Asexuality

[Combustion Kevin]

I had a question, actually:
If a bi-sexual person is attracted to either gender, and a pansexual person attracted to people regardless of their gender, how are they different, exactly? >>

Also, I feel Demi-sexual is not an actual sexuality, it just means you are not attracted to someone on a superficial level, basicly, your romantic and sexual interests intertwine and that is completely normal, it's no different than hetero/homo/bisexuality.

I mean, a 'squish'? Really? That's called being really good friends. Or, y'know, best friends.

this is actually something I do recognise and understand. XD lemme help you out.

Let's say you're a straight girl in high school, and this boy comes along that has a striking resemblence to edward from twilight.
Now, fueled by your stereotypically bad taste in movies, you think the guy is totally hot, and develop a crush on this guy.

Later on, while looking for twilight-ish material in the library, you come across a girl who is also into literature, and is far more knowledgeable about the stuff you're looking for, she's very engaging in conversation and you immediatly have a good time by being around her.
You want to spend more time with her, as much as possible now, but you don't know her that well yet and are not in any way sexually interested, she's just a very cool person you just met.

That's a squish! and of course, this can grow out into a legitimate friendship, just like a crush can grow out into a legitimate relationship.

 

[Lieju]

Perhaps it'd be more of a given if people didn't focus so much on that one aspect of themselves? It's possible to be yourself privately, you know. :/

What a wonderful idea!

As soon as straight people stop pushing their sexuality on everyone's faces I'll be all for that!

 

[Scars Unseen]

Sexuality is supposed to be a pretty private thing too, at least that's what I was taught, why are everyone carrying it on their sleeve and identifying themselves by it?

Sexuality isn't "supposed" to be anything. If that's what you were taught, then that was what you were taught. The entire world doesn't need to adhere to your personal beliefs, and a fair bit of it most assuredly does not. As for why people are carrying their sexuality on their sleeve, well that reason will vary from person to person, but in my opinion, it sure beats being ashamed of it. There is little to be gained in denying who you are.

Anyway, I have an asexual friend that I hang out with. We mostly watch anime together and occasionally cuddle(she doesn't want sex, and I'm not interested in a romantic relationship, but we both like the occasional comforting human contact). So happy asexual awareness month, I guess? I'm fully heterosexual, myself, though I'm attracted to personalities, not body shapes.

 

[Barbas]

Another social justice thread, yaay.

Asexuals either have something physiologically or psychologically wrong with them or are liars. It's not normal for a "healthy" adult. I don't personally care about anyone's proclivities (or lack thereof) to be clear, but do believe there is something wrong that makes someone asexual (if they genuinely are).

I think your complaint has just demonstrated why this thread was necessary.

OT: Interesting reading. Thanks for this. I was only familiar with the LGBT flag previously.

Maybe you guys need a social event to raise awareness like the "Asexual Ice Bucket Challenge": Stick your dick in ice water.

Or maybe we should have a "sexuality of other people is none of your fucking business"-week so we can cover all the biromantic asexual otherkin genderfluid snowflakes at the same time and have some weeks left over for important stuff

You mean chuck all of those people together into one group? I wouldn't say that's necessary, because it looks like you're already doing it mentally.

 

[DarkRawen]

Perhaps it'd be more of a given if people didn't focus so much on that one aspect of themselves? It's possible to be yourself privately, you know. :/ Sure, I'm only talking for myself, and that's of course the point of view I'm representing, but I simply don't get the deal with it. We're all different, and sure, people need to get over it, but is distancing people further really the answer? Why not just accept that no one is alike? Putting up a flag sure as hell ain't going to help with that.

It's not distancing yourself further by acknowledge that people treat you differently. The problem isn't accepting that people are different, it's other people not accepting that you are different.

Sure, asexuals (or everyone not the norm) could get rid of their flags, and stop confusing people by being different from the societal default. Which might be nice for people in the societal default that don't want to accept the existence of others, but it doesn't really help anyone else.

No, it doesn't, but there's a difference between saying: "Well, there's this thing called homosexuality, and it's actually not that uncommon" and "look at this flag, it represents a certain group because we say it do, also, this pretty fitting term is just an umbrella term for a lot more".

Perhaps it'd be more of a given if people didn't focus so much on that one aspect of themselves? It's possible to be yourself privately, you know. :/

What a wonderful idea!

As soon as straight people stop pushing their sexuality on everyone's faces I'll be all for that!

Ehm, yes? No need to be sarcastic, I was talking about everyone, straight people included. Look, my point is that I don't care who you want to have sex with, and I'm very sure you don't care who I want to have sex with, or even what I see myself as on the inside. Sexuality in itself isn't really a negative thing, but defining yourself by it sort of is, IMO.

 

[giles]

You mean chuck all of those people together into one group? I wouldn't say that's necessary, because it looks like you're already doing it mentally.

Reality called and wants me to tell you this: They are already in one group. They're all human.

 

[Thaluikhain]

Ehm, yes? No need to be sarcastic, I was talking about everyone, straight people included. Look, my point is that I don't care who you want to have sex with, and I'm very sure you don't care who I want to have sex with, or even what I see myself as on the inside. Sexuality in itself isn't really a negative thing, but defining yourself by it sort of is, IMO.

They can't avoid defining themselves by their sexuality until other people stop defining them by their sexuality.

 

[DarkRawen]

Sexuality is supposed to be a pretty private thing too, at least that's what I was taught, why are everyone carrying it on their sleeve and identifying themselves by it?

Sexuality isn't "supposed" to be anything. If that's what you were taught, then that was what you were taught. The entire world doesn't need to adhere to your personal beliefs, and a fair bit of it most assuredly does not. As for why people are carrying their sexuality on their sleeve, well that reason will vary from person to person, but in my opinion, it sure beats being ashamed of it. There is little to be gained in denying who you are.

Denying who you are =/= acknowledging that it's not something that everyone else needs to know.

And yes, I do think that what's going on in my head is my business, and my business alone, and I was unaware of that so little people have the same opinion. :/

 

[Vault101]

I seem to have a VERY strong romantic inclination towards women (which is why I devour every lesbian centric book/movie/whatever I can find) hetero stuff just bores me to tears

That said I have no idea if or how I translates to real life

OT: sexuality is a funny thing, mabye it's Easyer if we let people call themselves what they want

 

[Lieju]

Perhaps it'd be more of a given if people didn't focus so much on that one aspect of themselves? It's possible to be yourself privately, you know. :/

What a wonderful idea!

As soon as straight people stop pushing their sexuality on everyone's faces I'll be all for that!

Ehm, yes? No need to be sarcastic, I was talking about everyone, straight people included. Look, my point is that I don't care who you want to have sex with, and I'm very sure you don't care who I want to have sex with, or even what I see myself as on the inside. Sexuality in itself isn't really a negative thing, but defining yourself by it sort of is, IMO.

I was not being sarcastic. I meant what I said.

And I'd love it if people didn't define me by my sexuality.
If it wouldn't be a big thing.

But since I'm constantly treated like it is, mostly from straight people, I'm just kinda waiting for people to start calling THEM on it.
If I just keep quiet it is even easier for the majority to demonise people like me or try to erase my existence.

 

[DarkRawen]

Ehm, yes? No need to be sarcastic, I was talking about everyone, straight people included. Look, my point is that I don't care who you want to have sex with, and I'm very sure you don't care who I want to have sex with, or even what I see myself as on the inside. Sexuality in itself isn't really a negative thing, but defining yourself by it sort of is, IMO.

They can't avoid defining themselves by their sexuality until other people stop defining them by their sexuality.

I don't know who "they" are, but I'll assume it's the people who use the flags? In that case, it's a shame, but it's certainly possible to not define yourself by your sexuality. I'm not saying it's not supposed to be present, it's a thing. A part of everyone. But is it really other people's business?

 

[Silvanus]

Asexuals either have something physiologically or psychologically wrong with them or are liars. It's not normal for a "healthy" adult. I don't personally care about anyone's proclivities (or lack thereof) to be clear, but do believe there is something wrong that makes someone asexual (if they genuinely are).

Any reason for this? Any research, any studies you can cite?

I'm also unsure why a thread that mentions a minority, in a perfectly non-confrontational and polite manner, should be categorised and dismissed as "another social justice thread". Is even talking about minorities too much, now, regardless of how polite we are?

 

[rcs619]

I just always felt like asexuality was kind of a needless label. Like, if you're just less interested in sex than the average person, or you've got extremely an high threshold of intimacy and/or love before you would even consider it, that's totally fine. You just have less of an interest in/drive for sex than the average person. You aren't asexual. You don't need to cling to some sort of artificial label and group up with other like-minded people in order to feel better about it, or less weird, or whatever.

Asexuality implies that you aren't interested in sex at all. Unless you have a legitimate medical or psychological issue, that just isn't possible. Humans are inherently social creatures, the desire for sex, and companionship and intimacy are hard-coded into us all. It's instinct and it's etched in way down deep. It's all connected too. Romance, 'crushes', friendship, physical and emotional attraction, and sexual attraction. It's all just this big, tangled ball of emotions and instincts that all people have. I mean, look at all the contradictions that the asexual movement twists itself through to try and explain them. It just seems like 'asexual' is something that someone calls themselves until they find the right person and slip into one of the sub-groups that let them act out on it.

I'm of the opinion that you can't really put hard labels on something as complicated as human emotions and sexuality. No one is 100% straight, or gay, or asexual, or sexual. It's this big, muddled, weird gradient that is different from person to person.

Also, and this is only partly related, but who designed that flag? I think that is the dreariest flag they could have designed. I get they were trying to evoke a sort of similarity to the gay flag, but it's just so dreary.

 

[Barbas]

You mean chuck all of those people together into one group? I wouldn't say that's necessary, because it looks like you're already doing it mentally.

Reality called and wants me to tell you this: They are already in one group. They're all human.

Yes, I know that. I'm human after all, but all humans are not completely the same. I'd like it if all humans treated each-other with respect, but that's difficult when we still misunderstand each-other daily.

You can paint everyone on Earth a single colour, but it won't make them exactly the same. The reality is that every single human being is a unique individual, whether they look physically the same or not. This thread seeks to promote further understanding of the less immediately obvious differences between those people.

Maybe you guys need a social event to raise awareness like the "Asexual Ice Bucket Challenge": Stick your dick in ice water.

Or maybe we should have a "sexuality of other people is none of your fucking business"-week so we can cover all the biromantic asexual otherkin genderfluid snowflakes at the same time and have some weeks left over for important stuff

If you're apathetic about the matter, why did you feel the need to come here and say so?

 

[Vault101]

[
Denying who you are =/= acknowledging that it's not something that everyone else needs to know.

And yes, I do think that what's going on in my head is my business, and my business alone, and I was unaware of that so little people have the same opinion. :/

Let's day for a moment I was gay and in a relationship


If I get asked "do I have a boy freind" would I be allowed to correct them or should I dodge the question

Or when my co-workers were looking at the 50 shades trailer and making comments about the guy would I be allowed to make a comment about the girl?

Thease things bleed into our daily lives in small ways and there's no reason we have to hide

 

[Teepop]

I'll might attract ire from people, but is this reall necessary? Groups like homosexuals or transexuals face prosecution from society, and therefor have a need for communities that will fight for acceptance and react to discrimination.

Asexuals don't really need that, it might be good for youth who have trouble with sexual identity, but besides that, I doubt there's any discrimination that's targeted solely on them.

I don't have anything against my fellow a-sexuals raising awareness but for me it has never been a problem in terms of what others might think. So I do see where you are coming from, it is a legitimate question.

I can appreciate how much more difficult it is for homosexuals who clearly want to have a relationship and can't avoid making their sexuality public.

Enough heterosexual people struggle to find partners so as a single a-sexual you can easily just pass it off as "well I'm just unlucky you know" which usually results in sympathy and offers of help that one must politely decline!

I suppose the worse that can happen is that you are accused of being a homosexual which I don't have a problem with per say (homosexuals and heterosexuals are all the same to me) but of course there is the risk that you could suffer from the same persecution that homosexuals do. In Western countries this isn't really a great problem any more so it isn't something I lose sleep over.

I suppose the only discrimination a-sexuals experience are those that apply to all single people and a society built around most adults being in a relationship.

The greatest problem I experience is that whilst I am totally comfortable with my gender I don't tend to relate well to my own gender as far as friendships are concerned. In fact I don't really like them that much! Pretty much all my friends are opposite sex and it can be difficult making new friends as I have frequently had problems where people misconstrue my friendly advances as being more than that. I tend to avoid being friends with single people for that reason.

 

[DarkRawen]

Perhaps it'd be more of a given if people didn't focus so much on that one aspect of themselves? It's possible to be yourself privately, you know. :/

What a wonderful idea!

As soon as straight people stop pushing their sexuality on everyone's faces I'll be all for that!

Ehm, yes? No need to be sarcastic, I was talking about everyone, straight people included. Look, my point is that I don't care who you want to have sex with, and I'm very sure you don't care who I want to have sex with, or even what I see myself as on the inside. Sexuality in itself isn't really a negative thing, but defining yourself by it sort of is, IMO.

I was not being sarcastic. I meant what I said.

And I'd love it if people didn't define me by my sexuality.
If it wouldn't be a big thing.

But since I'm constantly treated like it is, mostly from straight people, I'm just kinda waiting for people to start calling THEM on it.
If I just keep quiet it is even easier for the majority to demonise people like me or try to erase my existence.

I hardly think that it's even close to being the majority (in the west, mind you) but yes, that does suck when people are like that. Honestly though, I'm beginning to think it's more of an approach difference, as I see no use in being loud about it, but I'll certainly mention it if it comes up -rarely does- and I've never encountered the issue of people judging me on anything like that. I have to admit that I'm more curious than trying to make people see it from my perspective, as I know that there's a lot that I have no way of understanding.

 

[BOOM headshot65]

Seriously this shit! http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=84162 This fucking shit! and that's not the only asshole out there, just the only one I feel like putting up.

Not that I am saying those people dont exist (Poes Law and all), but I would just like to point out that Landover Baptist is to the Westboro Baptist Church/Extremist Christians in general what The Onion is to News: A satire/parody. So at least in this case, its a bunch of people trying to be funny by being even worse than Westboro, but not actually meaning it.

ie: You learned about the birds and the bees and went eewwww

Thats what it was for me. My parents told me about it before 7th grade Sex Ed, I told them "I dont care what you have to do, I WILL NOT take that class", opted out, took another gym class instead[footnote]Just to give an idea of why this is significant: I HATED gym (unless it was dodgeball day), but I would rather do that than sex ed.[/footnote], and never looked back. For the most part, I am still turned off by the idea of sex. Me and my fiancé have had a few...um..."dry runs" (we were both fully clothed, I will leave the rest to imagination), and we both WANT to have sex with eachother once we are married, and yet at the same time we couldn't care less about sex. There are those who have told me that if we dont have sex before marrying, how will we know if we are compatible to eachother, and I always just shrug my shoulders and say "Who cares?" If it turns out having sex with her is shit, its not going to change anything between us and we would rather co-op Borderlands (or better yet, Fallout if they made it multiplayer).

I am not saying all that makes me/us any sort of Asexuality. Out of the stuff I saw here, I see me as a Sensual-Demisexual, and that is how I will identify until I find something that fits better, but its all just ways of identifying in conversation to me, nothing more.

 

[Thaluikhain]

I don't know who "they" are, but I'll assume it's the people who use the flags? In that case, it's a shame, but it's certainly possible to not define yourself by your sexuality. I'm not saying it's not supposed to be present, it's a thing. A part of everyone. But is it really other people's business?

It's other people's business when they make it their business. Which constantly happens.

In the vast majority of the world, gay marriage (for example) isn't allowed. People who've got nothing to do with it have made this decision.

 

[Teepop]

Another social justice thread, yaay.

Asexuals either have something physiologically or psychologically wrong with them or are liars. It's not normal for a "healthy" adult. I don't personally care about anyone's proclivities (or lack thereof) to be clear, but do believe there is something wrong that makes someone asexual (if they genuinely are).

Yeah this is why I'm a bit dubious about a-sexuality awareness as I am not a big fan of the social justice pressure groups and it does feel a bit social justice-y talking about it!

But funnily enough I do agree with you that there must be something "wrong" with me although it is not apparent to me what that might be. My siblings are all "normal" and had an identical upbringing.

That being said, if you gave me a pill and told me that if I swallowed it I would be "cured", I wouldn't take it.