Being Asexual In A Sexual Society

[MagnificentFiend]

Just to be clear, i'm heterosexual, but I'm also asexual which means that I like women, I can find them attractive, both in personality and in physical form but I do not want to sleep with any woman.

I don't think you are asexual. I think it's incorrect to consider sleeping with someone - that is, penetrative sex - the primary criterion of a "sexual relationship" since there's 'less' you can do that still falls well within the purview of sexuality. I'm not sure why the Cambridge definition said "sexual relationships"; really it should be "sexual activity".

While it's undoubtedly true that not all (or even most) attraction is sexual (and I admit it's impossible to draw a hard-and-fast line between the two) "physical" attraction as you put it sounds contrary to asexuality to me, depending on what you (don't) have desire to do. I suppose one could be able only to love one gender as a husband/wife but not be sexually attracted to them and thus be 'hetero-asexual', or both and be 'bi-asexual'.

Interested to hear you thoughts.

 

[Xangi]

I am also asexual, however i do have sex sometimes

Thats a contradiction

This may seem a little callous. Humans are sexual creatures, deal with it.

This is correct

My opinion will seem harsh but asexuality seems to be quite impossible, in most cases its probably a lack of sexual energy.

"Sexual Energy"? Sorry, I just pictured a 50 year old hippy woman saying that to me. Anyway, lack of a sex drive is perfectly explainable by an absence of certain hormones in the body (do not as me which right now, I'm really tired). Asexuality may be easier for people to remember, but I'd imagine for the majority of people who claim to be "asexual", a more correct term would be "Passively Sexual". Asexuality implies that you do not or cannot have sex, while being passively sexual means that you can, it's just not on your mind and is far from the most important thing to you.

True Asexuals would be quite hard to find, and would most likely have other emotional/hormonal problems due to their condition, such as delayed or nonexistant puberty.

Anyhow, that's my wall of text for the night, feel free to verbally skewer me up the ass if I'm wrong on something, but remember, I honestly do not care if you do.

 

[Elliot Garner]

Ok just reading a couple of posts ive realized something. People are saying asexual means 7 different things. There is the origional post saying that they just dont wanna have sex, and there are people saying "oh im asexual but i like women but i havent found a woman i wanna be with but if i did id tap that and blah de blah." People need to stop using asexual for 8 different meanings and simply type out what you want to say instead of saying "thats close enough ill just type asexual."

 

[JunebugJuJuBee]

My girlfriend is asexual. It's not a problem for either of us, though it made dating for her tough. She wants love and a relationship, but not sex. That doesn't seem to go into the heads of most everyone else. Me, I'm mellow and have a low sex drive, so she's perfect for me. I can somewhat sympathize with not wanting to talk to people about it, but awareness is growing. A few years ago, I had to always say I was bisexual. Now I can say pansexual and at least half the time, people understand what I mean. Still shows up as incorrect spelling in my spellchecker, though

 

[jamesworkshop]

Being a social inept virgin doesn't make you Asexual


I'm not asexual

 

[Elliot Garner]

Being a social inept virgin doesn't make you Asexual


I'm not asexual

Im glad someone else has finally said this thank you.

 

[sogortheogre]

I assume I am asexual, but I think I programmed myself this way over time.

 

[bryteline]

1. The term "asexual" can refer to reproduction methods, yes. An asexual organism is one which needs no partner to reproduce - like a bacteria. But "asexual" may also refer to a typically sexual organism (e.g., a human) who has no desire for sexual contact.
2. "Autosexual" is the term used to describe people who are turned on by themselves. If and when they masturbate, they think of no partner. These people are rare.
3. If you whack it to porn or fantasies, you're neither asexual nor autosexual. You're just sexually frustrated.
4. I'm most interested in the conversation about "mutation." It seems like we're throwing the word around loosely. Asexuality and homosexuality may not be biologically disadvantageous. Not every member of a species needs to reproduce, nor even be ABLE to reproduce, for a species to be viable. Think of an ant colony. In it, the vast majority of females never have sex. They hunt, gather, feed, and die, and only the queen is sexually active. Yet the colony survives. It's part and parcel to our oversexualized mindset that we think of making babies as the most important way of passing on our heritage these days.

 

[gmaverick019_v1legacy]

I seems interesting...I'm not asexual, but I respect and understand you.

this. im single also and i completely agree with all the positives of it and i think its good for you to be who you are, however (not ashamed of it) i am a horny ass ************. so therefore i foresee lots of sex in my future...

 

[Naheal]

Well I'm heterosexual. Personally I don't quite get the asexual thing in terms of biology. Sure genetic mutations can occur (yes, I'm suggesting asexuality can be a mutation, if you take that as an insult please go shit yourself because it's genetics, shit happens) but even so do you not like orgasms?

I like the sexuality of things as it's just magical to know I'm well, inside someone. I'm a virgin too.

I don't see the issue with worrying about if you're weird. I'm weird, we're all weird. Fuck if you aren't weird get the fuck out because I want me a diverse gene pool bitches!

Just as you've "discovered" (I don't deny it exists simply read on to see my point) your asexuality may well be bi, gay, etc. Perhaps you just haven't discovered that yet.

Whatever floats your boat OP, if I want to be involved, I'll get involved, trust me. Sadly I'm heterosexual so I don't we can properly help each other.

Also the point of sex beyond reproduction is to check if you're healthy as well. Pale skin is a sign of disease so those with it will be generally less attractive to others. So being asexual could mean that you just don't have that biological function to see disease in others innately, as in just due to nature, not cognitive.

Try sheep. 65% of rural Greeks can't be wrong.

(kidding)

Meh, whatever floats your boat. Its your life. Do you at least participate in self-sex?

Can't you just say masturbation?

I could have, but self-sex just sounded better at that moment. Sort of like the OP could have said celibate, I guess.

I think I can answer that, and I have an exceedingly low sex drive, myself.

I generally only masturbate when I need to get to sleep and am dealing with insomnia. Funny thing is that, once I'm done, I can fall asleep almost immediately afterwards.

 

[ethaninja]

Being shoved down our throats >.< Yes that was immature of me, but c'mon, you were basically setting me up for that =)

OT Serious: It's been around since probably the 60's. In a perfect world, people wouldn't think twice. Unfortunately there is nothing anybody can do for Asexual people.

 

[Nayr]

I wasn't saying that it could only be asexual reproduction, I may have worded what I said poorly, but it seems more like non- sexual would be more appropriate. Also you fall asleep quickly after you jerk it because it releases a relaxant oxytocin which helps you sleep.

 

[Requx]

I never got other sexualitys. Like I'm perfectly fine with gay people and bi-people and tranny peoples...as people. But I still never got how or what good an organism that doesnt sustain its own race is. If every dog was gay...what would happen, there would be no more dogs.

Would anybody care to explain?

Could be genetic mutations. We're all defective so don't flame me for calling you a mutation. You might be, I am, surely.

That and perhaps their brain is simply wired differently as they've grown and now the nueral pathways found a connection saying penis > vagina or Nothing > Penis > vagina etc.

There's plenty of biological reasons why a dog would be gay.

What scares me though are the numbers. I can take some brain mutations, thats all a part of being an organism some evolve differently. But what I don't get is how this gene keeps passing on on the rate it does. Something like 1/10 people are gay (a lot of people seem to think...Ive also read 1/100). But will we all be gay eventually and our race will cease to exist or will it always be the same numbers? Will we hit a maximum ammount of gayness. Or will we eventually destroy the gene through genocide or other scientific matters?

Understand sexuality is just a preference.

A gay male person could repopulate the earth given enough females (2 at least, even then 5 would be better). At the very least nowadays we have sperm banks so there's always that.

True, I know we could survive that said birthrates around the world are dropping...except in the developing world but thats a different story. Fact is sexuality and all our sexual desires are based on past experiences. Obviously there is something happening in society today to proc whats happening to people. And its been going on for a while...or its a gene and we can always blame it on genes. Either way interesting story today. While in a hockey change room just to say "I hate fags" and then just left. And that made me wonder if we had enough tolerance to even let people who are gay live in the future. I think at some point people will find a reason to remove minorities for some reason or whatever, and history will repeat itself...and in a sense thats what natural selection is. Removing people for the benefit of the society that we see fit....but genocide is evil so yeah.

 

[Dave Rain]

Whether you're "asexual" or not, you have a very negatively warped view of relationships. I've actually started accumulating MORE money since I got into a relationship, in part because sharing a one-bedroom apartment is cheaper than splitting a two-bedroom with a roommate. Yes, some relationships end, but I've been in very few that I've regretted starting.

Your lifestyle is your own to choose, of course. If you don't want to go for sex, don't. You're right that our society seems overly obsessed with it. But I'm afraid I also fall into the camp of people here who feel that you're really just labeling yourself as "asexual" because you've decided you're less interested in it than most of the people around you and relationships (and dating) are hard work and often lead to vulnerability.

Asexual or not, you're missing out. As one of the few people (apparently) on this thread that has actually had sex with women he loves who also love him, there's really nothing else like it out there. Absolutely nothing is a substitute for a relationship with someone you love. It's not like they're gonna design a video game that captures the experience...

Finally, some sense in this threat, i was starting to feel a little bad about the escapist.

Being a social inept virgin doesn't make you Asexual

That goes for most of the posters.

Just to be clear, i'm heterosexual, but I'm also asexual which means that I like women, I can find them attractive, both in personality and in physical form but I do not want to sleep with any woman (and before people say it, no i'm not gay so don't even bother suggesting that I like men).

I think you're:

1. Scared of relationships: you should try meeting more people, there are people you just don't let go; yes, you sometimes break up with someone you really love, but then again, you sometimes don't.

2. Gay: some gays don't really know it, you may think you don't want to have sex with another person, but if you masturbate that means you like sex, so... maybe you just don't like girls. And yes, the society makes you think this is wrong and that you must have sex with girls, witch makes you make up an excuse for not wanting to, but you'll never know if you don't try.
(Trivia: some homosexuals like to have sex with men but find women attractive)

I'll go for number 1, but you never know...

I don't see my lifestyle as a problem, on the contrary I think it's a blessing. I love being single, purely due to the large amount of money I have free to do what I want with, whereas my friends who are either married (both with and without kids) or those in a relationship (again both with and without kids) always seem to have very little free money floating around.

Above may seem a shallow view, but it is in my experience true; those with marital or relationship commitments a) do not seem to be as long term happy with a partner and b) are always living on the borderline money-wise.

Now that's a crappy thinking of relationships, I'll go easy on this, you feel sad for no reason (we all do) relationship: you get a hug and an "everything will be alright", single: you can always tell yourself everything will be alright, but you feel sad, so you don't, and you stay sad.... crappy relationship: you start fighting.

So, i agree, crappy relationships are worst than single, a good relationship is way... WAY better, it just takes some experience to get to a good one.









Final thoughts: this is a crappy post, but a really funny one, full of virgin boys who think they're asexual because they don't have sex.

 

[Nayr]

Don't want to sound rude, but I am pretty sure asexual only refers to being able to carry on your own genes to the next generation. From parent cell to daughter cell, and this is really only common for cells; of course there are exceptions but I am pretty sure people are not asexual. Maybe non- sexual is proper, but asexual refers to passing of only your genetic information to the next generation. Feel free to argue with me, I have never heard of referring to a person as asexual though; just curious really. I am a biology major though, so kind of only exposed to cellular stuff and those terms.

That really only applies when the words "asexual reproduction" are used in conjunction.

Yes but asexual reproduction is so common, you don't really have to state reproduction every time, just asexual. I personally don't believe or never heard of a person referring to themselves as asexual (which is fine) I just don't think the term is appropriate... I don't think many people here who study the physical sciences are going to side with believeing people are asexual. This is just my opinion, and of course I can't actually tell what each persons feeling about their sexuality is, so I can't exactly tell if people can actually be asexual.

In comparison to this idea though, there are also people who believe every person is bisexual (to a degree), but most will just lean to one side of it. Like being "asexual" its not that you necessarily are, its just that you don't express your sexual side. As a note I don't want anyone to be offended by any of this, this is new to me, and I don't want people spewing how I am wrong or what I am saying is 100% wrong.

sorry, the part below my quote was sodassaults quote, i cant quote very well haha

 

[Hashime]

I've been meaning to write a serious discussion here for some time, and now this is the topic I've chosen.
If you don't know what Asexuality is then Cambridge Dictionaries defines it as "having no interest in sexual relationships" which pretty much sums it up in my own experience.

This post is about me, being asexual in a world/society which seems to be overly sexualised these days. Just to be clear, i'm heterosexual, but I'm also asexual which means that I like women, I can find them attractive, both in personality and in physical form but I do not want to sleep with any woman (and before people say it, no i'm not gay so don't even bother suggesting that I like men).

Anyway I find it hard sometimes when sex is all around us, being pushed in our faces and down our throats and it's even worse when teenagers feel the need to have sex way before they may be physically and emotionally ready, purely just to 'fit in' with the others.
I find it hard because I don't want to do any of this so called 'social norm' and don't actively chase anybody anymore (I used to, but since I have discovered that I am asexual I do not bother anymore) or I don't try to hit on women in bars or clubs.

My friends purely think that I've given up, but I do not wish to tell them that I am asexual, mainly because I do not know anyone else with asexuality as their sexual preference and so they may find it weird that I am.

I don't see my lifestyle as a problem, on the contrary I think it's a blessing. I love being single, purely due to the large amount of money I have free to do what I want with, whereas my friends who are either married (both with and without kids) or those in a relationship (again both with and without kids) always seem to have very little free money floating around.

Above may seem a shallow view, but it is in my experience true; those with marital or relationship commitments a) do not seem to be as long term happy with a partner and b) are always living on the borderline money-wise.

What are your views, oh dear Escapists? Are any of you asexual? do you know anybody who is? or do you want to argue anything I've said here? Post a reply below

Yes, I would consider myself asexual as well. I have accepted the reality that that is how I will be the rest of my life, and am okay with it, but due to symptoms of depression and a personality disorder (Schizoid) I may also just be in a temporary phase.
I suggest you look up both, because when I read the article on the personality disorder many of my views, thought and behaviors made sense, though depression also explains the symptoms.

 

[NoNameMcgee]

Being a social inept virgin doesn't make you Asexual

I'm not asexual

Fucking THANK YOU <3

I'm sure there are indeed some asexual people on the Escapist however the strange number of asexual regulars makes me honestly just put it down to either attention seeking (which I have seen a lot of at this place); a desperate need to be different, edgy, and unnaccepted - "woe is me, I'm so misunderstood" - and all that bullshit, or lastly what you said, jamesworkshop, being socially inept and wanting an excuse so they feel better about themselves.

It puts the very small minority of actual real asexuals in a bad light, because if I were to actually meet someone in real life who claimed to be asexual at this point I'd probably subconciously think they're a liar because of my experience with these idiotic children pretending to be part of that group.

Here's a tip to all these people claiming to be: get a personality, stop being so antisocial, find a nice girl or guy, and you will enjoy life more.

 

[Snotnarok]

I've felt awkward about being asexual, my friends didnt' take it so well and were going to basically lock me in my room and tell me about how wrong I am or something to that degree.

My brother saved me with his friend, ripping them apart for trying to attack something they didn't understand. It's hard to be a different orientation sure but when you don't fit into ANY sexuality OR fetish it's very hard to get people to understand.

 

[Gardenia]

Being a social inept virgin doesn't make you Asexual


I'm not asexual

And the award for "Truest statement of the day" goes to jamesworkshop!

Spoiler: Reward:

Pile of cookies for you!

 

[Dave Rain]

why so many ppl confuse asexual to the "I dont currently have a relationship but i want one but i dont think its going to happen in the future" ??

... so i'll say I don't want to have sex, make myself a little mystical, maybe some girl will find it irresistably sexy and i'll get laid.