Bad luck with roommates.

[mecegirl]

Anyone else have roommate issues? I feel like my life is turning into an episode of Living Single or Friends since I'm now well past college but still live with roommates. It's the easiest thing for a single girl to do. I can have lower cost of living while paying off student debt. Anyone else been having roommate problems? Or have had roommate problems? Mine will be written about in detail below because I need to vent.

So I live in a three bedroom apartment. And every few years we have to find a new roommate to take the second room. The first second roommate was the reason why I moved into this apartment in the first place. Me, her, and roommate number 1 all went to the same college. Even though me and roommate number 1 were in the same department since we were in different years we didn't interact much. Now we are pretty good friends. Roommate number 2 at the time was best friends with one my past roommates from a different apartment. So I knew her already and when she needed a new person to fill the then vacant room number 3 I moved in because I was looking for a new place.

After a few years roommate number 2 moved back to her home state and we sent out an ad on craigslist to find a new roommate. New roommate number 2 was okay at first, she kept to herself which was fine. She wouldn't clean as often as we would but she did clean from time to time. Problems were she smoked weed in the house and had a creepy boyfriend who was over all the time. There comes a point where you may as well stay and pay rent since you are over all the time. He never did, to make matters more awkward he would bring over his child from a previous relationship. Anyway we were very happy when she moved out but what we got was worse.

New New roommate number 2 never knows when to shut up. New New roommate number 2 has a boyfriend who is always over but we actually prefer him to her. He helps with the bills since he is basically living with us. He also helps with the bills because his girlfriend never has money. She has a job with steady hours. But her boss should be in jail or something because he never pays her on time. I'm talking she will go months without a paycheck. I'm sure that's illegal, and seeing as its a law firm you'd think someone would know to sue/ report the guy. She and her boyfriend each have a cat. I have a cat as well. SO that is three cats in one apartment. Which means a lot of fighting because her cat is an instigator. Her cat also pees on shit for no damn reason because he's been fixed! We have our living room furniture covered in plastic just to protect it. Also she likes to smoke weed and she won't stop trying to smoke it in the house. She also doesn't clean. Thankfully she is moving out in August.

We were going to start searching for a new roommate this month and this time be super careful but we already have a new candidate and I'm not happy about it. Roommate number 1 is friends with a couple. This couple went to school with us and I know them as well. Back when we all were in college they actually used to live in the apartment that I live in now. They just moved back from New York to Savannah (the city I live in) at the end of last year. The wife is a wonderful lady and I was looking forward to getting to know her better. We wanted to have gettogethers at our place but with the cat pee issue we decided to wait until that cat is out of the house. Also she and her husband have a baby that is just shy of a year old. This baby is their first child together.We don't want a baby in a house with a cat with a peeing problem. Once that roommate leaves we are gonna scrub the house from top to bottom because we aren't sure where all he has peed. Even with day to day cleaning we still catch a wiff but feel there is no point until he is gone.

They moved back to Savannah so that the husband can go back to college for a second degree. Unfortunately the husband from this couple will be moving in with us because it was just discovered that he has been cheating on his wife(since before they were married until now). The wife will be moving back to their home in the Virgin Islands and staying with his parents(who have chosen to stand by her after finding about the cheating). The couple is not getting a divorce yet. It will all depend on the husbands actions over the next year.

I don't cry easy but I angry cried once I found out about this. This couple has been together since high school. He could have broken up with her at any time but he didn't. He could have broken things off with these girls he keeps seeing(apparently there have been more than one over the years) but he didn't. He choose to get married to her and now they have a child. And now I will end up living with him in hopes that he shapes up. I just don't know how I'm gonna be able to see him around my apartment without decking him. Furthermore, tonight we are throwing a surprise birthday party for the Wife, that he helped us plan (and is no longer a secret because she doesn't need to see him there without her knowing about it). This is just way more awkwardness than I am used too.

 

[SupahEwok]

He's not going to shape up. Sounds like he's been a serial cheater for at least 6 years? He might shape up for a bit to save the marriage (especially if his parents are against him) but its one in a million that that'll actually stick once he's gotten his forgiveness. If I were you, I'd kick him out. You don't need to sacrifice your peace of mind for somebody else's long shot.

Also there's nothing wrong with having roommates after college, if you can stand to live with them. It's a tight economy. There's no shame in cutting your cost of living. Screw anyone who says otherwise.

 

[wooty]

I do currently have a flatmate problem. We are only 4 months into a 12 month contract on this place and hes already done a runner. Came back from work one day to find all of his stuff just gone, his room was emptied out, all his food had been taken and his utensils. With absolutely no word of warning.

I did ask him what the fuck was going on and all I got was some excuse along the lines of "Oh, its costing a more than I thought it would be, so I'm going back to mummys house because her hugs are soft and comforting and she'll pay for everything again and tidy up after me as always because I have no idea how to wash a cup and plates, which is why I just left them in the sink for 2 months in the hope that the magic fairies would do it for me". (Slightly dramatized).

I know he wasn't financially crippled because we both work at the same place, for the same amount of hours and still had well over half our monthly salary after rent, bills and endless taxes this country enjoys forcing on us. Discovered from one of the loudmouths in work that hes been spending well over ?100 a week on weed, so I guess I know where his priorities truly lie. Getting stoooooooooooooned maaaaaate and leaving me with double the costs I signed on for.

 

[Addendum_Forthcoming]

Yuck ... yeah, I've had roommate/flatmate issues. I agree thatoften the costs of reduced private space is better than living alone (particularly on a budget or when saving money) but then you get some really shitty flatmates/roommates. It's especially difficult if you're trans. As you kind of preface it on each message to a prospective interviewee ... "Hi, yu have no problem having a transgender flatmate do you?" Feels gross, but it's better than fighting latter on ... as much as I'd like to take arseholes to task but there is a certain sensitivity to the idea of having to do it in your own home.

But my situation was the opposite this time. This one time I was met with a creepy landlord-tenant ... he insisted he'd knock $50 off the weekly rent if we shared a bed, and used to hang out a lot of the time in the shared living room in just his underwear, and insisted I could do the same; "Just be comfotable... don't worry about it." Argh. Boundary issues. I cleared out of that place after a week, even skipped out with additional week paid on the sublease. I'm not a prude, but I seperate necessities of living (shelter) from pleasure. I just want place to put my laptop down and churn out assignments, and occasionally sleep if I have the time.

Thing is, it's kind of a crapshoot. Some flatmates/roommates say they are LGBTQ friendly ... even in all girl accomodations, but they constantly ask really invasive garbage that it feels like you're just being judged by some cabal of evil witches, and I'm certain they stole my stuff on occasion.

It's ... yeah. See, the problem is you can't just not tell people you're trans in a roommate or flatmate scenario. It's going to come up unless you've spent close to $70,000 in surgery. Even then, plenty of trans people don't want to have such invasive surgery. So the discussion is going to come up. Even then, there's the meds and self maintenance. So if you are trans, you either get three classes of people ... people put off by it, people who get off on it, and nice people who don't view you as a piece of meat or as if Evil, wearing denim shorts, tights and a tanktop.

Then again, I've met some wonderful roommates and flatmates. Guys and girls who are chill, help you pick up part time work nearby, all that jazz. Don't ask invasive questions, but aren't all that distant either. You know, treat you normal. Which is nice.

 

[Nuuu]

Geez, thats pretty rough.

Well even though mine is only minor compared to that, might as well throw it in for the sake of the thread.

Was readying to go back to college in a few weeks, though oddly enough I didn't get assigned a roommate. I ended up getting an email from someone I knew a little (Had a few conversations with) and decided, "better him than someone I don't know".
- Turns out that was a horrible mistake and I really didn't know him at all
He couldn't give the slightest care into keeping the room tidy. He'd throw all his laundry on the floor or stuff it in the closet, never put his trash in the trash bin, and would fling his loose afro-clumps everywhere when brushing.

For some reason he had two categories of clothes: Outside clothes and dorm clothes. Outside clothes were just normal clothes, but inside clothes were just a horrid pair of barely fitting pajamas. Whenever he got back from classes, he would change into his pajamas which he would NEVER wash. The worst part is after sitting and sweating on his chair for an extended period of time, he would release an UNBEARABLE stench through the entire room whenever he stood up.

Not to mention he just had an annoying and poor personality. He would shout and laugh online at painfully ear-piercing levels. When he wasn't screeching, he was being annoying to listen to. Every other sentence he started with "Hey ____"/"You know what I find funny?"/"You know what the best part is ____?" as if he was not allowed to speak without verbal confirmation from the other person every five seconds. I was actually more annoyed by that than his (often unpopular) political opinions he just had to keep sharing out loud (He apparently had no qualms with sharing them to everyone in class either).

When he WASN'T talking, he was humming. I don't mean musical humming though. This guy was actually constantly having a full-blown conversation to himself, but he almost never opened his mouth. If he did accidentally open his mouth when hum-talking to himself, it sounded like he was actively trying not to. Made me honestly suspect he had some mild form of tourrette syndrome. It was almost creepy how much he'd repeat things to himself or try to stop himself from making noises out loud.

Sleeping was a nightmare. He would keep the TV on way too late at night but not to watch it. I assumed it was completely for the background noise because he'd end up leaving it on an infomercial block that I watched several times before at that point. Then he'd snore loudly for most of the night, wake up at 5:00 AM and start constantly laughing at stuff on his phone for the next 3 hours, and then leave for class.

Before the second semester I already planned to change rooms just to get away from him, but it turns out I'm incredibly lucky since he was leaving for the rest of the year.
Now I dorm in single rooms because I've been socially scarred.

Venting feels good though.

 

[Souplex]

So my previous apartment was a giant space (For New York anyways) for a incredibly low price (For New York anyways) owing to the fact that it was a deteriorating shithole.
I had 3 roommates, who between them combined all the worst hipster and hippie stereotypes. I made a point of not having any personal friends as roommates to avoid damaging the friendships. (I've taken the opposite approach with my current place and it has worked out much better)
The female roommate was every awful hippie stereotype at once. She barely showered, always had to pee in the middle of my shower, and would plead poverty when it came to the bills while spending obscene amounts on organic groceries that always expired.
She broke several blenders (I paid for the first one, and she bought replacements until she broke the final one) by leaving the spoon in when making smoothies, and to top it all off she kept jars of her menstrual blood around the public areas of the apartment for a reason I have yet to comprehend.
One time she invited a friend to stay over on our couch for a week. After he left, we started getting medical bills for him in the mail, and one time the cops showed up at 4-5 AM to ask about him. My friends think he may have killed a guy.

 

[bossfight1]

I've only had one miserable roommate experience, and it's one I'm more than happy to put behind me. We'd moved into our 3 bedroom dorm. He, let's call him 'L', was a stereotypical frat boy - something I said to his FACE, and he took that as a fucking COMPLIMENT. First warning sign was soon after we moved in, L had a friend come over and discuss getting a haircut with the intent of, and I quote, "getting the girls to bounce on my dick, y'know what I'm sayin'?" So, yeah. Then later L says that he's a couple months short of 21, and asks if I would ever buy alcohol for him, which I know for a fact is illegal.

Then the really shitty times started. The night after we'd moved in, L came home really pissed about something or other, got drunk and kicked a hole in the wall. I tried to be understanding - he wasn't in his right mind, and he promised to pay for the fixes. Three days later he punches another hole in a different wall, not even out of anger, but in a 'for shits and giggles' kind of way. That's when I realized he was gonna be a problem. Then, at least 3 times a week, L would get drunk and, as a result, really obnoxious and loud. I would ask him repeatedly to keep it down but he would only quiet down for some time. And GOD HELP ME if it was a sports day - when his team wasn't doing so hot, he would just scream. Plus I'd suspected that he had a habit for driving drunk - which is probably why he ruined his Porche, and his parents (who are evidently rich, which probably contributed in no small part to his spoiled attitude) bought him a second one.

I talked with the RA about whether we could have him removed - cause I'd squatted to stay in that apartment, and wasn't keen on having to leave - but ultimately they found me a room in another building, which I was all too happy to take. I would later find out from the third roommate that L was living off-campus the next semester... though I don't know whether this was his choice or the school's. Either way, every day I don't have to hear that dipshit's voice is an absolute blessing.

 

[Amir Kondori]

Try to be stringent on who you accept. If you don't smoke weed feel free to say "no 420" since it is clearly something you don't prefer in a roommate. Insist on a rental history, contact to verify evictions, references and a background check. You may take longer to find a roommate but when you do you should have better luck.

As far the cheating husband, you don't have to let him live with you. I understand he and his wife are friends but that will not be a good situation I guarantee you. There will be drama and it will be unpleasant. How will you feel if you see him bring a woman who isn't his wife home? What will it be like hearing arguments through the walls?

I'd step back and really make sure you are prepared for this new living arrangement.

 

[Janaschi]

I am truly sorry to hear all of that. Finding a good roommate, especially when you are trying to find more than one good roommate, can be near impossible. And the finances involved can mess up what were perfectly good friendships.


So I wish you the best of luck in your situation. There are so many of us in similar situations, and it always sucks.

 

[FalloutJack]

Well, no. I never had to live with any. Possibly I still won't until I'm fucking old.

 

[Scarim Coral]

Well back at my times at Uni, my second year was the worse. In saying so it was my own fault. I mean seriously, what was I expecting when choosing the student housing with ELEVEN people!!

Just to be clear, they were not all bad, it was just three I didn't get along.

These three were basically just the oppersite of me, loud and outgoing etc. Here are the list of crap they did to my annoyance-

1. They were still up and about and their room door wide open at 3 O CLOCK in the morning. I had the gall to write up on the public board to keep it quiet at the time and two people back me up. They they went apeshit over since I should of told them face to face. Ok true in hindsight but like many people on here, I'm antisocial.

2. They got drunk and had a water fight in the kichen/ dinining room which is upstair above my room. They were having it to the point they overflow the sink with water. They all resulted in my ceiling starting to leak out water. I swear to god, one of my regret is never reporting their arse to the adminstration over it!

3. They wreck my rice cooker bowl! My relative from China bought and deliver it to me and it was great to used so I used it with respect. They figure they could borrow it from time to time so I figure ok. What in reality they did is end up scratching the bowl inside and keep throwing out my rice inside it FFS I make fried rice using leftover rice (within couple of days mind you for obvious reason)! If I could turn back time then I would had keep that cooker within my room at the cost of my room smelling of rice but at least my cooker would had been a ok!

Other than that, the roommate from 1st and second years were ok. We keep to our rooms and most of them were not in all the time so I had the place to myself at times! Well ok the third year one of the roommates was too lay to clean the dishes after he ate so it pile up til the cleanning ladys sorted it out. Unlike him, I always clean my so it was awkward using the sink!

 

[DudeistBelieve]

Maybe I'm too liberal, I don't see how smoking weed in the house is a problem unless you find the smell particularly repugnant. I for instance, do not.

 

[Saetha]

My last roommate was... well, she was a nice person, but she was EXTREMELY unstable. She was a binge-and-purge bulimic, for one, which meant that she'd eat everything she could get her hands on just to go to the bathroom and vomit it up. She'd do this everyday, sometimes several times a day, and if I wasn't there to stop her, she'd often eat everything I had in my room. And I mean EVERYTHING. She ate a bag of raw powder sugar once. She'd dig food out of the floor's trash can. I ended up having to hide my food, and she still went digging through my stuff to find it.

Beyond the bulimia, she had a host of mental health issues. Insomnia, anxiety, just general... weirdness. She was dependent on ambien because of the insomnia, which lead to a lot of weird stuff. She'd go on rants about her love life. She'd go into the weird porn she's into. She asked me if she could openly masturbate once. She asked me if I could cut her hair, and if she could cut mine. I made the mistake of saying she talked in her sleep sometimes, and she repeatedly grilled me about that, and asked me to record her sleeping so that she could hear it. She would get obsessive about bizarre stuff, too - she once made me watch about a dozen youtube videos on how to pronounce "flan," for instance.

Then there was stuff that wasn't necessarily weird, but just didn't mesh with my personality. She was very social despite having few friends, and I often got the feeling like she was trying to break me into some "best friend" mold. She'd insist on hanging out with me, she'd constantly try to strike up conversation, she'd get mad at me for not going to the gym or the coffee shop with her. What was most annoying for me was how quickly she'd do a 180 on her opinions. You basically couldn't trust anything she said because, while she wasn't lying when she said it, she'd feel completely different by tomorrow morning.

She was a weird roommate, and didn't seem mentally put together to me. The fact that we were just very different people didn't help either - although I feel kind of bad because she told me I was the best friend she had there. Nonetheless, I'm glad to have moved out, and very much look forward to my private room next semester.

 

[Rosiv]

Maybe I'm too liberal, I don't see how smoking weed in the house is a problem unless you find the smell particularly repugnant. I for instance, do not.

I try using a vape pen to mask the odor, but I can never really tell how I or my room smells. #noseBlind.

On topic: I think that is just one of the disadvantages of group living; even though its cheaper, finding compatability with strangers is hard.

If you can't afford to live on your own, is retraining your "skill set" an option? Ie: trying to work towards a better paying job? I feel I'm headed towards the same direction you are headed unless I am able to earn more than 30k a year. That would imply I start looking into graduate school, which itself is costly.

 

[Palindromemordnilap_v1legacy]

I wasn't particularly fond of the people I shared a floor with when I was doing my master's degree. They were either morons, lazy or some measure of both. They seemed to assume the kitchen sinks were a portal to Narnia that would magically dispose of anything they chucked in there. I lost track of the amount of times I had to declog the plugholes because they'd thrown in chunky leftovers or the bones from their KFC or other things that don't conveniently dissolve in water because they're not made of sugar. Nor did any of them have any concept of "doing the washing up" which meant we usually had piles of dishes, pans and plates lying around until someone (usually but admittedly not always me) got round to cleaning them. As the only person who really cleaned up after themselves regularly I had to start taking all my eating things back to my room, because otherwise either it would end up used and lying around dirty, or hoarded away in someone else's room because they'd taken it there and forgotten about it. There was one incident that infuriated me where I walked in on a guy making an omelette which sounds innocent enough until I mention that to do so he'd taken not only my frying pan but also the last of my eggs. This was not the first or last time we'd found him taking other people's food, and to this day I'm not entirely sure he ever actually bought himself anything he ate.
There was also the smoker who roomed opposite me. He said he only really smoked much when he had something like an exam coming up, but he smoked like a chimney most of the time and no-one has that many exams. I know about his smoking habits because the smell always wafted its way into my room. Not too impressive, like I said I was opposite him, but it also managed to get into the bathrooms which were all the way on the other side of out floor. A trail of that odour that led from his room, all the way along the corridor to the bathrooms, like one of those cartoon smells that grabs your nose. You wouldn't have needed a bloodhound to track where he'd been, just follow the cigarette stench.
Speaking of bathrooms, you could never leave anything in the bathrooms. It would gone by the time you got back. Not "someone has taken it" gone but "someone has used it all up" gone. Entire bottles of shower gel, entire rolls of toilet paper...I mean for gods' sake I'd lived in a house with seven girls using the one bathroom only a couple of years before, and we still hadn't got through a whole roll of toilet paper in a single day. I had no idea what was being done with it. What the hell does someone need that much shampoo for and so quickly?
Now, credit where credit is due, nothing was being done maliciously. They were just being typical students and just weren't thinking about what they were doing more than a few minutes ahead. The smoker, for example, was very apologetic when I told him my problem, and did make an effort to take his habit outside to not make the whole floor smell of ash (food stealer kept stealing food though, goddamit!) So they might have been a bit dense but it wasn't like any of them were being aggressive bastards about anything.
Except for one.
This guy seemed to go out of his way to annoy the rest of us. His little chats over Skype with his girlfriend, for instance, would consist pretty much entirely of him shouting at full volume while slamming his hands and stamping his feet like a petulant child. We complained about it. People from the floor below complained about it. People the floor below that complained about it. No shits given in response. Oh and since said girlfriend was living in a different time-zone all these shouting matches would take place late evening or early morning. Lovely.
Then there was the heat issue. See, in our rooms you could turn the radiator off but it wouldn't make a difference because the pipe that carried the water to the next room was right there underneath it. So if someone along the chain has their radiator on, then essentially you all do. In the colder months this was fine, meant my room was nice and toasty all day long. Not so handy when it started getting warmer and I've got a boiling pipe pumping heat into my room. I'll give you three guesses who it is who still has their heating turned up full blast. At the time, I don't realise this is whats happened. I don't know its because of him, I just the think we've got a very poorly thought out system. So after finding out the guy next to me is also boiling alive in his own skin I find the controls for the heating and turn it down for both out sakes. Someone turns them back up. After that I start turning it down only at nights when I absolutely need it to be cooler if I'm going to get any sleep, while asking around to find out who keeps turning it up again if only so I can ask why, for the love of god, why? No-one knows because, as if it needed to be said, our shouty friend doesn't socialise with the rest of us much. I only find out it was him when we get all get sent an email from our building attendant because Mr. Noisy has complained to him about how we keep making him cold. A complaint in which he has painted himself as the victim, including a bare-faced lie where he says he's asked the rest of us to stop fiddling with the heating because he so desperately needs it to be warm to revise. Like I said, none of us had any idea it was him trying to boil the rest of us alive (he was only one suspect out of three) so he has absolutely not been asking the rest of us anything. He's also called it a joke, describing it as a prank we've taken too far just to spite him because when you do narcissism you do all the narcissism. I reply to the attendant with my version of events then try and talk with Noisy. Even on occasions where I know damn well he's in because I can hear yet another row with his girlfriend going down, he refuses to actually answer the door so I'm forced to leave a note on the controls explaining that we do actually need the heat turned down and that if he's cold he can always just put more clothes on (we only ever saw him wearing various shorts and t-shirts, never anything that would, you know, keep him warmer). Next day the note had been torn to pieces so I don't think he took it well. Nor did he stop messing with the heat though as I was willing to venture out my room more often I managed to keep it cool more often than not. Fortunately that whole mess was near the end of the academic year and I didn't have to put up with him after that...

 

[Neurotic Void Melody]

That sounds like a bit of a complicated social dilemma there, you can find better, but it does take some serious trial and error. Having other people's kids around would be a headache before long. Can understand the non-smoking rule, though it has never bothered me in the past. But knowing chain smokers who have their white ceilings and walls stained yellow from nicotine, with the smell that sticks to clothes, I am more conscious of their effects, especially after quitting.

Yeah, I understand house/roommate problems only too well. Also landlord/lady problems as a fair chunk of the British private rental market is not well regulated or enforced in certain areas. There was a rather nasty landlady that was aggressive, didn't care for privacy laws and was quite insane in the way she treated tenants. I'd say 85℅ of all my experiences have been negative, I guess due to me either being too friendly or finding it difficult to assert myself when needed. To be honest, am unsure if I could ever deal with that hassle again. It has certainly left its mark on the psyche in a negative way.

Yuck ... yeah, I've had roommate/flatmate issues. I agree thatoften the costs of reduced private space is better than living alone (particularly on a budget or when saving money) but then you get some really shitty flatmates/roommates. It's especially difficult if you're trans. As you kind of preface it on each message to a prospective interviewee ... "Hi, yu have no problem having a transgender flatmate do you?" Feels gross, but it's better than fighting latter on ... as much as I'd like to take arseholes to task but there is a certain sensitivity to the idea of having to do it in your own home.

But my situation was the opposite this time. This one time I was met with a creepy landlord-tenant ... he insisted he'd knock $50 off the weekly rent if we shared a bed, and used to hang out a lot of the time in the shared living room in just his underwear, and insisted I could do the same; "Just be comfotable... don't worry about it." Argh. Boundary issues. I cleared out of that place after a week, even skipped out with additional week paid on the sublease. I'm not a prude, but I seperate necessities of living (shelter) from pleasure. I just want place to put my laptop down and churn out assignments, and occasionally sleep if I have the time.

Thing is, it's kind of a crapshoot. Some flatmates/roommates say they are LGBTQ friendly ... even in all girl accomodations, but they constantly ask really invasive garbage that it feels like you're just being judged by some cabal of evil witches, and I'm certain they stole my stuff on occasion.

It's ... yeah. See, the problem is you can't just not tell people you're trans in a roommate or flatmate scenario. It's going to come up unless you've spent close to $70,000 in surgery. Even then, plenty of trans people don't want to have such invasive surgery. So the discussion is going to come up. Even then, there's the meds and self maintenance. So if you are trans, you either get three classes of people ... people put off by it, people who get off on it, and nice people who don't view you as a piece of meat or as if Evil, wearing denim shorts, tights and a tanktop.

Then again, I've met some wonderful roommates and flatmates. Guys and girls who are chill, help you pick up part time work nearby, all that jazz. Don't ask invasive questions, but aren't all that distant either. You know, treat you normal. Which is nice.

That landlord is fucked up, it isn't prudish to not want to be a part of their sleazy games. The thing is it's so easy for anyone to become a landlord and there are those that enjoy the power over others. Some, in fact, more than I care to mention try to use their leverage in these slimy ways. I get told by quite a few of my female friends the various dealings they have had with their landlords. The sad thing is that these guys will eventually find someone either weak, lacking in self-esteem, too polite or even not in a fit enough state of mind, to get whatever they expect from them, laws of probability and all that. I previously never thought of the complications of finding roommates when trans, now it does sound like a hell of a minefield to go through.

 

[Addendum_Forthcoming]

That landlord is fucked up, it isn't prudish to not want to be a part of their sleazy games. The thing is it's so easy for anyone to become a landlord and there are those that enjoy the power over others. Some, in fact, more than I care to mention try to use their leverage in these slimy ways. I get told by quite a few of my female friends the various dealings they have had with their landlords. The sad thing is that these guys will eventually find someone either weak, lacking in self-esteem, too polite or even not in a fit enough state of mind, to get whatever they expect from them, laws of probability and all that. I previously never thought of the complications of finding roommates when trans, now it does sound like a hell of a minefield to go through.

It is. To add to your list of probability factors is you usually only go flatmate or roommate mode if you're desperately trying to save money, or low on cash. Given that there are plenty of trans people driven out of homes by bigoted landlords, family, or former roommates if they come out of the closet, it's all too easy for trans people with a combination of factors to entertain such a poisonous relationship. Low self esteem, financially challenged, and hurting.

But, at the same time, I think it's also empowering when you find decent people who don't treat you as a sinner or fetishize you. You begin to feel okay presenting trans in front of strangers. Often in a whole new place where no one knows who you are. Plus it helps to remind you that fuckwits, while plentiful, are often not the majority of people... merely the loudest and most braindead.

I was homeless at 16 due to coming out to parents... after the shelter and homeless 'commune' in the Sydney train service tunnels... I flatmated with another enlistee in the army. He knew I was trans, didn't care... and I literally can't remember the last time I properly laughed before that point when I was living with him and later his girlfriend/de facto. Some things are priceless like that.

 

[mecegirl]

He's not going to shape up. Sounds like he's been a serial cheater for at least 6 years? He might shape up for a bit to save the marriage (especially if his parents are against him) but its one in a million that that'll actually stick once he's gotten his forgiveness. If I were you, I'd kick him out. You don't need to sacrifice your peace of mind for somebody else's long shot.

Also there's nothing wrong with having roommates after college, if you can stand to live with them. It's a tight economy. There's no shame in cutting your cost of living. Screw anyone who says otherwise.

Oh I don't think there is anything wrong with having roommates after college outside of the fact that it's harder than it should be to live on your own and pay the bills now days.

It's a longshot but we are hoping that after this year she will be the one to shape up. Not him. She has always been lenient with him and this is the first time that she has an anyway put her foot down. So if this is the arrangement she wants we will go for it.

Try to be stringent on who you accept. If you don't smoke weed feel free to say "no 420" since it is clearly something you don't prefer in a roommate. Insist on a rental history, contact to verify evictions, references and a background check. You may take longer to find a roommate but when you do you should have better luck.

As far the cheating husband, you don't have to let him live with you. I understand he and his wife are friends but that will not be a good situation I guarantee you. There will be drama and it will be unpleasant. How will you feel if you see him bring a woman who isn't his wife home? What will it be like hearing arguments through the walls?

I'd step back and really make sure you are prepared for this new living arrangement.

Oh man we were going to have a long list of requirements and and make them sign a renters agreement. We have more than learned our lesson when it comes to random people.

And he is not bringing a woman in the house. Not when my other roommate is one of his oldest friends. He wouldn't dare unless he wanted to be immediately kicked out.

Maybe I'm too liberal, I don't see how smoking weed in the house is a problem unless you find the smell particularly repugnant. I for instance, do not.

I don't see how its a liberal thing. But I do find the smell repugnant. It smells absolutely horrible. And considering what any constant contact with smoke does to furniture, walls, and clothing anything that produces smoke should be done outside. She also never took the time to ask if we were okay with the smell. That's fine if its just your house but not for a shared space.

 

[Zhukov]

Ohh, I've had a few.

One guy, he called himself "Rainbow Fox". Which kind of tells you everything right there. Not his real name as it turns out, but I only found that out when collecting the mail. Most of the time he was friendly and chatty. A bit thick and long term unemployed, but a generally alright guy. Except every so often he'd just drop completely loopy stories into a conversation. He once told me that his father was the king of Australian Aboriginals and was currently at war with the king of China over a kidnapped princess. Just mentioned it like it was no big deal. Apparently his father (most of his crazy stories involved his father) was also the owner of a local shipbuilding business and frequently conducted conversations with centaurs.

Considering what came after he moved out I actually wish I could have ol' Rainbow Fox back.

There was a woman who would frequently invite her on-again-off-again boyfriend around. Which was fine. They'd make dinner together, maybe drink a bit then go fuck in her room. Nothing unusual. Except then late at night they'd start fighting. Lots of yelling and sobbing and screaming. He hit her once (a slap, not a punch) at which point I had to kick him out. Which was scary because this dude was fucking huge. We're talking industrial grade human being, six-foot-six and built to match. Then she got angry at me for kicking him out and I lost my temper, told her she was welcome to follow him out and get slapped around at his house. She moved out shortly after. Pretty sure she stole my best frying pan when she left.

There was a chronic depressive guy who had God knows what other mental issues. Used to rant and yell in his room late at night, shouting about wanting to die. I actually felt sorry for him, but then I'd be woken up in the middle of the night by him walking up and down the corridor growling, "Don't fuck with me, I will fucking kill you all", and other words to that effect. Wasn't actually worried but not exactly a relaxing home environment. Once we had to get an ambulance for him after he (intentionally) kicked a glass door and slashed his foot open. Wouldn't let me dress the wound and ended up bleeding all over the carpets.

There was an unemployed couple who seemed to do nothing but drink and fight. I had to call the cops on them twice when it got bad enough that I thought I was about to have a domestic violence incident on my hands. I almost came to blows with the guy, which was a worry because he was a large man, an ex-convict to boot and stupid enough to get violent. The woman was fucking poison too. They were there when the other guy cut his foot open. When the boyfriend spent the evening trying to help Mr Cut Foot the woman got upset at the lack of attention and went and cut her own leg with a knife. That was not the best of nights.

On the other hand, they were all pretty clean and tidy.

So yeah... say, anyone looking for a roommate? Quiet, clean, will apparently tolerate damn near anything. Must have good internet and respect for boundaries.

 

[Neurotic Void Melody]

It is. To add to your list of probability factors is you usually only go flatmate or roommate mode if you're desperately trying to save money, or low on cash. Given that there are plenty of trans people driven out of homes by bigoted landlords, family, or former roommates if they come out of the closet, it's all too easy for trans people with a combination of factors to entertain such a poisonous relationship. Low self esteem, financially challenged, and hurting.

But, at the same time, I think it's also empowering when you find decent people who don't treat you as a sinner or fetishize you. You begin to feel okay presenting trans in front of strangers. Often in a whole new place where no one knows who you are. Plus it helps to remind you that fuckwits, while plentiful, are often not the majority of people... merely the loudest and most braindead.

I was homeless at 16 due to coming out to parents... after the shelter and homeless 'commune' in the Sydney train service tunnels... I flatmated with another enlistee in the army. He knew I was trans, didn't care... and I literally can't remember the last time I properly laughed before that point when I was living with him and later his girlfriend/de facto. Some things are priceless like that.

True, there are many unfortunate factors that can lead to a person feeling vulnerable enough to find themselve's preyed on. And I can imagine as trans, it invites a whole lot more emotional difficulties and worries. It's great to have those friends that are still understanding and not changing how they see you. Hopefully there are many more out there also . it's quite troublesome that most people I know around me are still incredibly intolerant and would not take it well if me or anybody else came out to them, hell, some of my own family have said they'd disown me if I dated a black girl, it may just be talk, but I can live with losing contact with bigots, family or not. Australia is supposed to be quite an intolerant place for LGBT, isn't it? I do not know for certain, just what i've picked up over time. But then parts of the UK are pretty bad also.