Co-depending friendship

[Beautiful End]

I recently moved back home after living in Florida for 8 months with a complete stranger as a roommate. That stranger turned out to become my best friend ever. Never have I felt more comfortable, more appreciated, more connected, more happy to have a friend. To me, friends come and go and when they leave, I miss them as you would miss a toy you used to play with a lot. But my new best friend...she's just amazing. She managed to get to know me better than I know myself and really cared about me.

Now that I am back home and away from her, I feel devastated. I've suffered from depression for a long time but nothing serious. But ever since she left, I'm a mess. I'm having anxiety attacks, crying almost every minute of the day, I don't feel like doing anything and I hate the fact that I am miles away from her. We're still friends, of course, and we WILL see each other some day. But I just miss having her in my life every day. She sounds happy to be back home with her friends and relatives so although we do text each other every now and then, she has a normal life and lifelong friends that just shower her with kindness.

I don't wanna tell her about my situation because I do realize its creepy and weird how much I miss her. I'm sure she misses me too but probably not as much as I miss her. I don't even know what I want right now; I've never been so depressed before. How do I stop myself from missing her so much? How do I move on? How do I become normal? I'm just. ..so broken and desperate.

 

[EeveeElectro]

I do agree it sounds like you want to be more than friends. Never before have I felt like this about a friend and I don't know many who have.
I've been sad when they left but if I could keep in touch with them, I was happy enough. If that is the case, I would let her know your feelings and where you both stand, then go from there.

I may be wrong, and it is strictly platonic. From your OP, it sounds like you haven't had many good friends (much like me, I can count my good friends on one hand) so when someone like that comes along it feels like you've struck gold and it's harder to say goodbye.

IMO, the options there seems to be are:
Go visit as much as you can without being too overbearing. Perhaps once a month? Hopefully she can come visit you too.
Consider moving closer to her if you don't have a job tying you down and don't mind moving away from family.
Stay where you are and make new friends, someone else just as good will hopefully come along. Still keep in touch with her and visit when you have time. It's gonna take a while, but eventually you'll stop hurting as much as you do now and will be able to carry on with life as normal. Friends do come and og, sometimes it hurts more than others but we can always move on from it especially at a young age.

Talk to a doctor about getting help with your depression, or just simply try take your mind off it until it starts getting easier to cope with.
I'm sure you have friends where you live, spending time with them will help you even if it's to know you're not alone.

 

[Noetherian]

"Time heals all wounds."

I've been there, and unless being together is that important to both of you, the best thing you can do is to find other ways to spend your time. It really, really sucks. Get some distance and give yourself some space. If you still feel strongly about her once you've had a few months to relax and get the withdrawal out of your system, maybe you will want to talk to her about it. Until then, thinking about it isn't doing you or anyone else any good. Focus on what you do have in your life, play some games, hang out on the forums, put your energy into work or school or hobbies or whatever. You may also want to think about getting a pet for companionship if that's part of the problem.

Rereading your post, it also occurs to me that you're probably missing a lot more than just this one person-- the phrase "back home" suggests you've lost some of your independence, which is a really hard blow to bear all by itself. Try not to put all of your feelings onto one person; there are many factors here contributing to the state you're in, and some of them may be within your control to fix. Hang in there, and good luck. For what it's worth, I know you can get through this.