Defining quotations

[The Diabolical Biz]

Black Books: Bernard - 1. Whores will have their trinkets.

2. Manny: Do you think I should wash my beard?
Bernard: I think you should, yeah. You should wash your beard, then shave it off, nail it to a Frisbee and fling it over a rainbow.

"My oven can cook anything, my oven can cook... bits of oven!"
-Bernard Black

Black Books:

Female holidaymaker: Hi, we're looking for...
[Bernard hands her a copy of Tempapocalypse]
Bernard: Here's one for you.
Female holidaymaker: How do you know what we both want?
Male holidaymaker: We don't like the same stuff.
Bernard: You're going on holiday. You want trash. But different kinds of trash. You, you want social themes, believable characters. You, you want suspense, thriller. This does you both. It's this temp. She's 29 and she can't get a boyfriend. Oh my god.
Female holidaymaker: Sounds great.
Male holidaymaker: No way.
Bernard: And she's got 12 hours to stop a nuclear war with China.
Male holidaymaker: Well, one copy each!

A fellow fan

 

[Optimus Hagrid]

"Hey Dudes thanks, for rescuing me. Let's go for a burger... Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!"

That is one awesome president.

 

[Geo Da Sponge]

Black Books: Bernard - 1. Whores will have their trinkets.

2. Manny: Do you think I should wash my beard?
Bernard: I think you should, yeah. You should wash your beard, then shave it off, nail it to a Frisbee and fling it over a rainbow.

"My oven can cook anything, my oven can cook... bits of oven!"
-Bernard Black

Black Books:

Female holidaymaker: Hi, we're looking for...
[Bernard hands her a copy of Tempapocalypse]
Bernard: Here's one for you.
Female holidaymaker: How do you know what we both want?
Male holidaymaker: We don't like the same stuff.
Bernard: You're going on holiday. You want trash. But different kinds of trash. You, you want social themes, believable characters. You, you want suspense, thriller. This does you both. It's this temp. She's 29 and she can't get a boyfriend. Oh my god.
Female holidaymaker: Sounds great.
Male holidaymaker: No way.
Bernard: And she's got 12 hours to stop a nuclear war with China.
Male holidaymaker: Well, one copy each!

A fellow fan

Bernard: Where were you at the time the rooms were measured?
Land Lord: Well, I was...
Bernard: Hahaha, a likely story!

Bernard: Nick the accountant, Nick the accountant, is a fugitive!
*mad flail*

Bernard: What is your mother's maiden name? What was her first name? I only knew her as 'Ma'! That'll have to do... Ma. Possibly deceased.

 

[The Diabolical Biz]

Black Books: Bernard - 1. Whores will have their trinkets.

2. Manny: Do you think I should wash my beard?
Bernard: I think you should, yeah. You should wash your beard, then shave it off, nail it to a Frisbee and fling it over a rainbow.

"My oven can cook anything, my oven can cook... bits of oven!"
-Bernard Black

Black Books:

Female holidaymaker: Hi, we're looking for...
[Bernard hands her a copy of Tempapocalypse]
Bernard: Here's one for you.
Female holidaymaker: How do you know what we both want?
Male holidaymaker: We don't like the same stuff.
Bernard: You're going on holiday. You want trash. But different kinds of trash. You, you want social themes, believable characters. You, you want suspense, thriller. This does you both. It's this temp. She's 29 and she can't get a boyfriend. Oh my god.
Female holidaymaker: Sounds great.
Male holidaymaker: No way.
Bernard: And she's got 12 hours to stop a nuclear war with China.
Male holidaymaker: Well, one copy each!

A fellow fan

Bernard: Where were you at the time the rooms were measured?
Land Lord: Well, I was...
Bernard: Hahaha, a likely story!

Bernard: Nick the accountant, Nick the accountant, is a fugitive!
*mad flail*

Bernard: What is your mother's maiden name? What was her first name? I only knew her as 'Ma'! That'll have to do... Ma. Possibly deceased.

Nick Voleur the accountant: Well you've got to help me out here, Bernard. What period does "all other times" cover?
Bernard: I don't know, Nick! I'm not... Wonderwoman.
Nick: This new system, it's very closely modelled on the old system, isn't it?
Bernard: I'd go further than that, Nick. I'd say it was more or less exactly the same. Except... no, it's the same.

Manny: What's all this?
Bernard: The rules. For the customers. But they apply to you too.
Manny: "No mobiles". "No wig-wams".
Bernard: Walkmans!
Manny: "No snoit"... "no snoiti"... this is indecipherable!
Bernard: Look! It is perfectly simple. "No mobiles". "No walkmans". None of that... or any of the others.

 

[Geo Da Sponge]

Bernard: Where were you at the time the rooms were measured?
Land Lord: Well, I was...
Bernard: Hahaha, a likely story!

Bernard: Nick the accountant, Nick the accountant, is a fugitive!
*mad flail*

Bernard: What is your mother's maiden name? What was her first name? I only knew her as 'Ma'! That'll have to do... Ma. Possibly deceased.

Nick Voleur the accountant: Well you've got to help me out here, Bernard. What period does "all other times" cover?
Bernard: I don't know, Nick! I'm not... Wonderwoman.
Nick: This new system, it's very closely modelled on the old system, isn't it?
Bernard: I'd go further than that, Nick. I'd say it was more or less exactly the same. Except... no, it's the same.

Manny: What's all this?
Bernard: The rules. For the customers. But they apply to you too.
Manny: "No mobiles". "No wig-wams".
Bernard: Walkmans!
Manny: "No snoit"... "no snoiti"... this is indecipherable!
Bernard: Look! It is perfectly simple. "No mobiles". "No walkmans". None of that... or any of the others.

Damn, you used two of the best ones I forgot about...

Jehovah's Witness 1: Hello, we're here to talk to you about Je-sus.
Bernard: Yes, alright then.
Jehovah's Witness 1: What?
Bernard: Come on in, I want to hear about him! What's he up to now?
Jehovah's Witness 2: It's a trap!
Jehovah's Witness 1: Wait! It's just... no one's ever invited us in before...
Bernard: Well I'm not no one, come on in!

Fran: Imagine you're a woman...
Bernard: Okay.
Fran: Okay, and now imagine...
Bernard: Wait, I'm still...
*Long pause*
*Bernard adopts a girlish demeanour*
Fran: Okay. And now imagine you have a bouyfriend.
Bernard: *Giggle*
Fran: Okay. And now imagine you see that boy with another woman.
Bernard: *Whimper*
*Pause*
Bernard: Okay, my story!
Fran: This is Peter we're talking about!
Bernard: Peter wouldn't do that to me... to you!

 

[The Diabolical Biz]

Bernard: Where were you at the time the rooms were measured?
Land Lord: Well, I was...
Bernard: Hahaha, a likely story!

Bernard: Nick the accountant, Nick the accountant, is a fugitive!
*mad flail*

Bernard: What is your mother's maiden name? What was her first name? I only knew her as 'Ma'! That'll have to do... Ma. Possibly deceased.

Nick Voleur the accountant: Well you've got to help me out here, Bernard. What period does "all other times" cover?
Bernard: I don't know, Nick! I'm not... Wonderwoman.
Nick: This new system, it's very closely modelled on the old system, isn't it?
Bernard: I'd go further than that, Nick. I'd say it was more or less exactly the same. Except... no, it's the same.

Manny: What's all this?
Bernard: The rules. For the customers. But they apply to you too.
Manny: "No mobiles". "No wig-wams".
Bernard: Walkmans!
Manny: "No snoit"... "no snoiti"... this is indecipherable!
Bernard: Look! It is perfectly simple. "No mobiles". "No walkmans". None of that... or any of the others.

Damn, you used two of the best ones I forgot about...

Jehovah's Witness 1: Hello, we're here to talk to you about Je-sus.
Bernard: Yes, alright then.
Jehovah's Witness 1: What?
Bernard: Come on in, I want to hear about him! What's he up to now?
Jehovah's Witness 2: It's a trap!
Jehovah's Witness 1: Wait! It's just... no one's ever invited us in before...
Bernard: Well I'm not no one, come on in!

Fran: Imagine you're a woman...
Bernard: Okay.
Fran: Okay, and now imagine...
Bernard: Wait, I'm still...
*Long pause*
*Bernard adopts a girlishmeanour*
Fran: Okay. And now imagine you have a bouyfriend.
Bernard: *Giggle*
Fran: Okay. And now imagine you see that boy with another woman.
Bernard: *Whimper*
*Pause*
Bernard: Okay, my story!
Fran: This is Peter we're talking about!
Bernard: Peter wouldn't do that to me... to you!

Bernard: (trying to think of a way to make up for accidentally drinking Freddie's £7000 bottle of wine) What about... a gift!
Manny: That's a much better idea. But it'd have to be perfect!
Bernard: Yeah...
Manny: What about... a really nice box of pencils?
Bernard: No...
Manny: I mean... a REALLY nice box.
Bernard: No! I think if you're, you know, going to give the guy pencils for drinking his wine, you're talking about, you know, magic pencils. You draw a cow, the cow comes to life! Those kind of things.
Manny: Yeah...
Bernard: We'll make some more!
Manny: What?
Bernard: We'll use some of the cheap stuff, nobody will ever know the difference.
Manny: But this cost £7000! He's going to present this to the pope!
Bernard: He won't know the difference.
Manny: He's the pope! He's used to the finer things!
Bernard: It's all waffle! Nobody is prepared to admit that wine actually doesn't have a taste!
Manny: You can't taste anything. You smoke eight bajillion cigarettes a day. What's that?
Bernard: What?
Manny: What are you eating?
Bernard: It's some sort of delicious biscuit!
Manny: It's a coaster.
Bernard: Is it? Are there any more?

 

[Geo Da Sponge]

Nick Voleur the accountant: Well you've got to help me out here, Bernard. What period does "all other times" cover?
Bernard: I don't know, Nick! I'm not... Wonderwoman.
Nick: This new system, it's very closely modelled on the old system, isn't it?
Bernard: I'd go further than that, Nick. I'd say it was more or less exactly the same. Except... no, it's the same.

Manny: What's all this?
Bernard: The rules. For the customers. But they apply to you too.
Manny: "No mobiles". "No wig-wams".
Bernard: Walkmans!
Manny: "No snoit"... "no snoiti"... this is indecipherable!
Bernard: Look! It is perfectly simple. "No mobiles". "No walkmans". None of that... or any of the others.

Damn, you used two of the best ones I forgot about...

Jehovah's Witness 1: Hello, we're here to talk to you about Je-sus.
Bernard: Yes, alright then.
Jehovah's Witness 1: What?
Bernard: Come on in, I want to hear about him! What's he up to now?
Jehovah's Witness 2: It's a trap!
Jehovah's Witness 1: Wait! It's just... no one's ever invited us in before...
Bernard: Well I'm not no one, come on in!

Fran: Imagine you're a woman...
Bernard: Okay.
Fran: Okay, and now imagine...
Bernard: Wait, I'm still...
*Long pause*
*Bernard adopts a girlishmeanour*
Fran: Okay. And now imagine you have a bouyfriend.
Bernard: *Giggle*
Fran: Okay. And now imagine you see that boy with another woman.
Bernard: *Whimper*
*Pause*
Bernard: Okay, my story!
Fran: This is Peter we're talking about!
Bernard: Peter wouldn't do that to me... to you!

Bernard: (trying to think of a way to make up for accidentally drinking Freddie's £7000 bottle of wine) What about... a gift!
Manny: That's a much better idea. But it'd have to be perfect!
Bernard: Yeah...
Manny: What about... a really nice box of pencils?
Bernard: No...
Manny: I mean... a REALLY nice box.
Bernard: No! I think if you're, you know, going to give the guy pencils for drinking his wine, you're talking about, you know, magic pencils. You draw a cow, the cow comes to life! Those kind of things.
Manny: Yeah...
Bernard: We'll make some more!
Manny: What?
Bernard: We'll use some of the cheap stuff, nobody will ever know the difference.
Manny: But this cost £7000! He's going to present this to the pope!
Bernard: He won't know the difference.
Manny: He's the pope! He's used to the finer things!
Bernard: It's all waffle! Nobody is prepared to admit that wine actually doesn't have a taste!
Manny: You can't taste anything. You smoke eight bajillion cigarettes a day. What's that?
Bernard: What?
Manny: What are you eating?
Bernard: It's some sort of delicious biscuit!
Manny: It's a coaster.
Bernard: Is it? Are there any more?

We're really clogging up the thread with this stuff, aren't we?

Bernard: Is the midget gone?
Manny: Don't call him that.
Bernard: He's a midget.
Manny: What if he hears you?
Bernard: He won't, his ears are too small!

 

[XJ-0461]

"What's the matter Ezio? Don't you recognise me? It's-a me, Mario!" Assassin's Creed 2

 

[The Diabolical Biz]

Nick Voleur the accountant: Well you've got to help me out here, Bernard. What period does "all other times" cover?
Bernard: I don't know, Nick! I'm not... Wonderwoman.
Nick: This new system, it's very closely modelled on the old system, isn't it?
Bernard: I'd go further than that, Nick. I'd say it was more or less exactly the same. Except... no, it's the same.

Manny: What's all this?
Bernard: The rules. For the customers. But they apply to you too.
Manny: "No mobiles". "No wig-wams".
Bernard: Walkmans!
Manny: "No snoit"... "no snoiti"... this is indecipherable!
Bernard: Look! It is perfectly simple. "No mobiles". "No walkmans". None of that... or any of the others.

Damn, you used two of the best ones I forgot about...

Jehovah's Witness 1: Hello, we're here to talk to you about Je-sus.
Bernard: Yes, alright then.
Jehovah's Witness 1: What?
Bernard: Come on in, I want to hear about him! What's he up to now?
Jehovah's Witness 2: It's a trap!
Jehovah's Witness 1: Wait! It's just... no one's ever invited us in before...
Bernard: Well I'm not no one, come on in!

Fran: Imagine you're a woman...
Bernard: Okay.
Fran: Okay, and now imagine...
Bernard: Wait, I'm still...
*Long pause*
*Bernard adopts a girlishmeanour*
Fran: Okay. And now imagine you have a bouyfriend.
Bernard: *Giggle*
Fran: Okay. And now imagine you see that boy with another woman.
Bernard: *Whimper*
*Pause*
Bernard: Okay, my story!
Fran: This is Peter we're talking about!
Bernard: Peter wouldn't do that to me... to you!

Bernard: (trying to think of a way to make up for accidentally drinking Freddie's £7000 bottle of wine) What about... a gift!
Manny: That's a much better idea. But it'd have to be perfect!
Bernard: Yeah...
Manny: What about... a really nice box of pencils?
Bernard: No...
Manny: I mean... a REALLY nice box.
Bernard: No! I think if you're, you know, going to give the guy pencils for drinking his wine, you're talking about, you know, magic pencils. You draw a cow, the cow comes to life! Those kind of things.
Manny: Yeah...
Bernard: We'll make some more!
Manny: What?
Bernard: We'll use some of the cheap stuff, nobody will ever know the difference.
Manny: But this cost £7000! He's going to present this to the pope!
Bernard: He won't know the difference.
Manny: He's the pope! He's used to the finer things!
Bernard: It's all waffle! Nobody is prepared to admit that wine actually doesn't have a taste!
Manny: You can't taste anything. You smoke eight bajillion cigarettes a day. What's that?
Bernard: What?
Manny: What are you eating?
Bernard: It's some sort of delicious biscuit!
Manny: It's a coaster.
Bernard: Is it? Are there any more?

We're really clogging up the thread with this stuff, aren't we?

Bernard: Is the midget gone?
Manny: Don't call him that.
Bernard: He's a midget.
Manny: What if he hears you?
Bernard: He won't, his ears are too small!

I'm sure nobody minds

Bernard: (to Manny) You know what you are? You're a beard with an idiot hanging off it.

Bernard: (about Fran being nice to Manny) She spoils him! She's always talking to him. Giving him little things to eat. How's he ever going to learn about the real world?

Bernard: Here, "Help fight crime - Dial 999". Is it 999 because it rhymes with crime?

Bernard: Are you insane?!
Fran: He's great, Bernard. What's wrong with him?
Bernard: He's trouble, is what he is. He's... he's... I can smell it a mile off! He's got all sorts of fancy notions. And... and... do you know what I saw earlier, when you weren't here and you couldn't have seen it? He was umm... he was sucking his trousers, and laughing!
Fran: That's a lie, isn't it?
Bernard: No! No! (Fran gets up to leave) No don't, I made it up.

 

[hazabaza1]

"You gormless tossers!"-Killing floor characters.

"Wasted it all on wine and women, eh?"
"I wouldn't call it wasted."-Ezio and his brother, AC2.

And, of course... "NIKO! MY COUSIN!"
I don't think I need to name what game that horrible line is from.

 

[Geo Da Sponge]

We're really clogging up the thread with this stuff, aren't we?

Bernard: Is the midget gone?
Manny: Don't call him that.
Bernard: He's a midget.
Manny: What if he hears you?
Bernard: He won't, his ears are too small!

I'm sure nobody minds

Bernard: (to Manny) You know what you are? You're a beard with an idiot hanging off it.

Bernard: (about Fran being nice to Manny) She spoils him! She's always talking to him. Giving him little things to eat. How's he ever going to learn about the real world?

Bernard: Here, "Help fight crime - Dial 999". Is it 999 because it rhymes with crime?

Bernard: Are you insane?!
Fran: He's great, Bernard. What's wrong with him?
Bernard: He's trouble, is what he is. He's... he's... I can smell it a mile off! He's got all sorts of fancy notions. And... and... do you know what I saw earlier, when you weren't here and you couldn't have seen it? He was umm... he was sucking his trousers, and laughing!
Fran: That's a lie, isn't it?
Bernard: No! No! (Fran gets up to leave) No don't, I made it up.

Bernard: Right, the shop is closed, everbody get out!
Customer: What?
Bernard: Time to go home, come on.
Customer: It's only quarter to three!
Bernard: Yes, but it's my shop, come on, go home, bye bye, out out!
Customer: That's hardly fair!
Bernard: It's not fair at all, bye bye!
Angry Man: I expect better service...
Bernard: Well expect away. Get out! Bye bye! Come on, all you time wasting bastards, back on the streets! Get out. Go home. Bye bye bye.

 

[The Diabolical Biz]

We're really clogging up the thread with this stuff, aren't we?

Bernard: Is the midget gone?
Manny: Don't call him that.
Bernard: He's a midget.
Manny: What if he hears you?
Bernard: He won't, his ears are too small!

I'm sure nobody minds

Bernard: (to Manny) You know what you are? You're a beard with an idiot hanging off it.

Bernard: (about Fran being nice to Manny) She spoils him! She's always talking to him. Giving him little things to eat. How's he ever going to learn about the real world?

Bernard: Here, "Help fight crime - Dial 999". Is it 999 because it rhymes with crime?

Bernard: Are you insane?!
Fran: He's great, Bernard. What's wrong with him?
Bernard: He's trouble, is what he is. He's... he's... I can smell it a mile off! He's got all sorts of fancy notions. And... and... do you know what I saw earlier, when you weren't here and you couldn't have seen it? He was umm... he was sucking his trousers, and laughing!
Fran: That's a lie, isn't it?
Bernard: No! No! (Fran gets up to leave) No don't, I made it up.

Bernard: Right, the shop is closed, everbody get out!
Customer: What?
Bernard: Time to go home, come on.
Customer: It's only quarter to three!
Bernard: Yes, but it's my shop, come on, go home, bye bye, out out!
Customer: That's hardly fair!
Bernard: It's not fair at all, bye bye!
Angry Man: I expect better service...
Bernard: Well expect away. Get out! Bye bye! Come on, all you time wasting bastards, back on the streets! Get out. Go home. Bye bye bye.

Fran: So Manny, tell us all about yourself.
Manny: Well I was born in London...
Bernard: Stop right there, David Copperfield. If we're going back that far we'll need popcorn or something.
Fran: Don't mind him, Manny. Go ahead.
Manny: Well like I say, born in London, moved around quite a bit, saw a lot of army bases.
Fran: Oh, your father was in the army?
Manny: No, just coincidence.
Bernard: Sorry could we do this some other time when I'm not here?
Manny: Alright. Fair enough. You know, this could be a really lovely place.
Bernard: It is a lovely place!
Manny: Yeah you'd have to wax the shelves, and get rid of whatever it is that makes you stick to the floor over here.
Bernard: You're supposed to stick to the floor over there. I like it like that. Stops children running around.
Manny: And seal the floors, stop that rising smell, and you do know you've got molluscs on your pipes?
Bernard: What of it?
Manny: Well, it's just that traditionally they live in the sea. Put in a few standard lamps...
Bernard: Why didn't you just say you were gay?
Manny: What? But I, I'm not.
Bernard: But you're interested in lamps.
Manny: Yeah but I'm interested in, in women, and lamps. I thought you were actually (points to Bernard). Gay, I mean.
Bernard: So did I for a bit. Then I found out about the prohibitive standards of hygiene. And all that dancing!