Beloved Rare character Conker returns to u...WHAT DID MICROSOFT DO YOU!?!

[MeatMachine]

"Conker is a much-beloved property that has a HUGE following..."
"...now watch as we bound and gag your childhood memory and rape it senseless while you helplessly watch. There is no looking away, either; you will see him, being raped on the sofa, being raped on the walls, even being raped in the air if you are in a totally empty or crowded room."

On a more optimistic note, could you imagine what this experience would be like after eating some shrooms? Holy shit, talk about a living nightmare.

 

[kilenem]

You know what I want?

I want to see an actual intervention for Conker, with all the Rare characters just there, kinda like the Bad Guy group in Wreck-It Ralph, telling him he needs to stop drinking as it's ruining his life or some sappy shit like that.
When he says he doesn't have a problem, they then show him this trailer and he ends up having a total breakdown.

I will pay good money to see that put into a comic or animation...

Is that what happened? His alcoholism moved on to a Cocaine problem.

 

[kilenem]

Ugh, a G-rated Conker is just wrong. Viscerally, fundamentally wrong. I don't understand the reasoning behind it either. The people who like Conker are going to like conker for the wonderfully nasty little shit he is, who are you trying to appeal to exactly be cleaning him up? This kind of thing bugs me more than any violence in a game ever could. Better to be cut down in body and die with your head held high than sundered in soul and spirit.

To be fare Conker was in Diddy Kong Racing and has a rated E game on gameboy color. It just happens that those games don't look like shite. Ironically I say that even though the new Conker is a hologram and the old conker was in a 8bit video game that could be played in Black and white.