Asking a girl's dad for permission to go out with his daughter

[Randamo]

They're so many rude boys here, I wouldn't date any of them...

First of all, the girl asked him to do it, she didn't invite him over and the father stared him down and said "You have to ask me, or it's not gonna happen, boy!". From what I can see, he is her first boyfriend and wanted to make sure he's a good type. Not in a PROVE YOUR WORTH!! kind of way, but in a "I want the guy I end up with to be like this". He had the choice to say no, he didn't, but he could've dropped her if he wanted to.

I think people are rebelling against the idea because it's a bit old fashioned and that calls to mind all those terrible memories of when Women were viewed as nothing more than objects.

Also, obviously, people have a type - the most vocal complainers want independant girls who don't give a damn what anyone else thinks. Well, whatever you like.


Me... er, well, the guy I may (or may not eva meet) end up with needs to at least be polite to my family. I don't expect him to ask my parents if he wants to date or get married, I am an adult and I will decide myself. I can imagine me asking them if he's okay after they meet him, and if they have a problem, there may be an actual reason I need to look into... I'm pretty serious about this kinda stuff so I need to be certain. But seriously, I think my dad would be relieved and happy if I met someone and my mother would worry like crazy. Him asking won't help any.

 

[Mr S]

So, if you loved a girl and she loved you, but the one condition for you two to go out would be asking her father's permission, would you do it? The reason she wants you to do this is to show you have the courage to look after her, and she's looking for someone that can protect her and asking her father's permission proves this to her, would you do this?
I ask this 'cause when I asked my girlfriend out, I had to ask her father's permission and I did it cause she's worth it, but I was wondering how everyone else would come at this 'problem'. And what do you think about this 'ritual' or thing that some girl's want you to do?

If it's to test you then it's no problem.
If its because of anything else.... no.

 

[A Curious Fellow]

Of course. I've done it twice because I am just kind of old school like that.

You are the applaudable fellows I like to see around here

How old is the OP?

OP here. Im not asking for advice or anything like that, I've already asked her father's permission cause she wanted me to, I was just wondering what you would do if faced with that situation

My current girlfriend's dad caught us in bed together and I'm not allowed in the house anymore. He'd kill me straight if he thought he'd get away with it.

Oh. Did he know that you guys were going out, or was it the first time realising that? Maybe he's just a whackjob.

You kidding? If I was in his position and it was some prick with my daughter, I'd do worse.

So you hadnt met him yet? That seems like a natural course of action for him then. Are you and her still together?

You seem like you have a really over-focused fixation on this whole "meeting of the dad" thing.

For the record, yes, he and I had worked on my car together, and yes, she and I have been together a year. I actually had a thread asking for advice regarding her on the Escapist here back when we first got together. I was under a different username then.

 

[Computer-Noob]

A girl worth having won't give you ultimatums.

/thread. If a girl gives you that kind of conditions, toss her to the side of the road, cuz otherwise, sooner or later she'll do that to you.

Of course. Because being asked to do something so simple for someone you LOVE (It is implied by the OT that you, in fact, love her.) is worth tossing that person aside.


Really guys, its not that big a deal. If you don't have the balls to do this, you probably shouldn't be in a relationship, cause if you think THIS scenario is bad, just wait for future commitments. Not to mention that this kind of a thing may get you on the good side of her dad, which in almost all cases is good for you.

Really girls, stop thinking you have to put us through completely pointless tests in order to get us to prove our love to you. I mean really, what are you going to do if your father says no? "Well I really love you, but since my father said no we're going to have to break up". It's completely rediculous.

Ridiculous*


Also, it isn't that they're already dating. At least, in the given example. Its for starting to date. And for all you know, it isn't pointless. She could be a traditional type? "Oh, sorry. You prefer the idea of me going up to your dad and simply asking him if I can date you. I don't have the balls for that so I'm just gonna find someone else." Again, the implication is that you LOVE her. I guess this is too hard a concept for you to grasp?

On top of that, if you go up to a girl's dad and ask for permission, I really don't see any reason why he'd deny you. Unless you were a smelly bum, or someone who generally lacked any appeal or capacity to prove yourself a worthy candidate for the daughter. And don't say i'm sexist and acting like women are to be controlled by saying that. There's a difference between that and me just wanting my daughter to be dating someone who isn't a slob, or a gutless twit, or whatever. Which, really is the only impression of a person I can foresee someone being so heavily opposed to this. If she's worth it, you'd man the fuck up and do it. You say that it's pointless, but if it wins her love, then in the end it really, really isn't.

 

[Mr S]

They're so many rude boys here, I wouldn't date any of them...

First of all, the girl asked him to do it, she didn't invite him over and the father stared him down and said "You have to ask me, or it's not gonna happen, boy!". From what I can see, he is her first boyfriend and wanted to make sure he's a good type. Not in a PROVE YOUR WORTH!! kind of way, but in a "I want the guy I end up with to be like this". He had the choice to say no, he didn't, but he could've dropped her if he wanted to.

I think people are rebelling against the idea because it's a bit old fashioned and that calls to mind all those terrible memories of when Women were viewed as nothing more than objects.

Also, obviously, people have a type - the most vocal complainers want independant girls who don't give a damn what anyone else thinks. Well, whatever you like.


Me... er, well, the guy I may (or may not eva meet) end up with needs to at least be polite to my family. I don't expect him to ask my parents if he wants to date or get married, I am an adult and I will decide myself. I can imagine me asking them if he's okay after they meet him, and if they have a problem, there may be an actual reason I need to look into... I'm pretty serious about this kinda stuff so I need to be certain. But seriously, I think my dad would be relieved and happy if I met someone and my mother would worry like crazy. Him asking won't help any.

Thank you for standing up against the massive hordes of ragers.
I can say that I completely agree with you

 

[Flare Phoenix]

They're so many rude boys here, I wouldn't date any of them...

First of all, the girl asked him to do it, she didn't invite him over and the father stared him down and said "You have to ask me, or it's not gonna happen, boy!". From what I can see, he is her first boyfriend and wanted to make sure he's a good type. Not in a PROVE YOUR WORTH!! kind of way, but in a "I want the guy I end up with to be like this". He had the choice to say no, he didn't, but he could've dropped her if he wanted to.

I think people are rebelling against the idea because it's a bit old fashioned and that calls to mind all those terrible memories of when Women were viewed as nothing more than objects.

Also, obviously, people have a type - the most vocal complainers want independant girls who don't give a damn what anyone else thinks. Well, whatever you like.


Me... er, well, the guy I may (or may not eva meet) end up with needs to at least be polite to my family. I don't expect him to ask my parents if he wants to date or get married, I am an adult and I will decide myself. I can imagine me asking them if he's okay after they meet him, and if they have a problem, there may be an actual reason I need to look into... I'm pretty serious about this kinda stuff so I need to be certain. But seriously, I think my dad would be relieved and happy if I met someone and my mother would worry like crazy. Him asking won't help any.

There is a difference between been polite to a girl's parents, and having to ask them for permission before you can date her. And it's got nothing to do with making sure he is a good judge of character, because how is the father going to be able to judge it from an, at best, 30 minute interview? Most fathers are going to view any guy as not good enough to date their "little princess" and will be completely biased in their views.

I mean think if we applied this to other things. Like if I said to a girl "You can only date me if you give me a blowjob". It's pretty much the exact same thing, but everyone would think that was wrong.

 

[Flare Phoenix]

A girl worth having won't give you ultimatums.

/thread. If a girl gives you that kind of conditions, toss her to the side of the road, cuz otherwise, sooner or later she'll do that to you.

Of course. Because being asked to do something so simple for someone you LOVE (It is implied by the OT that you, in fact, love her.) is worth tossing that person aside.


Really guys, its not that big a deal. If you don't have the balls to do this, you probably shouldn't be in a relationship, cause if you think THIS scenario is bad, just wait for future commitments. Not to mention that this kind of a thing may get you on the good side of her dad, which in almost all cases is good for you.

Really girls, stop thinking you have to put us through completely pointless tests in order to get us to prove our love to you. I mean really, what are you going to do if your father says no? "Well I really love you, but since my father said no we're going to have to break up". It's completely rediculous.

Ridiculous*


Also, it isn't that they're already dating. At least, in the given example. Its for starting to date. And for all you know, it isn't pointless. She could be a traditional type? "Oh, sorry. You prefer the idea of me going up to your dad and simply asking him if I can date you. I don't have the balls for that so I'm just gonna find someone else." Again, the implication is that you LOVE her. I guess this is too hard a concept for you to grasp?

On top of that, if you go up to a girl's dad and ask for permission, I really don't see any reason why he'd deny you. Unless you were a smelly bum, or someone who generally lacked any appeal or capacity to prove yourself a worthy candidate for the daughter. And don't say i'm sexist and acting like women are to be controlled by saying that. There's a difference between that and me just wanting my daughter to be dating someone who isn't a slob, or a gutless twit, or whatever. Which, really is the only impression of a person I can foresee someone being so heavily opposed to this. If she's worth it, you'd man the fuck up and do it. You say that it's pointless, but if it wins her love, then in the end it really, really isn't.

I am saying any girl who askes you to do that isn't worth it. I don't want some ***** who is going to make me jump through a series of hoops before she will allow me to date her. Besides, if you're saying you're in love with someone and you haven't even dated yet you're a fool.

 

[rookie.of.the.year]

I'd find it weird if some body asked my dad his permission if they could date me. I don't think it proves that the male can protect you, they're just asking a question that reeks of ownership, like passing off the daughter on to someone else.

I am my onw person, and shall decide who I shall date.

And what critetria is the father supposed to base his descision on?

 

[Flare Phoenix]

I'd find it weird if some body asked my dad his permission if they could date me. I don't think it proves that the male can protect you, they're just asking a question that reeks of ownership, like passing off the daughter on to someone else.

I am my onw person, and shall decide who I shall date.

And what critetria is the father supposed to base his descision on?

Well apparently the father will be so impressed by the guy's huge massive balls in asking them if they can date the girl, he will automatically say yes. Personally if I had a daughter and someone asked me for permission, I'd tell them to man the fuck up and just date her despite of what I thought. I'd have far more respect for someone who had the balls to date her even if I wasn't completely okay with it. As long as the girl is happy, to hell with what her father thinks.

 

[manic_depressive13]

If a grown woman needs her daddy's permission for her to date someone, there's a problem.

This.

I find it disturbing that this girl is enforcing the chauvinistic belief that a girl is owned by her father. Since she asked you to, you would be forgiven for doing so, but if a guy felt that he needed to ask my dad's permission for us to go out, I would tell him to go eat a dick. And hopefully choke on it.

Sorry if this post sounds hostile, I just find this concept quite offensive.

 

[David Bray]

Never had to do that, but will do before marriage. I dont really think that's a girfriend thing.

 

[Coop83]

So, if you loved a girl and she loved you, but the one condition for you two to go out would be asking her father's permission, would you do it? The reason she wants you to do this is to show you have the courage to look after her, and she's looking for someone that can protect her and asking her father's permission proves this to her, would you do this?

Hmm, this seems a little extreme for someone that's just asking the girl out for a date.

I ask this 'cause when I asked my girlfriend out, I had to ask her father's permission and I did it cause she's worth it, but I was wondering how everyone else would come at this 'problem'. And what do you think about this 'ritual' or thing that some girl's want you to do?

Just make sure that if (when) you plan to ask her for marriage, you prepare yourself for some epic dowry negotiations. It seems that the father is very protective of the girl and while that's not necessarily a bad thing, I can also say it's not good.

I'd not be jumping for joy, but the "vetting process" is something that you deal with in your own way. Was there interrogation, asking awkward questions about your "amorous advances" and perhaps the overflow of testosterone getting the better of you, for example? He's a man and there was probably a time in his life when he wasn't so noble

 

[Computer-Noob]

Snip

I really didn't have patience to go through the quoting properly. Forgive me on that.


Ok, you got me in that first point. It could easily show a lack of independence by requiring the permission of an adult, and since you're put on an ultimatum, the forbidden love thing probably won't happen no matter what (We're assuming that if daddy says NO, that she won't at least respect that you tried and maybe make something out of it)

Second point - Yeah, "For whatever reason" wasn't the best usage of words, though frankly if you feel that standing on your head is a good idea you may want to re-evaluate yourself for a moment. The main thing about this is that I don't think that you can properly generalize situations such as this. I can think of a few extreme situations where this kind of a thing would be absolutely necessary for the relationship to survive, and the girl just won't date you because she knows that it would end badly if you didn't have that confirmation.

Third point - Umm...its her tradition? Are you going to make this that much of an issue? Are you some douche who you KNOW her dad is going to turn down? I guess then it'd be a problem.

Oh, and nice job on accepting something that she does. You're here on the Escapist, so i'll just GUESS that you play video games. What if SHE was opposed to THOSE, the same way you're opposed to her "stupid tradition"? I'm sure if she said anything against them you'd be up in arms, but thats another ethics debate. Point still stands. Also, you see it as "caving in" But for fucks sakes, you're walking up to her dad and asking him if you can date his daughter. So, unless he's some major asshole, or you're a massive potential mistake for his daughter to get involved with, its a fucking easy win.

And I say that it could be seen as a lack of commitment because if you don't even have the balls to even ask, HOW is she supposed to know that you'll stick around, or man up if she ever gets pregnant? Once again, really fucking simple action to do that will win the girl that you love, and while it may not mean a lot to you, it could mean a LOT to her. And you're bitching because you hate traditional stuff? I guess you really don't care about the big picture?

And I will say that up until now I've been basing my argument on the actual ACTION of asking him, not so much his answer. I should have made that much more clear. Though, most people here haven't been saying that they would be upset if they got the answer of "No" so much as simply being forced to ask in the first place. So I guess in the end it hasn't mattered so much.

 

[Latinidiot]

I would be a bit wary that she doesn't make her own decisions.

 

[Computer-Noob]

I'd find it weird if some body asked my dad his permission if they could date me. I don't think it proves that the male can protect you, they're just asking a question that reeks of ownership, like passing off the daughter on to someone else.

I am my onw person, and shall decide who I shall date.

And what critetria is the father supposed to base his descision on?

If I had to, I'd do it out of respect to the father, as well as his acceptance. It wouldn't have anything to do with property. I'm dating his daughter, so i'm probably going to see him a fair bit. I'd prefer to make those moments as good as I can. It would find it awkward as hell if I always had to worry about what'd he would say about me when I was there. It may also put him at ease of any thoughts that i'm stealing her away? Parents can be protective.

And what criteria the father uses is really his own choice. He could be an ass about it and expect some rich kid with money falling out of his asshole. Guess you'll have to move on if that isn't you?

 

[Computer-Noob]

A girl worth having won't give you ultimatums.

/thread. If a girl gives you that kind of conditions, toss her to the side of the road, cuz otherwise, sooner or later she'll do that to you.

Of course. Because being asked to do something so simple for someone you LOVE (It is implied by the OT that you, in fact, love her.) is worth tossing that person aside.


Really guys, its not that big a deal. If you don't have the balls to do this, you probably shouldn't be in a relationship, cause if you think THIS scenario is bad, just wait for future commitments. Not to mention that this kind of a thing may get you on the good side of her dad, which in almost all cases is good for you.

Really girls, stop thinking you have to put us through completely pointless tests in order to get us to prove our love to you. I mean really, what are you going to do if your father says no? "Well I really love you, but since my father said no we're going to have to break up". It's completely rediculous.

Ridiculous*


Also, it isn't that they're already dating. At least, in the given example. Its for starting to date. And for all you know, it isn't pointless. She could be a traditional type? "Oh, sorry. You prefer the idea of me going up to your dad and simply asking him if I can date you. I don't have the balls for that so I'm just gonna find someone else." Again, the implication is that you LOVE her. I guess this is too hard a concept for you to grasp?

On top of that, if you go up to a girl's dad and ask for permission, I really don't see any reason why he'd deny you. Unless you were a smelly bum, or someone who generally lacked any appeal or capacity to prove yourself a worthy candidate for the daughter. And don't say i'm sexist and acting like women are to be controlled by saying that. There's a difference between that and me just wanting my daughter to be dating someone who isn't a slob, or a gutless twit, or whatever. Which, really is the only impression of a person I can foresee someone being so heavily opposed to this. If she's worth it, you'd man the fuck up and do it. You say that it's pointless, but if it wins her love, then in the end it really, really isn't.

I am saying any girl who askes you to do that isn't worth it. I don't want some ***** who is going to make me jump through a series of hoops before she will allow me to date her. Besides, if you're saying you're in love with someone and you haven't even dated yet you're a fool.

I completely agree. I was just abiding to the conditions of the OP as much as I could.