Ask FroKane (dating edition)
- Thread starter Frokane
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I could probably use some advice.
I'm a 30 year old virgin and introvert with no friends, social hobbies or confidence.
(I'm currently learning how to throw fireballs at level 1 ^^)
How do I even get started?
I'm a 30 year old virgin and introvert with no friends, social hobbies or confidence.
(I'm currently learning how to throw fireballs at level 1 ^^)
How do I even get started?
- Mar 17, 2012
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Okay, got the awkward anime joke out of the way. How could I, a 20 year old dude who works full time, find a girlfriend? I'm not interested in any of my female friends, we're too young to go to bars to pick up chicks, and work is filled with mostly married women over forty. Any tips for a lad like me?
You explain that a group of charvers hypnotised you into drinking all the wine with their repeated mantra of "toon army". No one can resist the power of the toon.Baffle said:
How can you live with yourself, having damned so many innocent souls to the eternal, mind-rending stygian hell that is marriage?
What the hell? I'll bite.
I've lost my mojo.
Seriously, that's really the only way I can put it. To give a little background: I'm 33, never married and no kids, I'm in great shape, have been told by many (non-family) women that I'm a good-looking guy, have a good job, own my own house, and all those other qualities that are supposed to be positive to have.
I have zero problems getting dates. In fact it's a pretty rare week where I don't have at least two dates with different women lined up.
But here's the thing: all my dates are failures. We'll be talking and texting prior to it and the woman will seem like she can't wait to meet me, but then by the end of the date it's clear she's not attracted, even if I am. The dates themselves always seem great to me: we're laughing the whole time, having good conversation, no awkward silences or anything along those lines, but when I ask them why they're not interested in going out again, it's the same vague response every time: "You're a great guy, but I don't feel a connection".
I'm not arrogant and I'm not an idiot: if something happens 50 times and the only common denominator is you, the problem is more than likely you (in this case, me). But I can't fix a problem if I have no idea what the actual problem is.
To expand upon the weirdness: this has only started happening in about the last 18 months. Prior to that I had largely the same # of dates, but they simply seemed to go better and I had much less problem finding relationships (and bedroom partners, for that matter).
Any ideas? I'm seriously wondering if it has to do with testosterone decreasing as I age, but that's some borderline evo-psych PUA stuff, so I'm hoping there's a more nuanced explanation.
I've lost my mojo.
Seriously, that's really the only way I can put it. To give a little background: I'm 33, never married and no kids, I'm in great shape, have been told by many (non-family) women that I'm a good-looking guy, have a good job, own my own house, and all those other qualities that are supposed to be positive to have.
I have zero problems getting dates. In fact it's a pretty rare week where I don't have at least two dates with different women lined up.
But here's the thing: all my dates are failures. We'll be talking and texting prior to it and the woman will seem like she can't wait to meet me, but then by the end of the date it's clear she's not attracted, even if I am. The dates themselves always seem great to me: we're laughing the whole time, having good conversation, no awkward silences or anything along those lines, but when I ask them why they're not interested in going out again, it's the same vague response every time: "You're a great guy, but I don't feel a connection".
I'm not arrogant and I'm not an idiot: if something happens 50 times and the only common denominator is you, the problem is more than likely you (in this case, me). But I can't fix a problem if I have no idea what the actual problem is.
To expand upon the weirdness: this has only started happening in about the last 18 months. Prior to that I had largely the same # of dates, but they simply seemed to go better and I had much less problem finding relationships (and bedroom partners, for that matter).
Any ideas? I'm seriously wondering if it has to do with testosterone decreasing as I age, but that's some borderline evo-psych PUA stuff, so I'm hoping there's a more nuanced explanation.
To recover from the terrible shock you clearly need a bluetooth wheelbarrow. Job done.Baffle said:
I think its mostly the age group of the women you're dating. Most times women over 30 who are still single have been so for years and years(meaning them having increasingly unrealistic standards) and see the window of opportunity to still have children closing at an alarming rate. They probably feel for themselves that they only have one last choice to make, and if they choose wrong that precious time will be lost and fertile years are over. Reality however will never match that imaginary picture so many women over 30 have in their head. Nothing to do with you, just the difficulty of having to deal with the fading days of youth.Ihateregistering1 said:
Anyways, try your luck with either women in their 20's, and if they think you're too much of an old fart try women in their late 30's/early 40's. Next time you do date a woman in her 30's ask her how long she's been single. If the answer is 'over a year'(most likely) save yourself the waste of time.
I've got no questions. Really. Honestly.
Seriously, though, even having never been on a date at 20, I'm not particularly worried about romantic stuff right now.
I value my personal freedom perhaps a bit too much to care yet.
Seriously, though, even having never been on a date at 20, I'm not particularly worried about romantic stuff right now.
I value my personal freedom perhaps a bit too much to care yet.
I think it would help to know if there's anything these women have in common with each other. Are you dating within a narrow age group? Are you meeting them via online dating? If not, are you meeting them at work or through friends?Ihateregistering1 said:
Haha, well, considering I've been single for close to a year now, it'd be kind of hypocritical for me to dump a woman based on that ideastroopwafel said:I think its mostly the age group of the women you're dating. Most times women over 30 who are still single have been so for years and years(meaning them having increasingly unrealistic standards) and see the window of opportunity to still have children closing at an alarming rate. They probably feel for themselves that they only have one last choice to make, and if they choose wrong that precious time will be lost and fertile years are over. Reality however will never match that imaginary picture so many women over 30 have in their head. Nothing to do with you, just the difficulty of having to deal with the fading days of youth.Ihateregistering1 said:
Anyways, try your luck with either women in their 20's, and if they think you're too much of an old fart try women in their late 30's/early 40's. Next time you do date a woman in her 30's ask her how long she's been single. If the answer is 'over a year'(most likely) save yourself the waste of time.
But I see what you're saying, but the age ranges of the girls I've dated haven't all been older. In the last 10 days I went on a date with a 34 year old and a 24 year old, and still got the same result. I live in a state that ranks among the top places for physical activity, so age really isn't that big of a factor (I've met plenty of women around here in their mid-30s who were in better shape than 99% of 25 year olds).
Pretty much entirely through on-line dating, and meet-ups as well. I work in a very male-dominated industry so there aren't many women around.Fappy said:
I love my friends, but they are awful matchmakers.
Nope, my age range is pretty broad. I've dated women older than me and women much younger than me (in the last week or so, I went out with a 34 year old and a 24 year old). I've really discovered that age is kind of relative. I've met women in their mid 30's who were better looking than the vast majority of 25 year old women, and I've met women who were 24 who were more mature than the vast majority of women in their 30s-40s.
I think men and women both typically start feeling their age around their early 30's, which is why you'll see more in-shape 35 year olds than you will 25. From what I've seen, people with decent metabolisms will start packing on the pounds sometime after college age, but won't really feel it until their metabolism slows down. Gets them motivated to finally start taking care of themselves.Ihateregistering1 said:
Considering I'll be 30 in a few years, I should probably get on that >.>
Anyway, on topic: I don't think your experience is all that unusual. A lot of people treat online dating too much like shopping at a super market, and because it's so easy to just say "no thanks" and move on to the next date, people can afford to be super picky. The only advice I can really give is to not give up. It may just be a bad luck streak. Eventually you'll find someone you click with that's willing to take the risk and see where things go.
When is it the right time to tell your partner any secrets both small and big? And what do you do if you can't seem to find some kind of common ground if the secret doesn't sit well with the one who's hearing it?
Other than that, is it really better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?
Other than that, is it really better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?
What is your opinion on online dating, and are there any sites in particular that you would recommend? I'm bisexual, early twenties and live in the UK, if that helps with your answer.
Disclaimer: Happily in relationship person! But my friends dating situation has me baffled so hey, here's a chance to ask a pro.
So, what's going on when a guy says at the start he wants something very serious, then when girl says she wants to take things to the more serious level suddenly he's all "nah, don't want that, just want to be classed as friends with benefits"? Don't know what advice to give her anymore to be completely honest.
So, what's going on when a guy says at the start he wants something very serious, then when girl says she wants to take things to the more serious level suddenly he's all "nah, don't want that, just want to be classed as friends with benefits"? Don't know what advice to give her anymore to be completely honest.
If I had to guess, it sounds like the guy just told her he wanted something serious so he could get in her pants, but once he did he pulled back so he can now be friends with benefits. In other words, he doesn't really want a serious relationship, he's just lonely and horny.Padwolf said:
Some guys enjoy having a FWB just because then people quit asking them about their dating life.