Craziest/ supidest theories you have ever heard

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Sovvolf

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Mar 23, 2009
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I heard from a fellow who used to live a few doors down from me, that the people in the White House and in Parliament and all other world leaders were a secret breed of lizard aliens in the guise of humans in order to control us for reasons of invasion or something stupid like that.

Personally I just thought he'd watched a little too much V while also having an overactive imagination. He invited me into his house to show me the evidence he had but I remembered that I was needed back on planet earth, so made up and excuse and got myself out of there.
 

Durgiun

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Dec 25, 2008
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Not a theory, but amazingly stupid nonetheless:

Some long-haired guy in white (I can't remember his name) who can heal crowds of people... by looking at them. I shit you not. And he charges for that shit.
 

Absimilliard

Only you can read this.
Nov 4, 2009
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I'm really torn between "intelligent design" and Scientology here. Sorry if anyone is offended by that, because that means your education has been severely lacking...

Disclaimer; I'm not anti-religious. It could well be that the Big Bang was a god snapping his fingers, but the whole 7-day creation 5000 years ago, irreducible complexity and other such arguments have been thoroughly voided.

And I really agree with Tim Minchin here:
 

darksakul

Old Man? I am not that old .....
Jun 14, 2008
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TheDarkEricDraven said:
CulixCupric said:
all i can think of now is Scientology's origin, and the reptilianoid conspiracy.
Pretty sure you can't mock Scientology now. They are legit, I think. My Google Chrome spell check doesn't read it wrong.
Dose not stop me from mocking them, I mock the Catholic Church any they been around for almost 2000 years (note before you comment, I am Catholic). What makes you think I not mock a 50 some year old organization who's scripture comes from badly written science fiction. Hell far as I know every religion is badly written fiction written up and told to control ignorant masses.

By I digress

Worst/ weirdest conspiracy theory I heard of

The Catholic Church, the Mason Loges, the Jews and the US Government all work for the Illuminati, who takes there orders from Reptilianoids, and they had 9-11 stage as a part of a alien invasion as predicted by the Mayan Calendar and Nostradamus. And the Alien's secret weapon is the 10th Planet, Planet X which will hit the earth or some shit.
 

Zeema

The Furry Gamer
Jun 29, 2010
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all A.i. NPCS are actually real life people transmitted into the video game world. when they die in game they die in real life.
 

lRookiel

Lord of Infinite Grins
Jun 30, 2011
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backinthepresentfuture said:
the idea of an invisible man in the clouds that can see everything and everyone at all times, that created all that is. thats pretty batshit bonkers to me! ^_^
You sir, FUCKING WIN!

I laughed my bollocks off.

OT: The people who deny the existance of the holocaust. wow they are screwed in the head....
 

Sovvolf

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Mar 23, 2009
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Trezu said:
all A.i. NPCS are actually real life people transmitted into the video game world. when they die in game they die in real life.
I used to believe every one in a video game was being controlled by people in the games HQ who's job it was to sit around all day playing these video games and depending on the difficulty setting they'd send you to a better department with more skilled players...

I believed that when I was bloody eight.
 

davros3000

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Jun 8, 2010
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Wonder how many Denver fans have been pushing this one. Even when Big Ben (convicted of assaults on woman as more serious charges wouldn't stick) is playing at QB for the Steelers theres a big difference between them and the devil/human salvation.

Would this make Aaron Rodgers or Drew Brees into a john the baptist figure?
 

Muspelheim

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Apr 7, 2011
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Aye, the freemason lodge-theories are all rather wonderful. I mean, it's a club for elderly gentlemen where they can hang out with their mates. They've got rituals and things, but that's just for the hell of it. They're no different to the secret clubs we used to have as kids.

Sovvolf said:
I used to believe every one in a video game was being controlled by people in the games HQ who's job it was to sit around all day playing these video games and depending on the difficulty setting they'd send you to a better department with more skilled players...

I believed that when I was bloody eight.
I thought that inside the computer, there lived little stagehands and actors who made all the things on the screen happen. It made sense to me back in the CRT-screen age. For instance, if I played Age of Empires, they'd be dressing up like little soldiers and peasants and whatnot, pretend to not see the camera up in the sky and go where I told them to and pretend-fight when I asked them to.
 

Sovvolf

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Mar 23, 2009
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Muspelheim said:
Le gasp, it all makes sense now. Though seriously I don't think its too bad when kids do it who, given their age, have no concept of AI or how a game is made or works. However where it starts getting scary is when grown men believe this.
 

Nopodop

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Jan 2, 2011
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I don't think they count as theories, but concepts of good and evil and morals in general. They're just plain silly.
 

snagli

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Jan 21, 2011
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The landing on the Moon being staged, the 9/11 conspiracy, 2012 predictions, the world being controlled by either aliens, reptillian overlords or the Illuminati, and of course the one that cancer and aids are actually manufactured diseases.

Also, this guy:
 

Garthoc

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Oct 17, 2008
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I have created a personal belief that the only things I can be sure exist are things I've seen. for example French people exist however France is currently not proven to exist.

it makes for a very different world view. like none of the world wars happened for example and i have no proof that the world is round.
 

BNguyen

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Mar 10, 2009
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I'd have to say the whole 9/11 theory and so many people's flawed way of breaking down numbers in order to get to their answer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wdWBjqUGgvU
a clear example if only to be funny, but still, you can't just break apart numbers or copy and paste ones in to suit your needs
 

BNguyen

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Mar 10, 2009
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Sovvolf said:
I heard from a fellow who used to live a few doors down from me, that the people in the White House and in Parliament and all other world leaders were a secret breed of lizard aliens in the guise of humans in order to control us for reasons of invasion or something stupid like that.

Personally I just thought he'd watched a little too much V while also having an overactive imagination. He invited me into his house to show me the evidence he had but I remembered that I was needed back on planet earth, so made up and excuse and got myself out of there.
he ought to know the lizards were wiped out long ago and replaced by crab people
 

evenest

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Dec 5, 2009
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Once, I was interested in a girl who told me that the Pope was the head of the mafia.

Barring that one, I'd have to say it was trickle down economics
 

BNguyen

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Mar 10, 2009
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Klumpfot said:
I present for your delectation: http://www.truthism.com/

A quotation: "Human beings were created (that is, invented) via genetic experiments that were conducted by reptilian aliens."

The site is made even funnier by the overall tone; you are an absolute moron for not realizing that reptilian aliens live inside the Earth. Which is hollow and has an internal sun. The crowning moment of funny is the section on women.
The whole thing constantly contradicts itself too -it's practically saying: "don't be fooled by the authorities or anyone in power, they tell you nothing but lies, so believe in me, I'll tell you everything that is true, I have the power to do so because I'm not ignorant"
 

Vhite

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Aug 17, 2009
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Earth is round.
No one seriously belives that. We all know that Earth is a flat disc on back of 4 elephants standing on back of giant trutle.
 

senorfatso

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Jul 26, 2008
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This crazy-ass filth from Ebaumsworld:

The Rugrats really were a figment of Angelica's Imagination.

Chucky died a long time ago along with this mother, that's why Chaz is a nervous wreck all the time.

Tommy was a stillborn, that's why Stu is constantly in the basement making toys for the son who never had a chance to live.

The DeVilles had an abortion, Angelica couldn't figure whether it would be a boy or a girl thus creating the twins
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As for "All Grown Up" Angelica was a bipolar schizophrenic who, as a teenager became addicted to various Narcotics, bringing her back to her childhood and thus her creations she obsessed over, because of time lapse between the present and the last time she interacted with her creations, she made them older, Angelica was constantally taking hits of acid, so she would never have to live without her creations who were her only company, in a judgemental world

Angelica's mom actually died of a heroine overdose, Angelica was schizophrenic/bipolar because she was a crack baby, additionaly Drew in his depression married a gold digging whore, that Angelica idolized because she fooled herself into thinking it was her real mom, but always had a concept of her mom, Cynthia, and took a barbie doll, and made it after her mom's image, wearing an unwashed oranged dress, and having jacked up hair, which is why she was so attached to it, later in life she followed in her mom footsteps w/ drugs and everything, dieing of overdose at age 13 when All Grown Up! was "canceled"

The only rugrat not to be fictional however, was unborn Tommy's brother Dil, however Angelica didnt know the differace between Dil and her creations, Dil didnt follow her commands, after endless crying and a refusal to disapear like the others did when angelica was angry with them, she hit him. And she hit him, screaming a screaching tune, Stu ran in and pulled his neice off of his only child, but it was too late, he had a brain hemerage, which resulted in a deformation, as he grew up his damage only became more evident, by the time he was 9 in All Grown Up! He lived as an outcast, being ridiculed for his weirdness, and retardation, the immense guilt over this is what led to her drug use and is what led Angelica to un-create the rugrats breifly, until her expericance w/ hallucinogenics.

On a trip to Paris to find love, Chaz married a hooker named Kira (He was actually going to marry a differant hooker, but she just wanted him for his money), who had a daughter named Kimi that was torn from her because she was a cocaine addict (Angelica imagined her from Kira's stories), he lost his mind after the death of his wife and was in denial that she was ever prostitue, upon return to America, Chaz and Kira married and she got her greencard, it was actually a really happy/romantic story, Kira continually stuggled with addiction, but was relatively happy w/ her life, and Chaz

Suzie was actually Angelica's only friend, who entertained the thought of Angelica's creations, for her, She later became a phycologist and teamed up w/ Nickelodeon to make the Rugrats! When Angelica died of drug overdose, she helped arrange her funeral, Angelica's death was sad, because of her addiction, she was expelled from society, which lead to a break with reality, and her eventual death, she spent the last days of her life in the back of the school cafeteria, imagining friends around her, and playing with the lives of her creations.
 

Lilani

Sometimes known as CaitieLou
May 27, 2009
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Hero in a half shell said:
Chemtrails. Just for the sheer scale of the thing, and the thought of how many civilian airport workers, aeronautical engineers, chemical workers, etc. it would require is mind-boggling. Combined with 9/11, Area 51, Nasa's moonlanding, JFK's assassination etc. etc. etc. you come to the logical conclusion that I am actually the last person on earth to get in on this. Am I the only one that doesn't know? Guys?... Hello?...

I'm soooooo lonely.
Not to mention all the holes you can poke into it, which I've asked many chemtrail believers to explain to me and nobody has managed to. I mean, how do you keep important people from being affected by the "chemicals?" What happens when they've grow up with it, is there some sort of antidote that clears up the effects of dozens of years of exposure?

And how in the hell do you control and monitor who's getting exposed? There are huge air currents the tens of thousands of feet up those supersonic jets are flying in. There is only a minuscule chance that air will even find its way down into its general area. Those "chemicals" might ride a current off to Zimbabwe--nobody knows. The only way to get enough in the atmosphere to begin making a difference is to totally saturate all of the air on earth, which is completely bonkers There are tens of thousands of cubic miles of air on this planet. They could spray their chemicals at full blast for centuries and hardly make a difference.

And at that point, why bother with the air at all? Why not just put them in the water, where they have much less to add to make a difference and they have direct control over who is getting affected? Or even better, pharmaceuticals. Then they'd even have documentation of how much they are getting.

The other conspiracy that really bothers me is 9/11, but I believe others have mentioned it so I won't go into the details. It's just...stupid.