Dealing with a suicidal friend

[greenice]

Ok, so today my best friend told me she wants to kill herself...and I don't know what to do. The thing is that I can't completely understand why, as far as I can figure out it's a combination between loneliness and love.Let me explain:

We're both in our last year of high school and in the same class.For the last 4 or 5 years she has been living alone, her father died when she was young and her mother works in another country.Now even considering that she is rarely actually alone, since she has some relatives who live nearby, she has a lot of friends many of which come over often, I personally walk her home every day besides all the other time that we spend together.And recently she got a cat too.As for the love thing she is in love with this guy with which she has this on-of relationship, she tried getting over him for something like a year but couldn't, now the're together but they don't see each other that much. She also has low self esteem even though she's pretty popular, looks good and has good grades. And also has a history of depression and has tried killing herself before but stopped by herself.

Now she's a rational person, it's not one of those the world hates me situations, her reasoning is that she is very unhappy and has been so for a long time and she can't see any way in which that will improve, so the simpler solution would be to end it now.It's pretty hard to convince someone of how life will improve when there is no evidence you can bring to the table.

When she told me it wasn't even for the obvious reasons, she just wanted to tell me a couple of things that I should do after she does it.She seemed really sure in her decision and was acting absolutely normal, apparently she took the decision some time ago and just didn't know how to tell me. And here's the thing, I always prided myself(as a future psychologist) on keeping everyone's secrets and respecting their decisions(whether I agree with them or not) and I was always of the opinion that everyone should be able to do whatever they want with or to their bodies, but now even though I still agree with that statement, I have to argue against it because this is my friend and I don't want her to die.I guess what I'm saying is that I feel a bit selfish. Also I don't know if telling someone won't just make the situation worse, as in making her feel betrayed by her friend and even more alone.

Anyway sorry for the wall of text, and I hope that you'll be able to help me with some advice.

 

[Relish in Chaos]

Tell her to at least consider going through therapy before she kills herself. There have been a lot of people who have been sure in their decisions to kill themselves, and yet, they've backed out at the last minute when they realize the reality of what they're doing, and/or eventually get some help to ride the wave through their problems.

Also, what happens if she, well, fucks it up? It can happen. How would she end it? Does she know how painful many of the methods of suicide are, and how easy it can go wrong? If it fails, she could end up brain-damaged, paralyzed or whatever, putting her in an even worse position than before, especially if she gets taken to a hospital and put on suicide watch, with none of them willing to pull the plug.

The reason I'm saying this is because I've been depressed for the past four years now (for reasons I won't bother you with now), and the reasons that I haven't committed suicide is, well, I have a family who I don't really like all that much, but I wouldn't want to burden them with my death (especially my sister, who's been helping me throughout all this). That, and I'm a pussy. I don't know how much it'd hurt, and I don't know if what's waiting afterwards is going to be even more shitty than it is now. I've just started on CBT and anti-depressants, and fingers crossed, it'll at least make some things better, even if it doesn't work entirely. I'm not going to pretend that I'm exactly in her situation and compare lifestyles, since everyone's different and that doesn't actually do anything, but rather than ending life, maybe you should help her to get help making life suck less.

 

[Nietz]

Damn man, this sucks. I can definitely really to your problem, I buried a friend this August who committed suicide.

All I really can say is that this probably isn't the place for advise. I'd ask you to seek out some professional for advice. Not for her, for you. Ask them what to do, and ask them sooner rather than later.

If all else fails, tell her that you can't let her do it to her, or you. This might seem a little harsh, but really, forbid her. If you can't let her go, take it upon yourself to not let her do it. But first and foremost, get someone trained in the subject of suicides to give you advice.

I can also second what Relish in Chaos said about the consequences of a failed suicide. My oldest friends brothers first failed attempt left him in the hospital for roughly 8 months and totally wrecked his intestines.

Best of luck to you. I hope this turns out for the best for the two of you.

 

[manic_depressive13]

Interfering with her plans or betraying her trust by telling someone else would be both selfish and cruel. You can try to talk her out of it but at the end of the day it is her decision what she wants to do with her life, and if she wants to end it, so be it. If I were in your position I'd make sure she has considered everyone who will be left behind, made plans for her pet and taken all the consequences into account. Perhaps discuss all her options with her. Has she decided how she will kill herself? Does she know the risks? Has she taken precautions to minimise failure?

A lot of people will tell you that you are doing a suicidal person a favour by forcing them to stay alive. This is not true. For every person who has been grateful that they didn't die, there are others who went right back and tried again. More still (myself included) regret not taking the opportunity when they had the chance, and curse their cowardice all the more with every day that passes. There are worse things than death done properly. A life of misery and regret, for example.

 

[Rawberry101]

Good lord! Last year of high school? She's still just a teenager. There are decades of her possibly glorious life that she would be throwing away! I don't know about you, but I'd fight for her life, even if she won't do it. Remaining silent is not the right choice, I know you want to be respectable for keeping peoples' secrets, something I totally identify with, but this is wrong. I bet her MOTHER would find it horrifying that you knew about it and did nothing if your friend indeed goes through with it. If you think her life is worth saving then you should be the brave one instead of her.

You've been given a huge responsibility by being entrusted with this knowledge. If this is really as serious as you make it out to be, then whether you are passive or active with this knowledge will decide her fate.

 

[Bombchucker]

My friend committed suicide a few months ago. It was completely unexpected and it was on the night of our formal. At school the next day everyone was devastated and in complete silence as he was the last person anyone would have expected to kill themselves. He was a popular, nice and really smart guy. Some of my friends are still feeling bad about it even now and one of them is going to counselling to try and get over it. His death hurt a lot of people including myself.

The only advice I can give you, coming from someone that has experienced a friend die is to tell your friend how you, her family and every other person that is close to her would feel if she killed herself. Her death may effect more people then she may think.

I wish you all the best and hope that you can persuade her out of it.

 

[greenice]

Tell her to at least considering going through therapy before she kills herself. There have been a lot of people who have been sure in their decisions to kill themselves, and yet, they've backed out at the last minute when they realize the reality of what they're doing, and/or eventually get some help to ride the wave through their problems.

I tried that already and she says she doesn't want to talk to therapist.

Also, what happens if she, well, fucks it up? It can happen. How would she end it? Does she know how painful many of the methods of suicide are, and how easy it can go wrong? If it fails, she could end up brain-damaged, paralyzed or whatever, putting her in an even worse position than before, especially if she gets taken to a hospital and put on suicide watch, with none of them willing to pull the plug.

As I mention in the OP she has tried before.Back then she cut her veins and when she changed her mind she closed the wounds with a lighted cigarette.She came to a show at school with her wrists bandaged, a bit later I found out why.She also used to cut herself, so I don't think pain is really that much of an issue for her.

If I were in your position I'd make sure she has considered everyone who will be left behind, made plans for her pet and taken all the consequences into account. Perhaps discuss all her options with her. Has she decided how she will kill herself? Does she know the risks? Has she taken precautions to minimise failure?

She seems to have taken care of most things and would prefer to do it in a way that won't hurt the organs, since she wants to donate them.

Interfering with her plans or betraying her trust by telling someone else would be both selfish and cruel. You can try to talk her out of it but at the end of the day it is her decision what she wants to do with her life, and if she wants to end it, so be it.

A lot of people will tell you that you are doing a suicidal person a favour by forcing them to stay alive. This is not true. For every person who has been grateful that they didn't die, there are others who went right back and tried again. More still (myself included) regret not taking the opportunity when they had the chance, and curse their cowardice all the more with every day that passes. There are worse things than death done properly. A life of misery and regret, for example.

Here's the thing if it was anybody else I would've agreed, but this is someone I really care about, so it's very hard to agree with her and even more so to help her.I know it's kinda selfish that's why I'm so conflicted.

The only advice I can give you, coming from someone that has experienced a friend die is to tell your friend how you, her family and every other person that is close to her would feel if she killed herself. Her death may effect more people then she may think.

I already tried that she said that's why she didn't do it until now, and that we'll eventually move on.

Thank you to everyone who offered advice, I really appreciate it, and my condolences to all of those who lost someone this way.

 

[Elementary - Dear Watson]

I am going to put this bluntly... Without me being there and talking to her myself, there is little I can get you to do with instructions over the internet... it is a very difficult situation to be in and would be better left to the proffessionals.

That said then, the best thing you can do is to tell the police. It is entirely in their remit and have the expertise and the people who can deal with it...

If she is saying it, and you honestly beleive that she will, then tell the police. It is the best thing you can do!

 

[NinjaDeathSlap]

Ok, so today my best friend told me she wants to kill herself...and I don't know what to do. The thing is that I can't completely understand why, as far as I can figure out it's a combination between loneliness and love.Let me explain:

We're both in our last year of high school and in the same class.For the last 4 or 5 years she has been living alone, her father died when she was young and her mother works in another country.Now even considering that she is rarely actually alone, since she has some relatives who live nearby, she has a lot of friends many of which come over often, I personally walk her home every day besides all the other time that we spend together.And recently she got a cat too.As for the love thing she is in love with this guy with which she has this on-of relationship, she tried getting over him for something like a year but couldn't, now the're together but they don't see each other that much. She also has low self esteem even though she's pretty popular, looks good and has good grades. And also has a history of depression and has tried killing herself before but stopped by herself.

Now she's a rational person, it's not one of those the world hates me situations, her reasoning is that she is very unhappy and has been so for a long time and she can't see any way in which that will improve, so the simpler solution would be to end it now.It's pretty hard to convince someone of how life will improve when there is no evidence you can bring to the table.

When she told me it wasn't even for the obvious reasons, she just wanted to tell me a couple of things that I should do after she does it.She seemed really sure in her decision and was acting absolutely normal, apparently she took the decision some time ago and just didn't know how to tell me. And here's the thing, I always prided myself(as a future psychologist) on keeping everyone's secrets and respecting their decisions(whether I agree with them or not) and I was always of the opinion that everyone should be able to do whatever they want with or to their bodies, but now even though I still agree with that statement, I have to argue against it because this is my friend and I don't want her to die.I guess what I'm saying is that I feel a bit selfish. Also I don't know if telling someone won't just make the situation worse, as in making her feel betrayed by her friend and even more alone.

Anyway sorry for the wall of text, and I hope that you'll be able to help me with some advice.

Wanting to save her life is not selfish. It would only be selfish if she was severely disabled, or in constant pain, or in any other way physically impaired to the extent that she has no real quality of life to speak of, and even that is still a matter of debate. She needs help, and when someone needs help, whether or not they want it is irrelevant.

If she was talking about killing herself, something that is inherently irrational, in a way that sounded completely calm and rational, then that just seems like further evidence to me that she really isn't thinking straight, and that you can't trust her motivations. Give it to her straight, that no matter how much she thinks life sucks, suicide is only ever a net negative for all concerned. There is no peace after death, only indescribable oblivion. Any life, no matter how hard, is better than that, and you won't stand by and watch as she throws away hers. Then, if she isn't persuaded, tell someone who actually has the power to do something about it.

Help her. You are her friend. Help her, even if she hates you for it.

(and btw, just in case anyone quotes me with something along the lines of 'It's easy for you. You don't know what it's like.'... I know exactly what it's like. I have clinical depression myself, I've been suicidal before, and I recently got out of some pretty serious therapy. I know what I'm talking about here.)

Interfering with her plans or betraying her trust by telling someone else would be both selfish and cruel. You can try to talk her out of it but at the end of the day it is her decision what she wants to do with her life, and if she wants to end it, so be it. If I were in your position I'd make sure she has considered everyone who will be left behind, made plans for her pet and taken all the consequences into account. Perhaps discuss all her options with her. Has she decided how she will kill herself? Does she know the risks? Has she taken precautions to minimise failure?

A lot of people will tell you that you are doing a suicidal person a favour by forcing them to stay alive. This is not true. For every person who has been grateful that they didn't die, there are others who went right back and tried again. More still (myself included) regret not taking the opportunity when they had the chance, and curse their cowardice all the more with every day that passes. There are worse things than death done properly. A life of misery and regret, for example.

You have got to be kidding me?!

 

[artanis_neravar]

Help her. You are her friend. Help her, even if she hates you for it.

My god thank you. This is exaclty what I wanted to say until I read manic's response and my rage interfered.

 

[manic_depressive13]

Oh for the love of god. Some people would prefer to die. Just because you can't comprehend that doesn't automatically make that person insane, irrational or wrong. Death isn't a bad thing, it's neutral. People should have control over their own lives, even if that means ending them.

 

[Quaxar]

Speaking from personal experience in a similar situation I'd say the most important thing is to keep as much contact as possible. I know it worked for me or rather her.
I used to have a best friend in almost the same setting and I spent many a night talking to her online until 3 in the morning, then getting up for school again. Keep her occupied, show her you really do care and not just say so. Make her promise to talk to you before she does anything if possible, I'm sure as a future psychologist you can expand on that.
If that doesn't help and you feel like you've done everything get some professional attention for her.

And most importantly of all, do not listen to manic_depressive13, he's about the worst person to have an oppinion on this and I do hope he stays out of this thread and should his attitude not change all future similar ones.

 

[NinjaDeathSlap]

Oh for the love of god. Some people would prefer to die. Just because you can't comprehend that doesn't automatically make that person insane, irrational or wrong. Death isn't a bad thing, it's neutral. People should have control over their own lives, even if that means ending them.

Ok, I'm going to concede that just maybe, just maybe, you have a fraction of a point. There are some, not many by any means, but some, people for whom suicide is not a cry for help, or a desperate attempt to try and get out of a situation they don't understand. There are some people in this world who, though some quantum leap that transcends all levels of rational thought, would 'just prefer to die'.

You don't know this girl. You don't know what she's like, and a quick rundown of her history and her current behaviour from someone online is nowhere near enough for you to make an informed judgement of her character. Admittedly, I don't know her either, but that's exactly why I'm choosing ti fall down on the side of 'Maybe saving her life is a good thing on the whole'. You, on the other hand, seem quite happy to condemn her (conveniently distanced from the whole situation on the other side of a monitor and keyboard) just because maybe she might be one of those people who would just rather die.

Why, what a luminous paragon of human decency you are! The Samaritans could use more recruits like you...

 

[manic_depressive13]

Ok, I'm going to concede that just maybe, just maybe, you have a fraction of a point. There are some, not many by any means, but some, people for whom suicide is not a cry for help, or a desperate attempt to try and get out of a situation they don't understand. There are some people in this world who, though some quantum leap that transcends all levels of rational thought, would 'just prefer to die'.

You don't know this girl. You don't know what she's like, and a quick rundown of her history and her current behaviour from someone online is nowhere near enough for you to make an informed judgement of her character. Admittedly, I don't know her either, but that's exactly why I'm choosing ti fall down on the side of 'Maybe saving her life is a good thing on the whole'. You, on the other hand, seem quite happy to condemn her (conveniently distanced from the whole situation on the other side of a monitor and keyboard) just because maybe she might be one of those people who would just rather die.

Why, what a luminous paragon of human decency you are! The Samaritans could use more recruits like you...

How am I condemning her? I am respecting her decision and think she is the one most entitled to decide what she wants to do with her life. You are the one who is judging her, assuming she doesn't really know what she wants and imposing your own values onto her.

 

[Savo]

Damn, that's a tough situation. I don't have any experience with suicide, so I'll just give you some general advice.

Life can suck sometimes. However, I think it's naive to look at how things are currently and say "It's impossible for it to get better". Choosing to take your own life while you're still in freaking high school is simply not a rational decision. Perhaps try to emphasize to her that she has lived a mere fraction of her life and ending it now would be a foolhardy move? She still has 60-70 years to live, who's to say it couldn't get better?

Also, maybe try and remind her of the good life has to offer? Hobbies, fun memories you've shared together, funny moments, anything to show her that life isn't all bad.

 

[NinjaDeathSlap]

Ok, I'm going to concede that just maybe, just maybe, you have a fraction of a point. There are some, not many by any means, but some, people for whom suicide is not a cry for help, or a desperate attempt to try and get out of a situation they don't understand. There are some people in this world who, though some quantum leap that transcends all levels of rational thought, would 'just prefer to die'.

You don't know this girl. You don't know what she's like, and a quick rundown of her history and her current behaviour from someone online is nowhere near enough for you to make an informed judgement of her character. Admittedly, I don't know her either, but that's exactly why I'm choosing ti fall down on the side of 'Maybe saving her life is a good thing on the whole'. You, on the other hand, seem quite happy to condemn her (conveniently distanced from the whole situation on the other side of a monitor and keyboard) just because maybe she might be one of those people who would just rather die.

Why, what a luminous paragon of human decency you are! The Samaritans could use more recruits like you...

How am I condemning her? I am respecting her decision and think she is the one most entitled to decide what she wants to do with her life. You are the one who is judging her, assuming she doesn't really know what she wants and imposing your own values onto her.

She's not even out of school yet. She's still in the adolescent period of the life, the part when your brain is still developing and your hormones are all over the place, meaning that half the time your thoughts, feelings and perception are skewed and you really don't know what you want. So you know what, no. She isn't the best person to decide what she wants to do with her life when it comes to something as drastic and irreversible as this. The fact that this is even a discussion proves that. She's arbitrarily 'decided', apparently like it's not even a big deal to her, to end her life, leaving behind plenty of things that she has to live for (despite the hardships she has faced) apparently not caring about how this will affect all these people that she apparently loves. You cannot, with any sense of reason, tell me that that sounds like the thought process of a healthy mind to you. Just because she sounds calm doesn't mean she's fit to make that decision. In fact, the fact that she's approaching something like this with such a detached attitude makes me all the more convinced that there's something really wrong with her.

Don't act like I'm some ignorant missionary 'forcing my values' upon someone, just because my natural tendency is to assume a suicidal person, having been one and known several myself, is not emotionally stable. You're the one making the assumptions here, convinced that just because you would have rather gone through with it that that is the default setting for everyone else. Just keep in mind that we're not dealing in hypotheticals here. You're talking about the actual death of a person who you don't know from Adam. There's a (minuscule) chance you might be right, but you might want to think twice about endorsing her action so easily, in case (god forbid) the OP actually takes your advice.

 

[manic_depressive13]

She's not even out of school yet. She's still in the adolescent period of the life, the part when your brain is still developing and your hormones are all over the place, meaning that half the time your thoughts, feelings and perception are skewed and you really don't know what you want. So you know what, no. She isn't the best person to decide what she wants to do with her life when it comes to something as drastic and irreversible as this. The fact that this is even a discussion proves that. She's arbitrarily 'decided', apparently like it's not even a big deal to her, to end her life, leaving behind plenty of things that she has to live for (despite the hardships she has faced) apparently not caring about how this will affect all these people that she apparently loves. You cannot, with any sense of reason, tell me that that sounds like the thought process of a healthy mind to you. Just because she sounds calm doesn't mean she's fit to make that decision. In fact, the fact that she's approaching something like this with such a detached attitude makes me all the more convinced that there's something really wrong with her.

Don't act like I'm some ignorant missionary 'forcing my values' upon someone, just because my natural tendency is to assume a suicidal person, having been one and known several myself, is not emotionally stable. You're the one making the assumptions here, convinced that just because you would have rather gone through with it that that is the default setting for everyone else. Just keep in mind that we're not dealing in hypotheticals here. You're talking about the actual death of a person who you don't know from Adam. There's a (minuscule) chance you might be right, but you might want to think twice about endorsing her action so easily, in case (god forbid) the OP actually takes your advice.

I don't really understand what you mean by that.

But I have also been suicidal when I was a teenager and now that I'm no longer a teenager I'm still trying to figure out how best to do it. I've also known a few suicidal people, some of whom have changed their tune and some who haven't. I'm merely providing a different perspective. People seem convinced that stopping a suicidal person is the right thing to do; that you are 'helping' them and that they will invariably thank you for it. That one day their life will improve and they'll be grateful they didn't go through with it. Sometimes this is true, sometimes it isn't. I think it is best to talk it out with them, let them know that you care about them, try to convince them to live and make sure they fully understand the consequences of their actions. If they still want to go through with it I think telling the authorities or forcibly stopping them (imposing your values onto them) is a huge betrayal of trust that runs under the presumption that you know what is better for them than they do. It is arrogant, cruel and shows disrespect for the person's feelings and right to self determinism.

Wanting to die isn't inherently irrational. Everyone dies, and whether you wait until it happens from natural causes or deliberately cut your life short makes no difference in the grand scheme of things. Once you die it will be to you as if you never lived anyway because you have no memory and no consciousness. Wanting to prolong your life in the hope that there will be some good with the bad isn't more logical than simply ending it. It's just one of many equally valid decisions you can make. This girl doesn't seem to have made a reactionary spur of the moment decision because of something like a break up. She has obviously been unhappy and considering suicide for a very long time. Ultimately it is up to the OP but if I were in his position I wouldn't go to the authorities, and if I were in his friend's position I wouldn't want the person I trusted with this information going to the authorities.

But maybe I am a special headcase. If the general concensus is that most suicidal people end up being glad that they didn't go through with it, it may be worth trying to stop her.

 

[Terminal Blue]

Let me speak as someone who has spent many years learning to accommodate depression.

The fact that your friend can't even imagine that things might get better in the future is part of depression, it's a big part of what defines someone who is depressed from someone who isn't. It's also generally untrue, in fact. As you've pointed out, your friend has many things in her life which might bring her joy, but she's not capable of appreciating or feeling them because she can only see the negatives, and that's why it's impossible for her to imagine that things will change. Fuck, I know why you don't feel like you can offer anything. You're in high school, nothing feels like it will change in high school. I know, I've been there, but it's not true. It's not even a tiny bit true.

I know it might seem really harsh, but you need to realize that your friend is very ill. She might not act like a "typical crazy person", but if she is genuinely that miserable day after day and she cannot find joy in anything then her mood has stopped corresponding to reality. I understand that you want to do right by her and let her live her own life, but she cannot be trusted to know what she wants in this state, because she is mentally ill. For this reason, if you suspect she is in danger of committing suicide, you need to get help for her. That is the most important thing. Preferably, she should seek help for herself, but if she refuses then you would not be betraying her trust by telling someone else.

Tell her that she needs to start taking her illness seriously and seeking help herself rather than expecting herself to deal with everything alone. Expecting that is like expecting a person to cure themselves of a serious infection without antibiotics. It might happen, but it's a terrible idea. First and foremost, she needs to see a doctor, and she probably needs to go on medication. I know it's difficult to accept this, I know that anti-depressant medication has a bad reputation, but it is the most reliable and demonstrably effective way to treat someone who is depressed. It works, I really do promise that, and if you notice anything. If you see her smile more often or something like that, point it out to her because it might not be obvious.

One day, when you have your degree in psychology, you'll understand all this stuff far better than I do. For now, just take my word for it, because when I was in this position someone else (who really had every right to hate my guts at the time) made sure I got help, and I've never stopped feeling grateful. Later, I was able to do the same for someone else. You cannot trust the emotions of someone who is mentally ill, and they should not be trusting their own emotions either.

Seriously. If you need to, show her this post. Heck, if you want me to write a message specifically for her I will do that if you think it will help. But really, I'm not kidding about this, if you think there is the slightest chance she might actually try and go through with it you need to do everything you can. Because I've also had the misfortune to meet people who had friends or relatives who did actually kill themselves because of depression and who didn't feel like they did enough to help, and you don't want that on your head.

 

[NinjaDeathSlap]

Let me speak as someone who has spent many years learning to accommodate depression.

The fact that your friend can't even imagine that things might get better in the future is part of depression, it's a big part of what defines someone who is depressed from someone who isn't. It's also generally untrue, in fact. As you've pointed out, your friend has many things in her life which might bring her joy, but she's not capable of appreciating or feeling them because she can only see the negatives, and that's why it's impossible for her to imagine that things will change. Fuck, I know why you don't feel like you can offer anything. You're in high school, nothing feels like it will change in high school. I know, I've been there, but it's not true. It's not even a tiny bit true.

I know it might seem really harsh, but you need to realize that your friend is very ill. She might not act like a "typical crazy person", but if she is genuinely that miserable day after day and she cannot find joy in anything then her mood has stopped corresponding to reality. I understand that you want to do right by her and let her live her own life, but she cannot be trusted to know what she wants in this state, because she is mentally ill. For this reason, if you suspect she is in danger of committing suicide, you need to get help for her. That is the most important thing. Preferably, she should seek help for herself, but if she refuses then you would not be betraying her trust by telling someone else.

Tell her that she needs to start taking her illness seriously and seeking help herself rather than expecting herself to deal with everything alone. Expecting that is like expecting a person to cure themselves of a serious infection without antibiotics. It might happen, but it's a terrible idea. First and foremost, she needs to see a doctor, and she probably needs to go on medication. I know it's difficult to accept this, I know that anti-depressant medication has a bad reputation, but it is the most reliable and demonstrably effective way to treat someone who is depressed. It works, I really do promise that, and if you notice anything. If you see her smile more often or something like that, point it out to her because it might not be obvious.

One day, when you have your degree in psychology, you'll understand all this stuff far better than I do. For now, just take my word for it, because when I was in this position someone else (who really had every right to hate my guts at the time) made sure I got help, and I've never stopped feeling grateful. Later, I was able to do the same for someone else. You cannot trust the emotions of someone who is mentally ill, and they should not be trusting their own emotions either.

Seriously. If you need to, show her this post. Heck, if you want me to write a message specifically for her I will do that if you think it will help. But really, I'm not kidding about this, if you think there is the slightest chance she might actually try and go through with it you need to do everything you can. Because I've also had the misfortune to meet people who had friends or relatives who did actually kill themselves because of depression and who didn't feel like they did enough to help, and you don't want that on your head.

You said what I wanted to say far better than I could. Thank you.

 

[NinjaDeathSlap]

snip

It's just a figure of speech, meaning that you don't have enough of an insight into this person to accurately predict what her true feelings and motivations are.

Perhaps I jumped to the conclusion too readily that you were 'encouraging' this person to die. If that's true then I'm sorry I got angry. It's just, with this being the internet, you never know what someone will say out of turn, and what the consequences of it might be.

You may be right, but I'm basing my argument partly on what's the worst that could happen on both sides.

If I'm wrong, and nothing can stop her from killing herself, then she's going to resent to OP for trying to keep her alive, and then find a way to do it anyway, in which case she does still get what she wants, and, if nothing else, the OP might be able to find comfort in the knowledge that she got what she wanted, and that he did at least try and save her life.

If you're wrong, then this girl ends her entire consciousness (or possibly fucks it up leaving her in a far worse position than she is in now) and causes intense suffering to the many people who care about her and would have been there to support her, especially the OP, who has to spend the rest of his life torturing himself over whether or not he could have done more.

Death is a natural and inevitable part of life, yes. However, it's also something that we are programmed, mentally and physically, to resist and postpone with every fiber of our being, because without life we have absolutely nothing. I for one (at least now anyway) would rather have a life full of pain than such an unimaginable end to consciousness.