Cheating in relationships: your views?

[garfoldsomeoneelse]

If you ask me, it's fucking vile. To me in particular, at least. I'm a very solitary person, but on the rare occasion that I'm interested enough in someone (or pity them enough) to declare an official relationship with them, I'll open up to them. When you've got trust issues like I do, it's a huge display of vulnerability that I've never even voluntarily shown to any of my therapists, despite how much I wanted them to help me. Trauma has a way of making you intensely distrust everyone you ever meet. It gets lonely, though. You can only push so many people away before you start to realize that it's hurting you, but you still can't overcome your insecurities enough to let anyone get close.

So, when one of the few people in the world I've opened up to betrays me like that, it just... I can't cope. It takes me weeks just to start eating again, to say nothing of how seriously I considered suicide (to the point where I quaffed five shots of rum and a bottle of NyQuil, then took off speeding around town in my truck looking for something to slam into). It's not so much about heartbreak as it is about watching paradise burn down before my eyes; just when I think I've finally found somebody I can confide in, someone I can actually trust on a meaningful level and catch a break from my life of perpetually walling myself off from others... they pull the rug out from under me and laugh, condemning me distance myself from others even more severely.

Here's the short version: fuck cheaters.

 

[alittlepepper]

Deplorable and unacceptable. Plain and simple. An instant relationship killer for me. If my partner were to cheat on me, I don't care if we've been married twenty years. It's over.
And that's the way it should be; if a person cheats once, they WILL cheat again. Cut them out of your life. With a chainsaw, if necessary.

 

[Lord Mountbatten Reborn]

Thats correct. That and death.

I thought the vows already entail "'till death do us part". Doesn't that sort of nullify the marriage as it was upon the death of one of the pairing?

 

[Hawk of Battle]

The one girlfriend I ever had cheated on me, though I didn't know it at the time. A few days after she did so I broke up with her anyway. I found out a year later what she had done and even then was filled with an indescribable sense of anger and betrayal.

So yeah, cheating, pretty much the worse thing ever.

 

[Assassin Xaero]

Personally? I find it disgusting.

I never really thought of it as disgusting, but still don't really see it that way. To me it is completely morally wrong and dishonest, and I'd never do it...

 

[Thunderhorse31]

"you and me baby, ain't nothin' but mammals..."

as soon as I let go of the notion that mind controls body, I was able to see that sometimes... we're just mammals.

And this is how we excuse every conceivable bad behavior imaginable.

I suppose that if a girl cheats on you and it's forgivable because of our biology, it's also okay for me to tear her lover's head off. Because you know, being territorial is part of my nature.

 

[TornadoADV]

Animals with logic, reasoning, morals and complex emotional relationships that depend on communication and the actions we choose with our own executive thinking.
In my honest opinion, anyone who lets it slide because it's 'just our biology' or something similar are in denial.

I'm not in denial about anything, I completely upfront with the faults/drives of our biological being. Staying with one partner only makes sense if you constantly produce offspring with said partner, that's the entire fundamental reason for mammals to stick together. (And protecting/raising their young.)

People aren't perfect, they will make mistakes and if my partner is happy, then I'm happy. I'm not going to force said partner to be unhappy because of some trite concept of the "sacred relationship" that is in so much tatters on this planet as to render it nothing more then a joke.

And this is how we excuse every conceivable bad behavior imaginable.

I suppose that if a girl cheats on you and it's forgivable because of our biology, it's also okay for me to tear her lover's head off. Because you know, being territorial is part of my nature.

Of course, then it's completely fine for me to kill you in your sleep or in whatever method I choose to do so.

 

[Vanguard_Ex]

If you ask me, it's fucking vile. To me in particular, at least. I'm a very solitary person, but on the rare occasion that I'm interested enough in someone (or pity them enough) to declare an official relationship with them, I'll open up to them. When you've got trust issues like I do, it's a huge display of vulnerability that I've never even voluntarily shown to any of my therapists, despite how much I wanted them to help me. Trauma has a way of making you intensely distrust everyone you ever meet. It gets lonely, though. You can only push so many people away before you start to realize that it's hurting you, but you still can't overcome your insecurities enough to let anyone get close.

So, when one of the few people in the world I've opened up to betrays me like that, it just... I can't cope. It takes me weeks just to start eating again, to say nothing of how seriously I considered suicide (to the point where I five shots of rum and a bottle of NyQuil, then took off speeding around town in my truck looking for something to slam into). It's not so much about heartbreak as it is about watching paradise burn down before my eyes; just when I think I've finally found somebody I can confide in, someone I can actually trust on a meaningful level and catch a break from my life of perpetually walling myself off from others... they pull the rug out from under me and laugh, condemning me distance myself from others even more severely.

Here's the short version: fuck cheaters.

I was going to comment about how much I love your posts and was happy you chose to drop in but, now I can't help but feel quite guilty I even made this thread. You sound like you've been through a lot and I can sympathise on the level of despising the behaviour, at least (I'm not going to patronise by saying I understand situations and mindsets I've never even experienced).

 

[razer17]

I feel that if you're in a reltionship where you feel the need to cheat... Well you shouldn't be in that relationship. I also think that all the blame should be on the person who actually has a partner, unless they both do, and not on the other party who they cheated with.

That said, I wouldn't care if a person I didn't know, who had a partner, wanted to sleep with me, I probably would. Unless I knew and liked their partner, I would help the cheat, as it were. But that's because I am an arsehole.

 

[superbatranger]

Well, my dad cheated on my mom, so I'm sure you could figure out my position regarding the act of cheating.

 

[thenumberthirteen]

I'm quite a forgiving person, but that's going too far. I think I could forgive someone if they cheated on me, but it'd be hard. Luckily I have never been in that situation.

 

[DarkRyter]

Since I am a very, very, very lonely individual, it disgusts me that some people in the world become greedy motherfuckers who don't realize how good they have it.

 

[garfoldsomeoneelse]

I was going to comment about how much I love your posts and was happy you chose to drop in but, now I can't help but feel quite guilty I even made this thread. You sound like you've been through a lot and I can sympathise on the level of despising the behaviour, at least (I'm not going to patronise by saying I understand situations and mindsets I've never even experienced).

Ah, don't sweat it, dude. I would've left out all the personal stuff if I wasn't crashing from an all-day caffeine high. This thread turned out really well, by the way.

 

[Vanguard_Ex]

Animals with logic, reasoning, morals and complex emotional relationships that depend on communication and the actions we choose with our own executive thinking.
In my honest opinion, anyone who lets it slide because it's 'just our biology' or something similar are in denial.

I'm not in denial about anything, I completely upfront with the faults/drives of our biological being. Staying with one partner only makes sense if you constantly produce offspring with said partner, that's the entire fundamental reason for mammals to stick together. (And protecting/raising their young.)

People aren't perfect, they will make mistakes and if my partner is happy, then I'm happy. I'm not going to force said partner to be unhappy because of some trite concept of the "sacred relationship" that is in so much tatters on this planet as to render it nothing more then a joke.

Sorry, I wasn't inteding to accuse you of being in denial. It wasn't meant that way but yeah, it pretty much came out that way.

I can see where you are coming from but years of debate and experimentation around this very subject have shown that we are more than chemical impulses and bestial drives.
It's the fundamental reason for life, but that is not why we necessarily stay with people; our cognitive processes are the gift that let us experience life differently to animals that just fuck and die. How else can you explain staying with or leaving somebody due to personality issues?

 

[captaincabbage]

I feel the same as the OT. It doesn't matter is it's just a spur of the moment lust that takes hold of you, you're breaking a commitment to someone who cares for you a lot.

 

[MegaManOfNumbers]

I think we can all agree cheating is bad, so this topic is kinda redundant.

and if I find out someone was cheating on me I'll become the biggest douchebag in their life.

 

[MegaManOfNumbers]

Puny mortals and your mon awe gummy.

what? did you sneeze when you were typing?

 

[Outlaw Torn]

As I see it, if you really cared about the other person, and they cared about you, then they wouldn't cheat. If you mean having sex with someone else but with the consent of your partner, for whatever reason, then I guess it's ok. Something like that happened in Eureka because hubby was blind and couldn't bang his wife, so he looked the other way when she was doing some other bloke. They were still 'in love', they just didn't have sex with each other. It all depends on the relationship methinks mayhaps.

 

[Vanguard_Ex]

I think we can all agree cheating is bad, so this topic is kinda redundant.

and if I find out someone was cheating on me I'll become the biggest douchebag in their life.

Not necessarily. Read through and you'll see that some people don't even acknowledge cheating as an issue.

 

[MegaManOfNumbers]

I think we can all agree cheating is bad, so this topic is kinda redundant.

and if I find out someone was cheating on me I'll become the biggest douchebag in their life.

Not necessarily. Read through and you'll see that some people don't even acknowledge cheating as an issue.

yeah, just did. My bad.