Clever Threats

[KiloFox]

i saw the thread for insults here: http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.389900-Clever-insults and i like threats as well, so i figured i'd pull up a sister thread to it.

being 6'4" and dressing in black and a spiked leather collar, i can pull off most insults very effectively.

one of my personal favorites came from somewhere i can't recall. but it basically goes:
"I will cut you up into little pieces, put you in a blender, press SMOOTHIE, and I. WILL. DRINK. YOU."

Captcha "No wire hangers" Huh?

 

[Marter]

"Kill me now and I'll rise again like a bad idea."

It's clever. Kinda.

And would probably get you punched out if you tried it and aren't named Billy Zane.

 

[Patrick Buck]

Got a good one from my teacher.

"Pat, if SOME of us aren't careful, we might not live to be older."
"Is that a threat sir?"
*He leans closer* "No. It's a PROMISE."

He was joking, but jesus christ, if you didn't know him you would have Kacked yourself right there.

 

[Amethyst Wind]

I hear the Grand Canyon's a great place to scatter ashes......

......but if you don't shut up I'll stab you.

 

[SpectacularWebHead]

Do you realise how many bones you have left to break?
-The Goddamned Batman.

 

[dangoball]

Threat is not really about it's content as it is about facial expression and tone of voice. I'm not a scary looking guy by any means but I can scare people quite efficiently.

In a quiet, almost hissing voice with a half-smile, half-grin, eyes wide open and head slightly tilted to one side even "I love you" said slowly can be scary as fuck! Especially if you're a guy and say that to another guy. Trust me, I did that many times

 

[Epicspoon]

From a webcomic called misfile.

"If you do that again I will make your darkest visions of hell seem like an amusement park ride"

 

[Calibanbutcher]

Stop doing that or I'll... I'll hurt you kinda badly.

I must warn you, I have a very good lawyer.

I have a blackbelt in Tai-Chi
Response: Then let's call it of. I don't have THAT much time-

I have a blackbelt in Karate!
-So do I!
And I have great health insurance!

 

[Mathak]

Sir, as of this moment you can consider yourself prefenestrated!

(Yes, stole that from SMBC)

 

[manaman]

I saw these really nice pumpkin treats. They had been decorated like...

Oh clever THREATS, sorry, carry on.

 

[Nouw]

Spoiler: 100 Greatest Movie Threats

Of course Samuel L. Jackson's threats in Pulp Fiction come up top.