If other people do it, their choice. I wouldn't myself For two reasons, don't really see the point. And the negatives sort of out weigh the positives.
Casual sex
- Thread starter RaisonD'etre
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Fallingwater said:A lot of enjoyable sex followed (hopefully) by a large number of mutually given orgasms? Dunno about you, but that sounds like a whole heap of fun to me...Thyunda said:
I find it peculiar that to you the videogame is what comes before the contact, rather than what comes afterwards. To me, the chase is merely the FMV intro before the game begins - the intro that, in certain games, can easily be skipped to increase the fun and decrease the pointless waste of time.
On one hand, you must be the cause of endless amounts of frustration for your targets. On the other hand, people who let themselves get cockteased cause me more irritation than people who cocktease. Or, um, pussytease, since it seems you're a dude.
Provided it's done by people who have half a brain (this is pretty damn important), reckless fucking is fun and harmless, and therefore good. So I see no reason to abstain from having as much of it as possible, and encourage others to do the same. Hell, go nuts - threesomes, foursomes, sex parties, bisexuality (or homosexuality for that matter), experimentation, perversions... nothing is inherently bad, evil or wrong, provided you harm no-one (beyond some forms of sexual play) and use protection.
Your loss... maybe it'd be the best sexual partner of your life, but you'll never know.
I don't think anyone's talking about lovemaking here. Lovemaking and fucking for the sake of hormonal release are two quite different concepts. Neither is negative, and in fact both can bring considerable enjoyment, provided one leaves behind prejudices and moralistic/religious bigotry.
The bottom one for me- lovemaking was the word he used. However, fucking would work just as well in this case. If the squirt at the end is what sells it for you, then it must have been pretty bad.
Now sexual experimentation I have no problem with. Group sex, orgies, whatever, doesn't concern me. Physical pleasures are kinda lost on me. I get bored easily. No, I enjoy the power-play more. Nothing is more satisfying than making a girl that can't stand the sight of you have a change of heart and decide she needs you.
With the videogame example, you spend the entire game working your way to that last boss, collecting weapons and abilities that you'll eventually use against him.
You can't tell me that it's more satisfying to enter a cheat code, and use a level-select to go straight to the last boss, trying to use abilities and weapons you've never even seen before to try and nail that fucker. You're gonna spend about ten tries flopping about and shooting yourself in the foot.
I don't think a girl's gonna be that patient. For me, it's all about collecting every little advantage and hint, and getting the moment just right to make it the best.
And, since I'm in a relationship, I can't very well do that. However, the chase amuses me, and with very, very little actual flirtation on my part, I've got the attraction down to an art. So I'm a bad person for getting these people to want it. Ah well. Better than having a lapse of self-esteem and having to go fuck someone to tell myself I'm still pretty.
Sleeping around in my opinion is bad and I would have issues dating someone who did that. Also what is the difference between a girlfriend and friend with benefits? Because it seems like that's what my relationships are, A really good friend with perks.
RollForInitiative said:sinterklaas said:You disgust me. There is nothing wrong with an action that doesn't hurt anyone or anything.
But go ahead, it's better for us all if people like you keep together in your narrowminded circles
Dystopia said:Amusingly, I find this more amusingly narrow-minded than anything I've said. As I clearly stated, to each, their own. I don't see a need to attack people who act like that, or tell them I find them disgusting. I said no such thing. I simply called it as I see it; in my experience, the people like this that I've dealt with have had serious issues with self-respect. Interestingly enough, those that eventually learned a healthy degree of self-respect actually dropped the mindset and the lifestyle that came with it. That's simply a side effect of something they did for themselves, though.Romaz said:
Calling me "prudish" is just laughable, as there's no lack of sex in my life; girlfriends are great like that. Why would not wanting to fuck people I'm not committed to imply that I have something against sex? That seems like a ludicrous leap in logic to make.
Personally, I don't expect to ever "get" people like you, nor do I expect people like you to "get" me. We're from two fundamentally opposed mindsets, neither of which is ever likely to convince the other, so why bother attacking unless you feel like you have something to be genuinely offended about? Did something in my remarks hit too close to home?
Personally, I don't care one whit. If I've offended you, kindly grow thicker skin and learn to understand that there are varying opinions on any given topic in this world. Your stance doesn't offend me, so why should mine offend you? How silly. Next you'll tell me that you're offended because I believe Hitler was secretly a ninja vampire commando super-werewolf.
Welcome to opinions. Everybody has them. =)
People are only retaliating to your 'attacks' so why whine about it?
I would say that accusing people of having no self respect is offensive. Way to generalise a large, diverse group of people there. I also find it amusing that you say you've 'dealt with' people like this, as though there was an issue to deal with in the first place.
If you don't care, stop getting defensive and replying to everyone who disagrees with you because that pretty much proves that you do, in fact, care.
Insecure is a much better way of putting it than "weak mind". Marriage isn't for me, but I don't think anyone should be stopped from doing it. I don't think it's suitable for a lot of people though, and I think many people go through with it because they think that it's the only way to be normal and live their life. If it was only undertaken by those whop fully understood it, it's consequences and what it truly means, then I wouldn't have such a problem with it. Currently, however, it's just seen as the "right" thing to do, which is a very bad reason to marry.INF1NIT3 D00M said:
My response was hostile because your original comment was too, "I have zero respect for those people. I don't want to be friends with those people.". If you had just said "It's not for me and everyone I've come across who has done it ended up in the gutter", like half of the other posters in this thread, that would be a perfectly fine stance to take.RollForInitiative said:sinterklaas said:You disgust me. There is nothing wrong with an action that doesn't hurt anyone or anything.
But go ahead, it's better for us all if people like you keep together in your narrowminded circlesDystopia said:Amusingly, I find this more amusingly narrow-minded than anything I've said. As I clearly stated, to each, their own. I don't see a need to attack people who act like that, or tell them I find them disgusting. I said no such thing. I simply called it as I see it; in my experience, the people like this that I've dealt with have had serious issues with self-respect. Interestingly enough, those that eventually learned a healthy degree of self-respect actually dropped the mindset and the lifestyle that came with it. That's simply a side effect of something they did for themselves, though.Romaz said:
Calling me "prudish" is just laughable, as there's no lack of sex in my life; girlfriends are great like that. Why would not wanting to fuck people I'm not committed to imply that I have something against sex? That seems like a ludicrous leap in logic to make.
Personally, I don't expect to ever "get" people like you, nor do I expect people like you to "get" me. We're from two fundamentally opposed mindsets, neither of which is ever likely to convince the other, so why bother attacking unless you feel like you have something to be genuinely offended about? Did something in my remarks hit too close to home?
Personally, I don't care one whit. If I've offended you, kindly grow thicker skin and learn to understand that there are varying opinions on any given topic in this world. Your stance doesn't offend me, so why should mine offend you? How silly. Next you'll tell me that you're offended because I believe Hitler was secretly a ninja vampire commando super-werewolf.
Welcome to opinions. Everybody has them. =)
But quit it with the condescending attitude.
Wouldn't it make sense, that if life was that short, it would benefit the species to reproduce as much as possible?.rokkolpo said:
Casual sex. yeah I had some.
She had to leave early the next morning because of a family day with her husband and kid.
Oh, how I laughed.
She had to leave early the next morning because of a family day with her husband and kid.
Oh, how I laughed.
And divorce always hurts everyone involved. Breaking the relationship causes pain. Anything that causes pain like that is not normal. If we were wired to leave each other, that doesn't mean we would never separate, it means we get together in the first place and the separation is as painful as losing a limb. Metaphorically of course, I don't want a random link to orangutans thrown my way next.sumanoskae said:
I've been in a few FWB situataions, usually from after a relationship the girl and I would continue to have sex until we found someone, so that feel was taken care off.
I dont tihnk its so bad, not really at least.
I dont tihnk its so bad, not really at least.
Yes, she described (to others in my presence, I preferred not to deal with her) some of the things I mention above -- being drunk most nights, waking up with strange guys, etc. Words out of her own mouth.Darkeagle6 said:
Was I ever one of those guys she went with? No. Do I have surveillance video to back up what I said? No. But when you have a decent number of these puzzle pieces, you don't have to be Columbo to take a good guess at the whole picture. When you've got a confession, you don't need testimony from another.
I detest euphemisms, but if you prefer the terms promiscuous or easy over slut, please feel free to read it whichever way you prefer. None of those terms sounds particularly complimentary to me, and all are accurate in this case. If you want to believe this woman was a chaste nun at whom I threw the word slut to make myself feel superior, feel free to believe it.
Ignorant or an ass....hmm. I'm going to go with ass. I know you can't actually catch a disease from a hug. However, aside from and in addition to personal habits of which I disapprove, this woman could not be bothered to get along with anyone at work. She was the laziest person I've ever worked around, impossibly snotty, and disrespectful to everyone at all times. I wasn't kidding when I said toxic. She played head games with one male coworker, twisting his brain around so bad he became useless. I once saw her tell the boss, in all seriousness and in front of customers, to go fuck himself. (She did not get fired for that, because the boss has no balls. That's a whole separate discussion. The point is, she knew she could get away with it, so she did it. It was fun for her.) Another male coworker and I were applying for other jobs, willing to lose our seniority and a good chunk of pay to escape her presence. When she tried to hug me, I wanted to make it clear to her that there was no force in Earth or heaven which could compel me to share space with her. If I had returned it, she might have thought I liked her. Her attention is what I was trying not to catch. I shudder to think how bad it could have gotten had she become focused on me. If wanting a toxic person to stay away makes me an ass, I'll wear those long ears with pride.
You can argue that a bad excuse for a human being, such as this woman I keep talking about, makes a poor example. You can say I've tried to make it about character when it really isn't. There would be some validity to that argument. Certainly not every person who engages in casual sex is a waste of space. Nevertheless, she represents the most experience I have had with such a person. She is the image that will come to my mind whenever the subject arises. I equate her with her behavior and her behavior with her.
If, from this moment forth, you equate "alpha male" with "Johnny Impact," I can only say bring it on. I've been called worse. No one is ever going to mistake me for an alpha male. I'm not sure how you dragged that in. If I were the kind of aggressive, territorial, testosterone-guzzling dingbat you're implying, I wouldn't care how many partners a woman had had, or even what her name was. I'd just want my turn. "Half the guys in town got there before me" is just easier to say, and, in my opinion, more honest, than "she has had a long history of casual sex, totting up an impressive roster of partners, with each of whom she no doubt had unique and special experiences, having become -- if I may use the term in a non-deprecatory way -- seasoned in the ways of pleasure; but such unremitting continuance of sexual activity over such a long period of time is, in itself, an indication of inherently greater health risk in becoming her next partner, as well as the likelihood that she will trivialize such intimate contact as having little meaning, less a hurdle to be jumped than a curb to step up upon, blah blah blah."
I disapprove of casual sex because I think sex should be special. Not save-yourself-for-marriage special, but more of a decision than, "Hey, you're pretty, let's do it." If I know a woman has had many partners, that alone is reason enough for me to consider staying away. Sex ceases to be special if you have it constantly, with people you barely know. A woman who engages in casual sex is almost certainly a poor companion for me, and I for her.
I would expect any woman who shared my view to steer clear of a guy who had a reputation as a player. Quite possibly she would describe him in terms a bit more colorful than "player."
Not everybody shares my view, of course. Plenty of casual-sex fans would refer to me as a prude, prig, goody-two-shoes, or puritan -- all insulting terms. They're welcome to do so. Doesn't bother me a bit.
I don't need your moralizing. If you're bothered by my aversion to casual sex, don't approach me for sex. If you're bothered by my call-it-what-it-is approach, I suggest you may be insecure and overly sensitive.
"Anything that causes pain like that is not normal"Nieroshai said:
Pain is an essential part of life, just like joy. Life is up and down, people need pain in order to recognize happiness.
Is childbirth unnatural?, is death unnatural?.
And not all divorce causes pain, sometimes people need to separate, that's why they get a divorce. A lot of the hassle that goes into divorce, like custody battles, is only a problem because we place so much value on marriage. Having an infected limb removed is also painful, but that doesn't mean it wasn't for the best.
We were born with the ability to feel pain, it's one of the most natural things in the world.
Nature isn't here for our convince, we were not born for everlasting joy. To often people forget about the parts of nature that displease them. Famine, pestilence, death, extinction. Survival of the fittest is the face of evolution. Somewhere, an antelope is being eaten by a lion, it's nature, but that thought doesn't make the antelope any more content.
You seriously miss my point. If you get stabbed, is it natural that you got stabbed? You feel pain so you can know to escape something that may damage or kill you. Pain itself is not the ill here, but most causes of pain are the result of damage, which is never a positive. Childbirth is an exception because a woman's body is designed to pass the child, but I am not designed to get stabbed or gored. My point in using the term "natural" is being mocked then when you claim that since pain exists in nature it is normal and therefor ignorable.sumanoskae said:
Relationships are great, sex is great, sex without the relationship part is great too.
There's nothing wrong with calling up an ex for a little fun if you're both wanting it. For some this may cause confusion, mixing up feeling of love and lust, but I'm sure there are many who can separate the two.
There's nothing wrong with calling up an ex for a little fun if you're both wanting it. For some this may cause confusion, mixing up feeling of love and lust, but I'm sure there are many who can separate the two.
The divorce rate is high due to cultural and personal factors.sumanoskae said:
We are pressured to find mates. This pressure continues regardless of whether we are ready, or willing, or well suited to making and keeping the commitment of marriage. I'm not the only one whose mother pestered them for years on the subject.
There is a fallacy propagated in our culture that we can get something for nothing. Some guys think marriage is steak on the table every night and sex when they want it - they don't stop to consider that they might have to pretend to like the in-laws, or support their spouses' plans. Some women think a husband is a responsible, bacon-bringing, stable pillar of support to which they can cling, and onto which they can pour all their emotional troubles - without considering that they themselves might have to be responsible, loving, and stable in return. This isn't everyone, of course, but it's certainly a trap we can fall into.
Once we have something, we get lazy about maintaining it. It becomes ours, unquestionably, like property. We buy a sofa, and that sofa is ours. For a while, we take good care of it. After a while we don't care if we spill coffee and cigarette ash on it. Eventually it's fit only to be left at the curb on Heavy Pick-up Day. The only reason it's still around is we're too lazy to get rid of it. I hate to trivialize marriage by comparing it to a sofa, but marriage requires care and maintenance if we want it to be comfortable to sit there.
The institution of marriage is weaker than it used to be. Being unmarried was very nearly a sin in times past. Divorce used to carry a terrible stigma. As divorce rates have slowly gone up, the stigma has slowly gone down. The institution has weakened, resulting in -- you guessed it -- more divorces.
I could go on but I'm up past my bedtime. It doesn't matter whether we're genetically predisposed towards monogamy or not. The capacity for thought introduces too many other variables.
As long as it's consensual, I could care less. Personally... never tried it, wouldn't know. But, knowing me, it would be awkward after. If you can pull it off without breaking off a friendship, more power to you
I'm not interested in casual sex and can't see myself ever sleeping with someone I don't know and trust but I see nothing wrong with it provided everyone knows where they stand and are not cheating on their partners behind their back. I would like to think I would be able to deal with an open relationship (I assume you meant going steady with someone in a full relationship but not forbidding sex with others) but honestly I don?t know how I would feel and I?m not sure I would be okay with it.