<deleted>

[endnuen]

I guess most guys who spend a lot of time playing video games does not have the best grasp on the whole flirting thing-a-magic?

I've never been put in the friend-zone unless it was a mutual thing, and some of those times it has ended with either making out or more, but no serious relationship.
If it was completely impossible for that to happen, I walked away and never really talked with them again.

 

[Jacco]

Do you really think that liking video games inherently changes your position in the dating arena to any great extent? Liking video games is the same as liking a particular art or a particular sport. It doesn't play any kind of fundamental role in a date...unless you want it to of course.

Its not the fact that liking a video game instantly means your going to be friend zoned for the rest of you life, its just that I see people who are part of a gaming community get side lined more then anyone else. I probably could of explained it better but I was wondering more about how such a massive group of people struggle with dating more than liking a game instantly means you will get the cold shoulder.

Your right though "It doesn't play any kind of fundamental role in a date"

As others have said, I don't necessarily think its "gaming" that gives us (as a community) these problems. Hell, without a reliable statistical analysis we can't even know it happens among gamers more than other groups, however, I tend to agree which makes me think that maybe there is a personality trait that most gamers share (which may be what leads them to be gamers) that contributes to that.

Of course, I'm just speculating here. But I know I have a hard time getting out there and meeting people and when I do get dates, they either don't go well or don't get past the first. So I'm whole heartedly with you there. lol.


As far as the friendzone thing, I really hate that term. It's got such a negative connotation. As the first person to reply demonstrated, most people automatically go to the "she wont sleep with me so she's a *****" mentality when they hear the term "friend zone." You and I (and many others I'm sure) seem to be an exception to that. It annoys us that its seemingly so easy for everyone else but not for us, but we don't inherently hate the women that reject us.

 

[Weaver]

This isn't really related, but I went to a gaming meetup just last weekend and... erm... there were some awkward people there.

I' no smooth talker myself; I'm a computer nerd, I've been in therapy or anxiety related problems, and I'm relatively introverted. But holy god damn, these people were the cream of the crop of awkward and strange. I'd call them "socially unaware".

I've known gamers my whole life and none of them were like these guys.

 

[TheRightToArmBears]

I've never been friendzoned- I'm fairly distant, for me to become that interested in a girl they have to be fairly interested in me too. Apparently all the girls that I've dated have found gaming endearing in a funny kind of way, although my last girlfriend was a bit into gaming too.

What you're describing is something experienced by males and females all around. Those girls are not interested in being involved with you for whatever reason, but being a gamer isn't it.

You hit the nail on the head, there.

Gamers aren't a special breed of people; gaming is a hobby. It doesn't define who you are, or what you do.

If someone doesn't want to date you, chances are it's because they're either not attracted to you, or they doubt your long-term compatibility. Neither of those things are likely to be influenced by a hobby.

If they are strongly swayed by the fact that you are/not a gamer, then are they really the type of person you want to be dating anyway?

I think you're missing his point. He's not suggesting that people avoid people because they're gamers, but rather that gaming attracts awkward nerds. Obviously not all gamers are awkward nerds, but I think it's fair to say there's a higher proportion than say, skateboarding.

 

[Moth_Monk]

You probably are dating girls that don't find you sexually attractive and/or you're not confident enough around them. Gamers might be disproportionately represented in the set of people who get friendzone because quite a few gamers typically are introverted. Obviously there is a tendency for people who aren't very sociable to prefer lesuire activities that don't require social interaction with other people.

 

[BloatedGuppy]

You probably are dating girls that don't find you sexually attractive and/or you're not confident enough around them.

Yeah, generally this. If they were interested enough to go on a date in the first place, they saw enough in your personality to give it a shot. And then you blew that shot, either because they didn't find you attractive, or because you said or did something to derail whatever attraction they did feel.

People often have a hard time facing this, so they come up with other reasons a date might've collapsed. It's because I'm a gamer. It's because I'm too "nice". It's because of that man I killed in Reno. Excuses, excuses.

 

[DugMachine]

The gaming most likely has nothing to do with it. The girls just aren't interested, this happens to gamers and non-gamers alike.

 

[shadowuser10141]

It's good you've not gone the bitter route with these women. I've made my opinion on the friend-zone clear before, so I won't go into that, you believe in it, fine.

Men shouldn't be bitter, they just shouldn't waste their time with some broad who isn't interested in them unless they want to do the whole "female friend" thing.

 

[FieryTrainwreck]

Remarkably controlled posting thus far. Almost as if people are legitimately attempting to understand the OP despite potential differences rather than violently insert wedges wherever possible for raw self-gratification.

Am I on the right forum? Are the usual suspects still asleep?

I agree with what a few posters have already said: if you've got a bunch of female friends on your hands, tap that base... of knowledge. If they are truly your friends, they shouldn't have any problem discussing and supporting your love life. Ask them why they didn't view you as a potential romantic partner, then use what you learn to improve your chances with other girls.

Also, most girls have single female friends. No reason you can't request a few blind dates from your female friends.

Also also, this is an excellent test for these girls. If they seem jealous or unwilling to talk about this aspect of your life, assuming you're approaching the subject with taste and tact, it's a pretty good indicator that they are toxic and selfish women getting high on your infatuation and power-tripping on their ability to withhold affection.

 

[Phasmal]

It's good you've not gone the bitter route with these women. I've made my opinion on the friend-zone clear before, so I won't go into that, you believe in it, fine.

Men shouldn't be bitter, they just shouldn't waste their time with some broad who isn't interested in them unless they want to do the whole "female friend" thing.

Haha...
`Broad`. Did you just drop in from the fifties?

Anyway. Having opposite gendered friends often does wonders for your dating life. It demystifies them, and you get used to speaking to them. A lot of gamer guys say to me they just aren't used to talking to women.
Most of my friends growing up were guys, and most of my friends now are too. It's a great thing.

 

[shadowuser10141]

It's good you've not gone the bitter route with these women. I've made my opinion on the friend-zone clear before, so I won't go into that, you believe in it, fine.

Men shouldn't be bitter, they just shouldn't waste their time with some broad who isn't interested in them unless they want to do the whole "female friend" thing.

Haha...
`Broad`. Did you just drop in from the fifties?

Anyway. Having opposite gendered friends often does wonders for your dating life. It demystifies them, and you get used to speaking to them. A lot of gamer guys say to me they just aren't used to talking to women.
Most of my friends growing up were guys, and most of my friends now are too. It's a great thing.

I don't do dating. I aim to get laid and that's it.
My message to guys is that there are many women who will put out for a one night stand at a bar or a club so don't waste your time taking girls out to the cheesecake factory for five dates only to get friend zoned at the end. It's a waste of time and money.

While I do have a professional relationship with women in the workplace. Most of my friends are guys. We drink, watch football etc. I can't see a woman fitting in to that.

 

[Phasmal]

It's good you've not gone the bitter route with these women. I've made my opinion on the friend-zone clear before, so I won't go into that, you believe in it, fine.

Men shouldn't be bitter, they just shouldn't waste their time with some broad who isn't interested in them unless they want to do the whole "female friend" thing.

Haha...
`Broad`. Did you just drop in from the fifties?

Anyway. Having opposite gendered friends often does wonders for your dating life. It demystifies them, and you get used to speaking to them. A lot of gamer guys say to me they just aren't used to talking to women.
Most of my friends growing up were guys, and most of my friends now are too. It's a great thing.

I don't do dating. I aim to get laid and that's it.
My message to guys is that there are many women who will put out for a one night stand at a bar or a club so don't waste your time taking girls out to the cheesecake factory for five dates only to get friend zoned at the end. It's a waste of time and money.

While I do have a professional relationship with women in the workplace. Most of my friends are guys. We drink, watch football etc. I can't see a woman fitting in to that.

Things I do with my male friends: Drink, play poker, play games, have the occasional BBQ.
Perhaps broaden your mind a little. Men aren't always one thing and women another.

And it's cool you don't do dating, but plenty of people on here do, and want to get better at it.
So for the OP, I doubt having a few female friends is something to mourn.

 

[shirkbot]

-This post might have been a mistake

Look on the bright side: Of all the people potentially making mistakes on the internet, yours isn't going to destroy your life or career, and it's given us all something to talk about.

OT: If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say that it's just people being people, and people are weird.