Caffeine: Captain America

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[HEADING=1]Captain America[/HEADING][h4]Oh say! Can you see?... uh... bah dah dah dah dah dah![/h4]

My Step Dad is a huge fan of horror stories.

He was telling me the other week that, before the Internet's guidance, people just "went out" to see films. With their eyes. No, honestly, people just flocked into cinemas, blind and deaf, with absolutely no idea what was going to happen over the course of the next two hours.

Well thank Pesci that's not how things are today. As I marched into my local Cineplex to watch Marvel's latest release, Captain America: The First Avenger, I was steeled by the war cry of a thousand movie critics shouting in tandem: "Yeah, you'll probably think it's kind of okay."

It's the golden age of information, folks.

Cap tells the story of the last war fought by America and England, this time against Germany, wherein our good lads gave Jerry the old heave-ho whilst upholding the principles of apple pie and hot cross buns. Or rather, it tells the story of what happened behind the scenes. Y'see, while everyone was busy focusing on the Nazis, a secret battle was being waged against an organization called Hydra, a clandestine branch of Hitler's war machine. I say branch, but since Hydra seems to be bigger than the tree that spawned it, I'm not sure the term applies. Anyway, in order to battle these super-Nazis, America needs a new kind of soldier. Enter Steve Rogers.

As a character, the soon-to-be Captain America is the only superhero we've seen in the past few years. We've had Dark Knights, Men of Steel, Men of Iron, Spider Men and Men Wearing Green CGI, but never Good Men. Rogers is a consummate nice guy, desperate to go to war and lay down his life because, y'know, why should he get a free pass? Whatever bad things I have to say later - and there are few, sure - they got Steve Rogers absolutely nailed. There's no irony here, nobody is winking at the camera saying "this is a bit outdated, eh?", Rogers is just a great human being who doesn't like to see anyone get pushed around. He doesn't brood, pout or whine; he just gets stuff done.

And you know what? Chris Evans[footnote]Saying this name in England will always cause confusion. [http://images.mirror.co.uk/upl/m4/oct2009/1/4/chris-evans-pic-pa-952885448.jpg][/footnote] absolutely convinces. Prim and proper, it's like he's just walked off a 1940's recruitment poster. For about a third of the movie, Evans' face has been pritt-sticked onto Paul Warren's pre-super-serum frame, and I've got to say, it's some of the most convincing CGI ever committed to celluloid. Not all of the effects are great, but more on this later; I'm not done with the characters.

Okay, we've got our all-American hero... what's missing? Oh yeah, our all-Evil villain Hugo Weaving as Hugo Weaving Agent Smith Johann Schmidt / Red Skull. He's a scary man, people. Honestly, I'm not convinced he knew he was being filmed, they probably just walked in on his latest world domination scheme and decided to make it fit somehow. To be honest, while Weaving is as brilliant as always, he's just not fleshed out properly. Schmidt reckons he should rule the world because he thinks he's awesome, and has an arsenal of sweet future-tech because he, well, does. Don't question it, he probably just found them somewhere.

In fact, the rest of the cast get shoved the sidelines a bit too. Don't get me wrong, there's a nice smörgåsbord of archetypes on display, but just don't expect to get connected to them. Honestly, I watched the film two days ago and I really can't remember the names of the supporting characters, nor do I feel inclined to find out. For me, this is the main problem with Marvel's films of late: they're all in the shadow of The Avengers.

I'll grant you that making an ensemble film of some of the biggest characters in comic book history is a noble endeavor, but the films leading up to it are going to be looked back on by history as a gaggle of 90 minute adverts. This wouldn't be a bad thing, but a major plot point relies on your understanding of a Maguffin which featured in the previous Marvel outing Thor, and if you didn't see that film then you will, like me, feel like you missed out because you, well, did. All of the individual pieces suffer because it's like looking a jigsaw without seeing the lid, and everyone who's not absolutely vital to that money sink is viewed as disposable - and it has never been truer than here.

The entirety of the screen time is devoted to Rogers developing as a character, showing his growth into a true hero and his concern for his fellow men, their two-dimensional states notwithstanding. Certain parts of the film seem somehow rushed as a result though, possibly to avoid conversations with characters that aren't going to feature in future installments, and because of this we get some bizarre plot jumps. For example, and this is just one, Captain America sees a map of the Hydra camps, and then for some reason he's de facto in every strategy meeting without anyone questioning why a man who served as entertainment for the troops is now making battle plans.

Seeing such mechanical storytelling in a film designed to be so human is a little jarring. In fact, a lot of the movie feels a bit Frankensteined together from WWII iconography and cutting edge scifi stuff. It's not that anything feels completely out of place, it's just that the director didn't seem able to fit the two contrasting genres in seamlessly. The laser guns the Red Skull invents look like laser guns, rather than futuristic weapons made from 1940's era materials.

I think I mentioned before that the skinnyfication of Chris Evans was absolutely brilliant, and if he didn't get three feet taller about halfway through the film, I would've thought he lost and gained weight respectively, but a lot of the more mundane CGI looks a bit dodgy. I don't know if it looks better in the third dimension because, frankly, if I need to waste money on things I really don't need then I'll just go to the dentist or something, but in the old skool 2D the workaday effects really aren't up to much. If that's the sort of thing you go for, and if you're watching a film like this then that's nothing to be ashamed of, you shallow cretin, then spring for the extra 'D.

Wow, I've been ragging on this film for a good few paragraphs now. Look, don't think that it's bad because it's really not, but you have to understand that I'm pretty bitter that my acting career didn't take off, and now I take it out on people who did make it. The thing is, while the film is gosh-darn entertaining, and you could spend a lot more on a lot less, the entire thing is pretty forgettable. Forgettable in a good way, like going out and getting really drunk with your mates, then waking up with the knowledge that, while fun was had, it's just not the type of fun that stays.

But at the same time, the entire film is really rather refreshing. It's good, honest larks with a nice undercurrent of morality. Nobody is in a gray area, mulling over the dichotomy of killing one man to save a thousand or asking what price justice comes at; there's good guys, there's bad guys, everyone knows what they're doing. Is that relevant in the modern age? Maybe not.

But it's how things were in the good old days.

The Verdict? Fun but disposable. Go in and leave with a big smile on your face, just don't expect it to echo down the ages.

Oh, and sit through the end credits.
In the time before the Internet, you might have missed something awesome.

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Check it out. It's fucking RECKON [http://www.facebook.com/officialreckon?sk=app_2405167945].
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Spoiler: The Caffeine Archives: because your time is basically worthless.

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The Knuckleduster : Mass Effect 2 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.182033-Pimppeter2-and-Domble-present-The-Knuckleduster-Mass-Effect-2] / The Trial of Society, via Modern Warfare II [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.204216-Pimppeter2-Domble-present-The-Knuckleduster-The-Trial-of-Society-via-Modern-Warfare-II]

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