Create Your Own Nintendo E3 "Leak"

[Aiddon_v1legacy]

It's common knowledge that trying to get secrets out of Nintendo is impossible. Every time people think they've found a "leak" it turns out to be bogus either right off the bat or in a few days. The latest example of this was someone floating around a supposed summary of Nintendo's E3 presser, one that was proven bogus within hours due to Nintendo revealing the Lucas DLC for Smash Bros would be released this time next week, days before the "leak" claimed. Too bad for whoever cooked up that attempt at trolling.

And perhaps due to how ridiculous some of these pranks have been, we now have a website where people can generate a Nintendo Digital Event summary:

http://tane.us/nintendo/

And the sad part is a lot of the titles it generates are just as believable as phony leaks made by people that are clearly bored out of their minds for no reason.

 

[xaszatm]

But where's the fun it that? I prefer to make up bullshit stories that might happen, like how the 2016 E3 will go:

Spoiler: Leaked 2016 E3 Conference

June 7, 2016:

At Nintendo's Live E3 conference, there are hushed tones all around. No one was expecting a live conference this year, especially with it being only announced a few days before. Everyone thought the company was out, as no announcements were made since the last E3. In fact, no word at all among the many Nintendo developers and the Treehouse was empty.

Then, with bated breath, the curtain rises and a giant TV screen shows a picture of Iwata.

"Welcome to Nintendo's E3 Press Conference. I am sure that many of you are curious about the company. A few years ago, we talked about the NX and even further, we talked about the Quality of Life. Well today, I am happy to announce the fruits of that labor."

A quiet murmur from the crowd. If the QoL and NX were combined, than what gimmick would appear in the new system? Would Nintendo ever realize the fanboy tears they risked?

"We, long ago, realized that their were many obstacles to improving one's life. One's sleeping pattern, another's eating habits, another's disease. Many instances where we could not guarantee the improvement of the Quality of Life for everyone. We now have the solution. The biggest setback of humanity is our flesh itself."

A shock gasp appears from the crowd and people start to leave, only to find the door locked from the outside.

"By collecting the fan boy tears of joy and rage over the last 30 years, we have enough fuel to transfer the entire Nintendo company into a collective consciousness stored in the secret vaults of Nintendo. In fact, we have enough tears to turn the entire world to the Nintendo collective."

Iwata's voice changed, becoming more robotic and sharp. The kind attitude slowly given away to mechanical hate. As the now panicked people started desperately to open the locked doors, people in the back so row upon row of NX Nintendo Droids readying some kind of gun at the crowd.

"TO OUR LOYAL PRESS, WE WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU FOR BEING THE FIRST VOLUNTEERS TO SUBMIT TO OUR NEW QUALITY OF LIFE!"

And with that, the invasion began and humanity received a reminder of how inferior they truly were.

See! Much more personal! Granted...it's still more believable than most online leaks...

 

[Silentpony_v1legacy]

Got one!

Spoiler

New Legend of Zelda game with Gilbert Gottfried as the voice of Link!

 

[Catfood220]

But where's the fun it that? I prefer to make up bullshit stories that might happen, like how the 2016 E3 will go:

Spoiler: Leaked 2016 E3 Conference

June 7, 2016:

At Nintendo's Live E3 conference, there are hushed tones all around. No one was expecting a live conference this year, especially with it being only announced a few days before. Everyone thought the company was out, as no announcements were made since the last E3. In fact, no word at all among the many Nintendo developers and the Treehouse was empty.

Then, with bated breath, the curtain rises and a giant TV screen shows a picture of Iwata.

"Welcome to Nintendo's E3 Press Conference. I am sure that many of you are curious about the company. A few years ago, we talked about the NX and even further, we talked about the Quality of Life. Well today, I am happy to announce the fruits of that labor."

A quiet murmur from the crowd. If the QoL and NX were combined, than what gimmick would appear in the new system? Would Nintendo ever realize the fanboy tears they risked?

"We, long ago, realized that their were many obstacles to improving one's life. One's sleeping pattern, another's eating habits, another's disease. Many instances where we could not guarantee the improvement of the Quality of Life for everyone. We now have the solution. The biggest setback of humanity is our flesh itself."

A shock gasp appears from the crowd and people start to leave, only to find the door locked from the outside.

"By collecting the fan boy tears of joy and rage over the last 30 years, we have enough fuel to transfer the entire Nintendo company into a collective consciousness stored in the secret vaults of Nintendo. In fact, we have enough tears to turn the entire world to the Nintendo collective."

Iwata's voice changed, becoming more robotic and sharp. The kind attitude slowly given away to mechanical hate. As the now panicked people started desperately to open the locked doors, people in the back so row upon row of NX Nintendo Droids readying some kind of gun at the crowd.

"TO OUR LOYAL PRESS, WE WOULD LIKE TO THANK YOU FOR BEING THE FIRST VOLUNTEERS TO SUBMIT TO OUR NEW QUALITY OF LIFE!"

And with that, the invasion began and humanity received a reminder of how inferior they truly were.

See! Much more personal! Granted...it's still more believable than most online leaks...

SHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Talking about Nintendo's plan to enslave us all will get you and everyone you have ever loved killed.

I'm sure what you meant to say was that Nintendo are going third party and the new Zelda game is going to be a PS4 exclusive.

(No need to thank me, just be ready to join the resistance in 2016).

 

[Aiddon_v1legacy]

SHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Talking about Nintendo's plan to enslave us all will get you and everyone you have ever loved killed.

I'm sure what you meant to say was that Nintendo are going third party and the new Zelda game is going to be a PS4 exclusive.

(No need to thank me, just be ready to join the resistance in 2016).

Too bad Samus Aran is standing right behind you and has now sedated you with enough anesthetics to knock out a blue whale.

 

[Supernova1138]

Nintendo realizing that their current business model isn't making them enough money decides to radically shift their focus. First the Wii U is being discontinued immediately and all their console titles will now be multiplatform on Playstation 4, Xbox One and PC. Their first title under this new strategy will be a rebooted Legend of Zelda that is a dark fantasy with lots of blood and guts as well as boobs everywhere. When asked for comment, the folks at Nintendo said they have to jump onto the Witcher bandwagon while it's still hot.

Secondly, the 3DS is being discontinued forthwith and will be replaced with freemium games on the iPhone that use the Dungeon Keeper Mobile business model. Satoru Iwata was heard commenting while greedily rubbing his hands together that now they can milk their fans for hundreds of dollars at a time instead of getting $45 per game on the 3DS.

 

[IceStar100]

New zelda and a ship tease is confermed. Samus as two games become one Legend of Metroid. Samus some how crash lands on he uncharted world of Hyrule. Young hearts will be tested can the hero unite?

 

[Sniper Team 4]

Confirmed: New Legend of Zelda game has you playing as the title character, Zelda. Gannon finally figured out that maybe he should deal with Link, and so he does. Now it's Zelda's turn to save the land.

 

[FPLOON]

Nintendo announces their own porn-related app for the Wii U that will come with free access to any Nintendo-based porn that they have been secretly been developing for over 35 years...

Other than that, the leak is actually the rumor of Reggie taking a piss on both the CEO of Sony and the CEO of Microsoft by actually pissing on them during their respected live E3 showcases...

 

[Hairless Mammoth]

I got a couple from my sleep deprived mind:

Scorpion and Sub-Zero, from Mortal Kombat will be the next DLC characters for Smash Bros. They will have all of their iconic fatalities and buying both will unlock a unique, original fatality for each of the original Smash Bros characters to perform. Of the Nintendo characters' fatalities we've seen so far, Rosalina's is surprisingly the most brutal. All we can say is it involves lots of star bits.

The NX will be a multi-touch tablet with detachable conventional controls, like the Razor Edge tablet, will have a full size HDMI port, and will run Android, along side a proprietary OS. An Android and iOS companion app will let phone and tablets connect to it in an ad hoc network and be used as controllers and screens for more players, with bluetooth controller add-ons being available for games that work best with traditional buttons. The New 3DS will also get an app to be used as a controller.

 

[go-10]

fine I'll pitch it

- Not one but TWO Metroid games are due for release holiday 2015! A classic 2.5D game for the 3DS depicting the early days of Samus as a bounty hunter. You travel to a planet where Samus meets the infamous Ridley and gets her Power Armor for the first time. The second game is a WiiU third person adventure/exploring shooter depicting the events after Metroid Fusion as Samus return to the planet where she originally got her armor to learn more about a possible way of removing the fused armored before it kills her!

- Super Mario Galaxy 3 is coming this holiday! With multiple playable characters! *rolls a video of Luigi, Rosalina, and Peach running around doing different things through different levels*

- A new Mario and Luigi RPG for the 3DS more in vein with the original Mario RPG for the SNES and Mario & Luigi for the GBA

- Twilight Princess remake for the 3DS, Pikmin 3DS, F-Zero 3DS

 

[IamLEAM1983]

Got one!

Spoiler

New Legend of Zelda game with Gilbert Gottfried as the voice of Link!

Oh God! I lost it and spent a solid thirty seconds chuckling at my screen. Thanks, Pony. XD

Somehow, I'm convinced the next time Ninty shows up at E3 will involve Iwata begging the Western market to actually give a crap about the company's "innovations" and to "celebrate" its various IPs going mobile.

 

[Dango]

Reggie Fils-Aime has prepared literally hundreds of bad meme jokes.

New console officially runs on memes.