GrinningManiac said:
Okay, this one was frighteningly serious, and I'd love for an analysis, there's some curious religo-babble in there, stuff I think relates to my guilt of not being more pious
I suppose when you look at the world, Afghanistan is a kind of su,mnol for the share of our mischievous cretins, what with the redcoats, and the red army, and the redness of blood on sand, like diamonds, him diamonds. There?s a man in a suit shouting at the photographer. Who?s in the right? A corpse, screaming at injustice, the eagle flies overhead, is it liberty? Like dove, but it eats people, like them. The moon, it looks down, like snooty neighbours with pet cat. Who is the cat? Halley? Odd...Mozart was nice enough, I don?t like them. Clergy, My uncle, he works for them, who works for god? Do they "work" for god? Does the Doll ?work? for the little boy or girl or cat who chews it when they?re away?
Oil rigs digging up my home there?s a yellow truck with a spade, a man in a green coat. He has a moustache. So does Hitler. Stalin too, Bach didn?t/ Po;. Ot important. Where in the world is My oil. Why don?t I get what my vote fought for. There?s a man in the world, dead, bleeding the black gold, because I let it happen. My fault? Or the government who lied> Who knows. Did they lie? Was I paying attention? ID I JUST NOT CARE? There?s another Cat. Why do i keep thinking of Cats? I?m a god person. Trains, they move around,. Not arteries, but intestines? I PAUSED THERE, Odd...helicopters, and swirling about like it?s nobody?s business?!?
"god person", okay, that freaked me a little. I think I meant to say Dog (I do this with my eyes closed, stops me planning my next sentence). Is that a coincidental typo, or a freaky inner thingamigig?
I believe its a freaky inner thingamigig. It's late and I should probably be asleep but you specifically asked for an analysis so I figured I'd oblige.
Again, everything I say should be taken from the perspective of guessing blindly. That being said, the first thing that stands out to me is that you appear to be frustrated with yourself. You're naturally an apathetic and accepting fellow but recently you feel that you should be having a stronger influence on the world around you. You're not sure in which ways you should try to affect the world but you feel as though your obligated to make an attempt. The fact that you haven't yet, and aren't really the sort of person who feels undying desire to, worries you.
You appear to have characterized your personal sense of apathy and complacency with a cat. "The moon, it looks down, like snooty neighbours with pet cat.", "Does the Doll ?work? for the little boy or girl or cat who chews it when they?re away?", "ID I JUST NOT CARE? There?s another Cat." The people who own the cat are comfortable and self-absorbed and unlikely to have any positive influence on the world. When your disscussing the nature of faith, your worry that an all knowing god doesn't exist or doesn't care about individual humans is characterized by a cat chewing on a doll (the doll characterizing your uncle specifically and the concept of blind acceptance generally). When you are confronted by the concept that you don't care, you immediately see a cat. You've chosen that image to represent the passive and uninterested parts of your personallity. And you declare at the end that you should not be seeing cats because you are a god person; which is interesting firstly because it solidifies the idea that your not entirely comfortable with the lazy parts of your personality and secondly because it is something of a Freudian slip (you most certainly meant Dog. It is more than coincidence however that you typed God.)
I'm assuming that you are conciously aware of an ideal you feel no loyalty to in your subconcious. The idea of being pious and faithful and virtuous are values you have to remind yourself are your goals in life. Deep down though, it doesn't bother you that you're not as pious as you should be, it worries you that you aren't bothered by the fact that your not as pious as you should be. In your own mind you're afriad that that is proof you have given up on, or are unable to lead, a meaningfull and impactful life. This is nonesense and you shouldn't think like that. You characterize your uncle, presumably the man who most embodies the ideals of faith in your own life, as a mindless doll being chewed on by passersby who don't care about him. Whether you realize it or not, you don't want to end up like that. Forcing yourself to live to his standards will never provide you with the satisfaction you think it provides him. You call yourself a god person as a way of fighting the careless parts of your instinct through devotion to the ideals you think you ought to have, but really its time you came up with a system of morals that worked and that you actually felt loyalty to. Other people can't teach you what to think and, on an unconcious level, you really aren't interested in their attempts.
My advice would be to accept your essential nature and learn to embrace it. You're not a god person, you're a cat person and it's really not that bad. You can still accomplish things and have an impact on the world, but it doesn't have to be all at once. You think endlessly about Afghanistan because you feel like you ought to care more deeply. The honest truth though is that, right now, you don't. I can guarantee you one thing though, when you've gone out into the world and met some people from afghanistan and met some soldiers and met the families of soldiers the conflict will seem 800% more real and you
will care. And when the time comes that you do care and are in a position to help, your cool, calm, placid, cat additude will be invaluable. You'll be able to see where other people are making mistakes and you'll be independant enough to point out those flaws and demand that something be done. You'll approach issues logically and steadily and you'll develop interesting solutions that people who were lost in the moment may never have thought of. You don't need mindless fealty to accomplish things, your free-spirited accepting additude will do you far more good.
Thats the thing though, you wont become that man until you've looked after yourself first. Before you try to change the world, look after your own interests. Get a job that lets you have a comfortable, easy life. Meet people who will help you see more of the world and enjoy the finer parts of it. Expand your circle of friends, expand your personal experience, expand the breadth of your knowledge and (you'll forgive the frankness) the depth of your pocketbook and you'll be in a position to do whatever you want; whatever needs to be done. If you try to change the world now though, you wont be able to and you'll cause yourself more stress than you deserve. First make your world a better place, then you can start to worry about other people's worlds.
... Wow, longer than I intended. Hope you don't mind. Again, stabbing in the dark and feel free to tell me I was way off.
Oh, and
Labyrinth said:
I'd also like to add that I feel it's a hell of a lot easier to accurately analyse someone else's work than your own, because you don't carry the baggage of understanding everything so can draw certain connections which they might not think of. Doing it with someone you know is also easier than doing it with a stranger.
I think thats certainly true but theres is something to be said about doing it to stangers. The same way that you can have trouble analyzing yourself because your too far caught up in it, its possible that people you know would ignore connection because their pretty sure they know how you operate and the inclination they were getting didn't seem like you. Distance can be useful in these sorts of things. It allows for a very sterile look at the person and those are usually the most reliable.
Knowing a person certainly makes advice easier though. You can cite specific actions instead of just describing a mentality or rough-draft of strategy.
DRADIS C0ntact post=18.141636.3176458 said:
Khedive Rex said:
Whoa...
That summed up to the letter
exactly what I've been struggling with for the last couple months now. I've been wanting to get away from someone, but I haven't been able to express it because this person needs me. And so I've just continued living in the situation, making sacrifices that I don't want to make anymore because I don't think this person can make it without me.
And honestly, I wasn't thinking about all of that when I did the blind writing. I tried to keep my mind off of the writing and on something else, like what groceries I need to buy today.
I might try to do some more blind writing after that...
You should definitelly try some more. I'm thinking of doing another myself though I must admit I'd love some more interpretations of the first. I have no idea why my unconcious mind would sound like that, or appear to have led a completely contradictory life to my own. And the idea that he's being eaten by things that find his writing funny is ... vaguely distrubing. Makes me wonder what was running through my head.
Oh, and my advice still stand. You should think about yourself first. It'll suck while your doing it but it'll provide a solid end from which you can grow some beginings. Nothing lasts forever and, unfortunately, our attempts to keep the husks looking bright are always ultimately futile and slowly more depressing. Again though, I don't know you and really don't know what you're going through besides a paragraph of metaphor. Take advice people on the internet give you with a grain of salt, that's my advice... Paradox...
