Attempts at making anything sound dirty

smearyllama

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May 9, 2010
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I'll touch your screen.
I'll penetrate your armor.

All I can think of, and if I come up with any more, I'll edit them in.
 

noxymoron19

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Feb 4, 2011
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Watch Harry Potter. Then replace the word wand with penis in your mind.

"The wand chooses the wizard Mr. Potter"

They became the funnest movies ever
 

TAGM

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Dec 16, 2008
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The Maddest March Hare said:
TAGM said:
The Maddest March Hare said:
TAGM said:
Sexual inuendo, you mean?

Sure. in-Your-endo. :3

See, not that hard, right? Mind you, I am just getting started...
Oh, it's hard.
Ah, come on. I mean, you're doing it right now! can't be that hard, can it? Unless you're really trying...
Thankfully I wasn't really trying. This type of thinking comes (unfortunately) naturally to me..it's gotten to the point that any friend speaking starts scanning ahead to see what they were about to say if I begin grin..

OT: You can cock my rifle.

Put your banana in my fruit basket.

I think I can feel it, but it's too small to tell easily. Actually about a lost coin under an immovable set of drawers.
To be honest, that kind of thinking comes pretty naturaly to me, too... At least when I'm feeling carefree. Otherwise, I don't notice.
Course, if friends are panicing about oral exams, it doesn't help if you're siggering all the while, so it gets a bit irritating, sometimes...
 

Racecarlock

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Jul 10, 2010
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(Atomic Physics) I'd like to put my proton in HER nucleus.
(Space Travel) I'd like to put my spaceship in HER wormhole.
(Air combat) I'd like to put my missile in HER airplane. OR, I'd like to put my jet in HER hangar.
 

pulse2

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May 10, 2008
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Did you know that a black hole is capable of sucking everything into it's vortex?
 

GodofDisaster

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Sep 10, 2009
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Some of the titles in episodes of Pokemon can sound dirty.

The one I can think of was an episode I saw on TV a few days ago, I was just sitting down in the living room and my brother was watching Pokemon Diamond and Pearl (If I remember correctly) Anyway once the title screen appeared I had to keep my self from laughing.

"Different strokes for different blokes." Yeah depending on your mind set, that can be taken in many different ways.
 

subject_87

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Jul 2, 2010
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Ooh, I'd inverse THOSE kinematics...

Incidentally, the Captcha is expecting me to type a umlaut. (Hey, maybe that could be a euphemism too!)
 

trooper6

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Jul 26, 2008
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Anything ever said by Mae West. Anything.

In case you don't know her, she was the one who invented these following phrases:

Mae: Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Woman: Goodness! What beautiful diamonds!
Mae: Goodness had nothing to do with it.

Mae: Why don't you come up and see my sometime.

and on and on.

She was one of the reasons why the Hayes censorship code was enforced back in 1933. She could take "Hello handsome" and make it the dirtiest thing ever.

I recommend her film, "I'm no Angel."
 

TheFloBros

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Aug 18, 2010
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If your eating something with a group of friends, and everyone is taking huge bites, and your the only one taking little bites, and one of the friends yells "Eat it like he eats it!"
 

Outright Villainy

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Jan 19, 2010
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Man, these are easy. Find any word related to it that ends in 'er'. For example flier. Then say

"Flier? I 'ardly know 'er!"

This never fails.
 

pulse2

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May 10, 2008
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Anything relating to swimming is usually dirty.

Do the breast stroke.
 

Feralcentaur

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Mar 6, 2010
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"Rub it... RUB IT HARDER, HARDER! I CANT GET RID OF THE IIIITTTCCCHHHH *sighs in relief!" I'm speaking of of course, bug bite lotion... I'm ashamed I was able to think of that so fast.
 

MoosieMann

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Nov 18, 2009
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Where's the runway? IM FLYING BLIND!
or the common household fruit, the banana. that fruit is very dirty. i mean, first you pick it so its not too soft. then you have to peel it, revealing the fleshy innards. hmm. im gonna stop here, and never eat bananas again...
 

Merkavar

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Aug 21, 2010
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Skip to like 1:40

Basically add ladies to the end of anything you say. Help i have fallen into a well and am traped, ladies
 

funguy2121

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Oct 20, 2009
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I'm rather fond of the post-modern Michael Scott reappropriating of "that's what she said." "That's what she said" isn't even dirty because of this. It's more of a "are they really going to make a joke that bad?" joke. It's low brow as high art.