Dating Blindness

[Paragon Fury]

So I've been thinking about something a lot lately ad I'm not sure I can reason out an answer all by myself. I'll save you the story behind the it right now (I'm too tired to type it now), but the question is this:

Is it possible for someone, in this case a guy, because of years of no experience/interaction or even significant contact with women, to become so inept and incapable of detecting, responding to flirtation/romantic and/or intimate advances or interacting with women on a non-surface level that you could essentially call them a lost cause or that they'll never be good enough at it to accomplish anything meaningful?

Just to note, there are a few caveats: The question is excluding people with actual, diagnosable social or interaction disorders like Aspergers and the like. This question is framed more around the "normal" person who through lack of ability/availability/situation is simply so unpracticed, inhibited etc. that nothing meaningful can be accomplished in any acceptable timeframe.

 

[manic_depressive13]

No, that's ridiculous. A context for this question would certainly make it easier to understand, and perhaps justify it since it seems positively absurd on its own.

 

[Lilani]

I think if you feel that can happen to somebody, you have very little faith in people's abilities to change with time and in the sheer number of people there are on this planet. I guarantee you are not going to be the same person you are now 5, 10, or 20 years from now, so regardless of what you think of this guy why should he stay the same? And you may think that there is nobody out there for him and that he has no ability to detect the feelings of others, but you can't really prove that and know for sure until you've witnessed him meeting every other prospective female on the planet. For all you know, there could be a woman out there gracious enough to be patient with him and they could be the perfect match.

So geez, give him a little credit, and don't assume you know everything about somebody who isn't and never has been you.

 

[Jonluw]

Some people, like me, can really suck at the whole "picking up signals and being assertive" thing.
Even so much so as to be almost useless on the dating scene.
No one's a lost cause though.
It's fairly unproblematic to train yourself to actually handle this kind of stuff.

 

[Thaluikhain]

No, the idea is absurd.

Women aren't mysterious alien creatures it's difficult to communicate with. If their signals aren't being received, they can always try different signals.

 

[Vault101]

[small/]oh for fucks sake[/small]

stop over thinking it..here's a revolutionary thought

[b/]women are just like you[/b]

 

[Paragon Fury]

No, the idea is absurd.

Women aren't mysterious alien creatures it's difficult to communicate with. If their signals aren't being received, they can always try different signals.

To be fair, we are talking about people who wouldn't get the hint if the woman wore a giant neon sign around their neck; they'd ask why she would wear something so uncomfortable and then probably go back about their day.

 

[Thaluikhain]

No, the idea is absurd.

Women aren't mysterious alien creatures it's difficult to communicate with. If their signals aren't being received, they can always try different signals.

To be fair, we are talking about people who wouldn't get the hint if the woman wore a giant neon sign around their neck; they'd ask why she would wear something so uncomfortable and then probably go back about their day.

In that case, yeah, then they'd be stuffed. And probably unable to function in society at all.

 

[Clearing the Eye]

Extreme periods of isolation can and do damage the human ability to interact with others. People who are exposed to this kind of long term separation from society, such as some astronauts, people who are lost in the wilderness and those whom suffer intense anxiety disorders, etc., are regularly reported to need months of rehabilitation to mainstream life when they rejoin normality.

Periods of isolation can cause: difficulty feeling empathy, social disinterest, aggression, loss of language skills, depression -- the list is long.

Whenever you are removed from something for long periods, it can be difficult to pick it back up and it can require relearning the entire subject.

 

[Paragon Fury]

I'm not talking about someone who socially isolated as in no human contact; this is a person who is able to function normally and everything in everyday life, but they simply don't "get" or unable to respond to any kind of romantic interaction. They like women, and even think about romantic relationships and the like but the actual forming of one and carrying one out appears beyond their ability.

Less "disability" and more along the lines of a cultural/social disconnect, like if you just dumped an American person into Russia, etc.

 

[Relish in Chaos]

They wouldn't be a lost cause; they'd just need more indoctrination, for lack of a better word, or counselling/therapy, to become more comfortable in those kinds of social situations.

 

[Syzygy23]

[small/]oh for fucks sake[/small]

stop over thinking it..here's a revolutionary thought

[b/]women are just like you[/b]

Last time I checked I didn't have boobs and a vagina, nor the brain-chemistry altering hormones required to maintain said organs. I wouldn't say women are Just like me.

OP, if there's a girl you like, and you're having trouble interpreting if the feeling is mutual, just suck it up and be direct. The longer you beat around the bush the more stress it causes.

 

[Thaluikhain]

I'm not talking about someone who socially isolated as in no human contact; this is a person who is able to function normally and everything in everyday life, but they simply don't "get" or unable to respond to any kind of romantic interaction. They like women, and even think about romantic relationships and the like but the actual forming of one and carrying one out appears beyond their ability.

Less "disability" and more along the lines of a cultural/social disconnect, like if you just dumped an American person into Russia, etc.

I don't see how that would happen. If the relationship is to go very far, there really should be enthusiastic and unmistakable consent given.

Now, if you mean the "are they flirting or just joking around?" sorta thing, yeah, no reason that's going to be an easy question for anyone to answer.

 

[manic_depressive13]

No, the idea is absurd.

Women aren't mysterious alien creatures it's difficult to communicate with. If their signals aren't being received, they can always try different signals.

To be fair, we are talking about people who wouldn't get the hint if the woman wore a giant neon sign around their neck; they'd ask why she would wear something so uncomfortable and then probably go back about their day.

What if the woman simply explained to them using their native language how she felt?

 

[Scrustle]

To be honest, I feel like I'm already there. I seem to be completely unable to detect when someone is flirting with me. The only time I've ever been aware of it is when someone has informed me that was what happened afterwards. I tend to contend their statements at that point. I think it's because I generally hold the view that no-one would ever see any reason to flirt with me. Can't see anyone wanting to. I just assume it's never anything other than friendly conversation.

I'm also equally incapable of flirting with people myself. I have once or twice been told I was flirting with someone when that wasn't my intention at all. So I have no idea what's going on.

I think the whole idea of flirting is kind of silly anyway. Seems dishonest to me to put on this front and having to send out these coded messages that you're interested. Why not just say it? And how is flirting a thing at all if it's just indistinguishable to friendly conversation anyway? Seems like a pedantic waste of time to me.

 

[minimacker]

I don't think anyone is ever blind to flirting. I just think that if you're so frightened to get rejected, you tell yourself to continue playing innocent/oblivious until she/he outright asks you.

Source: ...Person experience.

 

[Loop Stricken]

Is it possible for someone, in this case a guy, because of years of no experience/interaction or even significant contact with women, to become so inept and incapable of detecting, responding to flirtation/romantic and/or intimate advances or interacting with women on a non-surface level that you could essentially call them a lost cause or that they'll never be good enough at it to accomplish anything meaningful?

Well, that certainly seems to describe me, aye.

 

[krazykidd]

No, the idea is absurd.

Women aren't mysterious alien creatures it's difficult to communicate with. If their signals aren't being received, they can always try different signals.

If people just came out and said it it would be a lot easier than "signals" which can always be misinterpreted .

OT: I think so . I myself am terrible at detecting these things , thus i don't rely on meeting women in real life situations , i rely on the internet , and it's worked thus far . I'm pretty sure if i never used the internet i would still be single and a virigin. I never dated/slept with/ kissed a woman i met in person before .

 

[Thaluikhain]

No, the idea is absurd.

Women aren't mysterious alien creatures it's difficult to communicate with. If their signals aren't being received, they can always try different signals.

If people just came out and said it it would be a lot easier than "signals" which can always be misinterpreted.

In my experience, people do come out and say it. Maybe not at the outset, but it happens.

 

[Fantasylord]

Ya that sounds like me though ironically I do have a girlfriend and have no clue how I accomplished it.
(And yes I do have Asperger Syndrome.)In spite of being completely blind to nonverbal cues, plus all my anti-social behaviors, people still approach me wanting to be friends, occasionally I even have the occasional crazy chick scream her so-called undying love for me, luckily for me the ladder it doesn't happen to often.

So to answer your question yes it is possible for guys who are socially isolated to eventually find a relationship eventually.
Some tips for guys both normal or that have social anxiety:

-Obsess over how non-verbal cues work, there are plenty of books on that sort of thing out there heck I had to study one for the past 6 months so it isn't impossible to learn all the various cues out there so you can eventually pick up on them in spite of any in born blindness.

-People often want what they perceive they don't have. I remember my first day of going back to school after having graduated high school but went back to school 3 years later. Day one as soon as lunch hit I went off to the cafeteria and within the next 20 minutes I was approached by 2 of my fellow classmates wanting to be friends.(I hadn't talked to anyone and any break between classes I spent listening to music and reading aka totally ignoring everyone.) By the end of the first 2 weeks I was friends with everyone in the class.

-Another case is when I'm at work but I choose to spend my break-time reading and listening to music and yet I am constantly approached by people wanting to talk or get to know me. Before any1 asks I have people from both genders bugging me. (This is how I met my current girlfriend.)

-Acting like a nice guy contrary to "the nice guys finish last." saying is actually a good idea. If you offer a sympathetic ear when someone has a problem and simply hearing them out they start to get comfortable around you at least and if you are perceived as friendly more people start approaching you.. Just don't turn into a door mat don't be they guy that has to buy everyone everything or drive everyone everywhere bc then you will only be seen as a chauffeur, and a wallet with legs.

-Be ready to start new things, everyone is different chances are if you do start socializing you might start doing stuff a bit outside of your comfort-zone, my advice is be adventurous.

-You have to be seen: go out to a bar or a coffee shop or the mall, you won't meet anyone waiting around your house, apartment,condo whatever.Hey on occasion simply reading or gaming out in the open makes a decent conversation starter.