Crazy Gaming theories

[saintdane05]

What are your nutso theories about games? Stuff about the universes that you know that will never happen, but think is true.

For example, I think Duke Nukem is a closet homosexual. When he discovered this, he became insecure in his masculinity. To counter this, he surrounded himself with manly symbols. That is why he forced himself to get such huge muscles and hires hookers: He believes that it is manly, and doesn't want to let anyone doubt him.

That, or he's a total jackass.

 

[Kahunaburger]

My headcanon for Half-Life 2 is that Gordon Freeman never actually existed, and was somewhat sloppily inserted into the universe by the G-Man as a living anti-Combine weapon. It explains why his silence never throws anyone off, why so many characters are so drawn to him, and even why he has an oddly appropriate name for a freedom fighter.

 

[Aerosteam]

I heard if you repeatedly say "gotcha" into the microphone of your DS, it would boost your chance of catching a Pokemon with a Poke Ball... well, at least that was the case for Diamond & Pearl.

 

[Racecarlock]

That my RCT3 parks exist in an alternate universe so they can still be real because glurble flurble wobbly bits.

 

[Total LOLige]

Early on while playing Skyrim I decided that any character with a beard or long hair is a werewolf. Alvar the blacksmith definite werewolf

 

[him over there]

Kirby has a tragic eating disorder because he is a sociopath who can't cope with his inability to talk and his ambiguous origins, as well as the fact that he seems to be the only one of his kind.

 

[Teh Jammah]

Super Mario Bros and all the Mario games extinuating from that are all one massive drug-induced hallucination. Random Plumber eats mushrooms to get bihg and learns to throw fire after getting/eating a magic flower, can become invincible after touching a 'magic star' and has to rescue a princess from an evil turtle dragon. And the first 7 times he tries it, the princess turns into a mushroom man.

Mario basically went to Amssterdam, ODed in a 'cafe' and the game is his drug fuelled insanity taking form. Oh and if you die, he terminally OD's. Nightmare fuel.

Captcha: Om nom nom.

Yes Captcha, I have the munchies too

 

[Furioso]

The "Gossiping Students" in the before school cutscenes in Persona 3 and 4 are just figments of the main characters imagination, it would explain why they never notice you just stop and stare at them from 2 feet away the entire time they talk

 

[Headsprouter]

Well, about the headsprouters in TS3, those things from the ceiling of the mine in "What lies below", I have a theory....

Well, I think they're a Timesplitter attempt, and there is lots of evidence to support this, such as the fact they have the same stance in the character select screen(crouched), sharp edges, etc...they are agile, like timesplitters, look at their faces, like timesplitters, it's all teeth! And they make noises like the drone splitters and baby drones from TS2! With a unique throaty growl when killed.
They possess alot of timesplitter characteristics, missing the cloaking and ability to control energy, seen in the electric zombies. They also have similarity to the clip-clamp zombie, both being butchered and crudely held together, the bony arms...
Evidence shows that Headsprouter (and less so, clip clamp) are a timesplitter attempt. Which was what Jacob Crow was working towards, the ultimate species, but in that lifetime, he only got so far. The headsprouters are non-functional, because of their fragility, they explode when shot. Messy. Yet so did The Freak later in the story, which went boom when shot with an injector! See! It all ties in!

Also, I think they might be related to the boss, "Princess", they are both held together by purely vines of flesh attatched to bone, and live below, maybe the headsprouters fell down to the bottom and built up, forming princess after a while? It's never explained...

Yeah, entirely pointless. But you think pointless stuff about characters whose design you greatly praise. If you've played Timesplitters 3 and give a damn, tell me what you think.

 

[Luca72]

My headcanon for Half-Life 2 is that Gordon Freeman never actually existed, and was somewhat sloppily inserted into the universe by the G-Man as a living anti-Combine weapon. It explains why his silence never throws anyone off, why so many characters are so drawn to him, and even why he has an oddly appropriate name for a freedom fighter.

I think something along those lines. Except I think the G-Man is some sort of extradimensional entity (or works for said entities) that have the ability to see how events unfold in the future. The Combine were getting too aggressive, so G-Mans' employers ran the calculations to determine the perfect wrench - let them invade a planet that contains just the right elements to destroy them.

Here's where it gets weird - I think every time you fail in Half Life/Half Life 2, that represents its own parallel dimension. Sort of like how quantum theory explains events - every possible action HAPPENS in a separate universe. So as you progress ans save, the points where you survive are the "real" points the G-Man is betting on. That's why Gordon seems to get by on ridiculous luck - there's only one parallel universe where he survives all the way to the end, and presumably destroys the Combine.

Apparently a Superportal somehow messed with the continuity of time and space and brought all existence in the Half Life universe to a halt. Or the future events of the story past Episode 2 got sucked into a vortex created by Gabe Newells' bank account, never to be seen again.

 

[Starik20X6]

I heard (read: just made up) this spooky rumour:

First, you get a copy of Super Mario Bros. on NES.

Draw a star on the back of the cartridge.

Then, you stand in front of a mirror on the 13th of September.

Holding the cartridge above your head, say the words "Oiram, em a-s'ti"

Mario will emerge from the mirror and play NES with you for a whole day!

 

[Gearhead mk2]

The Ace Attorney games are actually the far future of the Elder Scrolls universe where the Voice has become common knowledge. Thats why people react as though they've been hit when you shout at them. OB-JEK-SHUN!

 

[Austin Howe]

Well, I don't have any theories, really, but this guy does.

http://www.deltaheadtranslation.com/MGS2/DOTM_TOC.htm

Contained herein is a careful analysis of postmodern narrative techniques that sucessfully explains why Metal Gear Solid 2 is so fucking batshit, and then completely justifies it, transforming our understanding of the game into an important work of art.

I'm not shitting you, read it.

 

[waj9876]

That the Thalmor in Skyrim are aware they are in a video game, as there is in-game evidence that suggests they use the creator's tools to "delete everything down to the idea of" anything that gets in their way.

Also I'm a fan of the bug-jar conspiracy. Where the only theory that seems to make any semblance of sense is about how if you gather a bunch of bug-jars together with strange runes on them (that actually exist in the game by the way) and gather them in a certain location above right in the middle of the largest dungeon in the game, it'll cause what the Thalmor are trying to do. You know...The complete era-SPOILERS! Also the cities somehow make a transmutation circle.

I know, crazy as hell. But there are two spooky things about it. One, Bethesda would totally add this in if they had thought of it before finishing the game. And two, the way the theory came about seemed like a Bethesda employe getting irritated that no one had found the big conspiracy yet.

 

[Chunga the Great]

I think that the reason the G-Man caused the resonance cascade was to test Gordon Freeman to see if he was worthy of future recruitment, and the fate of Earth doesn't matter to G-Man and his "employers." The fact that the Combine took Earth is another part of the plan, and Gordon was put in stasis to ensure that he wasn't killed while the G-Man wasn't watching over him. He was brought out of stasis to begin the next part of the test, which was to overthrow the Combine. However, the vortigaunts seem to know far more about the G-Man and are constantly attempting to "block" the G-Man, so I assume the G-Man wants Gordon to do some bad shit once he gets recruited.

I'm also guessing Eli Vance was saved by the G-Man because he was supposed to help Gordon, same thing with Alyx, but Alyx could also server as a bargaining chip to get Eli, who doesn't necessarily want to do the G-Man's bidding, to do what the G-Man and his employers want.

 

[iLazy]

Mario is a druggie, Princess Peach is his dealer and Bowser is the police. That is my theory.

I think Silent Hill (the town and the monsters) are actually trying to help the people that end up their, rather then try to kill them. This mainly applies to SH2.

Default Male Shepard and Female Shepard are siblings. Head canon.

 

[Scrustle]

The Ace Attorney games are actually the far future of the Elder Scrolls universe where the Voice has become common knowledge. Thats why people react as though they've been hit when you shout at them. OB-JEK-SHUN!

Someone needs to make an Ace Attorney mod for Skyrim RIGHT NOW.

 

[spartandude]

the scanner door in ME3 is examining shepard for weaknesses every time s/he walks through it and the two guards are actually transmitting this information to Marauder Shields... trying to protect us :'(. they are also really annoying so shep will kill em, get arrested and wont go through the teleporter

 

[Sizzle Montyjing]

That G-man is Gordon Freeman from the future!!!
...
I only just came up with that now.