Cheating in relationships: your views?

[smashmaniac64]

bad
its a break of trust and i think a relationship should be between two people

 

[Ashsaver]

I hate cheating in relationships.

This was on news yesterday: Apparently a guy has been tricking his wife into feeding him money for 10 years (he tricked her into thinking that he need helps),The wife discovered later that the man not only has a new girlfriend,but they're also had children together,what worst is the man's parents keep this fact hidden from her,and the man used all the money she feed him to build his own family..with that new girlfriend.

Now the wife is left with nothing but debt and broken heart,the news didn't say anything about what the wife would do,though i hope that she sue the man....lawsuit up the ass.

 

[Cavouku]

I believe that a person is defined by their control over their instincts and actions, that we have the option. I would never take being a creature as an excuse. In fact, I recall something in wiki saying something about how we don't have mating seasons because humans form pair bonds...

"...permanent secondary sexual characteristics, the forming of pair bonds based on sexual attraction as a common social structure and sexual ability in females outside of ovulation. "

I may be wrong. Either way, I believe one's romantic relationship is one of the most important events in a person's life, so it should be treated with the utmost respect.

 

[garfoldsomeoneelse]

2: He/She has wanted to end it for some time, but didn't want to hurt you or was afraid to tell you, eventually became so desperate that he/she started living the single life *around* you. In my experience- which is two occasions- the most common. Easily forgivable- except by vindictive, petulant asswipes.

"I lied to you so I could fuck someone else while still reaping all the benefits of our relationship, but I did it because I didn't want to hurt you." Sorry if not buying that line of bullshit makes me a "vindictive, petulant asswipe." What you've described is a rationalization that an adulterer would tell to their friends in order to keep them from being viewed as "that cheating piece of shit". Never mind the fact that the situation (if it played out exactly as you described, rather than being an "I had no choice" excuse) resulted from the adulterer's cowardice.

By the way, I love your assertion that it's unrealistic to, in your words, "think you're above it and believe everybody else should be", and then turn around and say "you're all as flawed as I am". Assuming that nobody could be better than you is equally as arrogant as believing yourself to be better than everyone else, and to claim that only one of them is true is absolutely hypocritical.

 

[arsenicCatnip]

I've never been in a relationship, but I find that I'm a very open person. As long as they told me and it wasn't done in a spiteful way I imagine I'd be fine with it. For me, if I ever get into a relationship it will be about the emotional aspect, after all, anyone can fuck someone, but not everyone can form a deep emotional attachment with that person, so the thing that separates satisfying biological urges and an actual relationship is the psychological side (in case you haven't guessed, despite being a virgin, I don't place much value in sex).

Here's the thing though: sex can't always be separated from emotion. I don't care how much people say it's just a biological function.

When an orgasm occurs, the body releases oxytocin. It's a hormone that increases emotional bonding, and is actually released by mothers when they nurse their children. So by having sex with someone and cumming, you strengthen your EMOTIONAL ties to them.

 

[SpireOfFire]

if i find out my girl is cheating or has cheated on me i say this: "lets find out what takes less time: you packing your shit, leaving my life and never coming back or me getting getting my gun."

there is no excuse for cheating. and to me, its also unforgivable. no second chances, no tearful confession, apology, and forgiveness, no makeup sex, nothing. you fucked up, you're gone, period.

 

[Caligulove]

I think that it CAN be forgiven.

But that would have to be a very specific scenario.
Most of the time, though, its a deal-breaker

 

[Commissar Sae]

You cheat and I'm gone. There are no second chances here. I've seen what happens to a couple where one cheats frequently and it destroyed the guy in the end. I will never cheat or suffer to be cheated on.

What other people do is there own business, I won't condone it but I'm not going to villify them either.

 

[Estarc]

What an odd question! Personally, I agree with the OP. Cheating is absolutely despicable. I don't think there is ever any justification for cheating on your partner. If things aren't going so well, talk about it. Break up. Anything but cheating!

 

[Sayna]

The only reason I've actually given any credit to "cheating" for is if you're in a relationship with someone who doesn't want sex. These "asexual" [for lack of a better descriptive term] couples are in relationships with people they love, but just can't meet certain needs. The asexual half [if secure] will give the other permission to find sexual partners. The funny thing is the person who is being encouraged to sleep with someone else usually feels bad about this situation.

Fun fact: since there is no universal definition for cheating, the gender differences play an interesting role.
Women abhor emotional affairs, while men are more likely to be upset about cheating of a sexual nature.

I personally do not condone cheating for many reasons that have already been stated. Emotional or physical, I would be made sick to my stomach if my other half was ever that dissatisfied in our relationship that he felt the need to look elsewhere.

 

[clipse15]

I think cheating is wrong but I have no problem with my girlfriend if she tells me she wants to fuck someone else. We talk and discuss if one of us wants to sleep with someone else and its fine. The love in our relationship isn't built around sex, sex is a physical act that we both enjoy. The love we have for each other comes from being together, doing things together, talking and interacting with each other.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

On the other hand I am single at the moment and generally I base these things around who I am with, what she is comfortable with. Open relationships are nice, closed ones are nice too, I am happy with either and I wouldn't do anything she didn't want.

Of course that isn't really classed as cheating. Cheating is breaking trust, and if a partner does trust me to be with only her, if I broke that promise it would be very wrong and I'd never do that because I respect my girlfriends.

To be honest, monogamy isn't something that has to be important for anyone who is open-minded enough to realize it is an archaic concept

Thanks i also agree with you. This isn't something i pull out with every girl i've dated. This girl im currently with is probably the girl i'll end up marrying. I don't know if that makes it sound weirder or not.

 

[clipse15]

I think cheating is wrong but I have no problem with my girlfriend if she tells me she wants to fuck someone else. We talk and discuss if one of us wants to sleep with someone else and its fine. The love in our relationship isn't built around sex, sex is a physical act that we both enjoy. The love we have for each other comes from being together, doing things together, talking and interacting with each other.

So if she wants to screw some other guy, you talk about it and she actually goes and does it?

Pretty much but generaly its more along the lines of she'll be going to a party and then we talk about if ses going to sleep with someone there and i give her the ok and vice versa if im going to a party. in the past 5 years we've probably done this a total of twice

 

[Doc Funky]

Hmm...I'm of two minds about this issue.

If I was ever cheated on, I don't think I could ever forgive it, because I wouldn't be in a relationship with someone if I wasn't giving it my all.

But there have been times when I've seen other people cheat on their significant others, and it hasn't been such a big deal to me. Case in point, I have a friend who was stuck in a really bad marriage...as in so bad that she was alone basically all the time, while her husband ran off doing whatever he wanted. I found out a short time ago that she had been cheating on her husband (that realationship ended badly, too, but never mind that)...and while everyone else I know that has learned that same fact looks down on her and insults her for it, I don't think it was such a bad thing. A poor decision, maybe, but not something to hate or insult her for...when you're in a situation that bad, I can understand her needing to do that.

 

[cheese_wizington]

Well I think people need to set out what kind of relationship they are having and move from there.

 

[Outofideas]

I'll admit to being kinda dependant; I honestly don't feel right outside of steady relationships with people I honestly care deeply about, and I am and have been willing to work past some transgressions and quirks to stay together. That said, a partner cheating on me would disappoint me more than anything. If there was a believable reason behind her cheating (and it would have to be a HELL of a reason), I might, MIGHT be willing to try and salvage what was left of the relationship, with the promise it wouldn't happen again.

And it certainly wouldn't be with the same guy once I have a 'frank discussion' with him about touching her.

On the other end, I don't think I have it in me to cheat even if I was temporarily insane enough to want to (not calling people in open relationships nuts here, just speaking on myself), even if the sexual aspect of the relationship was lacking or even nonexistant. Knowing I'd betrayed the trust of someone who loves me would kill me inside.

 

[Blunderman]

If by "cheating" you mean breaking a promise you've made to stay truthful to one person, then there's no excuse for it.

And yes, if you let your partner think that you've made such a promise then you're still at fault if you break it, even if you've never explicitly spoken it out loud. It's what is expected by most, so if you've no intention of upholding it, then it's your responsibility to mention that, without assuming that the other person is ok with it.

That being said, monogamy isn't for everyone, and neither is polygamy. Just do in your relationship(s) what works best for you and your partner(s).

 

[Mad World]

Personally? I find it disgusting. When it comes to general behaviours, there isn't much that I find repulsive...usually it takes something graphic or visceral for that. But the idea of sleeping with someone else whilst in a relationship genuinely fills me with revulsion. The way I see it, lust or no, you're still breaking a kind of commitment that should be sacred between you both.

So please, do discuss guys

You're absolutely right; I couldn't agree more. It's just wrong... simple as that.

It's a terrible thing, and I don't think that it should be tolerated by anyone.

 

[Michael Logan]

I wouldnt do it myself, but I do think I could forgive someone if they were to cheat on me.

 

[Ultrajoe]

Only a Sith deals in absolutes.

 

[Kortney]

I've never been cheated or nor have I ever cheated so I'm not sure how I'd react.

Why can't you just break up with the person you're with if you want to do someone else?

That doesn't apply all the time. A large portion of cheating (at least that I have heard of through friends and my social circle) occurs through drunken shenanigans. Quite often the person cheating does not want to be with someone else.

But I guess that's just a difference in the term.