Catharsis and Reflection

[Dirty Hipsters]

There's a couple of lines from what you wrote that really jumped out at me, and that I think you should examine a lot more closely.

A part of me is starting to consider that Hollywood love stories are not comparable to real life...

I find this line pretty troubling. The fact that you're only now realizing that Hollywood love stories are an over dramatic fabrication, and not at all like real life makes me feel like any relationship that you were in was doomed to fail eventually, just because you seem to be taking cues from movies and don't understand what real relationships are like. I'm not trying to be hostile to you or your relationship, and in fact, I may be completely wrong (hell, your relationship beats out my longest relationship by more than 9 years), but I think that's something you need to examine. You need to figure out exactly what you were hoping for from your relationship in the first place, and decide whether your hopes were realistic or whether you were basing them on some Hollywood fantasy.

The second line that really jumped out at me was this:

I have no aspirations in life, no dream career, I live... lived, for another person, as long as I was with that person, I knew my life would be great, that's all I needed.

Again, this is another line that I find pretty troubling. The fact that you had nothing going for you in your life other than this relationship doesn't seem healthy to me. You've essentially based yourself, your entire persona, upon this one person in your life, this one relationship, so for all intents and purposes without that person you aren't really you. Your partner should be a foil to you, they should help to complete you, to make you better, but they shouldn't be what defines you. This is something you really need to fix, because through this break up you haven't just lost your girlfriend, you've essentially lost yourself, and your entire life. Again, this goes back to what I was saying about the previous line, where you really need to reevaluate what you want from your relationships.


I want you to know that the fact that you've refocused your energy into improving yourself is really the healthiest thing you could have done, and the fact that you did it show strength of character and determination. Anyway, I really wish you luck in the future Daystar.

 

[Daystar Clarion]

There's a couple of lines from what you wrote that really jumped out at me, and that I think you should examine a lot more closely.

A part of me is starting to consider that Hollywood love stories are not comparable to real life...

I find this line pretty troubling. The fact that you're only now realizing that Hollywood love stories are an over dramatic fabrication, and not at all like real life makes me feel like any relationship that you were in was doomed to fail eventually, just because you seem to be taking cues from movies and don't understand what real relationships are like. I'm not trying to be hostile to you or your relationship, and in fact, I may be completely wrong (hell, your relationship beats out my longest relationship by more than 9 years), but I think that's something you need to examine. You need to figure out exactly what you were hoping for from your relationship in the first place, and decide whether your hopes were realistic or whether you were basing them on some Hollywood fantasy.

The second line that really jumped out at me was this:

I have no aspirations in life, no dream career, I live... lived, for another person, as long as I was with that person, I knew my life would be great, that's all I needed.

Again, this is another line that I find pretty troubling. The fact that you had nothing going for you in your life other than this relationship doesn't seem healthy to me. You've essentially based yourself, your entire persona, upon this one person in your life, this one relationship, so for all intents and purposes without that person you aren't really you. Your partner should be a foil to you, they should help to complete you, to make you better, but they shouldn't be what defines you. This is something you really need to fix, because through this break up you haven't just lost your girlfriend, you've essentially lost yourself, and your entire life. Again, this goes back to what I was saying about the previous line, where you really need to reevaluate what you want from your relationships.


I want you to know that the fact that you've refocused your energy into improving yourself is really the healthiest thing you could have done, and the fact that you did it show strength of character and determination. Anyway, I really wish you luck in the future Daystar.

Well the first part was really a more off the cuff attempt at humour, I probably should have made that clearer.

The second part though, yeah. I mean, what I mean is that I live for people. I like to make others happy and be made happy in return. Not just a romantic partner, but people I know.

I don't care for power, or monetary wealth.

I just want to be happy, with people who are also happy. That's what I strive for.

 

[Chromatic Aberration]

Life is transient. Nothing ever lasts forever. Things will change - no matter if it breaks us. No matter if it kills us. No matter if it elates and inspires us. The world in all its madness does what it wants, how it wants in ways far too complex for us to ever understand them completely. We cannot ever hope to control the randomness of the world around or in us - we can only hope to deal with the consequences and try to roll the dice in such a way that we have a higher likelyhood for a better outcome.

One of these ways is to retain a positive outlook even if everything around or in us falls apart - a change is never just a burden, it is also an opportunity. An opportunity for things whose beauty we might not have seen before. An opportunity to build something new. An opportunity for experiences we might never have thought to experience. And, ultimately, an opportunity for things we need to make an effort for even in spite or maybe just because it will be ultimately transient. You have already concluded this.

The void is a powerful thing.

Keep fighting, little one.

 

[Imp_Emissary]

That is...Unfortunate. You have my sympathy for your situation, and my respect for not only still continuing the way you want to, but also telling this to others. All I can say is, don't keep people away who want to help you forever. Solitude can help you think, and plan what you want to do.

However, asking for/accepting help does not make you weak. It makes you stronger that you could be alone.

Best of luck to you, Daystar Clarion.

 

[Godhead]

Maybe Bob Ross can help us out here.

Spoiler

This is a part of life, hopefully it'll work out. Maybe it won't. You have a lot of time left and it's good that you're trying to move on, but don't completely wall this section of your life out. Think of the good times and remember that some of us aren't as lucky when it comes to things like this.

 

[Cpu46]

Daystar, I have to wish you the best of luck. You are an awesome person and every time I see your avatar next to a post I have to smile and read it. This post was no exception, though I was worried up until you came out with the "I won't let this defeat me" part.

I do have to say that 'Whatever happens, happens' is a good way mantra to live your life by, though personally I am fond of these two,
"There will always be a new day, it may not be what we want or expect but it is our job as living beings to see it through to it's fullest."
and
"This is your life and it will go only as far as you push it."

They both get me up when I am feeling depressed or defeated. I'm not sure exactly where the first one came from but I remember the second one was from a rather eccentric english teacher upon my graduation from High School.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I have no doubt that you will rebound from this 100 times stronger than you were before.

 

[Imp_Emissary]

There's a couple of lines from what you wrote that really jumped out at me, and that I think you should examine a lot more closely.

A part of me is starting to consider that Hollywood love stories are not comparable to real life...

I find this line pretty troubling. The fact that you're only now realizing that Hollywood love stories are an over dramatic fabrication, and not at all like real life makes me feel like any relationship that you were in was doomed to fail eventually, just because you seem to be taking cues from movies and don't understand what real relationships are like. I'm not trying to be hostile to you or your relationship, and in fact, I may be completely wrong (hell, your relationship beats out my longest relationship by more than 9 years), but I think that's something you need to examine. You need to figure out exactly what you were hoping for from your relationship in the first place, and decide whether your hopes were realistic or whether you were basing them on some Hollywood fantasy.

The second line that really jumped out at me was this:

I have no aspirations in life, no dream career, I live... lived, for another person, as long as I was with that person, I knew my life would be great, that's all I needed.

Again, this is another line that I find pretty troubling. The fact that you had nothing going for you in your life other than this relationship doesn't seem healthy to me. You've essentially based yourself, your entire persona, upon this one person in your life, this one relationship, so for all intents and purposes without that person you aren't really you. Your partner should be a foil to you, they should help to complete you, to make you better, but they shouldn't be what defines you. This is something you really need to fix, because through this break up you haven't just lost your girlfriend, you've essentially lost yourself, and your entire life. Again, this goes back to what I was saying about the previous line, where you really need to reevaluate what you want from your relationships.


I want you to know that the fact that you've refocused your energy into improving yourself is really the healthiest thing you could have done, and the fact that you did it show strength of character and determination. Anyway, I really wish you luck in the future Daystar.

Well the first part was really a more off the cuff attempt at humour, I probably should have made that clearer.

The second part though, yeah. I mean, what I mean is that I live for people. I like to make others happy and be made happy in return. Not just a romantic partner, but people I know.

I don't care for power, or monetary wealth.

I just want to be happy, with people who are also happy. That's what I strive for.

If that is what makes you truly happy, then I don't think you should cut everyone you know out of your life. At least not forever.

Like I said, time to yourself is good for you. To a point. I'm not saying go out right now and party with everyone, but include people in your activities when you feel you are ready.

If you really can't see any of those people ever again, at least be sure to find others when ya can. Talking about this is a good start. Even if it is just with people you don't really "know".

Again, Good Luck.

 

[piinyouri]

God.
I'm sorry.

I will say the numbness is something I experience too. Having thoughts of my parents passing away, being seperated from them in that way, the finality of it(of which my mind has become extremely convincing) just elicts nothing most of the time.

For me it's an emotional defense. I used to be an outward introvert, that is everyone around me knew I was shy, quiet and odd. Around age 19 while working my first public job I came out of my shell. I was pretty happy, though even at the time I wondered what I might be losing for what I was gaining. It's pretty clear to me now, I can handle myself decently well in social situations, bullshit with folks and generally be a social person. But my personal communication skills have really atrophied, compounded by several personal issues that I cannot change so I've shut it all out.

No way of knowing how each individual person reacts or should react because of course we're all different, but it's not a dead give away of being a sociopath or psychopath for that matter if you feel numbness where you think you should feel pain, anger or sadness.

 

[Nouw]

Damn it dude >.<, I spent a good part of last night bawlin' on /b/ reading sad stories. Feeling better in the morning and now I read this &#12640;&#12640;, right in the feels man.

Now as a literal 15 year-old I have no advice to give. I will however give you my admiration and respect for your attitude c: whatever that is worth over the internet.

Reading the thread yesterday, so many images were self-pitiful. I was reminded of a question a book I read posed.

"Are you a Tigger of Eeyore?"

As one of the resident fun-guys on the Escapist, there is no doubt where you sit in the two camps.

Drill on bro.

 

[Total LOLige]

Sorry, to hear that man.

This is THE song for times like this I think:

I don't really have any advice to give so I'll leave you with one of the song I listen to when I'm depressed:

 

[Colour Scientist]

As someone who's currently living across the country from her friends and family and whose long-relationship is on the rocks, I really feel your pain and it is awful.
If you get a new group of friends, move on and become happy again, get in touch and let me know how you did it. Seriously, I could use some hints!

Good luck!

 

[nuttshell]

Contrary to other belief, I don't think time heals all wounds. It makes them less noticable, you can do something about it (meds, therapy, surgery) but they dont heal up like nothing was there. Healing means scars. What you do with them, what meaning you want to give them is your own decision. Take them into account. Do you really want to abandon your friends because you want to forget one person? You need human contact and if your friends are really your friends, they will understand that you need them and need her not to be present. If you want to make new friends, do it. But do exercise human interaction with your former friends untill you are finally able to migrate to others. Don't go through this alone.

 

[Tsun Tzu]

Welcome to the club, sir. We're about a trillion strong, at this point, if we approach this retroactively. >.>

I'm not going to presume to understand how you feel and I think that even attempting to console you, or provide much more than fleeting, anonymous internet advice when I'm not privy to your inner workings, is a bit tasteless...so I won't. I do, however, applaud you for your taking the time to both write this out and spending the necessary time to really consider your feelings on the matter.

I personally couldn't have given up everything back home because of the relationship and would have opted for the friend route. It's either a failing on my part or a sign of weakness, but I genuinely have no qualms with remaining friendly/friends with past lovers/girlfriends.

With that said, well, these things happen. It sucks. God, does it suck. But there's always the potential for better days.

Good luck, sir. Let us know how things pan out.

All right. I lied. A bit of internet consolation is inevitable.

 

[BiscuitTrouser]

Dammit I love you Daystar.

You captured everything i aspire to be as a person in this:

But I won't let it beat me, I refuse to let it beat me.

I refuse to become the jaded, cynical misanthrope that many people seem to be around here.

I refuse to become something I'm not.

I refuse to let the world grind me down.

I too feel a lot like i live for other people. My dream and aspirations all base from creating and preserving human happiness. I dream of being a doctor or researcher and its going pretty well but frankly it stems from my desire to please and help. I long to be a person that brings joy into others lives. Its why I always feel a deep need to be in a relationship or be in love and not doing so makes me incredibly sad and empty. It gives me a great fulfillment to bring that much joy to another person in such a unique way. Its taken me a while to try and untangle the idea of "I just like having a girlfriend" to "I like using love to make another person happy" in my own mind to remove any trace of selfishness from it and to help keep myself as my own person.

Its important to remember that im not defined by BEING a boyfriend or BEING in love. Im defined by the joy i get from using that role to make people happy. Dont define yourself by the role or by the person youre pleasing. Define yourself by the satisfaction that being able to make someones life better gives you. Its personal and unique and if youre like me its easier to anchor yourself to an internal feeling rather than another person. Now youre defining yourself by your standards and not someone elses. Its important because it means that even if youre no longer in love that part of you is still there and not tied to the people who leave.

PM me if you want. I feel like we have a lot in common.

 

[Daystar Clarion]

Damn it dude >.<, I spent a good part of last night bawlin' on /b/ reading sad stories. Feeling better in the morning and now I read this &#12640;&#12640;, right in the feels man.

Now as a literal 15 year-old I have no advice to give. I will however give you my admiration and respect for your attitude c: whatever that is worth over the internet.

Reading the thread yesterday, so many images were self-pitiful. I was reminded of a question a book I read posed.

"Are you a Tigger of Eeyore?"

As one of the resident fun-guys on the Escapist, there is no doubt where you sit in the two camps.

Drill on bro.

I'm the Tiggerest of the Tiggers.

Hate that stupid donkey.

Do you think this is a motherfucking game?​

 

[Drops a Sweet Katana]

POW! Right in the feels!

My deepest condolences. Shit like that is never easy, even when it's only after a year, let alone 10. I remember how torn up I was when I had to break up with my first girlfriend after I moved from Canada to the UK a few years ago. I still haven't found anyone else like her. Reading this, I can't help but admire your fortitude and defiance in the face of pretty crushing emotional turmoil. Kudos to you sir. In any case, you've still got the rest of your life ahead of you so no use letting this drag you down. Just keep on truckin'.

 

[Fappy]

Why'd you have to go and ruin the mystique of our controversial relationship?! Gawd!

In all seriousness, I'm here for you, bro. You've got the right attitude and some good goals set for yourself. Now you've just got to commit yourself to those goals. Anytime you catch yourself thinking, "nah, I'll do it later" you best slap yourself and do it anyway!

Also, stop spamming my Skype channel and fucking lift!