Best Comebacks Ever

[Odinsson]

I was doing a podcast about the Alien franchise, and one of the co-hosts, who plays up the meathead stereotype to the max, read something off his computer. It must have been rare info or something, because I said 'wow, that's impressive.' I hadn't intended for it to sound sarcastic, but it obviously did. The co-host replied 'What, that I found this stuff so quickly?'

I responded with 'No, I'm just surprised you can actually use a computer.'

 

[lacktheknack]

There's a famous scene in some movie that I forget, where the antagonist says "I eat pieces of shit like you for BREAKFAST!", to which the protagonist innocently asks "You eat... shit for breakfast?"

This proved to be a moment of truly great inspiration when an opponent in chess decided to say "I eat big fat-balls like you for breakfast!"

I beat him, by the way.

 

[Marcus Kehoe]

There's a famous scene in some movie that I forget, where the antagonist says "I eat pieces of shit like you for BREAKFAST!", to which the protagonist innocently asks "You eat... shit for breakfast?"

This proved to be a moment of truly great inspiration when an opponent in chess decided to say "I eat big fat-balls like you for breakfast!"

I beat him, by the way.

The movie was Happy Gilmore, you just quoted a Adam Sandler movie.

 

[lacktheknack]

There's a famous scene in some movie that I forget, where the antagonist says "I eat pieces of shit like you for BREAKFAST!", to which the protagonist innocently asks "You eat... shit for breakfast?"

This proved to be a moment of truly great inspiration when an opponent in chess decided to say "I eat big fat-balls like you for breakfast!"

I beat him, by the way.

The movie was Happy Gilmore, you just quoted a Adam Sandler movie.

It was worth it.

 

[HoneyVision]

"I fucked your mum"
"At least I've got a mum"

lol

 

[Little Woodsman]

Me and a friend were talking about how we both think astrological signs are bullshit. For fun I asked him:

"Hey, what's your sign?"

"I'm a Cancer."

"Of that, we agree."

Aw shit.

Nice one! Reminds me of one I zinged somebody with many many years ago...

Nick: Fine, whatever happens *I'm* not responsible.

Me: Nick, if there's one thing no-one has *ever* accused you of being, it's responsible.

 

[Guffe]

The comedian Jimmy Carr is very quick on his feet and often takes the audience into his shows. His humour is very dark and not for everyone but often people try to humilate him in his shows, never seen anyone succeed so far
First example I could find, I know it's sort of his job, but he's still good!

 

[Jacob Fenton]

My own personal best: A few years ago my, blonde white female friend had a huge rant about how the police were corrupt and institutionally racist. My reply: "yeah Jess, life must be really hard for you as a black guy in the 70's"

Best I've heard: some douchebag trying to show off in front of his friends claiming he'd "shagged your mum" one guy replied that his mum was dead (as far as I know this is actually true) and the response was "YEAH! DEAD GOOD!" It was one of those things you really shouldn't find funny, but because of that it's even harder not to laugh...

 

[The Funslinger]

Shadow the Hedgehog is the king of comebacks.

Just check this out.


Sonic's gonna need a lot of ointment for that sick burn.

I love that video. I love it so much.

OT: One I'm sitting on for the day a girlfriend's parents have shit to fling at me:

"If I wanted a comeback, I'd wipe it off your daughter's chin".

 

[bafrali]

Walton Simons: You take another step forward and here I am again, like your own reflection in a hall of mirrors.
JC Denton: That makes me one ugly son of a *****. How'd my face get all marked up with bioelectrics?

Oh yeah. Even his burns are augmented.

 

[Me55enger]

Had someone ask me loudly in class if I had ever shagged a cow.

I said I didn't know, and asked him if his mom counted.

Cue a class full of laughter.

Man that guy was a prick.

 

[doggy go 7]

History class, new teacher, he tells someone to shut up, then asks him if he understands.

"technically sir, he can't answer, as he isn't allowed to speak"

I had the entire class laughing, and afterwards a girl (I know, an actuall pretty girl!) who didn't speak with much, told me I was "a funny man"

 

[CrazyCapnMorgan]

"Go fuck yourself and, if the universe is kind, may that be the only thing that fucks you."

Dunno if that's more of a one-liner than a comeback, but if it doesn't qualify as a comeback...

 

[ExtraDebit]

"Michael Jackson was in good health when he die!!!"

"sure, but to me he looked...a little pale"

 

[Jamieson 90]

Not really come backs per se but growing up as a 90's kid "I know you are, you said you are, so what I am then?" and "Takes one to know one," where pretty much the answer to all insults.

Anyone else remembering growing up in the nineties? They're Opal Fruits not Star burst!

 

[The Artificially Prolonged]

I was fixing a computer for a relative in my house while various members of my family where about. My cousin asks, "How come you know some much about computers?" My Aunt then chimes in jesting, "Because he's a big geek that's why." To which I reply, "True, but I make it sexy." Cue howling laughter from everyone in the room. Game and match to me Aunt XD

 

[KaZuYa]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6G6CZT7h4k

Ghandi's last line also Beethoven's finisher

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcTLJ692F70

Like a boss.

 

[Vegosiux]

Whenever I hear any of those "shagged your mom" my usual reply is "OK, so either my mother's one hot MILF, or you have standards a professional limbo dancer couldn't crawl under."

 

[doggy go 7]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6G6CZT7h4k

Ghandi's last line also Beethoven's finisher

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcTLJ692F70

Like a boss.

There are many overly popular viral videos on youtube that don't deserve the ridiculas amount of views they've got. These videos are not those kinds of videos.

Spoiler

Snoop dogg as Moses, what's not to like?