Cheating in relationships: your views?

[garfoldsomeoneelse]

I would have to disagree. I think it is only an archaic concept to those who cannot face only sleeping with one person at a time, if I'm being honest. It isn't a case of open-mindedness, this is why some of the most open-minded and intelligent people I've ever known will still have monogamous relationships and stay true to them.

I agree with this emphatically. While the traditional concept of monogamy (in religious forms of marriage, where a man basically owns his wife) are, indeed, archaic, monogamy itself is hardly archaic. In order to consider it an outdated idea, one would have to think of relationships as the only means of obtaining intercourse, where one only chooses a partner with sex as the objective and entire purpose.

The modern idea behind monogamy isn't about settling on one fuckbuddy for the rest of your life, it's about having stability. If I want to have casual sex (which isn't too often), I can simply hit on one of many girls I know that have a "titanic Aryan" fetish; however, the only reason I choose to indulge in such things is because I've given up on ever finding a compatible partner. Back when I was a naive, wide-eyed fool, the idea of having a single partner for the rest of my life was already appealing; not because I was thinking "hey, free sex forever!", but because I understood that always having one person I could intimately trust would be a serious emotional anchor (the good kind); I'm not speaking as a hopeless romantic, I'm speaking as a bitter, jaded dickhead that knows how extensively a committed relationship can act as a counterweight to his own emotional instability.

If some freakish chain of events leads me to get involved with another person, it'll be monogamous; not because I want to control them, not because I'm inherently jealous (although I can certainly seem like it when I know my trust is being violated), not because I'm too unambitious to want multiple sexual partners at once, but because I want someone I can count on to be my tether to sanity when I need them to be. That's something I'll never get from one-night-stands (tried that) or short-lived relationships (tried that too). Going back to the main topic of cheating: the act utterly pulverizes every ounce of stability and peace of mind that I was seeking from a relationship by showing me that my partner is deceptive, self-serving and incredibly untrustworthy; that's why I value monogamy.

 

[Vanguard_Ex]

I would have to disagree. I think it is only an archaic concept to those who cannot face only sleeping with one person at a time, if I'm being honest. It isn't a case of open-mindedness, this is why some of the most open-minded and intelligent people I've ever known will still have monogamous relationships and stay true to them.

I agree with this emphatically. While the traditional concept of monogamy (in religious forms of marriage, where a man basically owns his wife) are, indeed, archaic, monogamy itself is hardly archaic. In order to consider it an outdated idea, one would have to think of relationships as the only means of obtaining intercourse, where one only chooses a partner with sex as the objective and entire purpose.

The modern idea behind monogamy isn't about settling on one fuckbuddy for the rest of your life, it's about having stability. If I want to have casual sex (which isn't too often), I can simply hit on one of many girls I know that have a "titanic Aryan" fetish; however, the only reason I choose to indulge in such things is because I've given up on ever finding a compatible partner. Back when I was a naive, wide-eyed fool, the idea of having a single partner for the rest of my life was already appealing; not because I was thinking "hey, free sex forever!", but because I understood that always having one person I could intimately trust would be a serious emotional anchor (the good kind); I'm not speaking as a hopeless romantic, I'm speaking as a bitter, jaded dickhead that knows how extensively a committed relationship can act as a counterweight to his own emotional instability.

If some freakish chain of events leads me to get involved with another person, it'll be monogamous; not because I want to control them, not because I'm inherently jealous (although I can certainly seem like it when I know my trust is being violated), not because I'm too unambitious to want multiple sexual partners at once, but because I want someone I can count on to be my tether to sanity when I need them to be. That's something I'll never get from one-night-stands (tried that) or short-lived relationships (tried that too). Going back to the main topic of cheating: the act utterly pulverizes every ounce of stability and peace of mind that I was seeking from a relationship by showing me that my partner is deceptive, self-serving and incredibly untrustworthy; that's why I value monogamy.

Yes, yes, a thousand times yes. I cannot agree more. The idea that we can just abandon these ideas because 'we live in modern times'? No, to me that reeks of bullshit, and in my opinion it's jsut a way to try and have your cake and eat it in a way that just defies who we are.

 

[NoNameMcgee]

I would have to disagree. I think it is only an archaic concept to those who cannot face only sleeping with one person at a time, if I'm being honest. It isn't a case of open-mindedness, this is why some of the most open-minded and intelligent people I've ever known will still have monogamous relationships and stay true to them.

But you see the thing is, sex isn't sacred to me; it's just sex. If people involved are not jealous of each other and it isn't causing problems, there is nothing wrong with having multiple partners and it's perfectly conceivable to have a happy and serious relationship while enjoying sex with more than just the person you're with. Assuming you both know about it, I mean.

Everyone views sex differently. To me, sex that is 'making love' is the best sex. However sex can also be act of entertainment that means nothing more than any other act of entertainment, but is very enjoyable none-the-less. I think everyone can do what they feel is best for their relationships, and I understand this cannot work for everyone, but I do think that monogamy is something of the past and a lot of people (and couples) are beginning to grow out of it more than ever before. When you put it into perspective, logically; a couple that are completely secure and comfortable with their relationship should not need to restrict themselves only to each other, sexually. Putting aside any religious or spiritual views on sex, the main two things that prevents people from doing this is either a complete disinterest in sex with other people, or (more often) an insecure and jealous attitude. To anyone who agrees that sex can be just sex: why, in that case, is it important that you only have sex with each other? As long as everyone knows the details of what is happening, and obviously protection is used etc, it can be a fantastic way of keeping things 'spicy' in your relationship; particularly if you are doing these things together (threesomes for example).

There is a reason why so many married couples become disinterested with each other sexually after a while of being married. It's because they've done the same damn things with the same damn person for 10 years and only have even more of that to look forward to for the rest of their lives. You can always try new things together but you're always going to be limited by what you are willing to do with your partner and what your partner is willing to do with you. And even if you're still very attracted to each other, that doesn't change the fact that everyone fantasises about other people... and there's a reason we do that. Adding another person (or people) into the mix can prevent these problems before they happen, and can even stifle them after they have happened.

I am not even a particularly sexual person, I am just very open to these ideas because I genuinely believe monogamy is a dated concept. Although I am perfectly happy to (and more often than not, do) accept monogamy in my relationships because firstly it isn't overly important to me, and secondly it should be a mutual decision and if my partner is only comfortable being monogamous, that's fine... I do still think it is unnecessary.

Anyway this is fairly offtopic I suppose since the thread was about cheating, and anything consensual like this isn't cheating.

 

[kintaris]

Cheating is pointless. You're either with someone in an agreed open relationship or casual relationship, in which case, just bloody tell them what's going on. Or you've committed yourself to a relationship, in which case, what the hell are you doing cheating? If you feel the need to sleep around in the latter case its because something is wrong with your relationship, and you should just bloody well talk about it with your significant other. If you feel you can't talk about it with your significant other for some reason, there's your bloody problem.

....Hmm. I sound... bitter...

 

[Vanguard_Ex]

I would have to disagree. I think it is only an archaic concept to those who cannot face only sleeping with one person at a time, if I'm being honest. It isn't a case of open-mindedness, this is why some of the most open-minded and intelligent people I've ever known will still have monogamous relationships and stay true to them.

-for the sake of space, sorry-

It is kind of off-topic I suppose but who cares, this is some grade A discussion.
You make some good points and I guess I can understand how this works for some people, but to me it just isn't right. I don't really see sex as sacred, god no, it is just sex. But that little sentiment can work both ways: if it is just sex, why bother being in a relationship in the first place if you're going to sleep around? Why bother sleeping with different people when you can make love to the person you, well, love? This is just the way I look at it, of course there is no right or wrong way to live in this life.

I guess what I'm trying to say (and failing) is that the exclusiveness of only doing these things with each other is, to me, a huge part of what makes a relationship of love between two people special and sacred. Some might say I'm being a naive 18 year old with an old soul and a head full of lovey nonsense but I don't care, because there'll be other people who see it the same way I do and those are the girls for me, just like open people will find each other and click.

I'm really trying hard to make this thing not swerve into an argument if you noticed.

 

[Mr. Google]

WHAT IS UP.

A thread I made recently caused many Escapists to share their views of cheating in a relationship and how they would personally react. However, there were a select few who genuinely didn't see their significant other, say, sleeping with someone else a problem. Apparently the difference between lust and love or something. How do you guys see cheating? Would you carry on knowing they'd done anything with someone else?

Personally? I find it disgusting. When it comes to general behaviours, there isn't much that I find repulsive...usually it takes something graphic or visceral for that. But the idea of sleeping with someone else whilst in a relationship genuinely fills me with revulsion. The way I see it, lust or no, you're still breaking a kind of commitment that should be sacred between you both.

So please, do discuss guys

I've been going out with my Girlfriend for not even a month. I got mad when i found out she fucked her ex before i even met her. If she cheated on me...I would make her life hell with all the things i know now.
(edit) were young enough so that screwing some one is a big thing (15) so thats why I got mad

 

[Lord Beautiful]

If it's a marriage, cheating is horrible.

If it's a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, cheating is a sign that the relationship should have been open. I don't find this variety of cheating particularly despicable. At all.

If it's an open relationship, it isn't cheating.

In other news, I really don't understand why people voluntarily dig themselves into the boyfriend/girlfriend hole.

 

[emeraldrafael]

Its kinda open minded. Some couples like the extra flare, and keeps their relationship strong and happy. Others cant bear it. I know its not cheating, but i htink as long as your partner is oka with it, go ahead.

 

[Vanguard_Ex]

WHAT IS UP.

A thread I made recently caused many Escapists to share their views of cheating in a relationship and how they would personally react. However, there were a select few who genuinely didn't see their significant other, say, sleeping with someone else a problem. Apparently the difference between lust and love or something. How do you guys see cheating? Would you carry on knowing they'd done anything with someone else?

Personally? I find it disgusting. When it comes to general behaviours, there isn't much that I find repulsive...usually it takes something graphic or visceral for that. But the idea of sleeping with someone else whilst in a relationship genuinely fills me with revulsion. The way I see it, lust or no, you're still breaking a kind of commitment that should be sacred between you both.

So please, do discuss guys

I've been going out with my Girlfriend for not even a month. I got mad when i found out she fucked her ex before i even met her. If she cheated on me...I would make her life hell with all the things i know now.

I get the same man, I'm madly jealous. I would get angry when I learnt about things my ex girlfriend had done before me and her met.

 

[Mr. Google]

I get the same man, I'm madly jealous. I would get angry when I learnt about things my ex girlfriend had done before me and her met.

Yeah and even more i found out that they started talking again as friends i got so furious at her that i barely even talked to her. then i got over it and that was 2 weeks ago. Now shes completely cut off ties with him even though i told her im fine with them talking as long as i never have to meet him because....Id beat the shit outta him

 

[C95J]

never cheat on anyone, it's distrustful and wrong...

 

[FolkLikePanda]

Personally I think adultery without consent of the other partner should be made illegal as you are purposefully harming a legal realtionship. Whereas if it's a dating realtionship then its not so bad but it still isn't right, personally I'd hit the roof and probablly attempt to attack the person who is cheating on my girlfriend and beat him to an inch of his life than I'd call me girlfriend a slag and leave it at that. Whereas if my girlfriend told me she wanted to see someone else than I'd be ok with it, still be upset though.

 

[Mr Pantomime]

I cant see the problem with being in two relationships at once, as long as everyone knows where they stand. However, if you sleep with someone without telling your partner, youre being dishonest and undermining the relationship.

 

[jopomeister]

I clicked this thread thinking it was about gaming.
I am disappointed.
Still, I'll comment.
I believe cheating is bad, and I don't see why anyone might think it's a good thing to do.

This is the OTF, if you want gaming go to the Gaming Discussion forum.

Thing is, I only ever visit forums via the "Hot threads" or the "New Threads", so I don't tend to check the topic of the thread >_<

 

[Thaius]

I would react the same way Jesus does in JCS, when his temple is turned into a den of thieves.

Sorry, but gotta' point out, that's actually from the Bible. Referencing Jesus Christ Superstar for that is like talking about how well the "To be or not to be" soliloquy was written specifically in Mel Gibson's Hamlet.

OT: It's wrong. Plain and simple. There is no excuse for it. If you are with someone and you care about them, you won't go around screwing other people. It's absolutely not okay.

 

[hurfdurp]

I would react the same way Jesus does in JCS, when his temple is turned into a den of thieves.

Sorry, but gotta' point out, that's actually from the Bible. Referencing Jesus Christ Superstar for that is like talking about how well the "To be or not to be" soliloquy was written specifically in Mel Gibson's Hamlet.

OT: It's wrong. Plain and simple. There is no excuse for it. If you are with someone and you care about them, you won't go around screwing other people. It's absolutely not okay.

The Bible, what is that? Saying I want to react in song, and theatrically means I don't realize the origin of certain things?

 

[Thaius]

I would react the same way Jesus does in JCS, when his temple is turned into a den of thieves.

Sorry, but gotta' point out, that's actually from the Bible. Referencing Jesus Christ Superstar for that is like talking about how well the "To be or not to be" soliloquy was written specifically in Mel Gibson's Hamlet.

OT: It's wrong. Plain and simple. There is no excuse for it. If you are with someone and you care about them, you won't go around screwing other people. It's absolutely not okay.

The Bible, what is that? Saying I want to react in song, and theatrically means I don't realize the origin of certain things?

Ah, okay. I thought you were referring to the tossing of the temple tables, not specifically the song. Just making sure you got it: you'd be surprised how many people these days don't understand such simple Bible references.

 

[PureChaos]

i work at a Court and one of the things i deal with are divorces so i know the problems an affair can cause. if i'm with someone and they cheat, that's the end of it

 

[DemonicVixen]

I have no fears of my lad cheating, i know he isnt the type, and that if he even tried it, his family would turn on him instantly. obviously i can say i wont cheat on him, not even his LUSH older brother can tempt me, im still drawn to my lad.

Soon will be his stag night, and many people know the stories of the one night stands through drink, so naturally I'm wary. I warned him that if i heard he'd gotten drunk enough to be tempted into bed, i'd forgive him, only if i thought he'd been too out of his mind to do anything else. He's promised to avoid that kind of situation though so hopefully my fears are not needed for that night.

Other then this one occasion, if i ever heard he'd been cheating, i'd probably kill him.

 

[Jack_Uzi]

Though I don't think we are belongings of each other, I do think in a relationship such things should not be done on either side. I'm not a violent person, but I would probably knock all the guys teeth out if he knew what was going on, throw all of her belongings out of the house, smoke a cig and go to bed... hoping the next day I won't remember a thing about it.