(Performed in the style of a Vault-Tec informative and educational film!)
"And now, for our friend, Jack. Here to talk to you about acts and feelings of badassary."
Hello. Many of you feel heightened and like you're walking on air because of the right character and the right moment in play. This is good. It means you have experienced the awe and majesty of being a total badass. Such a feeling is important in life, but there is a downside. On many occasions, you are not feeling badass. This makes you a sad panda, in South Park. In other places, you just feel bad, or possibly like an ass. We need to help you reconnect those terms to allow you to achieve badassary all the time.
How, you might ask? By building your character from the ground up. Duke Nukem will always be a badass, but maybe you don't always feel that way because he is the Duke and you are not. This is bad. Character dissonance is one of the leading causes of gaming indifference, and leads to not having fun. The best way to find your badass self, the actual gaming extention of you, is to start from the bottom and work at your own pace. Do you know why Gordon Freeman doesn't talk? He's too badass to say anything, and knows better than to separate the player from the fun by speaking.
Here now, inside your genuine non-imitation copy of Fallout 3, you can create your character to be anything you want, and kick lots of ass in the WAY you want. From there, the process is simple. Get out of the Vault, kill lots and LOTS of pathetic Raiders, and lord over all the NPCs of the land with your Mad Skillz. GNR will sing your praises in no time, and you will be the badass of badasses!
"This production is a genuine non-imitation article sponsored by Vault-Tec Labs and is not to be construed as anything unpatriotic. If found to be unpatriotic, please return to sender and they will come pick you up with the nearest air-transport."
