Crazy ex at university

[i7omahawki]

Okay, so here's another of those 'Please God help me' threads, hopefully it won't be painful for all involved.

Basically: I need advice.

So, I'm at university, about to go into my third year, which I am massively excited about (sad I know) when the worst thing in the world[/I] happens. Maybe that's an exaggeration, maybe not. I hear that my ex-girlfriend, who is troubled to say the least I'm talking bi-polar and alcholic, is coming to the very same university campus, probably living very near my house.

Now, it's been a while since I saw her, and have since enjoyed a year and a half relationship with my current girlfriend (who is awesome).

The major crux of the problem is this: she is going to go and get smashed at the uni bar, every night she can, and unless I am a social hermit I have no hope of avoiding her.

She is doing the same course as my girlfriend, albeit two years below.

So the question is, what do I do about this situation?

- Ignore her, facing the likely possibility that harm will come to her (wandering the unfamiliar streets at night, smashed, rarely ends well.)

- Hope that someone else will 'adopt' her and everything will be fine (for a while.)

- Help a little, only if absolutely necessary.

- Help a lot, possibly at the expense of girlfriend and degree (hoping nobody picks this one.)

So, I feel like I've gone on forever, anyone have some brain-wave that could help me out?

Thanks

 

[Woodsey]

Acknowledge her, then leave it.

Just because you're getting pissed at the same place doesn't mean you have to talk to her. If she tries to attach herself to you then just shun her until she gets the message.

Failing that, smack her around a little.

 

[The Afrodactyl]

I say options 2 & 3.

Hope someone will look after her (like her housemates), and help a bit if they don't.

Just don't get in too deep, or you'll be lost forever.

 

[Darth IB]

The way I see it she's not your problem. If you happen to see her stumbling down a dark alley you could probably help her get home, but no need babysit her.

Also, tell your current girlfriend and ask what she thinks you should do.

 

[Keele]

- Help a little, only if absolutely necessary.

 

[Mr Montmorency]

Don't get involved. If you do, you'll just get unwanted drama spun up from nothing.

 

[kintaris]

- Hope that someone else will 'adopt' her and everything will be fine (for a while.)

Sorry, but I've been in this situation before, and option below the one I've picked doesn't exist, it is only a prelude to becoming the last option.

She's not your responsibility and you are happy and getting on with your life. You cant sacrifice your own happiness because she is in need, if you guys were capable of having that kind of a platonic relationship, through which you could help her without affeccting your separate romantic and professional life, you would already have that with her instead of having kept your distance for a 'while'.

All this being said, there is no 'brain-wave' to have here. This is a terrible situation and you are just going to have to live with it, as I and many of my friends have. (It's amazing how many troubled ex-girlfriends there are in the world). Don't get yourself caught up in her life again. It won't be worth it for anyone involved. The only people who can help her are friends and new people who come into her life, not people who have a past emotional entanglement with her.

 

[Vie]

Don't drink.

Answers that one, your liver will thank you in later life and so will your grades.

 

[Communist partisan]

You know what to do....

No! jk jk jk don't do that just joking! but yust ignore her have fun live your life don't care 'bout her

 

[Funkiest Monkey]

God dammit, stay the fuck away from her. I know from experience with a friend, that crazy chicks like that can ruin people. Only get involved if ABSOLUTELY necessary.

 

[Gigano]

If you haven't already, why not ask your current girlfriend for advice?

Explain to her that you have highly erotic dreams about being a strong saviour of your helpless ex you know that a girl from a closed chapter of your life is coming to town, that she'll be a liability to herself, that you want to take pity on her, but that of course you would never do anything to hurt her (the current girlfriend's) feelings.

Thus you'll be (or at least come off as, depending on sincerity...) the all-out good guy to your current girlfriend, and can get advice from someone who actually knows you and the situation. While careful wording in the presentation is of course advised, discussing problems with those close to the situation is usually the way to go.

 

[Dogstile]

Acknowledge her, then leave it.

Just because you're getting pissed at the same place doesn't mean you have to talk to her. If she tries to attach herself to you then just shun her until she gets the message.

Failing that, smack her around a little.

I laughed more than i should have.

But yeah, not your problem, ignore the silly girl.

 

[mikecoulter]

Options 2 and 3 seem like the most healthy options for you.

 

[i7omahawki]

If you haven't already, why not ask your current girlfriend for advice?

Yeah, done already...shes cool about it, but basically her advice was 'Maybe she'll be better'.

Which would be lovely, but I very much doubt it.

As for the pity part of your comment, I'm not sure what you mean. I don't pity her, I would just prefer it if she could clear the obstacles that are in her way, although they may be herself. Basically I'm asking how far I should go to that end, and I think I've received some good advice on that from you guys. Acknowledge her but stay clear, unless ABSOLUTELY necessary.

I think the no drinking option is a good one, though I wasn't really considering drinking a lot anyway, those are just the meeting places where people eat/talk.

All this being said, there is no 'brain-wave' to have here. This is a terrible situation and you are just going to have to live with it, as I and many of my friends have. (It's amazing how many troubled ex-girlfriends there are in the world). Don't get yourself caught up in her life again. It won't be worth it for anyone involved. The only people who can help her are friends and new people who come into her life, not people who have a past emotional entanglement with her.

That kinda sums it up I think, thanks for the responses.

 

[TheYellowCellPhone]

Personally I'd ignore her. If you bump into her, then run away saying you have to take a dump.