Can Dreams Change Everything?

[TheDrunkNinja]

Last night, I had... well, let's just say it was an interesting dreaming experience. The full story is for the last two years, I've had a crush on a friend of mine. It's not the type of thing you'd do something about. Just attraction mixed with a love of her personality. She started dating a really good friend of mine, but don't worry, by then I was pretty much over it and genuinely happy for them. Or so I thought.

Yeah, the dream was about her. It wasn't like a wet-dream experience (mostly). It was just that we were together in a relationship, traveling alone together (very similar to the road-trip I had gone on with her and other friends in earlier months). It was the type of dream that you didn't want to stop when your alarm rings in the morning.

The problem is that now I feel sick. I don't know if it's a feeling of love, or maybe it's just guilt for thinking such thoughts about my friends girlfriend. If it is love, then I know I can't act on it since I've pretty much missed my chance. In all honesty, I thought I was over this! I was perfectly fine when she started dating my friend.

So anyway, I guess I'm asking this gaming forum to be my Dr. Phil for the moment. If anything else, I just felt like getting this off my chest. Oh sweet internet anonymity...

 

[Blasphemous Rex]

I wouldn't know, man, I don't remember any of my dreams. The only one I do remember was a nightmare, and to this day I'm still not completely sure that it wasn't real. Regardless, I think it might just be that feeling of "I missed my chance." I can't know exactly what you're feeling, but I'd guess that it should mellow out sooner or later. Don't think of me as a reliable source, though.

 

[Gxas]

snip

I'm in the same position, except I despise the guy she is with. You'll never really get over those feelings of love. They'll always be there, you just have to learn to live with them. Cope by being happy that she is happy. I find that this song by The Wonder Years helps me a lot.

Spoiler: Melrose Diner by The Wonder Years

Spoiler: Lyrics

I hate your bad tattoos and your second-hand stories;
those anecdotes that grew old last month.
I hate the way you move when you're drunk and try dancing.
It's not sexy.
It's just keeping us up and I'm just not fond of anyone,
but that's got everything to do with us.

I hate the way I get when I can't handle bad news.
It feels like I've been an asshole for months.
All I've got left are these handfuls of fuck you and man,
that's never enough.

I guess I'm just down.
I guess I'll be honest.
I could use you around.
I can't stand the dork that you're hanging with now.
I guess I'll be honest.
I could use you around.

I hate the way that you can't keep your hair straight.
I hate the way that you're leaning on me.
I hate the way that you point out when girls are staring
because you know that I won't do a thing.

I hate the context clues you leave out of your writing
because I can't find myself here at all.
You know that I hate when you call me wasted.
I expect it whenever you call.

I guess I'm just down.
I guess I'll be honest.
I could use you around.
I can't stand the dork that you're hanging with now.
I guess I'll be honest.
I could use you around.
I could use you around.
I could use you around now.

My friends all say he's just a b-rate version of me;
he's stuck on video games and weed.
They're just trying to help me get to sleep.

My friends all say you're sitting way too close to me,
that I should just get up and leave.
It's like I'm weighed down to the seat.

My friends all say he's just the broke-dick version of me.
They're just trying to help me get some sleep.
I know he's what you need.

I guess I'm just down.
I guess I'll be honest.
I could use you around.
I can't stand the dork that you're hanging with now.
I guess I'll be honest.
I could use you around.

Not sure if that helps you at all, but it makes me feel better. I'm not being selfish, but yet, not being selfless. I know I can't have her, but I want her to be happy.

 

[The Amazing Tea Alligator]

A little while ago I had a really interesting dream. The only bit I remember was that there was this species of spider called the Fox Hand spider. Basically the thing would hang from ceilings and lovingly tousle your hair. I'm terrified of spiders - so this thing is like my worst nightmare.

 

[jelock]

Well maybe you honestly thought you were fine with it, it was just the dream and its experience made you think/realise that maybe you were wrong and you really do like the girl or may be it just confused you (from what you have written it sounds like you liked her as more than a friend even though you made yourself think not.) Either way acting on it now wouldnt be a good idea, shes with a good friend of yours, doing anything would just ruin all of the relationships.

If you really like her and want to give things a shot you will just need to hold off and see what happens with her and your friend. If it doesnt work out, then you can make your move. Until then, a real friend would respect the other person enough to not try to steal the their girlfriend.

 

[Zacharine]

Uhhh, that's kinda bad.

But that's the thing with emotions: they're not rational. Your thinking part of the brain might very well be perfectly alright with her dating someone else. But your emotions are not. Just like me and my ex (whom left me for my best friend just as I was about to propose to her): you know what you need to do as a friend, what the best rational way to act is, but your emotions still won't accept it.

What you do is up to you. My advice: try to ignore the hurt, acknowledge your longing for her and do... whatever you decide to do or leave undone. Just try not to wallow in self-pity or in misery - it helps no one, least of all you. So stay active, try to have fun and slowly work through your emotions.

 

[TheDrunkNinja]

Well maybe you honestly thought you were fine with it, it was just the dream and its experience made you think/realise that maybe you were wrong and you really do like the girl or may be it just confused you (from what you have written it sounds like you liked her as more than a friend even though you made yourself think not.) Either way acting on it now wouldnt be a good idea, shes with a good friend of yours, doing anything would just ruin all of the relationships.

If you really like her and want to give things a shot you will just need to hold off and see what happens with her and your friend. If it doesnt work out, then you can make your move. Until then, a real friend would respect the other person enough to not try to steal the their girlfriend.

Trust me, I had no intention of acting on what my subconscious is telling me. But, I think you are right. After having the dream, I do feel like I missed out. I would be just fine with that, but what I want to know is why I had the dream in the first place. This is completely out of left field since I hadn't felt like this about her in months.

 

[TheDrunkNinja]

Uhhh, that's kinda bad.

But that's the thing with emotions: they're not rational. Your thinking part of the brain might very well be perfectly alright with her dating someone else. But your emotions are not. Just like me and my ex (whom left me for my best friend just as I was about to propose to her): you know what you need to do as a friend, what the best rational way to act is, but your emotions still won't accept it.

What you do is up to you. My advice: try to ignore the hurt, acknowledge your longing for her and do... whatever you decide to do or leave undone. Just try not to wallow in self-pity or in misery - it helps no one, least of all you. So stay active, try to have fun and slowly work through your emotions.

It sucks when you have all these emotions you want to act upon and do something about, but the best thing you can do is nothing.

 

[ALuckyChance]

Well, I had a dream I loved someone. He said it (in the dream) explicitly and everything. You really should give it a day or two for you to figure out if you really love her or not. Just because you happen to have feelings for her doesn't mean you can't live without her, if you get what I'm saying. Try talking to her or something, and record how you feel when talking.

By the way, when did she date your friend?

 

[TheDrunkNinja]

Well, I had a dream I loved someone. He said it (in the dream) explicitly and everything. You really should give it a day or two for you to figure out if you really love her or not. Just because you happen to have feelings for her doesn't mean you can't live without her, if you get what I'm saying. Try talking to her or something, and record how you feel when talking.

By the way, when did she date your friend?

Up until today, I've felt fine when I talk to her. It's like talking to anyone of my friends. Which is kind of the point I guess.

She started "officially" dating him a couple months ago. Before that, they were pretty much acting like boyfriend and girlfriend. I guess it just took them a while before they could say for definite certain they were in a relationship.

 

[ALuckyChance]

Well, if it's been months, I honestly don't think this has anything to do with her relationship with him.

Of course, that could be both a good thing or a bad thing. Hey, I'm not a psychologist.