Blind Writing

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Khedive Rex

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Recently, in the true sense of the word, I performed a deed I had always promised myself I would. It has been a dark unheeded desire of mine since I first watched The Sixth Sense in my youth but somehow the temptation has never quite died off. And boredom being, if not a motivator, certainly a canvas for new and turbulent undertakings, I found myself not but fifteen minutes ago engaged in the act I had long fantasised about.

I forget what they called it in that movie which planted the seed in my mind, but I call it "Blind Writing." There was a moment in the movie where the small child was talking with a psychologist (it may have been Bruce Willis, I haven't seen the show in an age) and the child is instructed to simply begin writing. He is to put no forethought into his work, he is not to edit, he is not to hesitate. He is to write simply for the purpose of writing and hardly think about what he is putting down on the page. The idea is that, once he has finished, a written portrait of his inner-psyche will be left for all to read. His subconcious will have taken over while he was penning his every fleeting thought and what the subconcious wrote will be very telling of the child's mental state.

I always found that idea oddly fascinating. That you could write with a blank mind and in return find a status report of your own mental health seemed, at once, fancifull and plausible. I resolved one day to try the technique, see if it worked or if I would merely type out an unsatisfying non-sequitor.

Fifteen minutes ago, I typed with a blank mind. It is fair to say I was quite surprised.

____________There is almost certainly no escape at this point. I?m pretty sure they?re eating me. It?s hard to tell with these creatures. Anyway, you are my greatest friend and at this very vulnerable and fleeting moment of My life I felt it would be only appropriate to address my final lament to you. It seemed fair. Anyway, I know soon you may find yourself in the same position I am in today and thus we have even more to talk about. One more thing we have in common.
____________Commonality. That was always the basis of our relationship. Neither of us was particularly unique and thankfully we found cohorts of similarly bland constitutions. I shudder to think what may have become of my life if I hadn?t gone to the same community college as you. I would never have met Thom the air-conditioning repair-man. Subsequently, I would have had to pay for my air-conditioning repairs. Thom saved me hundreds of dollars across my, soon to be cut-short, life; he was my second best-friend.
____________More than that though, I may have found myself in the company of raconteurs and men of society. People who talk too much cannot avoid lying, there is only so much truth to tell. And people who think too much miss the point of life, to sleep until spoken to. They cause themselves hell morally. I?ve never once doubted my moral convictions and I know that everyone I?ve befriended shares my certainty. We are the most pure innocent and chaste spirits any god could ask for; we never grew into debauched and sinful things, we never even broke our shells to see the world. It?s more comfortable and far easier to stay where you are placed. I don?t understand why so many society types feel the need to be restless. It must surely cost them many a nights rest.
____________No, you saved me from those people. And though you haven?t, and can?t, save me from the monsters currently consuming me I can say without doubt that you rescued me from a life of being consumed by the machine that churns out sushi-eating liberals. Those people aren?t born, they?re made ? Rather like the creatures in this room, I suppose.
____________You know I hadn?t expected to have this long to write to you. They seem to find it amusing. I find them quite disturbing but they only laugh at my endeavors. That may be part of the problem, they laugh too much. I?m not sure they can help it but they ought to make a conscious effort; it might do them some good. You?ll forgive me my friend, they want me to keep writing. I had intended this to be a good-bye note you could read quickly and mourn afterwards. With your forgiveness I?m going to abuse your patience and write a little longer. I don?t think they?ll kill me till I?ve finished or they?ve grown bored. You don?t have to read the whole draft, I wouldn?t wish to inconvenience a friend and I know how much you disapprove of the written word but they are offering me a chance to live slightly longer and that?s all a man can really ask for, isn?t it?
____________If you choose to stop reading now I?ll understand. It was a wonder knowing you and I hope you live a truly fulfilling life. I mean that my friend. Tell Thom I said thank you, tell my wife she?s very pretty. I have a final will and testament underneath my television in the master bedroom. You may take a small finders fee, you deserve that much. Good-bye!

____________I was borne in a yellow house. It was a very emasculating color and that always bothered me. I resolved that when I bought my own place I would paint it black, because black is a color associated with formality and formality is the appropriate tact to adopt when introducing yourself to strangers. The inside of a house can be any color, excluding perhaps pink or very aggressive shades of orange, but the outside should always be one of the four suit colors. Black, dark brown, dark blue and dark gray are the hues which most strongly denote civility and politeness and thusly are the hues most appropriate for advertising yourself and your possessions. I elected black as my future home-color because the other shades are merely reflections of black and I don?t see the point to adding subtle flairs of color for personality when the goal is to show as little of your actual personality as possible.
____________My lawn, I declared, would also be perfectly manicured at all times. I would own a dog. He would be a brownish bloodhound with too much skin on his face. He would also be a rather old animal so that I would not be expected to play with him at all hours of the day. He would be fond of porches and spend most of his time laying on mine, which would accomplish the dual task of intimidating children and keeping appearances up. At three cans of food a day, one dollar for each can, he would be a cheaper habit than cigarettes. Plus, by owning a bloodhound I avoided any subject of addiction. One does not become attached to dogs.
____________It is appropriate now to mention that my mother chose the opposite side of the spectrum. We never owned a pet and she went through two cartons a day. My room was next to hers and I could smell the smoke. Not all the time. Just when I?d leave from a shower or return from a day-out with my friends. I?d walk slowly to my room and detect a subtle hint of decay sneaking from below my mother?s doorframe. It was woody, but not in a healthy barbeque sense. It smelled like the incense an ethically questionable shaman would light as he attempted to raise the dead, it was thick and bitter and oddly unpleasant. I learned years later that there was tar in it and was hardly surprised, I think I detected the aroma like a truly first-rate chef can taste the ingredients in a stuffing. It was probably similar anyway. I also learned years later that I was allergic to dogs. That was much more of a surprise and left me depressed for a weekend, after which I began to smoke.

____________My high-school days were eventful, as they are supposed to be. I was a second rate football jockey and a second rate scholar with a turbulent love life and a small band of unloyal friends. We got into trouble on occasion because children are supposed to be rambunctious and rebellious and we certainly weren?t going to miss the opportunity. I cost my parents something like four hundred dollars in fines which my dad happily paid. He was proud of everything I did because what I did chiefly was play a reasonable game of football. I didn?t excel but I comfortably made it onto the team and, as such, my father was allowed four years of fantasizing about his son becoming a football legend. It didn?t make sense then but I understand now that the lives we imagine others to lead are more entertaining to follow than our own. At the time I would remind him that I wasn?t my school?s star athlete and he would wave off the comment with an indignant grunt. He never explained that I was being impolite.
____________I lost my virginity to a woman I asked to the prom. It was something like our fourth date but I was a football player and she was pretty so neither of us saw a reason to defy tradition. Her name was Helga. She wasn?t a fat Helga though and I remember that bothered me. Helga is the sort of name obese Swiss women who yodel while they cook borscht possess. The Helga I knew was blonde and softly freckled with a little too much eyeliner and a sort of nervous demeanor. It turns out the fat Swiss woman was her mother and she had been named following a long family tradition. That explained Helga?s self-consciousness. She wasn?t the woman her mother had expected.

Now then, I can say with complete certainty I have nothing in common with the narrator of that peice of verse. First and foremost I am a sushi-eating liberal and a member of the intelligencia. I think too much and talk too much and consider those values to uphold. I don't remember the color of my birth home and anyway I didn't live there long. I never played football in highschool and I never went to my prom. I'm not allergic to dogs and no one in my family smokes except my grandfather who I see once every four or five months. I'm not in college yet and I won't be going to community college, I'm already enrolled in one of the top 100 universities in the country. My father is distinctly unlike the narrator's and my friends include a wide circle of relatively trustworthy and harmless fellows.

The question then arises for me, Who the hell is this fellow? Why is his voice the one that shows up if I'm not concentrating on whats being written? Also, what's eating him? That's just weird.

My one explination so far is that I write stories pretty regularly and so, intead of my mind falling back into my subconcious, my mind fell back into a half-formed story that was residing in my subconcious and I just typed that out instead. Honestly though, I'm not sure. Which is part of why I created this thread.

[HEADING=1]Welcome to the Blind Writing thread![/HEADING]

The rules are simple enough.

1) Get on your word program and just start typing.

2) Make a concious effort to avoid thinking about what you are writing. Just write without concentrating.

3) When you can no longer avoid concentrating on it, copy and paste your Blind Passage into this thread. NO EDITING.

4) Give your opinion on yours/others/the-idea-of Blind Passages.

5) Get the psychoanalytical disscussions flowin'

Those are the guidelines anyway. If you want actual rules they are simple enough. Behave as though a mod were watching you at all times (THEY ARE!!!). No flaming, no trolling, no adverts. Oh, and nothing pornographic. If your Blind Passage gets in depth you can edit away that stuff, we don't need to see that corner of your mind.

Apart from that, go for it! Write up a Blind Passage of your own or tell me what you think mine means. I'd certainly like to know.
 

Fraught

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I don't think I'm able to write without thinking.

[small]Seriously, how's that possible? I'd just type nonsensical rubbish that doesn't mean anything in any language.[/small]
 

Khedive Rex

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Fraught said:
I don't think I'm able to write without thinking.

[small]Seriously, how's that possible? I'd just type nonsensical rubbish that doesn't mean anything in any language.[/small]
You should try it. It's not so much that you've completely blanked out as you're not really paying attention. You know what you're writing you just don't particularly care and so your free to follow odd trains of thought.
 

SamuelT

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...Now that's odd.

When not concentrating, but merely following your thoughts, you get something that only makes sense to you, not to others.

*Ten minutes later*

I find it absolutely impossible to do. I checked and double-checked everything I wrote just now.

Impossible. For me. =D
 

walls of cetepedes

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"Pizza. Canadians. Whats for dinner? Cats. what's going on? Who are you? What do you want? I'm fine. You? What? Who? I don't like you anymore. Get out of my kitchen! What? I enjoy brisk walks. Bricks are tasty. You don?t know me! Ugh. My god, he hates me. I hate him. He?s dead he's dead!"

I stopped after that last bit.

I don't like the state of my mind.

Edit: I'm going to try again.
 

Fraught

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Khedive Rex said:
Fraught said:
I don't think I'm able to write without thinking.

[small]Seriously, how's that possible? I'd just type nonsensical rubbish that doesn't mean anything in any language.[/small]
You should try it. It's not so much that you've completely blanked out as you're not really paying attention. You know what you're writing you just don't particularly care and so your free to follow odd trains of thought.
I seriously can't. When I write, I have to think about something, and I'm always thinking about what to write when I'm writing. And when I just start to type without concentrating on it, then, like I said, I just write nonsense like "Yij glsa hikc".
 

Cpt_Oblivious

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"Ok the cat fat shat food part dead cat hat head and shoulder shampoo boycott real poo tasty for children I'll kill a million ants why?"

What the fuck is wrong with me?
 

Khedive Rex

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Samuel_of_Saruan said:
...Now that's odd.

When not concentrating, but merely following your thoughts, you get something that only makes sense to you, not to others.

*Ten minutes later*

I find it absolutely impossible to do. I checked and double-checked everything I wrote just now.

Impossible. For me. =D
It does take a rather large helping of self-disipline, particularly for careful writers like the kind found on the Escapist. I found it tough at first too. The trick is just to do it fast and not to let yourself use the backspace key. Get into a grooze and before long you'll stop caring what it reads like.
 

DoW Lowen

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Great Thread! I love it. Here is my thoughts -

I?m too old from my own liking, but fuck me I?m only nineteen. How is that I feel like I?ve lived forever but I haven?t passed two decades. I live in a broken house, with a broken family and my mother has a broken heart. I never wanted to be like my parents, but sometimes when I look in the mirror I see them standing behind me guiding me towards apapthy and ignorance. I do my best to avoid that. Science to my angst suggests I have no choice bu to be like them. But even as a scientist myself I can?t take myself to believe that. I want to be me, and who is me? I guess I?ve always been a child in the shell of a man. A harsh life forced me to grow up never had many people arund to teach me the things I needed to know. Had to learn them for myself.

I feel more and more mature than the people around. But I can never tell them. That would be pretentious. I feel more wise than the people here, but how am I to know that? I guess when people argue against me I?m able to argue back without fail. No doubt, no fear, no hesitation in my opinion. I was born to be a verbal assassin, whatever the fuck that means. I realized when I have a ?discussion? with people, if they cannot win than they?ll talk over me or ignore me. On the forums I wonder how many people who don?t reply, don?t reply simply because they have nothing more to say. I guess I?ll never know.

People see only what the want to see, people read only what?s relevant to them. And they?ll only reply to what they feel is personal. I guess that?s tpo be expected, you can?t have yourself immersed in the lives of others when you only have one life for yourself. So we all like to relate everything back to ourselves. Which is why I call everyone egocentric, and that?s why people get pissed off at me for saying that. But I think we should all be egocentric, not be be mistake for self-centered. But if a person if not living for themselves than are they really living?

My friend Belle hasn?t talked to me in almost a month. We were best friends, but I told her I was in love with her. What a stupid thing to do. I regret telling her, I regret falling for her. She?s deluded herself with a **** who doesn?t respect her let alone appreciate her. She?s helpless and dependant and afraid of being alone, yet I can;?t help but love her for it. Am I a fool or can I love someone for all their faults. I feel bad because I have a girlfriend, but I love her too and I would never cheat on her or hurt her intentionally in any way. After the thing with Belle, well? I guess I started to move on. Those feelongs were there for years, I had to get them off my chest I suppose. I couldn?t have it out there all this time. I wonder what she?s doing now, I wonder if she?s thinking of me? I hope so. I would feel really sucky if I wasn?t even a distant thoughty in the back of her head.

I haven?t really thought about life in the future for a while. All I can think about is death. Death Death Death! I?m so afraid of it. Yet without the fear of death there is no reason to live. I wish I was immortal, then I would never be afraid of losing my conciousness now. I like the person who is typing, I love that I have control of this life. For that to be taken away is something I cant handle right now. I was really sick though for the past two weeks, the doctor got worried and had me go through x-rays and blood tests because of how severe my symptoms were. He thought I may have had a malignant disease, I was scared shitless but when those results came back neagitve I didn?t feel anything. I thought about my funeral endlessly yesterday before I got the results back. I thought about how I would live my last moments on Earth, and they were glorious. And now I?m kind of depressed that my ideal life exists only in my imminent death. I want to live without the fear.

I am currently in the process of psycho-analyzing yours. Also I didn't edit so that's why there are a lot of spelling mistakes.

OH and this process is called Automatic Writing, we do this all the time in my creative writing workshops.
 

SamuelT

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Khedive Rex said:
It does take a rather large helping of self-disipline, particularly for careful writers like the kind found on the Escapist. I found it tough at first too. The trick is just to do it fast and not to let yourself use the backspace key. Get into a grooze and before long you'll stop caring what it reads like.
So I should get high?

I kid. I'll give it another go when I'm not that focused on the quality of what I wrote. It's just something I learnt myself when going on a writing-spree. It's much more easy to alter something you just wrote than altering something you built and built upon.

It's an interesting goal to set. Write without focus.
 

DRADIS C0ntact

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I tried it, but I stopped after about a minute because what I wrote was kind of silly and disturbing all at the same time.

Anyway, this is what I got:

It's all starting to come apart. The chill wind is tearing the flesh from off of my arms. Little pieces of skin are falling to the ground and the squirrels are collecting them, taking them to their nests to eat later on. Strangely, I am not bothered by it. They need it more than I do because I'm not hungry and I have a jacket to keep me warm.
 

walls of cetepedes

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Cpt_Oblivious said:
"Ok the cat fat shat food part dead cat hat head and shoulder shampoo boycott real poo tasty for children I'll kill a million ants why?"

What the fuck is wrong with me?
You like cats and faeces?
 

Cpt_Oblivious

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Fat Man Spoon said:
Cpt_Oblivious said:
"Ok the cat fat shat food part dead cat hat head and shoulder shampoo boycott real poo tasty for children I'll kill a million ants why?"

What the fuck is wrong with me?
You like cats and faeces?
Well that'd explain why the RSPCA wouldn't give me a job.
 

AmrasCalmacil

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Feel humanity slowly getting stupider, idiots too wrapped up in delusions of greatness to realise that they?re pathetic little fleas in a world that cares nothing about them, finding it hards to concentrate, can?t switch off brain, staring at a walll, nothing seems to come together correctly, feeling almost homicidal towards my fellow man, thoughts of bodily destruction, can?t be right, democracy can?t possibly work if it leads to people as they are now, grind them into the dirt and show them their places, no external differences to man, only internal, some are more equal than others, list going on, staring at wall for some time, door quite fascinating, minds true potentiall hidden behind a wall of idiotic meme spouting as replacement for wit, opinion excuse not to think, ot product of thought, shall stop now.

I highly doubt I did it correctly, I couldn't stop thinking. If that seems excessively nihilistic, bear in mind that I'm in a bad mood.
 

Trivun

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LordCuthberton said:
Its called Automatic writing i beleive?
Yes, and believe it or not that's how Derren Brown was able to succesfully predict all six UK lottery numbers on Wednesday night. He explained in a special show last night that he used automatic writing and a group of people to predict different numbers, found the average values, then used that as his prediction. And it worked, too. Strange but true :)

Anyway, that got me interested in automatic writing myself, so I may try it later by hand. If anything coherent and legible comes out I'll post it on the site, or maybe a picture, if I can :)
 

DoW Lowen

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Khedive Rex said:
*snip, snip snip*
It seems to me you've had a hard life. I remember you psycho analyzing me in another thread once, so I'm returning the favor =)

It's obvious you write a lot, if these are your thoughts they are representative of something in the back of your mind. It's just that these thoughts are a lot more encoded in imagery, narrative and metaphors. If I'm wrong than tell me, I'd hate to make any presumptions about you (even though that's what I'm doing). To me this is like interpreting a person's dream.

You seem to love your spouse very much, and if that person doesn't exist in that story than it is representative of a person or more possibly people in your life that you're lucky to have found. You may feel that these person(s) keep you going in life and you're very dependent on them when you;re feeling down. But perhaps you feel that some people you're close to have a bad influence on you, or maybe it's the other way around. There are some people you're close to but you may feel you don't have much in common with them.

A persons' house is their home. You don't speak too well of it, perhaps you felt that you didn't relate with your parents that well when you were younger. Or it could be that you felt depraved of something, that you felt a pressure to be someone you didn't want to or you wanted to be something else but the circumstances allowed you to only be this one thing that you couldn't change.

I think based on the university thing, you feel that maybe when you were younger you didn't really live up to your full potential. Or at least in hindsight that's how it looks. You feel that you could be more than what you are today, and you wish that you the person you look back upon was the same person now.

It's likely that wrong, I'm not great at analyzing unless I actually meet the person. Body language tells me much more than a body of text could.