Awkward and Useless Superpowers

TheVioletBandit

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Oct 2, 2011
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rhizhim said:
TheVioletBandit said:
rhizhim said:
TheVioletBandit said:
rhizhim said:
you think aquaman is useless, meet Aqualad!
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I don't really care about Color Kid or Madame Fatal, but Squirrel Girl needs some respect. here's a list of characters she has defeated:

1. Doctor Doom
2. Mandarin
3. Giganto
4. MODOK
5. Thanos
6. Terrax
7. Bug-Eyed Voice
8. Bi-Beast
9. Deadpool
10. Pluto
11. Fin Fang Foom
12. Baron Mordo
13. Korvac
14. Ego the Living Planet
15. Wolverine

And here's a better picture of her:



these were the silver ages.... where vilians like doom were as intimidating as this picture here:



btw you forgot iron man.

the first contact between squirrel girl and dr. doom was so ridiculous, heck even her appearance was so out of place that she instantly became popular.

the writers then, to keep their faces decided to clarify that she had only defeated a doom bot.
and after realising that even a doom bot is fucking overpowered, they decided to give up and overpower squirrel girl too.

color kid used his ability to change the color of a kryptonite cloud around Earth from green to blue so that Superboy and Supergirl could get back to earth and at the same time poison bizzaro creatures.

as of all characters you can defend, she gained the bad ass status much later on when the writers revisited the work of their former colleagues and wanted to ease the WTF-cery in comic books.

still in our realm/dimension her power to lead an army of squirrels is useless.
even if having great numbers of minions can be great
squirrels do not strike fear in your enemies and can be easily contained with flamethrower
Based on a survey by the Missouri Department of Conservation to estimate squirrel density in forests, There are roughly a billion squirrels in the US

If the rest of the world has the same squirrel:human ratio, that would put around 25 billion squirrels on the planet. That's a pretty big squirrel army. And their not all tiny either, some of these squirrels such as the Alpine Marmot can weigh up to 18 pounds.



Squirrels are fast moving, have keen eyesight, and sharp claws and incisors. They have been known to hunt and kill not only lizards and small snakes, but chickens too. Should you fear them? Maybe not the individual squirrel no. But a squirrel army lead by an intelligent human? Yes, that you should fear, as the outcome I predict looks similar to this:



And we haven't even discussed squirrel air support yet:



Sure you'll have flame throwers, but what happens when we teach the squirrels to use guns? You'll have guns to of course, but ask yourself who's the bigger target, a squirrel or a man?



Fear me!
 

Faux Furry

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Apr 19, 2011
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him over there said:
Faux Furry said:
The ability to teleport to the (relative)dark side of the sun or moon but only when unclothe.
How on earth could the sun have a darkside?
Which ever portion of the sun is generating the least light at any given moment would be established as its 'dark side' for the brief moment that one would be able to teleport to it then instantaneously evaporate.

Also, shouldn't that be "How on the Sun could there be a Dark Side?" rather than "How on Earth could the Sun have a Dark Side?"
 

him over there

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Dec 17, 2011
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Faux Furry said:
him over there said:
Faux Furry said:
The ability to teleport to the (relative)dark side of the sun or moon but only when unclothe.
How on earth could the sun have a darkside?
Which ever portion of the sun is generating the least light at any given moment would be established as its 'dark side' for the brief moment that one would be able to teleport to it then instantaneously evaporate.
I see, so I'm assuming in an area with sunspots? I suppose I misinterpreted it because the darkside of the moon is whichever side is facing away from us because it does not reflect the suns rays.
 

Faux Furry

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Apr 19, 2011
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him over there said:
Faux Furry said:
him over there said:
Faux Furry said:
The ability to teleport to the (relative)dark side of the sun or moon but only when unclothe.
How on earth could the sun have a darkside?
Which ever portion of the sun is generating the least light at any given moment would be established as its 'dark side' for the brief moment that one would be able to teleport to it then instantaneously evaporate.
I see, so I'm assuming in an area with sunspots? I suppose I misinterpreted it because the darkside of the moon is whichever side is facing away from us because it does not reflect the suns rays.
Yes, which, in retrospect, makes such a power useful for locating sunspots, not that a naked person in the middle of space right next to a star can do a whole lot with that information.
 

GroovyV

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Feb 23, 2011
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The power to read someone's mind, but only while lip-locked, or wrestling with your tongues.

The ability to turn into any animal, so long as the natural predator of that animal is alive somewhere close by.

The power to breathe fire, as long as your naked from the waist down.
 

mattttherman3

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Dec 16, 2008
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IamQ said:
Smithburg said:
You can have control over someones mind, but only when your finger is up their ass...
Oh man, you don't know how much that made me crack up.

OT: The power to create food right in front of you, but it only works when you take a shit.
Hahaha, I would be able to use that!