Creative Insults

[Estoki]

I'm sure we have all heard standard (and stupid) insults like "Fag", "Retard" and of course, "Noob", but what about the not-so standard ones, what about the ones that make the person receiving them only able to make themselves look like a fool by replying?

So my question is this, Escapist: What awesome insults have you heard that really burned someone, if any?

 

[RatRace123]

One time my friend and I were jokingly insulting eachother about being fat. After a few insults I fired back with an epic one, after gauging his reaction I then added another one.

"Oh, Burn! Which is what you don't do to calories."

 

[SL33TBL1ND]

I don't know about really burned, but squishy bag of fail made me laugh.

 

[hyperhammy]

My brother likes using mom jokes on me. I always just laugh my ass off!
I don't remember any awesome burns, but I've been dissed a lot.

 

[inflamessoilwork]

This book provides hours upon hours of new, creative insults

http://www.amazon.com/Creative-Cursing-Match-Profanity-Generator/dp/0762435755

 

[ARatherHandsomeGent]

Nancy Astor: If I was your wife I would put poison in your coffee.
Winston Churchill: If I were your husband I would drink it.

Somewhat random, but all I could think of at the moment.

 

[Deviltongue]

Let's see... I've got a list here.

"You're so fat you don't have an Adam's apple, you have Adam's Gravy."

"You were never a little kid. You were a LOTTA kid but never a little one."

"Dude, your mom is so nasty she offends all 5 of my senses, in fact I had to invent a sixth one to stop myself from getting nastiness overload."

"Shut up dude before I make another girl break your heart." (This was right after my friend went through a real nasty breakup.)

"You're Wiccan right? On a scale of 1 to 10, How much do you like Quidditch?"

 

[Estoki]

Let's see... I've got a list here.

"You're so fat you don't have an Adam's apple, you have Adam's Gravy."

"You were never a little kid. You were a LOTTA kid but never a little one."

"Dude, your mom is so nasty she offends all 5 of my senses, in fact I had to invent a sixth one to stop myself from getting nastiness overload."

"Shut up dude before I make another girl break your heart." (This was right after my friend went through a real nasty breakup.)

"You're Wiccan right? On a scale of 1 to 10, How much do you like Quidditch?"

I believe the only proper response to this is...

Oh Snap!

 

[SpireOfFire]

my friend pointed to his boss and said "thats what happens when relatives have sex."

douche-bag: "oscar de la hoya looks like a monkey penis (in this photo)."
me: "you being the expert on monkey penis would know what one looks like."
douche-bag: "i see one every time i look at you."

i gotta give him that one.

 

[Drakmeire]

I like to make insults using fairly unknown terms that will take a person several minutes or even days to catch, Like during high school I was ripped on for being a virgin and I replied "Hey, not everyone's dad personally helped them lose their black cherry at 13 like yours did". he was confused and later that day he asked me what I meant and I said "I was implying that you slept with your dad" he looked mad but he admitted it was funny.
(I apologize if anyone is offended by that statement)

or the best one is "we all know force equals massXacceleration but we don't realize that at some point an object will become too massive and dense to properly accelerate, and if it does it may cause mass disruptions in inertia and... You know what, I'm gonna skip the build up and say YO MAMA'S FAT!"

 

[II2]

Not really a reusable one, but a funny anecdote

---------------
Scenario: Two friends walk into a music store and speak with a clerk about purchasing some software.
---------------

FRIEND 1 (manner of fact): "Can I get the Reaktor 4 retail box upgrade?" ($150)

CLERK (un-ironically): "Are you a Reaktor user?"

FRIEND 1 (sarcastic): "Nah, I just planned on using it as a coaster."

CLERK (defensive): "Hhh! You know MAX/MSP or Pure Data are a way better investment. They're way more low level and can do all sorts of things Reaktor can't."

FRIEND 2 (unimpressed): "That so?"

CLERK (smart-ass hotshot): "Pure Data is the best, since it's free and totally open source. It's super complicated and can let you do any kind of low level programming you want. It's better than any commercial tool and you can customize it to do anything."

FRIEND 2 (unimpressed): "You use it a lot?"

CLERK (wavering): "Well, it's really hard to get set up on a PC because of the way it talks between modules over internal TCP protocols, so I never got around to finishing the installation..."

FRIEND 2 (deadpan): "Well, you know, I teach a free class on both MAX/MSP and Pure Data at ******* on Tuesdays twice a month. You should come by and maybe we can help you get the program installed."

CLERK (BURNED): ".... Uh... Yeah..."

_____________
-------------
*FRIEND 1 and 2 leave after transaction.

FRIEND 1: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAhAHAH" *pisses himself laughing*

 

[Aerodyamic]

I'm fond of telling people that their mother makes shitty cookies.