Boys I need your help on avoiding "The Friend Zone"

[dertyqwerty]

So I just started college, and so far I've been getting a lot of guy attention. Not to be cocky but, I'm attractive and have a lot of guy-friendly interests (gaming/football). So getting the boys aflutter is easy as 2+2.

But the thing is, I don't want a boyfriend. Pretty much all my friends are male, but sooner or later it all leads to one person liking the other. So my question is, how would you suggest I act to not get flirtation from guys. I know there's no fool-proof method for this stuff, but what kind of behavior clues you in that a lady is interested? I've considering lying and just saying I have a boyfriend who goes to college somewhere else, but that's not my favorite idea. What do you guys think?

I would love to meet great people and make friends, and if it leads to a relationship, great. But I don't want to give off the signals that I'm ready and hunting for the next boyfriend, and I certainly don't want to trap anyone in "The Friend Zone".

TL;DR - How do I make friends with boys and not give them the impression that I'm interested romantically?

 

[dmase]

You can't make someone un like you. You can just put them down hard and tell em to keep a step back until they get over it. Don't pussy foot around it if they start to get excessively flirty you tell them that makes you uncomfortable.

 

[FilipJPhry]

It's really up to the guys. I used to have a crush on my friend who was really hot, was into things I was into, we knew each other inside-out. When we got closer, it got weird. She didn't see or talk to me in a while, but we eventually had that friend connection back up and running. To avoid this, put them down bluntly, and avoid alcohol before telling them about your feelings. Tell them you are willing to hang out, but you are also focused on school before relationships.

 

[mornal]

I'm no relationship expert but would it be too simple to just tell them you don't want a relationship? Granted, it is a bit blunt but it does get the point across fairly well.

 

[Simalacrum]

Theres... not really much you can do at all. If a guys gonna like you then a guys gonna like you, theres no real way of avoiding that. Just turn them down if they ask you out, basically.

 

[Owyn_Merrilin]

Speaking as a guy who has been friend zoned more times than I care to count, it's generally caused by a bit of miscommunication. Tell the guy an honest "sorry, I'm not interested," and for heaven's sake, don't tack on an "in dating right now" to it. You might mean it as "I'm not at a point in my life where I'm comfortable with dating," but the guy will hear it as "if you wait long enough, I'll say yes." Basically, just be up front with the guys, don't decline any of them in a way that leaves any hope, and you'll weed out about 90% of the issues.

Also, to any guys reading this: you can head this off too. Learn that the codes that sound like "not yet" really mean "not with you," and be up front with any girl that you're attracted to. Don't spring it on her out of the blue, after letting your unrequited feelings build up. Despite what Hollywood tells us, that pretty much never works in real life.

 

[Zantos]

Don't do anything out of the ordinary, just do what you would normally do with friends. Even if they do try to ask you out, assuming they're not bellends (which we can assume they aren't, otherwise you probably wouldn't be friends with them) then they'll understand you're just not after that sort of thing. Maybe casually mention that you're not after a relationship if it arises in conversation. It's perfectly happy for a guy and a girl to be good friends even if one of you does start to like the other as long as you're honest.

 

[Acier]

Uuuh, just hook up with them? It's college. I doubt people need a lot of explanation as to why you're not getting into a relationship. And you can't trap anyone in the "friend zone" since, ya know, it's not a real thing. If you arent sexually attracted to them its not anyones fault.

This thread just comes off as excessively attention seeking

 

[renegade7]

Tell them you're not interested. Boys and girls can be friends without the drama.

 

[Sovvolf]

How is this avoiding "The friend zone"? This quite the opposite to that. You telling these guys your not interested in dating one of them is placing them firmly in the friend zone. I don't think there is much middle ground here. Your either in the friend zone or a possibility for dating. My best advice would be to let them down easy. I know how it feels to be let down hard and honestly that's lead to a lot of problems with my self esteem, its not a good feeling and it can be quite upsetting.

Another piece of advice for you which I hope is helpful is to think of these people as other humans with feelings just like you. Put yourself in their shoes and try and understand what it might feel like. Otherwise, be up front with it and for god sakes don't tease it. Seriously, that's the worst thing you can do is to tease with it.

Hope that helps.

 

[aba1]

I'm no relationship expert but would it be too simple to just tell them you don't want a relationship? Granted, it is a bit blunt but it does get the point across fairly well.

thats what I was thinking just be straight up if you have no interest in dating there is nothing to go for but if you say this you can be off flirting with guys while your friend is there since it will be really insulting.

 

[Phoenix Arrow]

Ehh. There's a difference between being friendly and flirting. Just do what feels right, at the end of the day. If it becomes apparently that some guy is trying to court you or whatever and you aren't interested, for the love of god, talk to him about it. It's hard but back when I was at school, I knew some guys who had their shit wrecked by girls.

For the most part, I don't think it's the girls fault though. I mean, these guys are generally awful at reading signals. One of my closest friends was flat out obsessed with this girl. He'd be fine just with us, but if he spent time with her, he'd over analyze everything she did, like really. Then he'd tell us about it in detail. Every time, we had the same response, she's not interested in you.

She knew exactly what was happening to him, but she didn't know how to just say no. It's difficult at that age, I understand. I've accidentally wrecked some hearts in my time, but if someones clearly interested in you and you're not feeling it, you 100% have to tell them.

Apart from that, just do what you're doing. Talk to people and make friends.

 

[Zorak the Mantis]

Just be upfront with them. As a guy I hate being led on by a girl. So it will be better if you just tell them outright. It'll also weed out all the guys who just want to hook up with you.

 

[Worr Monger]

The great thing about guys is that we're simple.

Tell them you don't want to be in a relationship. Best not to lead them on. Being blunt is a pretty good solution.

They may not like it at first, but it's easier for everyone in the long run.

 

[Lilani]

So I just started college, and so far I've been getting a lot of guy attention. Not to be cocky but, I'm attractive and have a lot of guy-friendly interests (gaming/football). So getting the boys aflutter is easy as 2+2.

But the thing is, I don't want a boyfriend. Pretty much all my friends are male, but sooner or later it all leads to one person liking the other. So my question is, how would you suggest I act to not get flirtation from guys. I know there's no fool-proof method for this stuff, but what kind of behavior clues you in that a lady is interested? I've considering lying and just saying I have a boyfriend who goes to college somewhere else, but that's not my favorite idea. What do you guys think?

I would love to meet great people and make friends, and if it leads to a relationship, great. But I don't want to give off the signals that I'm ready and hunting for the next boyfriend, and I certainly don't want to trap anyone in "The Friend Zone".

TL;DR - How do I make friends with boys and not give them the impression that I'm interested romantically?

I've found the best way of dealing with guys is to be clear with them. I had a problem some time ago where I liked a guy and flirted with him a bit, then I didn't like him and wanted to go out with another guy. So to avoid letting him know I didn't like him anymore by saying "I got a boyfriend!" I just got with him alone and explained it to him. He understood, and everything went back to normal (at least as far as I can tell).

Guys aren't good with subtlety. At. All. If you want them to know you don't want a relationship, just say those exact words. They'll probably still like you, but they'll at least know where you've got the line drawn.

 

[Niccolo]

I've found the best way of dealing with guys is to be clear with them. I had a problem some time ago where I liked a guy and flirted with him a bit, then I didn't like him and wanted to go out with another guy. So to avoid letting him know I didn't like him anymore by saying "I got a boyfriend!" I just got with him alone and explained it to him. He understood, and everything went back to normal (at least as far as I can tell).

Guys aren't good with subtlety. At. All. If you want them to know you don't want a relationship, just say those exact words. They'll probably still like you, but they'll at least know where you've got the line drawn.

Hey.

Some of us are pretty good with subtlety. (Granted, not where romance is concerned. I'll give you that one, miss.)

But, you are right. Most guys like to be told straight-up that the girl wants them to be friends - good friends, bad friends, whatever - but friends.

Subtlety in romance does tend to confuse us a little, if only because we're not quite sure what the subtlety is referencing. Even those of us who are good at it. We're not sure if you're subtlely hinting at us to back off or if we're overanalysing. It's because romance is... well, somewhere that most people don't want to be too chancy.


TL;DR
Good guys appreciate honesty. You might have to beat him with it a couple of times, since guys do occasionally forget (Yes, we do! It's not always us being douchebags), but we do like honesty.

 

[RaNDM G]

I'll agree with pretty much everyone else here. If you don't want to get dragged into a romantic relationship, it's best to just say it outright before guys get the wrong impression.