Best Dialogue Facepalms

[Queen Michael]

"My tastes are very singular." From Fifty Shades of Grey. First of all, "singular" means "completely unique." A thing can't be very completely unique.

Secondly, BDSM is the most common kink in the world. It is as far from singular as a kink can get and still qualify as a kink.

 

[gigastar]

"My tastes are very singular." From Fifty Shades of Grey. First of all, "singular" means "completely unique." A thing can't be very completely unique.

Secondly, BDSM is the most common kink in the world. It is as far from singular as a kink can get and still qualify as a kink.

singular
/ˈsɪŋɡjʊlə/
adjective
adjective: singular

1. Grammar
(of a word or form) denoting or referring to just one person or thing.
"the third person singular form of the verb"

2. exceptionally good or great; remarkable.
"he had the singular good fortune not to die in the trenches"

Not synomymous with 'unique' at all.

Spoiler: At least one can appreciate the memes.

At least one can appreciate the memes.

 

[Asita]

I'll start it off with one of the all time classics from a veritable gold mine of dialogue facepalms, Star Wars Episode III.

"Only a Sith deals in absolutes..."
~Obi-Wan Kenobi

...Can I just say the whole of that movie? The prequel trilogy as a whole kinda limped along, but Revenge of the Sith in particular kneecapped both itself and the series as a whole by forgetting that the big reveal in the Empire Strikes Back was...well, a reveal that even the cast couldn't believe. The power of that scene and the resulting dynamic shift between Luke and Vader was reliant on the fact that it blindsided everyone. So when the whole of Revenge of the Sith ended up being there to turn that reveal into a prequel in and of itself, I ended up regulating the bulk of the movie to facepalm status much like I would do to a remake of the Sixth Sense that

Spoiler: Sixth Sense spoilers

opened with a shot of the protagonist's obituary in a paper he was reading

or a prequel to To Serve Man in the form of

Spoiler: To Serve Man spoilers

The eponymous cookbook

or one for the Prestige about

Spoiler: The Prestige spoilers

The Borden twins' early magic career

You just don't do that. If you're making a prequel, you don't write to make the reveal in the original work redundant. You strengthen it, add subtle foreshadowing, but you don't go ahead and make the reveal for the original work.

 

[Redryhno]

Not synomymous with 'unique' at all.

Spoiler: At least one can appreciate the memes.

At least one can appreciate the memes.

That one needs him to progressively have more pronounced Uchiha stuff about him...

Can I nominate alot of Bioware's romance dialogue? Especially in recent years where they've gone completely serious about it?

 

[springheeljack]

"Hello. My name is Elliot Moore. I'm just going to talk in a very positive manner, giving off good vibes. We're just here to use the bathroom, and we're just going to leave. I hope that's okay... Plastic. I'm talking to a plastic plant. I'm still doing it."


Oh and Fate Stay Night
"The honey pot that only accepted me until now suddenly starts to attack the foreign body."
(derisive giggles)

 

[Queen Michael]

"My tastes are very singular." From Fifty Shades of Grey. First of all, "singular" means "completely unique." A thing can't be very completely unique.

Secondly, BDSM is the most common kink in the world. It is as far from singular as a kink can get and still qualify as a kink.

singular
/ˈsɪŋɡjʊlə/
adjective
adjective: singular

1. Grammar
(of a word or form) denoting or referring to just one person or thing.
"the third person singular form of the verb"

2. exceptionally good or great; remarkable.
"he had the singular good fortune not to die in the trenches"

Not synomymous with 'unique' at all.

Well, it still doesn't refer to the thing he thinks it does.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

"You want the good girl, but you need the bad pussy" - Game of Thrones abandoning its last pretense of respectability and openly going full retard.

"Never do anything out of hunger. Not even eating." - True Detective Season 2 takes a swing at pseudo profundity and misses.

Pretty much anything from any of the Star Wars prequels. Lucas can't write.

James Cameron clearly can't write either, but I feel bad putting him in the same category as Lucas, so he just gets an HM.

 

[JemothSkarii]

Mine comes from a relatively unique place: the back of a box.

Rather a box of McVities Disgestives. What does it say you might ask?

These biscuits do not contain any substance to aid in digestion

Made more hilarious checking out their history and noting that they contain fibre (albeit a negligible amount).

Outside of that, there was unlimited Blade Works recently:

Spoiler: Shirou's Wisdom (I have read the VN and get the context but still)

and the absolutely generic-to-the-point-of-pain Seraph of the End

Spoiler: Really?

 

[SmugFrog]

So I found a book on the ship, the novelization of the Metal Gear Solid game. "Oh, this will be interesting, the chance to see a bit of behind the scenes."

It started off alright, but the writing was just... off in some way. Like reading some middle school fan fiction about Snake's adventures. And then this happened:

Snake jumps out from behind cover to confront two armed soldiers. ?Merry Christmas,? Snake said as he delivered two powerhouse punches, left and then right, into the guards? faces. The soldiers plopped to the floor. ?I forgot to tell you ? Christmas is early this year.?

Yes he jumps out in front of two armed guards, yelled "Merry Christmas!" then punched them both in the face. Wow. It only gets worse with the one-liners. One of the reviews about the book states: "The Benson-ified Snake boasts all the verbal wit of a 13-year-old on Xbox Live, to his horror and ours."

But I started thinking; could you surprise someone enough to yell Merry Christmas and punch them in the face without them having a chance to respond? I wanted to try it. So I went down to Sonar Control and buzzed their door. I wasn't sure if my friend would be the one to open it, so I had to be quick. Someone else answered and I asked for Dan - they close the door slightly, and I crouch and get ready. As Dan opened the door I yelled "Merry Christmas!" and tapped him in the jaw with my fist - not hard enough to hurt him but just a quick jab to the face. He flailed wildly and it was hilarious, so perhaps that tactic could work.

Anyways, I couldn't bring myself to finish the book. Snake's quips just... it was horrible.

 

[happyninja42]

"Pussy is for faggots". Heard it in Layer Cake and Filth. Said by two guys who apparently are only into anal and anal only. Still think it's a pretty retarded thing to say for the sake of trying to sound unique and edgy.

Yeah, that's kind of dumb. It reminds me of my comeback when I was in highschool when the jocks would call me a pussy. I would smile at them and say "Well, you know what they say, you are what you eat!" Then I'd bow to them, fully taking the title of pussy without a care, and walk off.

 

[Legomaniac91_v1legacy]

"I'll kill you to death!!!"-Superboy Prime, Countdown

"What are you, dense? Are you retarded or something? Who the hell do you think I am? I'm the Godamn Batman!"-Crazy Steve, All Star Batman and Robin #2

EVERY. SINGLE. LINE. OF. DIALOGUE.-Marville.

 

[Buzz Killington_v1legacy]

Johnny: I did not hit her, it's not true! It's bullshit! I did not hit her!

[throws water bottle]

Johnny: I did *not*. Oh hi, Mark.

Fun fact: The guy who played Mark wrote a book [http://www.amazon.co.uk/Disaster-Artist-Inside-Greatest-Movie/dp/0751561878] about the making of The Room in which he reveals that shooting that one bit took over three hours and thirty-two takes.

 

[Queen Michael]

Johnny: I did not hit her, it's not true! It's bullshit! I did not hit her!

[throws water bottle]

Johnny: I did *not*. Oh hi, Mark.

Fun fact: The guy who played Mark wrote a book [http://www.amazon.co.uk/Disaster-Artist-Inside-Greatest-Movie/dp/0751561878] about the making of The Room in which he reveals that shooting that one bit took over three hours and thirty-two takes.

And the existing version is what they deemed good enough to go with? Ye Gods.

 

[Queen Michael]

So I found a book on the ship, the novelization of the Metal Gear Solid game. "Oh, this will be interesting, the chance to see a bit of behind the scenes."

It started off alright, but the writing was just... off in some way. Like reading some middle school fan fiction about Snake's adventures. And then this happened:

Snake jumps out from behind cover to confront two armed soldiers. ?Merry Christmas,? Snake said as he delivered two powerhouse punches, left and then right, into the guards? faces. The soldiers plopped to the floor. ?I forgot to tell you ? Christmas is early this year.?

Yes he jumps out in front of two armed guards, yelled "Merry Christmas!" then punched them both in the face. Wow. It only gets worse with the one-liners. One of the reviews about the book states: "The Benson-ified Snake boasts all the verbal wit of a 13-year-old on Xbox Live, to his horror and ours."
[...]
Anyways, I couldn't bring myself to finish the book. Snake's quips just... it was horrible.

I guess it says something about my love for cheesiness that I finished and enjoyed that book.

But it did bug me when Meryl leans in to listens to Snake's codec, when the earlier dialogue explicitly said that nobody but Snake could hear it due to the way it directly stimulates the small bones in his ear.

 

[springheeljack]

Oh here is one from an actually good movie that really stuck out to me
From Heat
Alan Marciano:
Why'd I get mixed up with that *****?
Vincent: Cause she's got a great ass!! And you got your head all the way up it! Ferocious, aren't I? When I think of asses, a woman's ass, something comes out of me.
Alan Marciano: So?
Vincent: So, no big thing. All I want is her husband, and his whole fucking crew. Now you're gonna work with Sgt. Drucker here.

Why? Why? Was that in the movie? I mean I liked it I thought it was great but still...Why?

 

[Johnny Impact]

I'll take A Miserable Little Pile of Secrets for $500, Alex.

Can't think of any from works of fiction off the top of my head. I get real life ones occasionally:

"That guy's throwing around false accusations behind my back because he's just a whining, jealous, weaselly little *****!"
-said a coworker, totally making a whining accusation behind the other guy's back

This useless little cumstain we used to have at my job, who I desperately wanted to murder, once said I was his friend. That just about broke my brain. We had never had a single conversation that wasn't work-related, and all the work-related ones had been me trying to get him to do work and him telling me to piss off.

 

[CrystalShadow]

Also pick any of Tomoko's lines in Watamote and you'll probably facepalm over it. Oh god how is that anime tagged as comedy when it could be labelled a psychological horror without much effort.

What? It's funny... Except when it's not... XD
Gah. Sometimes some series are just too good at demonstrating a point...

Tomoko feels like an exaggerated, but nonetheless largely accurate portrayal of several parts of my life.
If you took what I was like at 12, with what I'm like now, mix in a bit of other stuff, then make it more extreme (for comedy purposes, I guess) and uhm... More Japanese...
Then you get Tomoko pretty much. XD

I guess that's part of what makes it scary. Seeing a fictional character that is very much like you... >_>
Eeegh...

But in general, yeah, it does make a person squirm watching Tomoko trying to talk to someone... XD
Even when she isn't being all shy, she still says dumb, creepy shit. XD