Bombs Away!

[camazotz]

I clearly must have watched a different Sucker Punch from the ones that you people did because I absolutely loved the movie.

Same here, I saw the same one you did....easily one of the best movies this year, next to X-Men; First Class.

As for Conan....I actually saw and liked it, but it definitely was a B movie and I'm really kind of amazed that the film was green-lighted with as big a budget as it had. That said, it was a kind of singularly unique experience, and closer to the Howard Conan than the 1982 movie was; unfortunately I doubt we're going to see something quite like it for a long time after it flopped so badly (for better or worse, obviously YMMV on this and I know I'm in a tiny minority on this).

...I guess I just would rather not go back to the horrendous low-budget "Barbarian Brothers" and "Lou Ferrigno" era of sword & sorcery flicks....maybe seeing too many of those has skewed my perspective on Conan and its quality now....ah well.

 

[camazotz]

sucker punch failed because it was shit, plain and simple.

Proof zach snyder should stick to adapting other peoples ideas rather than expressing his own.

"If you dont stand for anything, you'll fall for everything"

Worst line in a movie this year, it dosent even mean anything, its just written to sound profound and exemplafies the entire reason why this movie is garbage.

It means that if you don't take a stand for yourself, in absence of that you'll just accept whatever people offer you instead.

 

[B Goy]

My theory for why Sucker Punch (and other Comic-Con movies like Kick-Ass) failed is because they knew the unwashed masses weren't going to see a film about a molested girl in an asylum going through some shit or a film about a guy who gets tortured and beaten, while other things get dark. They want to see Inception with lesbians and hot girls, they want to see Nicholas Cage as Batman with a shotgun along with a little girl who beats everyone up along with these this guy who started the craze, but gets his tuckus whupped everytime but gets a more competent sidekick.

So they put up trailers hinting at the public's perception while the film-nerds who would normally look deeper into these things, get excited about something new and different. Sucker Punch was actually telling you not to see women as a nice little thing to get turned on by while Kick-Ass shows what the actual consequences of a real-life superhero is. Of course one thing happened.

The internet. Some of the smarter parts of the public, who looked up Year One before assuming that Jack Black and Michael Cera equals comedy gold, looked up the comic Kick-Ass and learnt more about the characters in Sucker Punch and worked out that they weren't going to get what they want. Them telling their friends plus people like MovieBob spilling the beans that Sucker Punch is actually a criticism of going to see a film just because they though it was Inception with lesbians and hot girls, and that Kick-Ass was far darker then they thought (who honestly could say that they thought Nicholas Cage being called Batman wasn't a parody, and they never read the comics or heard of them?) they didn't show and Hollywood 'learnt' that Comic-Con movies don't work when the lesson is actually to do what Inception did or at least be honest about the film.

 

[Calbeck]

Eh, I'd say the biggest problem with the Conan franchise is that its central draw isn't actually based on "muscle-bound guy whacks wizards". It's the depth of the world he inhabits, and how he deals with it.

The things people remember and actually like about the 1982 movie are the over-the-top bits which evoke a sense of grandeur and barbaric majesty, something a bit beyond what you see on the screen. To be written properly for the big screen, Conan has to be written and filmed more like the LotR films than anyone wants to really admit.

 

[Frankfurter4444]

In fact, I'd go so far as to say most of the dislike of this movie (including dislike by the very users on this site) was because of females being cast in a role so far removed from the one audiences are accustomed to seeing

Woman in action roles REALLY wasn't why that movie sucked. I can't express this enough.

Okay, then. Humor me: why did the movie suck?

All I can ever get are vague descriptions about dislike of the characters or the overall cartoon vibe of the movie.

But you in particular. Why did you think this movie sucked? Be as specific as possible.
(note to the mods, I'm not starting a flame war. Promise. I just want to see the point of view of someone I disagree with)

 

[irishda]

Some movies you have to watch and pay attention to in order to understand what's going on. These are movies that deal in character development and have very strong plots, (most of the time). Other movies can be played in the background, to be watched whenever something exciting is going on. These are movies that center on entertainment and a usually very fun to watch and visually exciting, but rather lacking in the terms of character development (again, most of the time). I doubt Sucker Punch is the former. And movies like that can be fun, but it becomes harder for people to give concrete definitions as to why they do or don't like it. Sometimes, visually packed movies just rub people the wrong way. And no, it's not because people hate female heroines (Alien, Kill Bill, along with numerous cult hits are all perfectly good examples of female action franchises). People don't hate women who kick ass, they just hate crappy movies where women kick ass.

 

[ThunderCavalier]

*sigh* Well, I'm depressed.

1) First off, I will freely admit that Sucker Punch was not as great as anyone says it was. I'm not familiar with Zach Snyder and his work (because I don't go to the movies that often), and while I agree and respect all of the risky decisions put into Sucker Punch, like with the all-female entourage of protagonists, the genre-happy action scenes, etc., I will say that the film, if you try to look at it objectively, makes no sense. The action scenes are nice, but made no sense when you realize that only one or two people were actually risking their lives in the real asylum, while the others were standing around doing... something. The characters are relatively one-dimensional if you get right down to it, and the plot tries far too hard to be deep and emotional and comes off as contrived and cliche.

Despite that, I absolutely LOVE Sucker Punch. The action and special effects were great, the characters, one-dimensional as they were, were actually likable (instead of emo, whiny LaBeoufs or grizzled, gritty Stallones), the setting and atmosphere was incredible, and, imo, if the story had been given to someone better at giving a narrative and sensible flow, this would have probably been the best movie of the year. As it was, sadly, it was relatively decent, bordering on mediocre, with only the specific genrebait keeping people on. However, imo this kind of movie has potential. I want to see another Scott Pilgrim and Sucker Punch. I mean, they're at least better than the dime-a-dozen action flicks, dull comedies, and horrendous retreads of past franchises that have came out recently. They're trying to be interesting and unique; can't we give them the benefit of the doubt if their first few tries aren't great?

2) I sooooooo wanted Green Lantern to not suck. That's all I can really say.

3) I really sooooooooooooooo wanted Cowboys and Aliens to not suck, and quite honestly, I also wanted this kind of movie to not suck. Crossover genres is both wacky and interesting to people who aren't familiar with either and an absolute blast to people who are. If this movie wasn't as dull as it turned out to be, this could have been a very, very interesting film and could have led to a bunch of interesting concepts. Maybe it could have inspired an Aliens vs. Predator movie that didn't suck, or something even more out there, like a... say... Saving Private Ryan vs. Steampunk Nazi Terminator thing.

... OK, that was probably a horrible example, but I hope my point is getting across.

 

[freakydan]

Is anyone else really sick of hearing Bob rag on Green Lantern? I mean, I appreciate that he didn't like it. I enjoyed it, but that's not the point.

The point is, the people who didn't like it don't need Bob to remind them. The people who liked it aren't going to change their mind just because Bob trashed the movie AGAIN. Seriously, his hatred of The Expendables didn't extend this far.

Bob, give it a rest. I'm not asking you to give it another shot, I'm not asking you to formally apologize for beating a dead horse the way you have. I'm just asking that you trust us to remember your stance on it for a couple weeks without your constant reminders.

 

[Ariseishirou]

Eh, I enjoyed Sucker Punch, but I think it would have been better (and more successful) if it wasn't so shamelessly pandering. I mean, look at two of the most successful action franchises with female leads: Aliens and Terminator. Sarah Connor (in T2 at least) and Ripley actually look and act like they could kick some ass. Just like, oh I dunno' most male action leads. It could be a case of what's good for the goose is good for the gander, here. Would you want to see an action film about some manorexic prettified male model flailing limp-wristedly at baddies or having his face badly and obviously shopped onto a stunt double, who gets felt up and cries in every second scene? No, of course not. You want to see some hard-nosed mature tough-looking ripped bald dude with cool one-liners who acts badass.

I mean I get that hot girls sell. And action sells. But just because ketchup and ice cream are delicious does not mean they'll be a delicious combo.

(And yes yes I get that he was supposedly "challenging" or "deconstructing" the male gaze by having a bunch of hot girls in stripper outfits, but I think everyone with two brains cells to rub together realized that that was a thin veneer for having his cake and eating it, too. Suuuuure it was.)

 

[LordVyreth]

In fact, I'd go so far as to say most of the dislike of this movie (including dislike by the very users on this site) was because of females being cast in a role so far removed from the one audiences are accustomed to seeing

Woman in action roles REALLY wasn't why that movie sucked. I can't express this enough.

Okay, then. Humor me: why did the movie suck?

All I can ever get are vague descriptions about dislike of the characters or the overall cartoon vibe of the movie.

But you in particular. Why did you think this movie sucked? Be as specific as possible.
(note to the mods, I'm not starting a flame war. Promise. I just want to see the point of view of someone I disagree with)

Okay, the reasons Suckerpunch sucked.

1. As other pointed out, the characters were one-dimensional AT BEST. There was Nice Chick, Angry Chick, and Main Character. And those were the good ones! The other two had almost no reason to be the movie at all; no personalities, no unique traits (except one always drives the vehicles for absolutely no reason,) and they just died as soon as the plot demanded it.

2. But the real problem with the movies was the way they handled action sequences and the story that generated them. I went into the movie thinking the action sequences were a blending of the real world and the women's insanity. Instead they were all in one character's head while she "danced." There was nothing but the vaguest connection to them and the actual escape routines, which usually boiled down to "get item while everyone's distracted." There was a total lack of context. Because they were just fantasies in movie, it didn't matter what they fought and there was no risk if anyone would live or die. Like I said above, I found myself bored during the stripper on orc violence because there was no meaning or risk.

3. The entire premise of the characters being in an insane asylum was wasted and makes no sense. I can sort of see how they main character turned it into a weird burlesque house as a form of mental escape, but why exact does "getting caught up in the state of sexy dancing" equal "battles with giant cyborg samurai?" The plot explains that she is deliberately making it all up in her head, so what, is she some sort of weird steampunk zombie Nazi/orc/dragon/robot/Asian culture/train enthusiast? For all intents and purposes, all the characters were basically sane in the first place, or at least they didn't show any signs of mental disturbance.

Really, the biggest shame about Suckerpunch is how even a slightly competent writer could have made it work so much better. To start with, they could have taken a page from Pan's Labyrinth and made it ambiguous how much was fantasy and how much real. Instead of the protagonist closing her eyes followed by ten minutes of pointless special effects time-wasting, what if she (and the other women,) seemed to find the fantasy worlds and enter them physically, letting the viewer question if reality itself was bleeding into fantasy or if this was just the crazy person version of Muppet Babies? Better yet, show how each women is suffering from some sort of mental disorder and have it play out in their personality and as an obstacle to be conquered, and then base each fantasy around one character's role and mental issues. Their personal demons could turn into literal hostile obstacles, and suddenly it would MAKE SENSE to fight brutal demons in one universe and resurrected horrors in the next. And because we didn't know how real it was to the characters, they could actually appear to be in danger and suspension of disbelief would be maintained.

 

[curelightchild]

"(Anyone kinda hope they throw a keyblade in there, somewhere?)"

YEEEEESSSS!!!

*cough* Now that I have that out of my system. Up until now I have been terrified that Disney would use "Kingdom Hearts" in a cash-grab kind of way, but if they use it like a small Easter egg I don't think I would complain.

 

[RTR]

Keyblade? Intelligent breakdown of Sucker Punch?
This is why I like you, Bob.

 

[Draconalis]

Okay, then. Humor me: why did the movie suck?

All I can ever get are vague descriptions about dislike of the characters or the overall cartoon vibe of the movie.

But you in particular. Why did you think this movie sucked? Be as specific as possible.
(note to the mods, I'm not starting a flame war. Promise. I just want to see the point of view of someone I disagree with)

I was busy SCUBA diving all day, so you'll have to forgive my lack of a reply... but fortunately for me...

Okay, the reasons Suckerpunch sucked.

1. As other pointed out, the characters were one-dimensional AT BEST. There was Nice Chick, Angry Chick, and Main Character. And those were the good ones! The other two had almost no reason to be the movie at all; no personalities, no unique traits (except one always drives the vehicles for absolutely no reason,) and they just died as soon as the plot demanded it.

2. But the real problem with the movies was the way they handled action sequences and the story that generated them. I went into the movie thinking the action sequences were a blending of the real world and the women's insanity. Instead they were all in one character's head while she "danced." There was nothing but the vaguest connection to them and the actual escape routines, which usually boiled down to "get item while everyone's distracted." There was a total lack of context. Because they were just fantasies in movie, it didn't matter what they fought and there was no risk if anyone would live or die. Like I said above, I found myself bored during the stripper on orc violence because there was no meaning or risk.

3. The entire premise of the characters being in an insane asylum was wasted and makes no sense. I can sort of see how they main character turned it into a weird burlesque house as a form of mental escape, but why exact does "getting caught up in the state of sexy dancing" equal "battles with giant cyborg samurai?" The plot explains that she is deliberately making it all up in her head, so what, is she some sort of weird steampunk zombie Nazi/orc/dragon/robot/Asian culture/train enthusiast? For all intents and purposes, all the characters were basically sane in the first place, or at least they didn't show any signs of mental disturbance.

Really, the biggest shame about Suckerpunch is how even a slightly competent writer could have made it work so much better. To start with, they could have taken a page from Pan's Labyrinth and made it ambiguous how much was fantasy and how much real. Instead of the protagonist closing her eyes followed by ten minutes of pointless special effects time-wasting, what if she (and the other women,) seemed to find the fantasy worlds and enter them physically, letting the viewer question if reality itself was bleeding into fantasy or if this was just the crazy person version of Muppet Babies? Better yet, show how each women is suffering from some sort of mental disorder and have it play out in their personality and as an obstacle to be conquered, and then base each fantasy around one character's role and mental issues. Their personal demons could turn into literal hostile obstacles, and suddenly it would MAKE SENSE to fight brutal demons in one universe and resurrected horrors in the next. And because we didn't know how real it was to the characters, they could actually appear to be in danger and suspension of disbelief would be maintained.

... nailed it on the head. I don't need to reply anymore. Vyr did for me. Thank you Vyr. I can live my life a little more lazily from here on.

Also, did you by any chance watch the movie I linked in my other post? Watch it and you should be able to better understand where Sucker punch failed.

The link again:

"Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge"
http://www.liketelevision.com/liketelevision/tuner.php?channel=139&format=movie&theme=guide

And they did it with a minimal budget, virtually no dialog... and in the 60s.

 

[PipPup]

Cowboy and Aliens? I know it bombed in profit but that was a good movie from my perspective. For me, I have no problem with the movie being played straight when men in tights walk around and have dark/sorrowful backgrounds (*cough* Dark Knight). It had enough humor to keep it fun, the action wasn't dull, and it had good dialogue delivered by a good cast. And honestly, the only bad review I read of that movie came from Movie Bob.

 

[HyenaThePirate]

I haven't seen Sucker Punch yet myself, but all of my friends who have said it was great, and I know Bob gave it a good review too. Why all the hate on it?

I've seen a lot of movies at the Cinema, some good, some bad. I remember watching "Matrix Revolutions" and "Lord Of the Rings 1" and having FUN. I felt sad at the end of those movies, going back outside into the cruel boring world. Money well spent for a few hours of escapism. Well, for me at least, Suckerpunch was even better. I'm a geek, so I'll never ever have fun watching movies like "Fast and the Furious" or "Machete". Cars, butts, tits, latino music. Having fun yet? There's so much crap being shoved in our brains that we begin taking them for real. Think beer commercials for a second. Beer sucks, it has a nasty taste, gives you gas and headaches, makes you do ugly things and lands you in prison for those things. But you like beer, right? We all do. 20 years ago nobody around me drank beer. It stank of piss and it still does. But so many commercials with hot women and yachts have been shoved down our throats that more and more people began to think it's all good. And we just followed along. Hot outside? Hell, I sure could use a beer. Makes me feel like a MAAAN!. Sorry, went off-road for a second. Back to movies.

Right now, the movie going crowd mainly falls into 3 groups. Those that still watch Adam Sandler movies, those that enjoy pretty much everything and, finally, those that don't actually go to the Cinema, because all Ingmar Bergman's movies are already on DVD's. The problem is that most GOOD, sorry, PERFECT movies, that used to be in the third category, don't sell. They had to be dumbed down to move to the second cat. Some very few ones remained smart and deep but easily tempted less complex minds with explosions and fight scenes. "Matrix" is a great example of such movies. And being exposed to such movies, idiots began to feel smart. Take "Shutter Island" and "Inception" starring the same actor and being released almost at the same time. For me, "Shutter Island" is a masterpiece, not particularly complex, but a great example of what can be achieved in movies. To actually be caught in the madness of a nut-job, to feel his feelings and think his thoughts, wow, felt more like role-playing than watching a movie. "Inception" on the other hand, again for me, was a boring slow-mo special effects snore session. And yet, guess which one everybody liked more. "Inception" was a silly little idea, simple enough for the masses to understand, yet complex enough for them to feel special at cracking it. And quite a few movies make the same mistake: making the dumb feel smart. Why? Well, it's like chess: if I let you beat me, you won't learn, will you? Even worse, you might actually think that your strategy is good, and play like that in other matches. Sorry, I'm a big chess fan.

So give them the slightest glimpse of a complex under-layer in a movie and the dumb will start cracking at it, using their limited thinking and pathetic experience. They'll be so thrilled at their new-found brain power that they'll start using it everywhere, even when there's actually no problem at all. Tell them straight "This is what I want you to do" and they'll start thinking "Hmm, he said that in a weird straightforward way. Maybe he wants me to do something else entirely". And, when their efforts will eventually end in utter failure, they'll blame your movie, your script, your idea. Ever beat a newbie at chess and heard the famous words "this game sucks"? Well, this is what happened to Suckerpunch. This movie did indeed have a deep, very deep message, for those smart enough to listen. But it also had action, girls, weapons, you name it. The masses should've loved it. Why did it fail? Because the moment that asylum turned into a brothel (minor spoiler, sorry), everybody thought "INCEPTION!!! I know this! Layered consciousness, yeah! I'm so smart. What, girls? Action? I'm too smart to enjoy such trivial stuff now".

Suckerpunch is a one-time experiment. It failed at the box-office and I doubt that we'll ever see such a splendid experiment ever again. So, I'm thankful that I actually got to see it, I'm glad it was actually made. It worked for me, it told me what mattered and I got the message. Look, don't even listen to Bob's review. It isn't about feminism. It isn't about turning the tough guy action movies on their head. Nope...

Here's what I got from the movie: "Hi, I'm Zack Snyder. I'm a director. I am really good at making nice slow-mo action scenes. I can also put some awesome music in my movies. Now, I know life can be shitty sometimes, evil stuff going on everywhere, we all feel pretty hopeless about it. It's like, no matter what we try, we're stuck in this shithole, right?. But hey, we all got to live, so why dwell on the ugly parts? Why not concentrate on what we like and on what we can do well? Maybe we can even lie to ourselves it that helps even a little. Otherwise, we might not leave our homes, afraid of being raped or killed. I know it's hard to keep a smile. But we have to try. Look, I'm good at movies, maybe I can show you an example of how I try to make the world enjoy life a bit better. Here, take this girl, I'm gonna put her in a really ugly ugly situation.. ready? She's raped by her father, accidentally kills her sister while trying to save her from the monster dad, is thrown into an asylum where she's gonna be lobotomized and used as a sex toy by the guards. Ugly stuff, right? Who'd want to go to such a movie? Why ruin a perfect afternoon? If I can turn that into a Cinema thrill for you, if I can somehow make you feel GOOD while watching such a crazy sad story, that means we could all try to bring some magic into our lives. I'll make it easy for you. Who'd like to see crazy girls in an asylum throwing shit at the walls? I don't. How about I turn it into a sexy french brothel? Dress the girls nice, but still keep the sexual pressure and the violent situation in the scene. Ok so this girl is really messed up, who'd blame her? You can imagine her screaming like a witch in an asylum. Ugly image. But hey, it's her weapon, if she doesn't use it, she'll be raped or whatever. At least acting crazy keeps the guards from thinking she's sexy. But I can't show that. No... hmm, how about... well... what would YOU like to see? I mean, yeah, there's something ugly going on in the "real world" but, what would you rather see? How about schoolgirl fighting mecha samurais? Or a Dragon? With a minigun! Yeah... I'll do that. What? Sounds geeky? So what, if you enjoy something, no need to feel ashamed. If you like something, just do it, enjoy life man!"

Sounds crazy? Well, it's unique, I'll give you that. But what I know is that I went to a movie about a molested girl in an asylum, and had a BLAST. I can't remember ever having such a good time at the cinema. For 2 entire hours, I had a huge smile on my face. For days I couldn't get over the awesome fight scenes. Did I ONCE stop and analyse the movie? No need. I've never seen such a straight-forward idea and movie. So my advice is: watch it. Sit down, shut up, don't think, just WATCH it. Even if the message doesn't get to you, enjoy the awesomeness. But if, as in my case, you do get the message, it might change the way you think about life in general and how you react to other people's strange joys. I haven't seen many movies with such a useful and brilliantly proven tactic to living your life. Sure, movies like "The Seventh Seal" can PROPOSE questions, but movies that actually ANSWER questions are rare. Go back to what I wrote in the beginning, ranting about beer and shitty movies. Well, the moral of the story is that I actually enjoy ranting, much more than I actually dislike any of the above mentioned. It's my greatest weapon. And, if by using it I actually disproof my own theories, so what? I can go back to drinking beer on a hot day and rant about beer in the colder evening

This can be said about Conan as well.
Honestly, I don't know what else they could have done to make people rant and rave about Conan. The action wasn't Highlander bad. Some of the sword sequences were actually pretty freaking awesome. The main bad guy wasn't any more over the top bad than he was in Avatar and people raved about his performance then. The baddies Conan topples on his way to vengeance were RPG staples, and gave the pacing a similar feel to something we'd see in a God of War movie, as we go from one "boss fight" to the next. The movie never slows down into boring exposition or tries to drive home some moral or non-moral message. It's freaking CONAN. Pick up ANY Conan book by Howard, read the short story and you pretty much have the movie, it could have been (and probably was) lifted literally from the pages of Howard's work, so much so that even the little shoutouts to "other Conan exploits" were a nice touch that didn't feel like pointless pandering. When someone shouted, "By Mitra!" you didn't stop and digest it because you already knew this was Hyborea, this was Conan and it fit right in. At one point a guy (spoiler!) during drinking in a tavern recounts Conan's adventure with the Heart of Ahriman and slaying the wizard. What we get here is not Conan traveling into random adventures, but is a story in between the other adventures we already know about. This story could fit in between most Conan timelines without a hiccup. Jason Momoa deserves at least another two or three Conan films out of this, he reinvigorates the character, and he didn't ham it up with corny dialogue, because Conan is grim, and a man of few words. I like his swagger and style and they really get that whole "Big fighter, moves like a lithe panther" thing down pat in the way he sings a swordsong through countless encounters. He's ruthless, a kind of an arsehole, but respectable, brutal, and definitely a man's man.

Of course, you won't hear any critics say this because the movie wasn't done by Michael Bay or Chris Nolan. It didn't star Arnold or Johnny Depp or the Rock. It was a movie full of small-name actors turning out above average performances. I can almost guarantee when this movie hits DVD or cable tv people will be singing a different tune. Right now, it's cool and hip to hate on stuff, especially if the nostalgia factor is tossed in there. So he's not punching camels in the face. Oh no! He doesn't have a corny accent! Boohoo. What Conan is is a relic from a bygone age when men were manly and heroes didn't have to stylishly flip around the screen using krav maga and bullet-time. It's a simple revenge, action sword and sorcery flick with good pacing, that NEVER has a dull moment, and that makes you feel like you didn't spend an evening wasting your money. What more can you ask for from a movie? I don't need a deep plot, just fun inventive entertainment. Not original you say? Not inventive? Ever seen someone jam their finger into a guy's cut-off nose cavity to make him talk? Ever seen someone lugging a boat around with them on elephant back simply because he's bad ass enough to demand something so preposterous? Ever watch a movie and think about how kickass your own dad is and want to go and hug him and say "Thanks dad for raising me to be a man?" That's Conan in a nutshell. Plus there's blood and lots of tits. Again, what more can you ask for?

Apparently audiences feel the same. Rotten tomatoes critics gave it a 22% but audiences gave it 44%. That tells me at least HALF of the people who saw it thought it was decent. The other half can go cuss themselves and queue up to see the next Mission Improbable, which will probably sell like gang busters.

 

[Draconalis]

lots of tits.

Sold! Gunna go see this tonight!

Why didn't you just say that from the very beginning so I didn't have to read alot!

 

[HyenaThePirate]

lots of tits.

Sold! Gunna go see this tonight!

Why didn't you just say that from the very beginning so I didn't have to read alot!

LOL.. It's not the ONLY selling point.
I like how by time the movie was finished, I hadn't even finished my popcorn and soda.. I guess I was too riveted going "AWESOME!"

The chick I went with was pale from all the gore though, so keep that in mind. Lol I'd look over from time to time and she'd be flinching or looking away and looked very sick during some of the more violent scenes.

The only way this movie could have been better is if they had employees of the movie theater standing at the end of the aisles with buckets of blood and meat chunks to throw on the crowd during the action scenes. It works for Gwar.

 

[Draconalis]

LOL.. It's not the ONLY selling point.
I like how by time the movie was finished, I hadn't even finished my popcorn and soda.. I guess I was too riveted going "AWESOME!"

I decided to actually watch it for lack of anything better to do.

Sorry, but I have to agree with most everyone else. It was pretty meh.

Not terrible, but a far cry from good.

Considering how bad most sword and sorcery movies are, I'd say it was a step up, but the pacing was terrible. The battles were like watching a reel of sports highlights on one game, but nothing of the in between. It was like there was two or three hours of fighting, but we only saw ten minutes of it. Like the scene on the boat. One minute he's on one side of the boat doing talking to someone, the next minute (with no transition what-so-ever) he's mid air jump slashing someone from the other side of the boat. Things were looking promising when he was a kid, (sadly, it was a clip from his childhood that made me decide to actually watch it. I got "This is the best part of the movie"ed) but after he grew up... ugh... it just got bad...

"Talking to someone, cut reel, splice in action, now a few frames of travel. Too much travel, let's just do a scenery shot. Oooookay, and now he's here. How? Well... he walked... clearly. How did he know where to go? How did he span such distance so quickly? Shut up, that's how."

Also... I don't remember him ever actually invoking the name of Crom. I thought that was a Conan staple.


That being said... this movie didn't have enough tits. Things, again, were looking promising at first, but then people started putting "clothes" on.

 

[Thaluikhain]

Would you want to see an action film about some manorexic prettified male model flailing limp-wristedly at baddies or having his face badly and obviously shopped onto a stunt double, who gets felt up and cries in every second scene? No, of course not.

What, like Tom Cruise, Leonardo DiCaprio or Orlando Bloom?

Having said that, Orlando Bloom worked well as Legolas, as he's from a race of beauty that explicitly aren't supposed to look hardcore.

However, snarking aside, I do tend to agree. Action heroines should have..."heroic" builds (this does not mean giant tits)[footnote]In the fairly rubbish show Mutant X, they had a heroine who actually wore too much clothes, in that in the she looked fairly average, but I late saw Victoria Pratt in other stuff and, she had very impressive muscles, and looked like she could be a superstrong animal hybrid thingy or whatever. Probably why they covered her head to toe.[/footnote]. Either that, or you need some magic reason for them to be super strong...or they are intelligent and work around being tiny, but that might be too much to ask for.

Additionally, why do they never get the anorexic or otherwise bizarrely proportioned types to play the monsters? Am I the only one that sees a red carpet pic of "generic anorexic celeb X" and thinks "she'd eat me if she could". Ok, yeah, they tend to look pretty small and inoffensive, but there are a massive horde of them. It'd be like the zombie apocalypse, but with designer dresses.