Boyfriend?

[Vegosiux]

If your baiting me, I will gleefully jump forward sir. One of my normal forums i go to entails Mixed Martial Arts or mma.

Nah, not baiting, but regardless glad you're jumping forward.

I do not practice it. But I could sit up here and debate, and or lecture the topic at you till the second coming.
should a prospective fighter listen to anything I have to say? Lets suppose this was a thread about such a topic where the OP asked about getting into the sport, i said something, and a real fighter straight up told me what i stated above.

He'd be right. I could tell someone the pay sucks, the life style is difficult, but I really couldn't tell them the perks. Not really. I could assume, but i really wouldn't know.

That would depend on what the question was. I mean, if it's about how to get into sports, naturally, you'd want an opinion of someone who's in sports. But if it's more like a "I'm not really into sports, is that weird? Should I want to be in sports, is my life going to be better if I get into sports?" thing, which this thread seems to be, opinions from both sides are valid as opinions, because no two individuals are the same.

Just because your life is better after you got into sports doesn't mean it's a general rule and you're more qualified to give an opinion on it than someone who's not in sports on whether or not it's a life-improvement.

And there are enough things in the world that it's literally impossible not to miss out on any of them as it is...

I think the polite thing here would be for me to tell you "oh sure your opinion is every bit as good as one that's actually ventured into the subject."

Again, that would depend on what question was actually asked.

In the exact same way your suppose to lie to remain polite on certain topics. I don't, and i'm not.

Nobody's asking you to lie. There's another implied statement in there, but I might just be reading into it too much, so...that's it for now.

 

[Church185]

snip

*Reads through the first couple pages* Seems I'm in the minority here. I dated girls regularly throughout my teens, but looking back I feel like it may have been for social standing more than anything else. See, I live in kind of a backwoods area and there was a rumor going around that I was gay starting I think in the 7th grade. Due to the negative reaction a lot of gay people get in my small community I had to go above and beyond to "score" so that I wasn't singled out and picked on. I ended up involved with a lot of girls that I wouldn't even have associated with had the circumstances been different, and I regret everything that happened. It wasn't until my junior and senior year of high school that I was able to express myself and be who I wanted to be without ridicule. I met a girl that I genuinely love and have a good time with when I was 19 and we've been together for the past two years.

Moral of the story is, don't let yourself be pressured into search for a significant other by outside forces.

 

[EmperorZoltan]

OP: 24 is a great age to get started dating. I'm curious, is there any particular reason you've yet to be in a relationship? Active choice, lack of opportunity, shyness, super high standards? I'm not judging, but it's important to understand more about you before providing any kind of advice. What works for one person does not necessarily work for another, and some context would assist.

Before we get into anything like that, you should know there's nothing wrong with waiting till after your teenage years to experience relationships. You don't need to feel pressured or ashamed at being a little older before experiencing it, and there's no magic switch that flicks when it happens that changes who you are. You're the same person before and after, and putting it on a pedistal isn't the right way to look at it.

Thanks.

Shyness, lack of opportunity. Some personal issues that I don't want to talk about that in this thread.

Sounds like you need to start making your own opportunities. We grow exposed to so many fairy tales from TV, movies, comics, etc, we often forget that fiction is not the same as reality, especially when it comes to relationships. In fiction, life happens to the characters, they react and 9/10 times everything works out like magic for them. This is not how the real world works. Everyone has their own skills and weaknesses, and everyone has to work hard at one thing or another when it comes to life. What comes naturally to one does not apply to another, and relationships are no exception.

If I could offer some advice, don't go out there looking to get into a relationship, get out there and work on your confidence. When dealing with relationships, you need to go with Baby steps and you want to be careful to avoid bad experiences. Manage your expectations and set smaller goals to start with, for example I'd recommend you start by just expanding your social circle and pushing your comfort zone a bit. Try some new activities that interest you, like a sport or something creative that you've always meant to do (like art or music), and get involved in a community around this new hobby with same age people and make some new friends. The reason for this is simple: you want to become more confident in showing new people whom you are. It doesn't matter if you're awkward or shy or a bit weird, the goal of this isn't to change your personality to suit some arbitrary expectation society has. It's to become more comfortable with showing new people who you are. This is KEY to getting involved in a relationship in the real world, and once you have the confidence to share whom you are you'll find that others will start reacting to you.

This is you happening to life. You're creating opportunities to meet new people, form new relationships and redefine yourself as you want. Give that a shot and take it from there, get your confidence up and you will get a result!

 

[Strazdas]

You know with all these lonely & looking people, does the Escapist need it's own dating section? Or would that be an absolutely horrible idea?

Forum posts go like a viruse - in uncontroller bursts. couple weeks ago somone posted a post about relationship and now they spring like mushrooms after a rain. it will get fatigued and forgotten in a couple weeks when the next big topic sprouts out.
A escapist dating site wouldnt be that bad of an idea, after all we already all got one thing in common - games. however the vast demographic dispersity may create some problems, as in people would end up finding thier partners across the globe.
You know what they said, your perfect partner exists somewhere, but its likely so far away youll never meet him in your life.

Less whinging and moping about on the internet, more hanging out with co-workers, joining clubs or sport teams, and going to the bar on weekends.

Coworkers suck or are way above my level, not itnerested in any clubs or sports, avoid bar like plague, especially when there are drunks in the weekend. your theory only works for stereotype "brodude" pretty much.

However, opening up makes others want to open up and that is how you get closer to people, make friends, and start relationships.

First of all i love your nickname.
Opening up can also break friends and end relationship. Whenever i opened up people ran away from me. once - litteraly. In fact, she quickly left country. that was... odd.
And no, its harder doing it than thinking about it, because when your thinking you imagine the responses, nothing like they are in real world.
And yes, some people, for example me, are broken.

Hm, interesting. Why? I wonder how you can explain this one without making it sound as if "not crossing" is somehow "inferior".

I think it was more in a perspective of those who have never crossed wouldn't know what the road is like.

 

[not_you]

21... And I am in the same shoes as you... (except I'm male)
never had a date, never gone out with a girl... etc, etc...

Not due to a lack of trying, but I assume because I'm not doing it right...
Whatever the "right" way to do so is, is beyond me...

So, I can't say that I can answer either of your questions...
Although I DO find it rather helpful to know that I'm not the only one who has gone nowhere and achieved nothing...

Now let's get back to playing Outlast...

 

[ShipofFools]

21... And I am in the same shoes as you... (except I'm male)
never had a date, never gone out with a girl... etc, etc...

Not due to a lack of trying, but I assume because I'm not doing it right...
Whatever the "right" way to do so is, is beyond me...

So, I can't say that I can answer either of your questions...
Although I DO find it rather helpful to know that I'm not the only one who has gone nowhere and achieved nothing...

Now let's get back to playing Outlast...

Lots of lonely hearts on the Escapist...
Just so you know, I love you all.
Yes I do.

And I hope all of you find that special someone that will finally complete you. You know what I'm talking about.

If you guys and galz ever want to talk with a non judgmental stranger about these issues, just give me a PM. I'll be happy to listen.

*Hugs for everyone*.

 

[Multi-Hobbyist]

My god, the amount of coddling ITT is off the charts.

OP, I don't think I can really add anything to the conversation that hasn't been said already, so I'll off my own subjective view. I'm 22 as of last week, just came out of a 4 year relationship with the love of my life whom I drove away by being a selfish child and atrocious abomination of a person. After realizing what I lost, I can only say don't get sucked into a serious relationship before you're 25. Give yourself time to get out there and explore people/life while you're young. Because you may regret it when you hit 30+. And let me say, no one likes the older people in clubs/social fests trying to catch up to their youth that they missed out on. Just ... don't live in regret, it makes it harder to laugh at who you are and the world around you. And if you can't do that, you're gonna go off the deep end. I almost did.

 

[SuperUberBob]

I am 24 years old. My cousins around my age are married and have children by now. But I have never had a boyfriend or had my first kiss (if that was ever important) yet. I have never met someone I like, or someone who like me.

I used to not care about this because I think doing it as a teenager is rushed, but now that I am 24 I am starting to feel the pressure. Even if I don't expect to find the one yet I wish I had at least some experience with dating. Maybe I'm rushing but it feels like I am living the life of a retired old lady sometimes, I never "go out" or anything. I want to experience youth.

I'm just wondering if anyone here have ideas or insights about people who didn't lose their virginity as a teenager. When did you get your first boyfriend/girlfriend? Did it matter to you when it happened?

captcha: groundhog day. I've been getting that one a lot lately.

Lost mine to a girl who worked at a ping-pong club in Thailand. She was crazy. I won't go into details as they would only be appealing to single guys in their 20's.

As you can imagine, I didn't hold the experience as particularly important.

You're your own person. Don't force yourself to have sex because society says you should.

Lots of lonely hearts on the Escapist...
Just so you know, I love you all.
Yes I do.

And I hope all of you find that special someone that will finally complete you. You know what I'm talking about.

If you guys and galz ever want to talk with a non judgmental stranger about these issues, just give me a PM. I'll be happy to listen.

*Hugs for everyone*.

If you really want to help, then take Louis CK's advice:

 

[Johnny Impact]

(I hate children, always have)

That's because they ain't yours

Heard that before. You're confusing hate with mild dislike. What most people feel for the children of others is mild dislike. What I feel is true hatred -- frothing shoulder-hunching fist-clenching psychotic rage that lasts as long as the child is near. I mean the kind of hatred that would scare Palpatine.

My one consolation when listening to some brat go thermonuclear at the grocery store is knowing I personally do not have to take that screaming snot-drenched sack of uselessness home with me, that if I make it through the next two minutes without kicking its miserable skull in, the parent will take it away.

When they're yours, they never go away. There is no force in this universe or any other which could compel me to become a parent. I would kill my children, there is no doubt in my mind. I'm actually kind of surprised I've never killed anyone else's. Go ahead and label me an unfeeling monster or whatever, I will wear the badge with pride.

 

[Codeman90]

I would say definitely take it at your own pace. I'm 23 and I've just graduated college. I met some women at the university I went to and because I just thought "hey I should be in a relationship at college" and tried to force things it got ugly....fast. I learned a lot about myself and about what I should be looking for in a relationship.

Just get out and meet people, go to places, meet people and make friends. Just dont feel too pressured, it will really hurt your chances, it ruined mine in college.

 

[ShipofFools]

If you really want to help, then take Louis CK's advice:

No disrespect, but I think Louis CK is kind of bullshit