Asking a Girl Out?

[Druyn]

Okay, so I am going to be completely honest here, safe behind my anonymity, and I need help.

I have never had a girlfriend. I have never kissed a girl. None of that. I am seventeen years old, and I have done none of that. I have a social life, but I much rather hang with guys (not a gay buildup) or crash at home than go out all that often. There are no other kids on my street, so I have no friends outside of school, and I go to a provate school, so I guess I'm kind of sheltered. Explains the opening sentences, doesn't it?

So into the crux: There is a girl I like. Were talking the kind of like that comes with a serious crush. We have a lot in common, we like the same things, she's really relaxed, she's really cute, all of that stuff. Enough to get me hooked completely. I already blew one chance with a few months ago which is a whole nother story that we are over and is not of consequence. So I am going to ask her out. That is not the question. My question is, how do I break it to her that I would be a complete novice at everything? I haven't heard of her dating any other guys, ever, but I would find it hard to imagine otherwise, and I don;t want to make her think I'm pathetic or anything right off the bat.

Before you say "Just be honest," let me tell you that I am a very self conscious person. I am not ugly, I am not exceptionally handsome. im a strong guy, but I'm also kind of overweight. Not obese, but enough that at least I consider it a detriment. Im working on that, for real. It would go against every fiber of my being to even attempt to open up about my lack of relationships like that to her too early. Obviously I would eventually, and not too late into it, but that is what I need your help with. How do I tell her without ruining my chances or what she thinks of me?

 

[zombiesinc]

If you blame your lack of openness and honesty about your feelings towards this seemingly great or perfect girl as a reason for not saying anything you will never date her. Of course insecurities and lack of confidence will be difficult to get past, but unless you do, you won't get her attention, you won't date her, she'll never know how you feel.

If you tell her, you can't ruin your chances. If you come off shy or even insecure, you still have a better chance with her than you do now, having said nothing. She'll either like you or not, that's beyond your control. Just talk to her, let her know, be yourself. Yes, easier said than done, but it's the only way you'll ever have a chance of dating her.

 

[Antisigma]

Just going to throw in my two cents, because it is the sort of thing I have had trouble with before.

I get you - I hate making mistakes, I hate being embarrassed, and I hate admitting that I don't know things. But putting up a front isn't likely to help things in the long run. Sometimes you have to choke down your pride and admit that you don't know. It sucks, it feels awful, but it's better than trying to build a relationship on the loose foundation of bluffing and dishonesty.

If she likes you, then a lack of suaveness and expertise shouldn't be a problem. If she gets her pants in a knot over it, then you need someone better, someone who won't be so bothered by small deficiencies.

Hnh. I could have sworn that I was building to a point there. I guess this is the part where I try to sum it all up in one snappy sentence.

'Sometimes, to get what you want in life, you'll have to risk looking like an idiot.'

 

[Druyn]

Just going to throw in my two cents, because it is the sort of thing I have had trouble with before.

I get you - I hate making mistakes, I hate being embarrassed, and I hate admitting that I don't know things. But putting up a front isn't likely to help things in the long run. Sometimes you have to choke down your pride and admit that you don't know. It sucks, it feels awful, but it's better than trying to build a relationship on the loose foundation of bluffing and dishonesty.

If she likes you, then a lack of suaveness and expertise shouldn't be a problem. If she gets her pants in a knot over it, then you need someone better, someone who won't be so bothered by small deficiencies.

Hnh. I could have sworn that I was building to a point there. I guess this is the part where I try to sum it all up in one snappy sentence.

'Sometimes, to get what you want in life, you'll have to risk looking like an idiot.'

Thanks, that makes sense to me. Sort of. But I get what you're saying. But then, how should I go about telling her? SHould I wait for it to come up, or bring it up myself, or what?

 

[Zantos]

Don't worry about it. I went out with a girl when I was seventeen and had no real experience in anything beyond kissing (that's a slight lie, but completely irrelevant). Turns out she'd never had a boyfriend before and, yeah, education commenced. Trust me, it is a lot better to be honest than to try and bluff. Just turn it around, you're a blank slate for the carving, a willing student in the best class of your life.

I wouldn't worry about when to bring it up, if plan A all goes according to, then I'm sure 1) there'll be an overbearing sense of right time to bring it up in the weeks that follow and 2) she's probably a smart girl who's already guessed you're unsure. Just make sure you don't pretend you know what to do. No talking the talk until you learn the walk.

 

[Limecake]

My question is, how do I break it to her that I would be a complete novice at everything? I haven't heard of her dating any other guys, ever, but I would find it hard to imagine otherwise, and I don;t want to make her think I'm pathetic or anything right off the bat.

My God you sound like me when I was 17

This is a defining moment in your life, everyone experiences their first 'love'.

Don't tell her you're a novice chances are she is too. If you're worried about sounding pathetic then you can't start off by telling her you are inexperienced. People have been figuring it out for themselves for thousands of years.

The most important thing you need to remember is:

If you ask her out and she says no, you will be hurt and a little embarressed. However if you never ask her out you will regret it for a long time.

so just go for it, chances are you already have a shoe in.

Good Luck

 

[burningdragoon]

I have never had a girlfriend. I have never kissed a girl. None of that. I am seventeen years old, and I have done none of that.

Okay, so there's some good advice here already. Let me just add this one bit. See that part I quoted? It doesn't matter. At all. Stop thinking that your age and lack of experience is a big deal, because it isn't. And this is coming from someone who was at equal levels of experience at that age.

 

[aegix drakan_v1legacy]

Okay, so I am going to be completely honest here, safe behind my anonymity, and I need help.

I have never had a girlfriend. I have never kissed a girl. None of that. I am seventeen years old, and I have done none of that. I have a social life, but I much rather hang with guys (not a gay buildup) or crash at home than go out all that often. There are no other kids on my street, so I have no friends outside of school, and I go to a provate school, so I guess I'm kind of sheltered. Explains the opening sentences, doesn't it?

So into the crux: There is a girl I like. Were talking the kind of like that comes with a serious crush. We have a lot in common, we like the same things, she's really relaxed, she's really cute, all of that stuff. Enough to get me hooked completely. I already blew one chance with a few months ago which is a whole nother story that we are over and is not of consequence. So I am going to ask her out. That is not the question. My question is, how do I break it to her that I would be a complete novice at everything? I haven't heard of her dating any other guys, ever, but I would find it hard to imagine otherwise, and I don;t want to make her think I'm pathetic or anything right off the bat.

Before you say "Just be honest," let me tell you that I am a very self conscious person. I am not ugly, I am not exceptionally handsome. im a strong guy, but I'm also kind of overweight. Not obese, but enough that at least I consider it a detriment. Im working on that, for real. It would go against every fiber of my being to even attempt to open up about my lack of relationships like that to her too early. Obviously I would eventually, and not too late into it, but that is what I need your help with. How do I tell her without ruining my chances or what she thinks of me?

Aside from the slightly overweight bit...this described me perfectly for the longest time.

Just ask her out, you don't NEED to tell her you're a noob. If she asks, then by all means tell her. But at 17, you don't really need to publicize that. You're still young. And besides, being a total noob doesn't automatically mean you suck at relationships. You just need to have common sense (know what NOT to say or do), and you'll be A-OK.

Also, if you want to lose weight and have fun doing it... DANCE DANCE REVOLUTIONS IS YOUR FRIEND. I had a friend who was also kinda overweight. He got obsessed with that game. He suddenly got in super good shape. Plus it's really fun.

 

[AMX58]

no harm no foul man just go with it and do what ya gotta do bring her some where nice and treat her like a lady and buy dinner walk her to her door and tell her good night and hopefully leads

 

[Druyn]

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Wow, thanks guys. You have no idea how grateful I am to all of you. And mostly because its all really good advice mostly saying the same thing. Appreciate it all, I think i know what to do. Thanks again guys!

 

[p3t3r]

make a joke about if you don't make it big deal then maybe it wont be. i'm 17 and i've never had a girl friend but i have made out before. don't they have drunk girls at parties where you come from?

 

[Shio]

Don't worry about it. I went out with a girl when I was seventeen and had no real experience in anything beyond kissing (that's a slight lie, but completely irrelevant). Turns out she'd never had a boyfriend before and, yeah, education commenced. Trust me, it is a lot better to be honest than to try and bluff. Just turn it around, you're a blank slate for the carving, a willing student in the best class of your life.

I wouldn't worry about when to bring it up, if plan A all goes according to, then I'm sure 1) there'll be an overbearing sense of right time to bring it up in the weeks that follow and 2) she's probably a smart girl who's already guessed you're unsure. Just make sure you don't pretend you know what to do. No talking the talk until you learn the walk.

As they say: "You can never get into trouble for telling the truth."

Lies just make a mess. They pay off in the short term, but living for the short term means no future.

 

[smithy_2045]

Okay, so I am going to be completely honest here, safe behind my anonymity, and I need help.

I have never had a girlfriend. I have never kissed a girl. None of that. I am seventeen years old, and I have done none of that.

I'm about to turn 21 and I've done none of that either.

If I were in your position, I wouldn't mention the lack of experience straight off the bat, but if she asked I'd definitely be honest about it. Also, just go for it, don't make excuses.

 

[370999]

We all have to start from somewhere, Besides you are going to end up in a Catch 21 situation if you don't ask people out due to lack of experience and as such never gain experience. So definetly do ask her out. I would be ver up front about it myself, within the first time going out mention that this was new to me. But that is me and seeing as everyone one is different it is hard to give you a universal guide on what to do.

That said, good luck!

 

[Gralian]

Ladies love it when men ooze confidence. You could be entirely unattractive, or have a poor personality, and none of that would matter so long as you were entirely confident and embracing of all your attributes. I'll throw in an amusingly relevant example: Duke Nukem. The Duke is a bit of a meathead, but he's confident. So confident in fact that it makes him cool. He knows he's a badass and he flaunts it. We're meant to laugh at his ego, but the fact he plays up to it means we find ourselves instead endeared to him and laughing with him, not at him.

Now i'm not saying you have to be The Duke, but so long as you ask her bluntly and confidently, it won't matter how much of a novice you are. (I'm assuming you're just trying to get to the stage of asking her out rather than dealing with intimate stuff right now) Just waltz up to her, look her right in the eye, and tell her straight that you'd like to go out with her and if she'd like to go see a movie or grab a coffee. It honestly won't matter if you're not the largest fish in the pond; the way you carry yourself will speak volumes about the sincerity and intent of your words. Don't forget, body language and inflection of tone accounts for roughly 60-70% of communication. Just be confident without being arrogant. If she likes you already, it'll improve your chances even more.

Don't worry about mentioning you're new to intimacy. Everything will come naturally. If she has experience, she'll lead you. Don't sweat it. She won't suddenly dump you or be put off if you're not a great kisser for the first time. If she did, then she wasn't worth your time anyway. If you do get stressed when things become intimate, just tell yourself that she must like you a lot already for it to have come to that situation and that she will be understanding if things don't get entirely smoothly.

We all have to start from somewhere, Besides you are going to end up in a Catch 21 situation ...

The phrase is "Catch-22", for future reference. It's also a highly acclaimed novel that i recommend you check out.

 

[Suarga]

Just supporting the common theme here: the key is to actually have something to offer her. A relationship is the same no matter if its a business, friend, or intimate. You have to have something to offer her, and she needs to be able to reciprocate. Don't confess your undying love to her, because frankly, you don't know what type of person she really is. I think its a particularly innocent stage in life, so I think its safe to say you can lay the foundation of a good mutual relationship.

And if she says no, drop it.

And if she pulls you along by a thread with a "hmm i dunno lol we'll see" don't take the bait; good relationships, mutual relationships aren't found on that premise.