Proteus214 said:
Taerdin said:
How do you correct people without making them feel bad? Can you give any advice on this?
I tend to sound kind of condescending when I try to correct someone, even when I am at my most tactful. I was hoping for some tips on how to word a correction properly.
It would be most helpful if you could make your advice directed towards particular kind of people, for instance correcting a child, colleague or superior.
Thanks for any advice you can provide.
-Open with a complement/agreement. This starts you out on the positive side and shows you have their interests in mind.
-Minimize the use of the words "you", "your", and "you're". This makes you seem less accusatory. Accusation puts them on the defensive and they may respond irrationally.
-Minimize the use of the words "should", "ought", and "must". This will make it seem less like you are giving them orders. People tend to respond negatively when they have orders barked at them.
-"This makes me feel ___" Appeal to empathy to establish mutual understanding.
The result of many years of family counseling.
This is spot on how to do it.
One thing to consider. Do you really need to correct them? When it's a child then yes, telling them not to run with scissors or poke someone in the eye. The best way to correct them is to get them to think of the consequences of what MIGHT happen. Don't make it too complicated. If they fail to understand then tell them it's wrong and be serious about it.
If it's a work colleague, the above works. But are you sure they're wrong. Maybe they're just different from you. Their method may not be as effective as yours but is it your job to tell them. Are they getting the job done? I have unusual ways of working sometime. I've known a lot of "know-alls" at work, particulary this one high-achieving women, who couldn't help but try to tell me what I SHOULD do. I ignored her advice, I'd been doing the job longer, and I had more general experience. I knew what I was doing, I knew why she thought it was wrong, and I knew anything I said would be seen as "defensive" because she was so focused on her way of doing things and so concerned with "correcting" everything.
After a few months of me ignoring her advice she got the hint. She then finally asked why I did my job a particular way. I explained to her all the subtlities, all the evidence, things she hadn't even considered. So you see my method of "correcting" her was giving her my patience and letting her figure things out for herself. If people think they're right they wil not listen unless you have evidence. So have evidence and it better be obvious evidence.
If it's on the internet, then give up. People come on to the internet for many reasons; advice, discussion, ranting, flaming, trolling, to feel connected, to feel superior. They are completely anonymous and you have no way of knowing what their motivations are. You could get all annoyed at some comment, spend hours constructing the perfect come back and they'll just write back "trolololololll". Maybe they meant what the said and you got to them, but no one will ever give the satisfaction.
Also, unless it directly effects you then it's not really your responsibility to "correct" people. Who made you judge?
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