Creative ways to annoy Cold Callers

[Gigano]

"You've reached the (your country) national socialist contribution line, what was your name again?"

Works on those who know that national socialist = Filthy Nazi, otherwise make small talk about why the he/she thinks Hitler was great. If THAT doesn't get them off the line, ask to speak to a manager, and ask why you have to be a Nazi to sell their product.

 

[crudus]

I say something "Mr. *name* is busy getting robbed. He is tied and gagged. This time tomorrow would be a good time to reach him"

or "Sorry I am terribly busy and don't know when I'll be done. Can I have your number and I will call you back when I am done"

 

[SnippyWings]

i usually just say "sorry i dont speak english"

 

[Aerodyamic]

So, a credit card company calls up my girlfriend a couple years ago, and asks if she'd be interested in their product... "It's against my religion." End of calls from credit card companies, thus far.

Other than that, the following:

"Hi, can I interest you in "BLAH?"
"I'm sorry, but I can't legally enact any telephone transactions until after my court date."
"Court Date?"
"Yes. Didn't you hear that someone had been back-tracing telemarketing calls, stalking the staff, and killing them?"
"Um, no."
"Oh, then it should be in the news shortly. Ah, there's your number. So, when does your shift end?"
-Click-

 

[Leonight7]

I just start quoting Mein Kampf and making references to how Hitler was the most awesome guy ever.
It absolutely never fails.

 

[Manhattan2112]

The following is a conversation between a telemarketer, and I...

TEL: Hello, my name is Jeff and I'm a telemarketer.
Me: Oh, hello Jeff. It's a pleasure to hear from you. Hey, you over there, keep digging! So what do you plan to sell me?
TEL: Well, I have a great deal for you on -
ME: That's perfect, get the bodies.
TEL: Is now not a good time?
ME: Yeah, now's a great time. We don't want any witnesses *gunfire*.
TEL: I'll have to call you back later...
ME: Yeah, don't count on it, I've got my men looking for you now.
*dial tone*

 

[Random Argument Man]

Sorry, I'm your competitor. Worked once.

 

[Spudgun Man]

I just pretend to be working in a takeaway, i've been hung up on twice.

They're too scared to call anymore.

 

[Joey245]

Here's my favorite:

"Hold Please..."

*blow up balloon away from phone, then pop it near receiver*

"OH MY GOD!!! I'VE BEEN SHOT!!!!"

Classic.

 

[pantallica95]

Well, usually i correct them on the pronunciation of my last name, tell them my mom/dad isnt there, and usually hang up. But this thread gives me all kinds of options!

 

[FallenRainbows]

You could buy a phone with a phone that lets you put them on hold with a song of your choice (if they have that) and set it to Never Gonna Give You Up then tell them the doorbell rang. Leave them there until they hang up.

EDIT: Or freak out and ask how they got your number, and pretend to be a secret organization for evil purposes.

Oh dear god. I must do that.

 

[Raven's Nest]

If I don't want to talk to a telemarketer I'll just interrupt them and tell them I'm not interested and ask to be removed from their database...

Works 100% of the time, every time and I don't have to be a complete dick to a stranger trying to earn a living. 9 times out of 10 they will be some poor unfortunate soul who has no choice but to work in telesales for a little while. I've got no right or desire to make their lives worse.

If they don't listen to me, I'll hang up, simple as...

 

[T-Bone24]

I had a guy calling to ask if I wanted a new hoover. I just made up some hoover "facts" on the spot.

(For reference, the telemarketer is bold)

"Hey there, would you be interested in a new *brand name hoover*
"Yes! I love hoovers! Did you know that over 14000 hoovers were sold last month around the world! Also, that many hoovers, working for 4 months straight, could suck up all the dust on the moon!"
"Erm..."
"Also..."
*hangs up*

 

[Radelaide]

I just hang up on them and they don't call back. Seriously, the moment they talk and ask for my mum, (who goes by a different name, so they're kinda asking for me) I just click the button off.

Or say yeah, and leave the phone on for a while and let them talk to themselves. Hasn't happened heaps since I put our number on the Do Not Call registry.

Although, my stepdad's friend was on the phone to one and he thinks that the sales guy must have snapped or something because he started abusing my stepdad's mate. Calling him a bastard, a prick, a dick and generally being an asshole. The friend was laughing on the other end, told him to fuck off and hung up.