Being cheated on
- Thread starter latenightapplepie
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A past girlfriend lied to me about something- something extremely horrendous. She told me her father raped her when she was young and did it again about a month before her and I met. After I found out that she lied about the rapes(from her closest friend) I dumped her, but it didn't end there. I used the texts an Facebook messages she sent to me about the false crime and sent them to both her parents. I got my revenge, but... I'm still not whole. I may never be again.
(There is more to this story than that, but this is all I will share on the matter out of personal reasons.)
(There is more to this story than that, but this is all I will share on the matter out of personal reasons.)
While I have never had the problem of infidility, and usually, my GF is the one saying how "If you ever cheat on me, I WILL CUT OFF YOU OWN HANDS AND ***** SLAP YOU WITH THEM! ok." Oh, I love her to bits I do. =). Anyway, My view is that if it isnt a regular thing and they are truely sorry (that ones harder to tell), then It should totally be forgiven.latenightapplepie said:
When my girlfriend cheated on me, it took some time, but I forgave her for it. ...then she broke up with me about a week later anyway.
So, basically, I consider it a sign that a relationship isn't working more than anything. I use them as an opportunity to make sure a break-up is one of mutual respect before things get any more ugly, essentially. They don't make me sad, they just make me realize things aren't working.
So, basically, I consider it a sign that a relationship isn't working more than anything. I use them as an opportunity to make sure a break-up is one of mutual respect before things get any more ugly, essentially. They don't make me sad, they just make me realize things aren't working.
I never understood the bad feelings people have over things like this. If they cheated on you likely chances are they weren't worth your time. But I've never really liked relationships in the first place. I've dated exclusively a few times and never really liked it. I always liked seeing people casually, that way I don't tie them down and vis versa. Maybe it's just my style, but if you haven't tried it, go to a party or bar, pick a boozed sleaze and see how you roll with it. I find it takes the edge off of stress too.
As for this, and others that this has happened to that felt abused at all, my deepest condolences, I hope you get to feeling better.latenightapplepie said:
While I can't really say I share your opinion on this, If you want to get into a relationship with someone, make what you said clear before starting said relation, and they agree/are fine with it, I won't take issue.garjian said:
My problem is with cheating, meaning going behind the other person's back. If you an agreement like this, it really isn't cheating.
garjian said:
*double take* No, really, WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST READ?!?!
Are you SERIOUSLLY comparing love and relationships to FRUIT AND ELECTROINICS?!?!?!! First, you will notice that they are inanimate objects, thus incapable of feeling the pain of betrayel and rejection like a human. Second, THEY DONT HAVE FEELINGS, while every girl that I know, LITERALLY EVERYONE would be at the very least hurt if you are guilty of infidelity, and in the case of my 3 closest friends and my girlfriend, they will VIOLENTLY punish infidelity (my girlfriends "I will ***** slap you with your own hands." threat.)
As for "Friends", Being friends and being in a relationship are two TOTALLY different things. It is a given that I will let my girlfriend hug her friends, and I can hug mine, but we can kiss friends, we cant hold hands with friends, and we CERTAINLY cant "sleep" with them (except we have both swore abstainence until marriage, so we dont even "sleep" with eachother). In my eyes, Polygamy is nothing but legalized Infidelity.
The main issue here is honesty. Anybody who cheats on you behind your back, who feels they have to pursue this relationship with someone else but doesn't feel it's important enough to tell you about... well, they clearly don't care about you very much.
Cheating isn't something that happens and breaks relationships, it's something that happens once the relationship is already broken. Bottom line... if your relationship is broken, talk about it. If you're tempted to be unfaithful, talk about it. Work things out, or break up, or even open up your relationship for multiple partners, if that's what you both want... but if you can't talk to each other, won't bother talking to each other, then don't bother cheating. The relationship's already dead, and you don't care enough to save it.
Oh, and if someone cheats on you and doesn't come back on their knees, sincerely? Don't even think about putting up with that. You deserve better than that, and life's too short.
Cheating isn't something that happens and breaks relationships, it's something that happens once the relationship is already broken. Bottom line... if your relationship is broken, talk about it. If you're tempted to be unfaithful, talk about it. Work things out, or break up, or even open up your relationship for multiple partners, if that's what you both want... but if you can't talk to each other, won't bother talking to each other, then don't bother cheating. The relationship's already dead, and you don't care enough to save it.
Oh, and if someone cheats on you and doesn't come back on their knees, sincerely? Don't even think about putting up with that. You deserve better than that, and life's too short.
Actually, polygamy is marrying more than one person. Loving (and/or being in a relationship with) more than one person is polyamory and is generally not banned, although the legal consequences can be complicated due to polygamy being illegal and there being certain rights that are usually granted by marriage.EPIC_MAN_OF_BACON said:
high five brother! like it or not people have feelings, they choose their reactions yes, but the feelings *SHOULD* pre-programmed, like if you get cheated on you SHOULD feel angry. If you hurt some one than scream at them "it your fault your hurting, you shouldn't be, so its not my fault" wow you'd be good in a hospital and murder case talking to the family of the descended victim.BOOM headshot65 said:
Cheating and open, honest, polyamorous relationships are VERY different things. Probably best not to equate them.garjian said:
If everyone in a relationship is happy to get their loving where they can find it, that's wonderful. However, some people aren't built like that... they can only love one person at a time, and want someone else who can give them that sort of commitment. If you have to hide your other partners from your significant other, in what sense do you have a healthy relationship that should continue?
I was wondering that myself, but realized it's best to just step away slowly and pretend it never happened.BOOM headshot65 said:garjian said:
*double take* No, really, WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST READ?!?!
, that's what i meant
Maybe I see something here that isn't entirely meant to be, but, I feel I must bring attention to two things.garjian said:
First, we have the line "If somebody cheats on you, what have you lost? nothing. If they don't like you anymore, that's not because they cheated, that's why they cheated..."
Second, we have this line "again... basically, They're getting psychologically damaged by their own intolerance to cheating, when it does nothing to them, my opinion of them hasn't changed..."
Correct me if I am wrong, but this should mean that if someone is considered to be "cheating" then their opinion of the person they have cheated on may have in fact been altered. Even if such a thing is so insignificant as a change from "I like this person" to "Eh, not so much."
That's just what I think. Also, I think I may have gathered that you may have some tendencies toward polyamory/polygamy, and, as I understand it, polygamy/polyamory has some sort of implicit communication between all parties that "cheating" isn't an issue. This leaves me a bit confused as to your use of the word. Feel free to comment or correct me as to your opinions or views on this.
On topic, I don't exactly have much experience with relationships. I suppose what one should do in this situation is entirely dependent upon how one feels about this action. If one's partner has cheated, then this implies a violation of trust and should likely be treated as such. If one sees this as a more minor and workable infraction, I am inclined to suggest that one should get their head checked for possible dependency issues. This is not to say, of course, that one cannot work around such things, simply that it is likely it will not work out regardless.
I say that you should probably end the relationship softly. Odds are, even if he stays faithful for the rest of his life, there will always be that doubt eating at the back of your mind, wondering if he is really being honest.latenightapplepie said:
I'm not going to lie, I'm definitively not an expert on the subject of relationships, but I'm not sure I would want to carry that doubt over an extended relationship.
My ex-fiancée cheated on me with a good friend. What's worse is that she had no intention of me ever finding out, before I knew, we went on a vacation (which turned out to be the worst of my life) to Cowes in Philip Island. The majority (95% or thereabouts) of the trip was paid for by myself, I took her out to dinner, I booked out the entire restaurant, too. I even had a bottle of expensive Merlot placed in the mini-fridge every night so that the two of us could enjoy it, looking out at the beautiful beach. I left a few days early because I couldn't stand the distance, and then a few days later I found out she'd cheated on me and used me for the vacation. And that's barely the start of it all...
I didn't articulate myself overly well just then, but oh well. I dream about her every night, in the dreams it's as if nothing negative ever happened, I'm utterly content with life again, only to awaken and realise that I'm alone and miserable.
I didn't articulate myself overly well just then, but oh well. I dream about her every night, in the dreams it's as if nothing negative ever happened, I'm utterly content with life again, only to awaken and realise that I'm alone and miserable.
I... Uh... You.... What?! Have you ever even *been* in a relationship?garjian said:
I can't help but think you're trolling, but assuming you're not I'll try to get this through to you.
There is nothing wrong with casual sex. Nor with having multiple sexual partners. Getting involved with someone with the express purpose of having an 'open' relationship (with your partner knowing this from the start, and accepting it) is fine. The only people that would argue otherwise are people who think sex for the sake of sex is immoral. However, this by definition is *not* cheating. It's casual sex, and that's ok.
Cheating is an enormous betrayal, it fucks people around and for good reason. The point of a committed relationship isn't for sex, it's for the companionship and love you get to feel for an individual. It's knowing you can trust them with anything, that you come before anyone else, that they can't get that type of emotional bond with anyone else.
Believing a relationship is meaningful and then discovering your partner has been lying to you and seeing someone else without your knowledge or consent... What do you think that does to someone? Luckily for me I've never experienced it, but I can only imagine how I'd feel if my current girlfriend cheated on me.
Your Xbox, PS3 and Wii example is... well, it shows you completely miss the point. Unlike a games console,a boyfriend or girlfriend is not something to be simply used for your entertainment. You don't owe a PS3 anything. If you decide to jump platforms to an XBOX, it doesn't care. It's *unable* to care. However, you DO owe a partner on so many levels. You owe it to them to be honest, caring, and to show them the same respect they show to you. To think otherwise, that you can just stroll along and fuck the next pretty little thing you lay your eyes on and to think your partner should be OK with that... Well, it's an enormously childish and incredibly self centred way to think.
/rant
Anyway, I've long decided that if I was ever cheated on, that's it for the relationship. I'd move on and find someone worth my time, because I sure as hell wouldn't be able to trust someone who'd cheated on me, and without trust there's no point having a relationship.
Nobody cares if you do it, just establish those boundaries immediately. If your significant other is under the impression that you're being exclusive when you're not then you're just being a dick.garjian said: