Being Single

[Zantos]

I've spent probably the past 5 years, and my entire emotional maturation (16-21 years old) in relationships with various girls with no discernable gap between relationships. About a week ago I broke up with my latest girlfriend after going out for a year and a half, and now rather than panicking and jumping into a relationship with someone else I'm trying to survey the scene and just see what's out there while keeping myself single.

So the problem is this, I've never been single at a time when it's mattered, I literally don't know how to be single. Does anyone have any helpful insight into what single guys do? As much as i appreciate the extra time, I don't think playing xbox360 for all of my free time is getting a bit old.

The main problem I'm having atm is meeting and interacting with girls in such a way that I can be their friend without being relegated to the friend zone. I want to know we can be best friends but I still want to be able to pursue more if it turns out she's also the girl of my dreams. Also if anyone knows anything about one night stands that'd help too.

Cheers dudes.

 

[DefunctTheory]

Single = Do whatever the fuck you want.

All being single means is that you have one less commitment to own up to, and a lot less sex (Unless you feel the need to fuck around, which is perfectly ok now, if your up for that sort of thing).

Simple.

As for the friend zone thing... you're going in there buddy. Tough noogy.

Luckily, though, it's perfectly possible to get out of the friend zone. But I wouldn't worry about that until the time comes.

 

[Kortney]

First of all, the friend zone is bullshit.

Secondly, I agree with the above poster - just do whatever you want to do. Have some "me" time.

 

[ServebotFrank]

Friend zone does not exist. Never has never will. Girls don't file guys into dating categories much like we don't. You either want to date someone or you don't, it's the same with girls.

Do whatever you want. Doesn't mean be a pompous dickhead but have fun. Hang out with guys friends, do stuff by yourself, try new things, if you're really desperate then just break your wallet and buy about 40 video games. There if you have nothing else to do then that will keep you busy for at least a week.

 

[UnusualStranger]

Hahah! Single life? Its pretty nice, I must say.

Now, you don't have to spend it all in front of the 360, you can instead spend the time hanging out with other guy friends, chatting about things that you likely never would around your girlfriend. You can eat what kind of meals you prefer, without worrying about other people, and just overall living how you want to live.

Nice to hear you breaking the relationship habit. Better to have fewer meaningful ones the longer you go on.

 

[Aurgelmir]

I've spent probably the past 5 years, and my entire emotional maturation (16-21 years old) in relationships with various girls with no discernable gap between relationships. About a week ago I broke up with my latest girlfriend after going out for a year and a half, and now rather than panicking and jumping into a relationship with someone else I'm trying to survey the scene and just see what's out there while keeping myself single.

So the problem is this, I've never been single at a time when it's mattered, I literally don't know how to be single. Does anyone have any helpful insight into what single guys do? As much as i appreciate the extra time, I don't think playing xbox360 for all of my free time is getting a bit old.

The main problem I'm having atm is meeting and interacting with girls in such a way that I can be their friend without being relegated to the friend zone. I want to know we can be best friends but I still want to be able to pursue more if it turns out she's also the girl of my dreams. Also if anyone knows anything about one night stands that'd help too.

Cheers dudes.

Well you have chance to do something I will assume you don't do to much of, and that is hang out with your male friends, and just do guy stuff. Which is something that generally seem to decline when you have a girlfriend (though not always)
I suggest this because it seems even though you "are not looking" you are still looking and focusing on girls, which is bound to send you into another relationship.

So if you want to stay single then just take a break from meeting new girls.

 

[Zantos]

Thanks guys, this stuff is pure gold. Much better than all the rubbish teen films

 

[PurplePlatypus]

If you get put in the alleged ?we can only be friend?s? zone it?s because she just wants to be friends and isn?t interested in you. If she would have been interested before, that interest will have been dependent on her ignorance of you as a person. If you end up being friends, get to know each other and both end up still interested then you may have found a relationship that has more chance of working in the long term.


If it doesn't work out like that then congratulations you have a friend. And having a friend is a good thing, not a failure.

And you?re failing at being single because you?re looking for that next relationship which is going to leave you frustrated. Find a hobby and people you?re happy to hand out with, fill that free time with something you enjoy.

 

[endnuen]

The friend zone is a myth. Or rather, it is a stand-by zone from which you can move past if you so desire. Seriously.

Anyway, hang out with your bros. Go do stuff with them? And take to the town when weekend falls. It's a rather enjoyable existence really.

 

[Nimcha]

I'm baffled by this question. Are you really that co-dependant?

 

[Zantos]

I'm baffled by this question. Are you really that co-dependant?

I prefer the term useless.

 

[Nickolai77]

A lot of people are saying that the friends zone doesn't exist and say instead that the girl doesn't want a relationship....and just wants to be friends instead. Well, isn't that the same thing as being put in a "friendzone"?- The girl in question doesn't want a relationship but is happy to be friends instead?

OT: Hang out with friends, play video games, spend all your money on yourself, and do what you want without having to consider what a significant other would think. Being single you have a lot of freedom and save a lot of money. However, being single does get old eventually (been single for nearly 4 years now, take it from me lol)and you desire female companionship- or just want sex. Anyhow, go along with the flow of life, and don't worry about the opposite sex until you meet someone you really like.

 

[endnuen]

I don't believe the friend zone exists. Instead, I believe it's an excuse to put people off/turn them away from said person. Some people can't say the truth. Telling someone no or rejecting them can be too hard for some people. Others may not want to deal with the hassle. At any rate, that's how I look at it. Chances are, the friend zone is another way of saying they like someone other then you, or 'no'.

That's a depressing theory?
Also, if it was a flat out rejection in concealment, then I can't be explained.
It's not impossible to create attraction in a girl who has friend-zoned you.. I actually stumbled upon an article that explains some of this:
""Women are extremely susceptible to ?emotional infidelity,? which starts as friendship, often with colleagues or seemingly harmless online relationships, and slowly progresses to something more.""
http://thechart.blogs.cnn.com/2011/04/07/female-infidelity-its-different-from-the-guys/?hpt=Sbin
Well, besides the article being about something different all together, that part of it still rings true.

 

[Zantos]

I tell you what. I'm taking all the advice on board and I've learnt one thing. My male friends are really not good for my liver. As for the friendzone thing, I'm finding the ignoring it option to just be best and just meeting new people without being worried about being pidgeonholed. Working wonders.

 

[endnuen]

No comment on that article. My post was from experiences I've had with other girls and interacting with girls in general, 'behind' closed doors or in secret, when the truth usually comes about.

I only included the full article as source, not to be included in the discussion.
My post is based on experience. Both my own and that of my friends.

 

[Cheesus333]

I have to say, this is an unusual problem. You kind of sound like Joey Tribbiani: unable to have any friendship that isn't either sexual or completely non-sexual with no middle ground.

I can't give you any tips on being friends with a girl instead of being intimate with them, but I can tell you what a single guy like myself does in their free time:

* Writing: If it's something you enjoy and/or have a knack for, just open up a Word doc. or get out a notepad and start spinning a tale, or writing what you feel, or just describing something around you (or something from your imagination). It's fun, rewarding and can be very therapeutic.
* Drawing: Same as above, really.
* Music: Whether listening to it or playing it, music is a great way to spend your time. If you don't play an instrument, you could take one up. If you do play one, then there's always room for improvement, and improvement never hurts.
* Gaming: You mentioned this in your OP but I'll put it here anyway since it's my main timesink.
* Go out: I don't do this much personally (I'm more of an indoors person) but there's a much bigger world outside than there is in. Have fun with friends, explore somewhere new, revist your old haunts to reminesce, all that good stuff. Bring your iPod and you can link it in with music, too.

That's enough for now I reckon, but I think you should consider one or two of these if you're stuck for things to do as a single man. Good luck with that, anyway!

 

[Legion]

A lot of people are saying that the friends zone doesn't exist and say instead that the girl doesn't want a relationship....and just wants to be friends instead. Well, isn't that the same thing as being put in a "friendzone"?- The girl in question doesn't want a relationship but is happy to be friends instead?

What they mean is that a girl either thinks of you as a potential partner or does not. People refer to the "friend zone" as if they are then permanently labelled as a friend and cannot be anything else, whereas the reality is the girl simply saying they aren't attracted to the person.

The reason this is a myth is because it is quite possible the girl may be attracted to the person at some point. Hell, I knew a girl who didn't want a relationship with this guy for a long time and now they are married. He had strong feelings for her, she didn't reciprocate then for whatever reason, she clearly changed her mind.