Dealing with panic

[Valksy]

I have had panic attacks for many years and deal with it largely through (legal) drugs, or removing myself from the situation, or recognising that a situation will be a problem and not getting in to it in the first place.

My current dilemma is bothering me somewhat. I recently discovered an independent musician and I like her a lot. She has been playing 50 seat venues which sounded appealing and crazily intimate and something that I mostly wanted to do (if I could ignore the "billy no mates" stigma of showing up alone). But I missed out, the local venue sold out and I have been kicking myself for weeks for being a cowardly chicken shit and hesitating instead of just buying a ticket.

But I cannot turn back time so should let that go.

In the spring she tours again and the local venue is a bit larger - about 120-150 seats so easier to be utterly anonymous and unnoticed but a bigger crowd to deal with. The crowd issue worries me more (I know, self fulfilling prophecy, the more I worry, the more likely it is to actually have a problem).

And I worry about pitching a full on panic attack in the middle of the performance. Of having to get up and walk out, which sounds like a desperately rude - and potentially quite obvious in a small venue - thing to have to do, so much so that it makes me cringe in humiliation at the thought. Or being so utterly off my tree that they could take her off the stage, put on a row of tap-dancing Wombles and I would be none the wiser as I would be baked.

The logical choice is to see that the crowd and a "trapped" sensation of having to keep a seat during a performance will trigger me and I should avoid it.

But I really want to go. And I fear that I am missing out. And that if her popularity rises again 50 seats will become 150 will become 500 and it will just get worse.

And I resent that something that is so easy for most people is a full on dilemma for me.

What would you do?

 

[vxicepickxv]

I would suggest that you start by practicing with other small crowd areas, and try to work on your panic attacks like that, but I'm completely clueless on the subject really. I don't know if that would help you, or just make you worse.

If you REALLY want to go, see about trying to get beta blockers, just for the event. The beta blockers won't change your panic, but it will change the way you body deals with the panic.

 

[zombiesinc]

The logical choice is to see that the crowd and a "trapped" sensation of having to keep a seat during a performance will trigger me and I should avoid it.

But I really want to go. And I fear that I am missing out. And that if her popularity rises again 50 seats will become 150 will become 500 and it will just get worse.

And I resent that something that is so easy for most people is a full on dilemma for me.

What would you do?

I know the feeling. I've been dealing with anxiety for a year now, and I think along the same lines as you. I focus too much on what could happen, and once a situation gets into my head, I can't stop replaying it... the more it replays the more turned-off I am from the situation. I also fear making a 'scene' if I were to put myself in a situation where there are more than a handful of people involved, or one that I may get noticed in.

Ultimately though, what matters is that this is a musician you enjoy, so buy the ticket. Worse comes to worse,and maybe you don't make it through the show, but at least you had the choice to go. That way you won't be kicking yourself for weeks after the fact. You took the chance, and tried, and that's what matters.

If you're really worried about feeling trapped, then sit near the exit. If you're worried about not being able to if the seats are already taken, get there early. Of course, being there any longer then you have to may not help your stress level, but that's where you'll have to weigh your pros and cons.

Buy the ticket, and try to avoid thinking about possibilities. If you have to, force yourself to stop thinking about what might happen when you get there. Hopefully, once you get there and sit down you'll be enjoying yourself too much to notice the usual things that would cause you stress. Still, good luck.

Also, don't get too down on yourself because these seemingly 'simple' things for everyone else is something you struggle with. This isn't something you can help. You're dealing with it, and that's enough. You're trying, and that's something. I know it's a real shit feeling, and sometimes can really bring you down, but don't let it keep you down.