Awkwardness At the Party

[Ellen of Kitten]

So hey, everyone at way-early-o'clock. I attended a super fun, super alcohol rich party (I am of legal drinking age). I'll admit, I'm still VERY intoxicated, but something very awkward, and left field happened to me. This is stupidly the only place I have to express it this early in the morning. So, you'll have to bear with me.

So I live in a party house. Also, unrelated to that, those of you that know me know I'm m2f trans, and have been for some time. I pass with ease, and it doesn't take any real effort to pass effectively. My roomates don't know I'm transgender, I guess is my point. They still don't. They know my sexual preferences; women.

Okay, history out of the way. We just had a party. And there isn't a person here that hasn't drunk to their desired pleasure levels. I've had enough to drink to keep me happily buzzed since about 6pm to the wee hours of the morning. One of my roomies gets SUPER flirty when she drinks. And tonight, her eyes have fallen on me. Well, me + so many others. And then she decided to advance her desires.

Spoiler: Crude quote, PG13 for sexual themes

She said this to me tonight.

Any time you're bored, you can come to my room. A pussy is just a pussy.

Yeah....

She's very much not my type. The sex sounds nice, but she's not my time in any way. But that isn't the point. She's my roomate. Even if we DID do something, if things went sour, she's in close proximity to me. I live with roomies so I can afford school, and I don't want sex to gum up the works. Not to mention now I have to deal with coming out to her. Which means coming out to the house; she's a gossip machine. She'd bring up one day when I'm not around, "so, omg, Ellen? BTW? Has a penis. :O" And then I'd have to deal with that.

As it is, I just have to deal with the fact that she came on to me, and I have to tell her that I don't want things to go that way with us. That's awkward enough for me, and uuugh, it could get so much worse!

So, that was my night. >_<

 

[Dyme]

Wow. Haha and I thought my kind of nerdy "partying" was awkward. Thanks for making me feel relatively normal.

 

[WolfThomas]

If she's not your type, oftens flirts with people while drunk and you don't want to shit where you eat, just do nothing. She'll probably be embarassed in the morning or you can both just pretend it never happened.

Thanks for sharing your story though.

 

[cke]

MB she wanted you to play with her cat... you never know

 

[Jedamethis]

MB she wanted you to play with her cat... you never know

Heh, sounds like some of the parties I've been to.
I'm sometimes too nervous to actually do anything, so I go looking for the cat. >.>

OT: Would it really be so bad if everybody knew? At least it'd mean this won't happen again...

 

[Monkfish Acc.]

I don't see the problem.
I mean, if you don't want to go the "not my type" route, you could easily just say she's your roommate and shit will not be pretty if it goes sour, as you yourself have noted here. You wouldn't be lying, after all, and it would skip over a lot of the awkwardness.

You can avoid making this uncomfortable by simply not making it a big deal. If you are blase enough, you could even convince her she doesn't really give a shit. You know, if she's even inclined to at all. And you get to keep the transgender thing to yourself, if you feel like it.

Pretty simple to sidestep this. You know, from a vague, outsider point of view with like a bare minimum of facts.

 

[Capcom4ever]

Should have just given her more booze. That way she just wouldn't remember she said anything XD

 

[DefunctTheory]

First and foremost... a Trans M to F living in, what I assume is, an all female house? And you haven't finished surgery? And they don't know?

This can end very badly for you. Very, very badly.

Second... if she was drunk, ignore it. Drunk people say stupid things. Nothing will come of it unless you push for it.

 

[Ellen of Kitten]

First and foremost... a Trans M to F living in, what I assume is, an all female house? And you haven't finished surgery? And they don't know?

This can end very badly for you. Very, very badly.

Second... if she was drunk, ignore it. Drunk people say stupid things. Nothing will come of it unless you push for it.

It's an equal mix of genders here. Male and female. I'm not sure I understand why it could end badly. I mean, the akwardness is off the charts, but how could it end badly? Even if it was a house of girls, everyone knows my sexual preference.

also, not every trans woman gets "the surgery." Some of us are okay having a wing wong. I kinda like it. Do I wish I was an inny? Oh every day of my life! But I love my body too. (I'd love it if I had a flatter tummy, but hey.)

OT: Would it really be so bad if everybody knew? At least it'd mean this won't happen again...

I ask myself that question often, generally. The problem is that people knowing changes dynamics. Trans women want nothing more than to be accepted into the world as a woman. All that women are, trans women want into that. We are women, of course, but the one thing we don't have control over is peoples perception of transwomen as women. When I come out to people, say before a date, it ALWAYS changes things. Dynamics in a friendship alter. Going from an inny to an outtie in peoples minds is a such a game changer. Of course there are deeper issues at work than a slight alteration of flesh and bodily mechanics. There's a host of deep seated assumptions of gender roles.

 

[Rayne870]

If she's not your type, oftens flirts with people while drunk and you don't want to shit where you eat, just do nothing. She'll probably be embarassed in the morning or you can both just pretend it never happened.

Thanks for sharing your story though.

Hell she probably won't even remember saying it.

If she says it sober, then you'll have to decline the offer if that is what you still wish at that time. And simply say that it isn't personal but you aren't interested.

 

[LongAndShort]

I maintain the maxim that alcohol is the cause and solution to all of life's problems.
I think it's a rule with a fair bit of flexibility, so do with it what you will.

 

[DefunctTheory]

First and foremost... a Trans M to F living in, what I assume is, an all female house? And you haven't finished surgery? And they don't know?

This can end very badly for you. Very, very badly.

Second... if she was drunk, ignore it. Drunk people say stupid things. Nothing will come of it unless you push for it.

It's an equal mix of genders here. Male and female. I'm not sure I understand why it could end badly. I mean, the akwardness is off the charts, but how could it end badly? Even if it was a house of girls, everyone knows my sexual preference.

also, not every trans woman gets "the surgery." Some of us are okay having a wing wong. I kinda like it. Do I wish I was an inny? Oh every day of my life! But I love my body too. (I'd love it if I had a flatter tummy, but hey.)

OT: Would it really be so bad if everybody knew? At least it'd mean this won't happen again...

I ask myself that question often, generally. The problem is that people knowing changes dynamics. Trans women want nothing more than to be accepted into the world as a woman. All that women are, trans women want into that. We are women, of course, but the one thing we don't have control over is peoples perception of transwomen as women. When I come out to people, say before a date, it ALWAYS changes things. Dynamics in a friendship alter. Going from an inny to an outtie in peoples minds is a such a game changer. Of course there are deeper issues at work than a slight alteration of flesh and bodily mechanics. There's a host of deep seated assumptions of gender roles.

From what I've bolded, you MUST know that people may not accept you as your are.

You may think you're a women, but others will always see you as a wolf in sheep's clothing. If you're hanging out with a bunch of females, and they think your female, to the point of offering lesbian sex, and you suddenly jump out and slam your cock on the table (Not literally), someone is going to get pissed.

Is it rightly so? Not my call. But it will happen. Especially if you've gone as far as to bunk with a female.

Also, I meant no offense with my first post, nor this one. I have, on occasion, said some rather... harsh things on this site about Transgenders. But policy has always been whatever makes you happy, unless it is to the detriment of others, is fine by me.

 

[similar.squirrel]

Wait. She came on to you under the assumption that you are anatomically female, correct? What makes you think she'll still want to engage in sexual activities when she finds out that you have male genitalia? This is purely from a physical aspect. Maybe I'm missing something here, I don't know.

 

[Jedamethis]

OT: Would it really be so bad if everybody knew? At least it'd mean this won't happen again...

I ask myself that question often, generally. The problem is that people knowing changes dynamics. Trans women want nothing more than to be accepted into the world as a woman. All that women are, trans women want into that. We are women, of course, but the one thing we don't have control over is peoples perception of transwomen as women. When I come out to people, say before a date, it ALWAYS changes things. Dynamics in a friendship alter. Going from an inny to an outtie in peoples minds is a such a game changer. Of course there are deeper issues at work than a slight alteration of flesh and bodily mechanics. There's a host of deep seated assumptions of gender roles.

Hmm, I sort of understand. So what we need is for everyone to know that you are...off the table.

 

[Ellen of Kitten]

You may think you're a women, but others will always see you as a wolf in sheep's clothing. If you're hanging out with a bunch of females, and they think your female, to the point of offering lesbian sex, and you suddenly jump out and slam your cock on the table (Not literally), someone is going to get pissed.

Is it rightly so? Not my call. But it will happen. Especially if you've gone as far as to bunk with a female.

Also, I meant no offense with my first post, nor this one. I have, on occasion, said some rather... harsh things on this site about Transgenders. But policy has always been whatever makes you happy, unless it is to the detriment of others, is fine by me.

Well, she's bi. It probably wouldn't be an issue if I slammed my *ahem* anywhere. Not in itself. And I suspect with her, my being trans would in the end, be totally fine. It's, well, her being not my type and a total gossip hound that worries me. It's the rest of the house I really don't want knowing. I don't want to roll the dice with the variety of personalities we have living here.

 

[DefunctTheory]

You may think you're a women, but others will always see you as a wolf in sheep's clothing. If you're hanging out with a bunch of females, and they think your female, to the point of offering lesbian sex, and you suddenly jump out and slam your cock on the table (Not literally), someone is going to get pissed.

Is it rightly so? Not my call. But it will happen. Especially if you've gone as far as to bunk with a female.

Also, I meant no offense with my first post, nor this one. I have, on occasion, said some rather... harsh things on this site about Transgenders. But policy has always been whatever makes you happy, unless it is to the detriment of others, is fine by me.

Well, she's bi. It probably wouldn't be an issue if I slammed my *ahem* anywhere. Not in itself. And I suspect with her, my being trans would in the end, be totally fine. It's, well, her being not my type and a total gossip hound that worries me. It's the rest of the house I really don't want knowing. I don't want to roll the dice with the variety of personalities we have living here.

All of which points to only two possible solutions to your problem.

1. Set up an alternative place to stay (Just in case), then openly come out, just so everyone knows the truth (Or slam your *ahem* on the table, if your going for the theatrical scenario).

2. Never take your pants off.

It probably wouldn't be an issue if I slammed my *ahem* anywhere.

...

...

[sub]That's what she said[/sub]

 

[LightspeedJack]

Cool story bro/sis.

 

[Littaly]

Gotta give compliments, that's one of the most comprehensible posts I've ever seen written by a drunk person ^^

I think this is the second time in three days I read about the day to day problems of a trans gender on a forum, it's a pretty impressive way of life . You're problems are pretty far beyond what I can relate to, so I'm afraid I can't really help, but I wish you the best of luck with it ^^

 

[Ellen of Kitten]

Gotta give compliments, that's one of the most comprehensible posts I've ever seen written by a drunk person ^^

I think this is the second time in three days I read about the day to day problems of a trans gender on a forum, it's a pretty impressive way of life . You're problems are pretty far beyond what I can relate to, so I'm afraid I can't really help, but I wish you the best of luck with it ^^

We have a pretty neat community group here. And we talk about things. Drunk is no excuse for the written word to be all jumbled and unreadable.