[HEADING=1]caffeine|[small]domble[/small][/HEADING]
[HEADING=1]KICK-ASS[/HEADING]
[HEADING=3]With No Pay comes No Guarantee of Quality[/HEADING]
I believe I?ve stated in the past that I?m an unpaid / unread reviewing monster.
The fact is that this arrangement suits me just fine; I can review 50 year old films and not have the gaggle of mewling goblins that represent my conscience biting into my brain tissue and demanding I actually work for my pay, and it also keeps me from developing that ego ?artists? develop ? a condition that inexplicably makes people demand bizarre things, like a bowl of peanut M&M?s with all the peanuts taken out - and no, normal M&M?s will not "do".
But the ultimate perk to moneyless freedom is that I do not have to stay current.
Oddly for a film reviewer, if there is one thing I absolutely detest about movies it?s actually going to the cinema.
I hate it, I actually hate it.
People crammed into a theatre like so many sardines, flatulence abound, all to the crescendo of rustling popcorn. Popcorn, of all things. Why is a crunchy snack the hallmark of the cinema experience? Why not something quieter, like porridge? As well as stealth, it also has the benefit of extra added iron, which promotes strong, healthy bones. It also releases energy gradually, keeping you fuller for longer.
But I digress.
My point, such as it ever is, is that if I have to leave the damp, dark cave of my bedroom and go into the real world, braving the tigers and the sewer monsters, a film really has to catch my attention.
So a few months ago when I saw a Superhero movie with an eleven year old ninja as one of the good guys, I had to admit that I was intrigued. My curiosity was further peaked when I saw the likes of Nicholas Cage dressed as Batman, that dude from Superbad with a weird haircut and enough swearing to stun Peter Capaldi into a profanity-induced coma.
It?s been a long time since we?ve had a decent superhero spoof and honestly the last one that springs to mind was Kinka Usher?s 1999 lukewarm box-office tickler Mystery Men. Not exactly the Dark Knight gold rush.
So it falls to writer Mark Millar to give us a comic to poke fun at one of our most treasured genres, and it takes director Michael Vaughn (Produced Lock, Stock, Snatch, directed Stardust and Layer Cake) to bring it to the screen.
So let?s see if Kick-Ass, aha, does.
[HEADING=1]"Good call, baby doll!"[/HEADING][HEADING=3]Nicholas Cage, in his ongoing apology for Ghost Rider.[/HEADING]
Our introduction to the adrenalin-fuelled, fizzy-drink gargling, neon heart attack that is Kick Ass is made by Dave Lizewski (Aaron Johnson ? Nowhere Boy, Shanghai Knights) a normal kid in a normal school. His only superpower, according to him, is invisibility when it comes to women folk.
But the main issue that Dave has is that the curly mop he calls a hairdo is heavier than regular people?s hair. So dense are his locks that they create pressure on his brain, making him believe that being a superhero might be a good idea.
For those of you who have never really considered the career choice outside of the school playground, you have to realise that anybody who tried this would be dead in moments. There are gangs, the mobsters, the drug barons ? even the police wouldn?t be all that happy. And that?s just in England, in America they have guns.
So our brain-damaged protagonist proceeds to buy a scuba suit and clean up the streets as the titular hero of the film?s title.
Now as you can imagine he gets beaten up. A lot.
But what?s truly fascinating is how well Johnson sells the whole thing. The character could easily have descended into farce, and to an extent he does, but you never get the impression that this is a guy winking at the camera and laughing along with the audience ? he commits fully and the performance is all the better for it. He fits into the rest of the film like a jigsaw, and the entire thing is seamless. Of the many stars that will be made by this film, he is definitely one to watch.
I say many stars, because this film really is a launching pad for the people you?ll be seeing in the cinemas for the next few years. Not least is Chloe Moretz as Mindy Macready / Hit Girl (Desperate Housewives, Bolt) who, if there is any justice in the world, will be the Next Big Thing.
You know how it is with child actors, at best they are usually an annoyance that must be ignored, a la Terminator 2, or at worst the thing that makes you want to self harm in The Mummy Returns - but Moretz absolutely owns this film.
Whether she's hacking up bad guys or sprinkling her lines with profanity, she's a force of nature and an absolute joy to watch. It's best not to think about the fact that she's only eleven; you will look at the wasted misery that is your own life and then you will kill yourself.
The same can be said for Damon Macready (Nicholas Cage).
Similarly, you know how it is with Nick Cage - one minute he's setting your soul alight in the gem of a movie Lord of War, the next he's yanking it out of your anus with The Wicker Man remake. But here he's a treasure, channelling Adam West through his voice box while toting a shotgun, dealing out final, and hilarious, justice. His rehab starts here.
Now what any good superhero flick needs is a solid set of villains. Spidey has the Green Goblin, Green Lantern has Sinestro and the Punisher has no one, because he keeps killing them.
But because Kick-Ass seems to want to set itself in the real world, the bad guys take form of local gangsters, namely one Frank D'Amico (Mark Strong) and his son Red Mist (Christopher Mintz-Plasse). Now both of them utilise their characters to the fullest, but the villains seem to almost be an afterthought in the piece, as if all the imagination had gone into creating a trio of messed-up heroes and bad guy duty had been relegated to gangster clichés which don't seem to gel properly with the rest of the movie - although admittedly it is a delightful turn to see villains who don't explain their master plans before shooting the heroes in the face. They just, y'know, shoot them in the face.
Also keep your eyes peeled for Dexter Fletcher and Jason Flemyng, the stars of Lock Stock (which director Matthew Vaughn produced) as a couple of goons for D'Amico.
Keep trying guys, I'm sure the A-list is just around the next corner!
[img width]http://twitchfilm.net/news/KickAssRedMistSm.jpg[/img][HEADING=2]"The mayor has a signal he shines in the sky![/HEADING][HEADING=1]It's in the shape of a giant cock."[/HEADING][HEADING=3]If the Joker was real, he would LOVE this movie.[/HEADING]
Just to start off, Kick-Ass is not your standard comedy.
Some of the scenes in it are horrible. No, it's worse than that, some of the scenes are horrid. That's right, a rogue D crept up on B, L and E - who were probably just minding their own business - proceeded to beat them to death and took their place. But you can't really blame D, because D was hiding from Z. Z is a psychopath.
The sheer insanity of that alphabet story perfectly sums up Kick-Ass; off the wall, written by somebody who probably belongs in some form of an asylum and completely different.
From start to finish the film picks up things from here and there; an old cliché, a costume reference, a classic superhero story, and completely turns it on it's head with a delicious twist. From beginning to end you'll laugh your head off, except when the film gets all emotional on your clueless face and you will well up a little.
The only thing is that the film isn't really about anything.
It seems to start out wanting to make a genuinely profound statement about the mentality of superheroes - what kind of paint drinking lobotomy victims would turn themselves into living pin cushions for nothing more than headlines - but ends up becoming almost a straightforward, albeit gory, spoof.
I'm reminded of the film Daredevil, particularly the scenes were they show Murdoch taking bottle after bottle of pain medication and showing how local ne'er-do-wells tried to play noughts and crosses on his chest, but then immediately have him jumping from twenty storey buildings and not even have it slow him down.
When it comes to this genre you can't have your cake and eat it, you have to stick with gritty realism or off the wall lunacy.
But having said that, there isn't much else you can say in the way of bad points.
The entire cast give hilarious, eclectic performances. Hit Girl may be the glorious centrepiece, but the rest of the cast are in no way thrown to the shadows. In any lesser film time would have dragged when she wasn't on screen, but the piece is so exquisitely balanced that seeing her again is yet another treat on the film's impressive roster. Another thing the film does well is focus on the people as well as the masks they wear - something which most films of genre fall down on. Watching Dave discussing comic book trivia with his dumbfounded friends is every bit as entertaining as watching him getting his head kicked in in the next scene.
Speaking of which, for a piece so focussed on comedy. the fight scenes are truly excellent.
Every single battle has it's own visceral identity, and not only are they beautifully choreographed but the soundtrack to each one gives them a jarring feel, much like a pair of jump leads attached to your eye sockets powered by pure exhilaration.
To be honest, if you were going to criticise the film for anything, the most obvious would be how they expected to hide Christopher Mintz-Plasse's face with a Domino mask.
Meaning the man no offence, he has a mouth like a vagina, and has quite possibly the most recognisable voice since Ahnuld swaggered onto our screen demanding owa clodes, owa boots unt owa motor cykuls.
The final thing I want to mention is the inevitable controversy Hit Girl is going cause with people who read the Daily Mail, or own a hybrid car and drive around a dying planet with a smug "I've done my part" look on their otherwise bland faces.
Ironically, all I have to say is this: Grow Up.
[HEADING=2]"Tool up honey bunny,[/HEADING]
[HEADING=1]It's time to get bad guys."[/HEADING][HEADING=3]Father of the Year? Quite possibly.[/HEADING]
The Verdict? Gut wrenchingly hilarious, in places touching, and hugely, immensely, gratuitously violent. Everything a growing boy needs.
The fact is that any bad point the film has, it more than makes up for it by being a colossal, borderline irresponsible dose of fun. It encompasses every type of humour - black, physical, clever, and even that weird brand of Ricky Gervais humour were you feel slightly embarrassed on behalf of the characters on screen.
Honestly it would be hard to think of any type of person who could watch this and not get a few chuckles out of it. Okay, it's not as deep as it sometimes likes to think it is, but everything else it goes for it does very well - not least the bone crunching, superbly thought out fight scenes.
It may not be able to change your life, but it certainly can kick your ass.
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Can't sleep? Me either.
Film: The Hurt Locker [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.183962-Caffeine-The-Hurt-Locker#5524103] / Pretty Woman [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.183238-Caffeine-Pretty-Woman] / The Haunting in Connecticut [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.181389-Caffeine-The-Haunting-in-Connecticut] / The Watchmen [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.180241-Caffeine-The-Watchmen-and-a-few-words-on-the-art-of-Adaptation] / The Men Who Stare at Goats [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.170886-Caffeine-The-Men-Who-Stare-at-Goats-25th-Review] / In the Loop [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.165442] / Moon [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.162973] / Pulp Fiction [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.156647] / Night Watch [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.154980] / X-Men Origins: Wolverine [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.153507] / The Departed [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.149527] / Star Trek 2009 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.149058#3470961] / A review of Love Happens (Without seeing it first) [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.148846#3460365] / Inglourious Basterds [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.147977#3420043] / Fight Club Essay [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.147655#3403751] / District 9 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.147097#3373011] / The Crow 4: Wicked Prayer [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.137348#3089948]
Game: Modern Warfare II, and the making of Caffeine [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.161600] / Final Fantasy Double Feature [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.158465] / Resident Evil 4 Retrospective [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.148447#3440710] / Mass Effect [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.145571#3296970] / Final Fantasy: Dissidea [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.144913#3266704] / Metal Gear Solid Twin Snakes [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.140353#3149506] / Far Cry 2 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.139317#3129015] / Street Fighter IV [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.136868#3079685]
Other: The Zombie Survival Guide and World War Z double feature [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.169416] / A Review of Society, via Call of Duty 4 [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.151891] / A review of My Cat [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/326.146281#3332788]
