Assuming Heterosexuality

[Captain_Heavy]

A while ago I met someone at work. I never talked much with them but later found out that they were homosexual and it surprised me. I don't care about other people's sexuality but It got me to thinking: is it wrong to assume that someone you meet is heterosexual?

 

[Mezahmay]

Not really. It isn't like heterosexuality is uncommon and most people think people think like themselves until evidence suggests otherwise.

 

[Rosiv]

Wrong is one of those words that really depends on context. I mean, is it logical to assume someone is straight? I was always under the impression that most people were, so i guess so. That being said, whenever i meet someone i don't bother to run these assumptions and avoid speaking on any gendered terms to avoid offense, since you can never really know.

 

[Genocidicles]

No it's not wrong. Around 97% of humanity is heterosexual, so it is logical to assume that someone is straight until proven otherwise.

 

[Mad as a Hatter]

That depends. What you are asking is tricky. In my opinion its illogical to assume other peoples sexuality, because you don't know jack about them unless you are good friends then you should know that they are gay unless they are in the closet that is. Also homosexuality still has social stigma that it's wrong somehow so that can subconsciously effect on what you assume. But that doesn't mean you assume that stuff on purpose. Straight people are more dominant in terms of population so it can contribute to that too. So don't feel bad it happens to everyone.

 

[Muspelheim]

Well, it sort of is the standard. Most people you meet would be statistically more likely to be straight, so I wouldn't say it'd be a disrespectful assumtion.

As long as one don't feel that it's the person that fails to live up to an expectation, it's perfectly alright, I'd say. When it comes down to it, sexual orientation really don't matter that much.

 

[username sucks]

I'm gay and I just assume everyone I meet is hetero. Like everyone said above, the vast majority of people are straight, so there is absolutely nothing wrong with assuming heterosexuality in the people you meet.

 

[Asita]

Mmm...statistically such an assumption is likely to be right far more often than it is wrong. To the best of my knowledge recent studies had up to 20% of respondents [anonymously] attest that they felt some form of same sex attraction while only 2-5% actively identified as homosexual or bisexual. So no, it's not wrong per se. So long as you aren't a jerk about it (and it sounds like you are not), it shouldn't really matter anyways.

 

[Mikeybb]

A while ago I met someone at work. I never talked much with them but later found out that they were homosexual and it surprised me. I don't care about other people's sexuality but It got me to thinking: is it wrong to assume that someone you meet is heterosexual?

Everything else said here is spot on.
The most important being the "not being a jerk" about it part.

Depends on environment too.
For example;
If you are in a gay bar, the numbers skew a lot in the other direction, even if they aren't still a sure thing.

 

[Vault101]

its not wrong per se....but it does present some challenges, it can make it more difficult to be open about that kind of thing

 

[Shock and Awe]

It isn't wrong. When the large majority of a population has a certain attribute(I believe only about 5% of the US is homosexual/bisexual) then there isn't anything wrong with assuming that people belong to the vast majority. Its like assuming someone is right handed because they probably are.

Its like when I assumed Darius Rucker was white because most country artists are. That doesn't make me racist, what would make me racist is if I suddenly stopped loving Wagon Wheel.

 

[TheIceQueen]

You know what they say when you assume things. Sometimes, they make an ass out of you and me. At the very least, you can end up falling flat on your face. While it certainly is logical to assume that someone is of the majority and were I to look at a statistics sheet or a lab report, I would do the same thing, but when I'm dealing with interpersonal communication, I try not to assume anything about another person, not even my own lover. If it's important, I ask. If it's not, I simply don't care or assume until I'm given further information. When the information is needed, it can be safely used to paint more of a picture of a person, but painting a person with heuristics if you plan on talking to them for more than five minutes sometimes paints the wrong picture.

So, while it's logical and rational to assume something, that doesn't make it factual until you are actually given the facts, which is why I don't assume, but that's because I'm training to be a psychotherapist. I absolutely cannot paint a wrong picture of someone. It can sometimes be very detrimental to the client.

 

[Skatologist]

I'm gay and I just assume everyone I meet is hetero. Like everyone said above, the vast majority of people are straight, so there is absolutely nothing wrong with assuming heterosexuality in the people you meet.

I assumed you were straight all the time, until you had to tell me![footnote] Well, you didn't say you ever had a girlfriend and didn't skate around it or look sad like I know how a lot of guys would do, so I figured something was up. [/footnote] However, I am now under the assumption most women are bisexual, which in all likelihood may be completely false and I should probably be ashamed for having an opinion not supported by empirical evidence.

OP: Assuming heterosexuality is like assuming right-handedness, it's basically okay to do, but don't gawk at anyone who isn't part of the norm and let people carry out their lives.

 

[Thaluikhain]

As mentioned, statistically you are likely to be correct.

OTOH, why do you need to make that assumption anyway? Why can't you just stick them in the "unknown" box until it becomes relevant?

The assumption, in of itself, isn't a problem, but you are likely to say or do things differently having made it.

 

[cleric of the order]

https://www.youtube.com/user/integralmath
He did something on it, he's a homosexual himself
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTtb4hD-9-4
I think this is it

 

[Skatologist]

https://www.youtube.com/user/integralmath
He did something on it, he's a homosexual himself
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTtb4hD-9-4
I think this is it

No... I am aware of Justicar and he didn't seem to actually bring up the issue in that video.

 

[cleric of the order]

https://www.youtube.com
No... I am aware of Justicar and he didn't seem to actually bring up the issue in that to watch the video.

opps, sorry.
Well since i really don't watch through a couple hours of video for what is a short minute or few statement I'll give the gist.
He was talking about homosexuality and how well in context it doesn't need to be brought up and why nobody should or could claim to speak for homosexuals.
As it stands for my perspective, a persons sexual preference would hopefully not come into question very often, and homosexuals are largely like all other normal human beings different. On would be unable to detect a homosexual in a lot of cases without direct statement of their sexual preference and without making assumptions they default to the majority. as it stands, for good reason, heterosexuality is largely the norm ... for obvious reasons.
It could also be due to the limits of one's perceptions, if you are straight then hypothetically you see the world as a reflection of you including your sexual preference and thusily be unable to see this.
Personally this discussion largely seems ineffective to me in the long run, It is interesting but as it stands there's not necessarily wrong unless you some how discriminate against or mistreat homosexuals some how because of it.

 

[The Rogue Wolf]

Unless I'm actively prospecting someone as a potential sexual partner, I honestly don't give a flat damn about their sexuality and make zero assumptions about it either way. Then again, I don't typically relate to strangers in a way that requires me to make that sort of assumption.

You know what they say when you assume things. Sometimes, they make an ass out of you and me.

And remember that ASSUMING means that you make an ASS out of U and some guy named MING.

 

[Ryan Hughes]

I don't think it is necessarily wrong to assume that, but I do try to avoid that assumption myself. I have been guilty of making it a few times, as well. It is important to remember that it is better to get to know others by their personalities, ideas, philosophies, and quirks rather than by their sexuality, though. It is somewhat insulting to define a person entirely by their sexuality, as in reality, that makes for only a fraction of who they are as a whole. Think of it this way: I would feel tremendously insulted if all anyone ever saw about me was that I was a heterosexual. They would say: "I met this one hetero guy in class today, I don't remember his name, but damn, he was really hetero."

See? it can diminish people to one single personality trait rather than seeing them as they are: a collection of ideas, philosophies and traits, often conflicting with our preconceptions and assumptions. Heterosexuals tend to assume heterosexuality, and while it remains the most common orientation, the reason we assume it may just be a certain comfort with ourselves and our sexuality. Homosexuality tends to be more complex, as coming out of the closet risks backlash from friends and even family members, and cuts the number of potential partners down rather dramatically. As such, sexuality and orientation tends to be closer to the conscious mind of homosexuals. Whereas heterosexuals tend to forget or become complacent.

None of this implies that the op did anything wrong. As I said, I have done this before on occasion. It is just that I try to not assume any kind of orientation out of consideration for others.

 

[Hawki]

I assume most people I meet are hetrosexual. I don't think that makes me a bigot, it's the same I assume that most adults can drive, or most people aren't colour-blind (not that I'm saying homosexuality is anything like colour-blindness of course). As a personal example, one of my friends in a writing group I'm part of mentioned that she was gay off-hand after I'd known her for awhile. My reaction was simply "oh" and we continued talking as normal. I didn't know of her orientation before then, but it didn't change our interactions or friendship or anything like that.