Conspiracy Theorising

[Saskwach]

So this idea has been percolating in my brain for a while, but Hey Joe's little thread [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/forums/read/18.66730] really spurred me into action (how dare he steal my thunder?).
Anywho, most conspiracy theories are total crap - the result of wishful thinking of a "special" few and mindless association of facts that have no real link. It seems to me the general template for a conspiracy theory is:
<Organisation/Person/Cult/Alien race/Other X> <killed/abducted/said naughty things to/other> <Organisation/Person/Cult/Alien race/Other Y> and magically hid the evidence from everyone but a paranoid delusional for the ultimate goal of <world domination/higher priced groceries/showing us all who's boss (secretly)/other>.
So here's the game. Each person will provide <Organisation/Person/Cult/Alien race/Other X> and <Organisation/Person/Cult/Alien race/Other Y> and the next poster will intertwine these two into a(n in)credible conspiracy theory. Actually, to make it more interesting, add in a few more.

Here's an example:
X and Y: The Illuminati, cows and crop circles.
Extras: Revelations, communism and gun control.
The Illuminati have been mutilating cows, making crop circles and funding the NRA in secret for years now to give aliens a bad name. They are doing this to inculcate in humanity a base fear of the alien so that when our prophesied saviours (as is clearly predicted in Revelations 5:1-9) from Mars come and try to preach to us the virtues of communism we'll send those pinko bastards packing thanks to our God given right to bear arms.
(The Democratic Party is in on it.)

Now for the next poster:

X and Y: Winston Churchill, Volkswagen.
Extras: Richard Dean Anderson, Batman and the Kama Sutra.

 

[Knight Templar]

Winston Churchill made Volkswagen with the plan of turning all actors into one super actor by transforming them while in their cars. When all the actors are merged he will merge with the Volkswagen actor (code name "beetle") and run for PM of england with great lying ablities and free sex training! But he killed heath ledger becaue he won't ride in a Volkswagen, and to cover up his death he made Richard Dean Anderson, the current super actor, play the joker. Its also why Heath won't with a award, it wasn't him it was Richard Dean Anderson/Volkswagen/super actor!


X and Y: The pope and electronic heaters.
Extras:Fire WWI and the Escapist.

 

[DoubleH100]

The Pope excommunicated electronic heaters because one of them fell and killed his father when he was young. The heaters came back and set fire to the Escapist, and we all know how the Pope was an avid reader of it, which all resulted in the start of WWI.

X and Y: The Swiss and the Chinese
Extras: Top secret files, mountains, and tea

 

[IMrAngryPantsI]

The Swiss have ended trading with China as the Chinese have contaminated the Tea supply with -top secret- "chemical X" -top secret-. The Swiss have built a mountain base to keep an eye on the production and trading -top secret- "chemical X" -top secret-.

X and Y: Cows and Russians
Extras: Canned cheese, grenades, Hot air balloons

 

[Birras]

Cows are the secret power behind Russia (and previously the Soviet Union). You see, no one in the country even suspects this because the canned cheese required to be eaten by all citizens contains a brainwashing toxin. In the case of another revolution (which happens in Russia, what, twice a week in a good year?), they have trained sentient mustache hairs to drop grenades containing this toxin out of hot air balloons.

X and Ylatypi and the Klingons
Extras:Stalin's Moustache, Robo-Lincoln, Black Whirlybirds

 

[ejb626]

Platypi are actually aliens from the far future who stole a Time Traveling Black Whirlybird from the Klingons and then built a robotic Lincoln who they sent back in time to the Roman Empire, the Robo-Lincoln became a commander of the barbarian legions and caused the fall of the empire then started the Cult of the Platypus a secret society that earned its first major membership growth in 1400s Germany, the society is responsible for the following.
Stalin having a moustache
World War II and III
The Kennedy Assasination
The Watergate Scandal
The Lincoln Assasination
The 30 Years War
The Foundation of the Illuminati
The Reason Aliens are interested in abducting humans
The Faked moonlandings.

X and Y:The Ancient Egyptian Pantheon, and the Great Depression
Extras: The Spanish Inquistion,Crop Circles