See this?
This is the humblest creation of the Great British Food God.
The biscuit.
Not to be confused with the abomination that is the cookie.
Look at it! It even has spikes, it's like the biscuit's evil twin!
The biscuit is like the Swiss Army knife of food stuffs. It can be used in almost any situation.
Bored? You've got a frisbee. Does your mouse need something to stop his head from getting wet? Got him a perfectly good shelter. Need to a coaster to prevent cups from ruining your expensive table? Got youself the tastiest damn coaster right there.
But we all know the biscuit's true purpose. The place that all biscuits wish to eventually end up.
It's Sovngarde for biscuits
Tea dunking. It's a risky business, and requires a skilled hand, tempered through several years of SAS training.
Leave the biscuit in too long and the structual integrity of the biscuit will be compromised and it will break, leaving a horrible pseudo biscuity mass in your tea. You don't fucking want that. Remove the biscuit too early and you're left with an unsatisfyingly un-soggy biscuit. Double dipping will increase the risk of breakage by eleventy million percent.
Easy, easy does it my lad
Like Pokemon, biscuits come in mant different forms. Here are but a few examples to fill your BiscuiDex.
"But Daystar, you sexy man beast, how do I know when I'm eating a biscuit and not a disguised cake?"
That's a good question.
I present to you, the Jaffa Cake.
It looks like a biscuit, but it ain't a biscuit. Ignore the fact that it has cake in the name.
In the UK, value added tax is payable on chocolate covered biscuits, but not on chocolate covered cakes. McVities defended its classification of Jaffa Cakes as cakes in court, producing 30 cm Jaffa Cake to illustrate that its Jaffa Cakes were simply miniature cakes. McVities argued that a distinction between cakes and biscuits is, among other things, that biscuits would normally be expected to go soft when stale, whereas cakes would normally be expected to go hard.
This was a landmark case for people everywhere. The biscuit/cake debate had raged for millions of years, claiming an uncountable number of lives.
So there you have it.
The biscuit.
A loving husband, a doting father, and best friend to all.
But don't take my word for it, listen to this testimonial by a panda.
Have you ever known a panda to lie?
I didn't think so.
This is the humblest creation of the Great British Food God.
The biscuit.
Not to be confused with the abomination that is the cookie.
Look at it! It even has spikes, it's like the biscuit's evil twin!
The biscuit is like the Swiss Army knife of food stuffs. It can be used in almost any situation.
Bored? You've got a frisbee. Does your mouse need something to stop his head from getting wet? Got him a perfectly good shelter. Need to a coaster to prevent cups from ruining your expensive table? Got youself the tastiest damn coaster right there.
But we all know the biscuit's true purpose. The place that all biscuits wish to eventually end up.
It's Sovngarde for biscuits
Tea dunking. It's a risky business, and requires a skilled hand, tempered through several years of SAS training.
Leave the biscuit in too long and the structual integrity of the biscuit will be compromised and it will break, leaving a horrible pseudo biscuity mass in your tea. You don't fucking want that. Remove the biscuit too early and you're left with an unsatisfyingly un-soggy biscuit. Double dipping will increase the risk of breakage by eleventy million percent.
Easy, easy does it my lad
Like Pokemon, biscuits come in mant different forms. Here are but a few examples to fill your BiscuiDex.
"But Daystar, you sexy man beast, how do I know when I'm eating a biscuit and not a disguised cake?"
That's a good question.
I present to you, the Jaffa Cake.
It looks like a biscuit, but it ain't a biscuit. Ignore the fact that it has cake in the name.
In the UK, value added tax is payable on chocolate covered biscuits, but not on chocolate covered cakes. McVities defended its classification of Jaffa Cakes as cakes in court, producing 30 cm Jaffa Cake to illustrate that its Jaffa Cakes were simply miniature cakes. McVities argued that a distinction between cakes and biscuits is, among other things, that biscuits would normally be expected to go soft when stale, whereas cakes would normally be expected to go hard.
This was a landmark case for people everywhere. The biscuit/cake debate had raged for millions of years, claiming an uncountable number of lives.
So there you have it.
The biscuit.
A loving husband, a doting father, and best friend to all.
But don't take my word for it, listen to this testimonial by a panda.
Have you ever known a panda to lie?
I didn't think so.
