Change in Perspective: Your opinion please. =)

ForensicYOYO

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So I woke with this idea that turned into a story I am calling Change in Perspective. And I want to know how you would feel about this concept, would it work, do you think ud be interested or does it sound lame? Anything ud have to say good or bad will not bother me just as long as ur honest. So here is my story.

A boy the age of 16 or 17 lives a somewhat normal life. At home with a dad, mom and two older sisters he wakes every morning with a smile on his face ready to tackle the world. He goes to school has but one friend for he is not popular. Laughed at by most but tries to pay no mind. Gives everything hes got because he believes he can be anything he wants to be. As he grows older he becomes frustrated, not able to understand never having a girlfriend or even being kissed. Looks in the mirror everyday and sees he is good looking though others, even closest friends, make jokes and say he isn't what girls want. He wants change so little by little he tries. Saddly he cant seem to break from his normal routine for old habits die hard. Still holding onto his dreams hoping for his life to start with the girl hes never had, his family grows old and is left alone living with others who seem to understand his struggles and for once feels accepted. The place he now lives is Apple Ridge Home for the Autistic and Mentally Impaired. He still looks in the mirror and sees a handsome 16 year old boy.

For those who dont understand. The boy was Autistic or mentally impaired all his life but didn't know it. He felt there was something he didn't understand about him but had no way of comprehending it. By revealing in the end where he ended up was to explain all his frustrations doubts and difficulties with breaking routines. Think about Rain Mans character but in Shutter Island.
 

ForensicYOYO

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I hope when I wake tomorrow to find someone who wants to talk about this because until I just wrote this down it was just an idea. Now that I wrote it I realised I was writing about myself. Funny how your heart can tell you things sometimes. Anyways thank you all for reading whether you post or not. Im sleepy so goodnight to all =)
 

GroundWalker

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I personally think it sounds...interesting, though an idea what medium you'd thought about would be good, since as a gamestory idea, it would be VERY tough to implement well, though as a book/movie, I think it actually could have some merit.
Though the story would have to be somewhat...fattened out.
Also, do you mean 'accepted' instead of 'excepted'?
 

ForensicYOYO

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GroundWalker said:
I personally think it sounds...interesting, though an idea what medium you'd thought about would be good, since as a gamestory idea, it would be VERY tough to implement well, though as a book/movie, I think it actually could have some merit.
Though the story would have to be somewhat...fattened out.
Also, do you mean 'accepted' instead of 'excepted'?
I ment accepted lol. It would be a book, movie or song but I see it more as a movie. Also by flattened out you mean to add more detail?
 

GroundWalker

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Yeah, but there's no 'L' in the word I wrote. ;) (Just noticed the HUGE difference that extra 'L' does.)
 

GroundWalker

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No worries...anyway, like I said, this could most definately be a good movie or book, as long as a bit more details were added. (Which I suppose it would, since it's just a concept thus far)
 
Aug 1, 2010
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That was really, really scary.

I mean it was interesting, but if I wind up at Apple Ridge in a few years, you can go ahead and call it a true story...
 

ForensicYOYO

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MrDeckard said:
That was really, really scary.

I mean it was interesting, but if I wind up at Apple Ridge in a few years, you can go ahead and call it a true story...
Kendarik said:
So loner with mental health issues stays a loner all his life?

What's the hook that would make people want to read that? Sounds depressing, predictable, and dull.
The point was he was actually someone who was mentally impaired all his life but didn't know it and saw himself as a normal sixteen year-old boy. All his frustrations of not understanding things or ever being able to break from routine are common things seen in autistic at mentally impaired people. Think about the movie Rain Man. For me it also symbolizes something out of are control we dont understand but fight everyday to ask why.
 

ForensicYOYO

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GroundWalker said:
No worries...anyway, like I said, this could most definately be a good movie or book, as long as a bit more details were added. (Which I suppose it would, since it's just a concept thus far)
Well thank you for taking the time to read and reply =D
 

Daniel_Rosamilia

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That's one hell of a good story.
Having never actually written anything like this, or a story in general, I can't really give much in the constructive criticism department, but I will say this: with some fleshing out of the main character, and a bit more work in making the story flow, that could turn out to be a brilliant short story.
 

ForensicYOYO

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Daniel_Rosamilia said:
That's one hell of a good story.
Having never actually written anything like this, or a story in general, I can't really give much in the constructive criticism department, but I will say this: with some fleshing out of the main character, and a bit more work in making the story flow, that could turn out to be a brilliant short story.
Thanks mate! XD
 

Lost In The Void

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Aug 27, 2008
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Its an interesting concept but what will truly matter in the long run is the execution. No offense but the initial grammar and spelling presented in the OP, doesn't give me much hope in the execution of the story. Basically, how you write it will determine whether or not the idea remains a good one. I'm not trying to dissuade you from trying but simply pointing out what needs to happen in order for it to go well. In short, improve your writing, or even use this story's writing process to do that, but expect a lot of rewrites.
 

Batou667

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Sorry, but it sounds like a bit of a non-starter as far as a story goes. Teen angst is not an original concept. Also, without wanting to add insult to injury, I guessed that it was a self-inspired story quite early on...
 

ForensicYOYO

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Lost In The Void said:
Its an interesting concept but what will truly matter in the long run is the execution. No offense but the initial grammar and spelling presented in the OP, doesn't give me much hope in the execution of the story. Basically, how you write it will determine whether or not the idea remains a good one. I'm not trying to dissuade you from trying but simply pointing out what needs to happen in order for it to go well. In short, improve your writing, or even use this story's writing process to do that, but expect a lot of rewrites.
I know my grammar sucks. Its my falt for not taking school serious as a kid. Also this is a ruff short version that i decided to write. Not the final product.
Batou667 said:
Sorry, but it sounds like a bit of a non-starter as far as a story goes. Teen angst is not an original concept. Also, without wanting to add insult to injury, I guessed that it was a self-inspired story quite early on...
Ya the teen part is normal. Not the teen turning out to be mentally impaired. And generally any artist work ,(music, a painting, a book), will generally have self reflection because you tend to write what you know. You did say you weren't trying to be a dick about It I just dislike people who put others down because they think they are smart.
 

Batou667

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Sorry pal, but you asked for critique and I gave it. Also, I'm quite well-acquainted with teenage angst due to being a teenager myself about 10 years ago :)

If you want to make it into a story, good luck to you, but it's either going to have to be EXPERTLY written to hold people's attention, or you're going to have to add extra elements to it. Because at the moment, it's just not that interesting an idea.
 

Goldeneye103X2

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Honestly?

It could work. i like the idea of rain man crossed with shutter island. I like happy endings, but a twist sad ending is pretty good too. Go ahead.

Although, not trying to patronize or be a dick or anything, but it looks like you may just need to brush up a bit on some spelling and grammar before you set off. Otherwise, it's all good.