexual so this doesn't really concern me". This intrigues me, so I ask:

[Pre-emptive Disclaimer: I'm not trolling]

Are there any asexuals here who have actually had consensual sex with the gender of their choice and retained their asexual ideology?

When I was younger and all my friends were fucking him and her and whatever I was negatively inclined towards sex as well but then my time came and I realized that it was at worst a good time waster and at best, well, the fucking best thing ever.

My question is is asexuality used as a defence mechanism used by people who, for whatever reason, have never had sex to legitimize their virginity?

 

[Vegosiux]

Asexuality is just a sexual orientation, basically, you're not interested in boinking or being boinked by anything at all. Of course there are going to be people who need to express it on every corner.

And I suppose it's quite probable that some people attribute their virginity to asexuality, but thing is, if you are a virgin but want to have sex, then you're not asexual.

I'm not saying asexual people can't have sex, I'm just saying they're really unlikely to try and initiate it, but might still end up doing it, not because of an explicit desire to do so, but more because the stars aligned and it was a fitting moment. Asexuality isn't an aversion to sex, after all. Sure the aversion can be in the mix too, but one does not imply the other.

 

[Kynreave]

I'm trying really hard not to rage at the constant throwing around of terms 'Defense Mechanism' and 'Coping Mechanism'. So I'm going to go ahead and say no.

Some people may lie about being asexual for that reason, however this doesn't even come close to constituting it as a defense mechanism). For someone to genuinely be asexual for simply that reason, they would have to be using pathological denial for far too long, most people can't sustain that or wouldn't go to that length on a psychological level in response to the societal pressure to have sex (Large though it may be).

If asexuality was caused by psyche damage, it would almost certainly be for a multitude of complex and obscure reasons.

So yeah, basically. No because I don't think that society pressurising people to have sex is strong enough to alter someone's sexuality through psychological defense mechanisms.

 

[Gmans uncle]

hmm...well, I'm bisexual, and I'd say that just as my brain is hardwired to want to have sex with both genders, an asexual person's brain is similarly programmed to not want to. I don't like the idea of calling it a "coping mechanism", just as i don't like people spreading all this crap about how bisexuality is an attempt to get attention (I assure you, it's not).

Also, on a related note their pride flag is waaaaaaaay cooler than ours...

Spoiler: Bi pride flag

Spoiler: A pride flag

 

[Just_A_Glitch]

I've claimed to be asexual in the past, simply because I wasn't interested in sex or relationships. I don't claim to be so anymore, though my opinion on the matters hasn't really changed all that much. I find people attractive, and with my friends I'd say, "Yeah, I'd have sex with her", but honestly, if push came to shove, I don't think I would.

What caused it was probably having sex too young, ruining how special the act can be.

 

[Tazzy da Devil]

No, it's not. I'm asexual myself and I'm getting a little sick of hearing this kind of stuff. Just because I don't want to bang anybody, doesn't mean I'm damaged in any way. But at least it's better than those people that say "If you just try it you'll like it." Or even worse than that. "You only think you don't like sex because you haven't done it with me yet." Ugh, so arrogant!

 

[Klutzz]

Are there any asexuals here who have actually had consensual sex with the gender of their choice and retained their asexual ideology?

Yes. Having sex just isn't that interesting to some of us.

 

[FrequentFlyer]

I am asexual.

I have no religious affiliations, I'm not celibate, and I'm not trying to save myself or anything. I'm a fairly attractive individual, and people ask me if I want someone/why I don't have someone all the time, and my response to them is, "Please. I'd never subject a person to my kind of crazy."

I'm not crazy. I'm fairly normal, as normal as humans can be. I say, "I'm crazy," because I don't want to come off as strange to people when what I really mean is, "I couldn't be bothered with it," because everyone else seems to be bothered with it and I guess that makes me abnormal.

I honestly love myself so much that I have absolutely no desire to share myself intimately with others, physically or mentally. That doesn't mean I don't find people attractive. It just means I have no desire, whatsoever, to act on that desire.

 

[BreakfastMan]

My question is is asexuality used as a defence mechanism used by people who, for whatever reason, have never had sex to legitimize their virginity?

Sorry to single out this part of your post, but it just bugs the hell out of me. Why do virgins have to legitimize their virginity? Is there something wrong with being a virgin?

Also, Asexual ideology? WTF?

 

[Zhukov]

Some people genuinely have no sex drive. Others say they don't want it because it's better than saying they want it but are unable to get it.

 

[2733]

asexuality or any sexuality for that matter is not a binary switch that can be turned on and off. That said I'm sure that if you looked around you would find some who claim to be asexual but actually either have some condition that reduces sex drive or are simply frustrated by their own lack of social skills and have convinced themselves that they don't actually want it (sour grapes, if you will). this is not to say I believe this true of all asexual people, I fully respect those of all sexual orientations.

 

[weker]

I tend to label it with pity, as I think there are going to be more people as you say using it as a coping mechanism then actually being it. I get the idea that many of them just do it as a excuse for being a virgin and due to the culture we live in feel inclined for an excuse.

Not sure if it is actually a sex orientation yet as scientists seem to be debating it a bit.

 

[NiPah]

I'm not really sure defense/coping mechanism is used correctly in this thread, they are clinical terms that are rooted in psychoanalytic theory and not just created on the fly. As per asexuality the jury is still out, we can't even explain sexuality in general, let alone if people are just lying about their sexuality.

 

[Smooth Operator]

Well sexuality really never is a black and white split, what people are and aren't attracted to is up to them to figure out.

But you will often come across a quick self diagnose of asexual, while they may just be in a state of low sex drive due to abuse or general depression, you will find the latter being the predominant reason in developed parts of the world.
At no point would I call it an excuse, people just need time to figure their things out.

 

[similar.squirrel]

On these forums, I would say that your assumption is right about 98% of the time. Oddly enough, people starting saying it shortly after Yahtzee professed to being asexual in an interview.

 

[Batou667]

hmm...well, I'm bisexual, and I'd say that just as my brain is hardwired to want to have sex with both genders, an asexual person's brain is similarly programmed to not want to. I don't like the idea of calling it a "coping mechanism", just as i don't like people spreading all this crap about how bisexuality is an attempt to get attention (I assure you, it's not).

Also, on a related note their pride flag is waaaaaaaay cooler than ours...

Spoiler: Bi pride flag

Spoiler: A pride flag

Huh? You guys have FLAGS?

The bi flag I get, but what do the stripes on the Asexual one represent? Shouldn't it be a plain one-colour flag, or completely non-existent?

For that matter, what would a straight pride flag look like?

Back OT: I've never met anybody who's claimed to be asexual so I really couldn't say. Although, since sex drive is mostly hormonal, it's easy to see how somebody might be in a constant state of "not feeling like having sex". And yes, I can also see how some people might mistakenly self-diagnose when actually they WOULD turn sexual for the right person.

 

[PsychedelicDiamond]

Well... no. I never had sex and i don't think i need to to know that i'm asexual. I mean, you don't accuse a gay fellow of only being gay because he had never slept with a woman, right? Yeah, i know there are some pretty bad stereotypes connected with asexuality but it's really not like we are all "This Troper" trash. I mean, i do desire a romantic relationship with a woman just like "normal" heterosexual guys do, only... you know, without the sex.

 

[Estocavio]

I for one genuinely have no interest in Sex, until I decide to expand My Bloodline.

I have never attempted to engage in that kind of Relationship, and have in fact circumvented it at one point.

 

[TheHecatomb]

My question is is asexuality used as a defence mechanism used by people who, for whatever reason, have never had sex to legitimize their virginity?

Hell yeah it is. Asexuality is definitely the new cool way for the kiddies to mask their lack of romantic experience. Just like 'aspergers' or 'mild autism' is the new cool way to say you sometimes have difficulty coping with new situations or your own emotions. And there's way too much of it on these forums.

Sure, there are probably some real cases of asexuality around here and I don't want to be disrespectful to them, but even right now in this thread there are people who are already confusing their lack of romantic interest with asexuality. I'm willing to bet that at least half of them masturbates and has a preference of doing it to imagery of either naked men or women. Although most of them probably won't admit it because then they'd loose that coolness of saying they're asexual.